The Cosmonaut || Lunimous Spudnik
Dear LS,
My family motivates me to keep going during hard times. I do not struggle iwth motivation at all, to be honest. I simply do what needs to be done. I am a hard worker and when it comes to hard work, I don't complain.
I admit, LS, that now that we're halfway through the letter event, I am ruminating about how I want to keep going. I think it's fair to look at cutting down my matches.
You do seem very kind and nice-- but some of what you've described does give me pause. I understand you're waiting for someone to help you decide your priorities, and that doesn't resonate with me. I want someone who believes a family and marriage are enthusiastically their first goal.
Then, it sounds like we are very different personality-wise. Maybe you being an extrovert wouldn't be a big deal, but I am second-guessing whether it would make us a suited match.
Additionally, while social media is part of life, I'm not sure how I feel about my wife having that kind of following. I know you said it was small and I commend you for making money off it! But it does give me pause.
So, those are my concerns and I thought before we go any further, I'd give us a chance to talk them through before I simply ended anything. I am sorry if this seems rather cold. It's just been rather difficult to keep up with letter-writing and work this week, so I feel the need to be discerning.
Best,
Spudnik.
Hello Spudnik,
Thank you for sharing your concerns, and I'm happy to talk about them. However, I have to ask. Do you want to be a husband and father, or do you want to have a wife and kids?
Because right now it's sounding like the latter. It's like you're expecting someone in these emails to come ready-made the perfect wife for you. If that's not the case, then I'm happy to talk through what gives you pause about me. Because you seem stable, steady, thoughtful, intelligent, loyal, and very much a provider and those are all things I admire.
You said yourself that I seem kind and nice but some of these things gives you pause. Which is fair. But I don't think any of them are reasons to entirely write me off unless you really feel that strongly they're red flags.
To address each one:
Marriage and a family is a top priority for me. I was almost married once about five years ago, it's always been a dream of mine. But what am I supposed to do in the meantime, not chase other goals? I would be willing to discuss with a partner putting grad school on hold. Or leaving my career for a while to focus on children (with the help of family for occasional childcare) and grad school and then return to teaching (I'm a teacher) with my Masters. But as of right now, I'm single, so of course I'm talking about my plans like I'm single and not considering a non-existent partner's input, right? It's very fair that you have concerns in this area and those would be conversations I'd have with a partner, absolutely, and their input would very much be valued.
I've dated introverts before, it can be lovely. I'd never force you to do anything you don't want to do just because I want to go do it, and I'm perfectly content staying in as well.
Very fair to be concerned about social media. However, I mostly post teacher content for other teachers and talk about my experience as an EFL teacher in India, give advice on how to find EFL jobs, share lesson plans, stuff like that. It's very much a way to connect with other teachers outside of Swynlake, that's mostly my audience. And recipes! A lot of cooking videos. I would never put my kids all over social media if that's a concern. I find Mommy TikTokers to be exploitative. Making videos is definitely something I could see myself giving up-- mostly because it's just a hobby really, and like any hobby, I could tire of or outgrow it, or become to busy for it, and maybe in a relationship my content time would be taken up. Perfect! That's 100% fine. But as of now I am single, I live alone and support myself, and I appreciate the extra money as measly as it is. Should I find myself in a situation where I don't need the extra income, I'd be thrilled.
I do hope I didn't come off as too harsh in the beginning. I fully respect the need to be discerning, but I encourage you to not look for perfection immediately and consider if your matches are at least worth meeting and having a conversation with.
To me, I think you are. But if you disagree, that's fair enough.
~LS
