Emalyn knew she hecked up the second that gaze hit her. What did she give away? She knew how to read people. Luci had just found something to pick at. She didn’t quite trust Luci’s words. If she’d really won, Luci wouldn’t be looking at her like that.
And then the rest of Luci’s sentence came. She knew, Ema realised. She knew she’d liked it more than she was letting on. Involuntarily, she shuddered under the breath. For a second, she couldn’t move. She couldn’t even convince herself to glow a brighter red.
It’d be so easy to throw Luci against the wall, give her exactly what she was asking for. It’d be so easy to just give in, let the natural high wash away everything she was feeling. It wasn’t even just her confusion over what was happening between her and Luci. It was everything from her father’s death, to both Sin and Eliane’s revelations. All of it still hurt, and none of her knew how to react to any of it still. She’s been faking through all this so well, she wonders if it’s worth breaking that illusion for a few seconds of a high. After all, fake it until you make it was a very true statement, wasn’t it? If she kept at it, it was bound to ease up to something she could manage.
It’d also be easy to throw Luci off and pretend everything was still okay. She didn’t think Luci knew enough to tell when she was going to be out of character. For all Luci knew, Ema might just secretly be into the whole friends with benefits thing. That made everything all the more tempting. Unconsciously, her fingers started trailing up Luci’s sides. Lightly, barely skimming the skin. What were the chances anyone would know, anyways?
She would. And after all was said and done, she’d be left alone with the guilt. She’d just be using Luci, and that was something she couldn’t bring herself to do. Maybe that was what the whole idea behind (closet) friends with benefits was, but…it wasn’t her.
Maybe with some regret, her hands finally settled, and she lightly made to push Luci away. She avoided looking Luci in the eye, despite the inner Soother in her saying that was a tell-tale sign of something not quite fitting what was being said and done.
"I don’t think I need any help today," it came out a little quiet than she would have liked, but it was the best she could manage.