Melulu

Me, Lulu 22 y.o. Cheerfully dreary, the extreme polar opposite that coexist within.

[luluns]

Kelakuan kalo lagi kobam.

[artroubles]

[luluns]

Hi, sorry… I’m suck at keeping in touch.

But i love you. (I know you know) And i believe some hearts will never change, because when soul meets its counterpart, it’ll stick and last for a lifetime.

I found mine, and i hope yours too.

So, until later?

[luluns]

Time means nothing, character does.

[senseitive]

who cares, do better, move on

[luluns]

Maternal love 😳

[luluns]

People do change ya. Dari awal kuliah sampai tingkat 3, test Jungian/ Briggs Myers (ya pokoknya yang 16 personality itulah) selalu dapet INTP namun sekarang tes lagi dan dapetnya INFP-T dari thinking jadi feeling... wow??

Tapi setelah dipikir-pikir lagi emang iya sih, makin tua makin males konflik. Iya ajalah asal semua senang, semua bahagia, tidak ada yang hard feeling kepadaku. 

Masa-masa “logic, please! get hold of yourself” udah lewat ya kayaknya sekarang mah baper mah baper aja, ambyar mah ambyar aja lah cape juga sih kalo sekarang dipikir-pikir. Kok dulu w bisa tahan yak??? Bingung sendiri.

Ya begitulah yah idup mah memang tiada yang konstan.

[luluns]

Semakin tua semakin merasa enggan untuk share hal-hal personal. Personal feeling, personal opinion, personal thought, personal goals. Pun jikalau di-share biasanya hanya hal-hal super trivial khas keluhan kaum pekerja menengah millenial tanpa konten bermakna. Padahal dulu kalau merasa ada sesuatu yang mengganggu, mengganjal, langsung saja diutarakan, dituliskan. Kini? Semakin enggan memikirkan, semakin enggan menuliskan. As days passed, I'm getting more trivial and less essential.

[luluns]

"Semua indah pada waktunya." But we don't have forever. We can't control time. Little did we know, we don't have any. So maybe, maybe, several things should be, and meant to be ugly. Reality is not a wonderful place to be, after all. All we need to do is carry on.

[lochnutmonster]

Reasons I'm probably a cat

-Passive aggressive -Needs attention but pretends I don’t -Likes to be pet -Whiny -Doesn’t know when to stop eating -Needs to sleep 10+ hours -Sheds a lot -Lays on the floor where people are trying to walk -Screams

[luluns]

bisa ya, merasa kehilangan sesuatu yang sebelumnya tidak pernah dimiliki.

bisa loh...

[luluns]

Can we?

There was pitch black midnight sky until it comes.

I’m not sure what it is.. Was it a comet? a falling star? Meteorite?

An alienated thing i fail to identify... or i fail to reckon..??

It was shimmering, dashing, swiftly approaching the horizon. A flashy fireball that burnt but also radiating warmth.

what it is?

what are you?

***

I know it will be short and you probably there just to illuminate my world a bit then dimmed out, crushed, and end up as debris.

But, can we pretend that you’re a shooting star?

i really need to make a wish right now.

[luluns]

heart: treat yo self

bank account: please dear god do not do that

[luluns]

Aside of green, yellow is my color. So, i fancy fruits that have bright yellow color. And Banana is my favorite….

So do you. The thought of you always makes me go banana.

[luluns]

Something that resounding in his subconsciousness.

Have you ever wake up with tear streams down your face?

I have. This morning.

It’s when I had a very wonderful, vivid dream which will never happen because I ruined my chance. 

I ruined us.

***

11:58 P.M Last day in 2016, i just lied down in my bed at dorm, enjoying this holiday season when my phone vibrated. She called me.

“Happy New Year!!!!!” she said cheerfully.  It must be already 2017 there, in Bandung.

“Happy new year to you! but it’s still 2016 here in Texas. You’re about 13 hour ahead of schedule to congratulate me.”

“I know, silly! Doesn’t it fascinating? I’m literally calling you from the future!”

“Hmph... as if long distance relationship wasn’t enough? where are we now? in different-era-kind-of relationship? Wow, I’m close to tears, so moved that our love can actually defy space and time.....”

“And i’m close to tears too. That bitterness though hahahaha... makes me miss you more.” her voice cracked.

Oh no, don’t cry!

“Ok ok you win! you’re the closest to tears. I’m sucks anyway. next time warn me if we gonna play this crying game k? I’ll bring some onion. I won’t be beaten twice!”

I could heard her chuckle. Oh, thanks god.

“Well, I called you, so i can be with you here in the future... because you know what Lang? It won’t be my future without you in it.”

“........................”

“Lang??”

“My God...... Smooth girl, smooth... for a second I think my heart was skip a beat”

“Hahahaha... i know how to tame you, didn’t i?”

“Ya, I surrender to your cheesiness..... If you keep doing that, i may have a cardiac arrest one day.”

“HAHAHAHAHA... thank god, your dearest girlfriend is an internist-- cardiologist in the making. You need to worry about nothing, i can handle that.”

***

It’s morning, 1st january 2017. I wiped my tears and get out of my bed to make myself a cup of coffee. A very bitter one. On the way to the pantry i saw that again. An ugly reminder of what i lose. A trophy for my lifetime regret.

That wedding invitation.

Her wedding invitation.

“......  It won’t be my future without you in it.”

Her voice which i heard in my dream, resounding in my head.

Hahaha... Pathetic Asshole.

[luluns]

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

[jennyyuu]