FRE$H 2 DEATH

♡ Iowa ♡

[lucy-lou]

The final days! Baby boy is weighing about 10 lbs so I have a scheduled C-section in 5 days!

[lucy-lou]

It’s been a minute. My mom is officially cancer free! Her hair is slowly growing back and she feels pretty good other than she gets tired more easily. Then my dog got diagnosed with an intrahepatic shunt and hepatic encephalopathy 🫠 I’ve sunk a loooooot of money into that lil guy but now I make his food at home so he gets a liver friendly diet and he seems to be doing a lot better. I’m in my 11th year of teaching and holy shit has this year been challenging. Kids are just very apathetic about everything. Don’t care about rewards or consequences. It’s been extra exhausting on top of taking on more responsibilities at work and being in my first trimester of pregnancy. That’s the biggest news! I had been thinking about it for awhile. I got the news that I am BRCA-2 positive which means I am much more likely to get breast cancer, and that I need to get my ovaries out at 35 (I turn 35 in 4 days 🫠). Along with my mom battling cancer, this made me decide to have a kid on my own. I can’t wait for a life partner to come around, and I want my parents to get to be grandparents to my child as they are getting older. About a year ago I started going to a fertility clinic, and I’m about 7.5 weeks, so still very early. I’ve been struggling hard with nausea and exhaustion. Fingers crossed things go well with the pregnancy!

[lucy-lou]

I finally meet a guy I’m interested in and he’s 10 years younger than me 🫠

[lucy-lou]

Life update:

I just finished my 9th year of teaching, my 2nd in my new district. I’m enjoying it and my coworkers are the literal best. I’ve been a part of 2 district task forces this year and I’m joining the leadership team next year. I’m reading more and trying to take care of my health. My sister had a baby so I’m now an aunt! I love her so much. My mom was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago, which has been devastating. She has stage 3 breast cancer and is currently undergoing chemo. Her recovery looks like it will take about a year, she will lose all of her hair, and she will be in pain. I alternate between disassociating and having breakdowns 🙃 it’s been a lonely journey, I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it since I stopped seeing my therapist awhile back. Now I just try and process it all on my own and I’m trying not to let depression consume me. I have a trip planned to Korea and Japan in a month with my best friend, so I’m just trying to focus on that. Well that about sums it all up, see ya next time!

[lucy-lou]

I was telling my FWB how my bank account got hacked and he offered to give me money and I dunno how I feel about it lmaooooo

[yesdramas]

ALCHEMY OF SOULS: LIGHT AND SHADOW 환혼 : 빛과 그림자 — 2022, dir. Park Joon Hwa

[lucy-lou]

I guess it’s about that time for a life update. I’ve had a traumatizing year. Before the school year even started, my professor killed himself because he got caught having an affair with a high school student that he taught. Then in September I caught Covid and hurt my back breaking up a fight, so I had to spend a month in physical therapy. In the winter a 6th grade student killed himself, and then a few months later one of my former students was murdered in a drive by shooting at school. I went to his visitation, hugged his brother who was also a former student of mine, and hugged his mother. The image of him in the casket still haunts me. My physical and mental health really suffered this year. My grandma has also been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s so that’s been tough. I’m still going to therapy and that’s been really helpful for me. I resigned from the district after 7 years which has left me with a lot of mixed emotions, but after a loooooong search and many rejections, I was offered a position in another district. I bought a new car last week so that’s another piece of good news in my life. So I’m looking forward to enjoying another year in my house, my new car, pug snuggles and a new job! I hope I will find more happiness and healing. And I can’t wait to tell my therapist all this next week, lol.

[somethoughtseeds]

[makeuphall]

[lucy-lou]

My New Years Eve outfit 😘

[lucy-lou]

Late night walk

[lucy-lou]

I graduated and got my Master’s this weekend!! :)

[lucy-lou]

I guess here I am with another quarterly life update. I graduate from grad school in a week and a half, and I started therapy to work through my commitment issues and past trauma. I want to focus on getting healthy physically too. School is pretty fucking terrible and I’m thinking about quitting teaching after doing it for 7 years. So all in all I’m doing okay but also kind of having a mid-life crisis??? And here’s what I look like now!!

[gravewisdom-deactivated20111121]

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Your impact on other people is bigger than you think. Someone still giggles when they think of that funny thing you said. Someone still smiles when they think of the compliment you gave them. Someone silently admires you. The advice you give has made a difference for people. The support and love you've offered others has made someone's day. Your input and opinions have made someone think twice. You're not insignificant and forgotten. Your existence makes a positive difference, whether you see it or not.

[lucy-lou]

The professor I had a crush on fucking died today and I am absolutely devastated

[lucy-lou]

I just figured out Jujutsu Kaisen is on HBO Max so that’s all I’ve been watching for 2 days 🙃