lilac sky @lunabenoit - Tumblr Blog

THE INGENUE - Luna Angelique Benoit

Pinterest. Playlist. (TBD)

CHARACTER INSPO: Gillian Owens (practical magic), Sarah (the outer banks), Buffy Summers (Buffy) & Addie Larure (the invisible life of Addie Larue).

TRIGGER WARNINGS: blackmail, drug abuse, anxiety, depression, disordered eating, teen runaways, criminal activity, pressure for perfection

#about

“I had two longings and one was fighting the other. I wanted to be loved and I wanted to be always alone.”

- Jean Rhys

#musings

joaquinni

this whole entire situation was fucked and joaquinn had zero idea how to handle any of it. he had harbored so many feelings over how he had left things. he had came into the womans life when they were young and the two of them lived a wild and adventurous life. one that could have ruined a good future for either of them. hell joaquinn would still be struggling if he hadnt owned his own business. it wasn't like anyone would have hired him with the wrap sheet he had of being in and out of jail when he was younger. he couldn't imagine how luna was doing now. he didn't want to. he hated thinking about her because when he did he had wondered what kind of path she had taken once he had left her.

joaquinn had envisioned that she was doing great, that she was thriving and living a better life without him. one where she was married and happy with children and so in love. mostly because his mind refused to let him believe that him leaving her caused a spiral in her life. he was nothing but bad from her since day one. him removing himself from her life had to be better than the one they had been living together. they had been so bad for each other. hell the first thing he had did when he had first seen her was start with the jokes, the gaslighting and accusing her. there was nothing healthy about any of it. his hands loosen and then he felt her yank her hands out of his grasp.

seeing her cry had broke him, the tears streaming down her cheeks made him want to run right there. he was nothing more than a coward and he knew that. coming off to the town as some tough strip club owner but there was so much more to him than that. then he narrowed his eyes. she had wanted some sort of answer and he knew she deserved it however he wasnt sure he could give it to her. he knew if he had it would have only hurt her more. "what? what the fuck do you want me to say luna? because i promise you the truth is only going to make you despise me more than you already do. it was a lot easier for you to just mourn the loss of me and move on with your life." he confessed. though her forceful pushes still didnt make the man budge.

"none of that matters, why i left any of that. that was years ago luna, you should have moved on from all of that by now." the words were harsh and he didn't mean them. he hadn't even moved on from leaving her behind though he felt this was better. if he could make her hate him more then she could see that him leaving was the best things for her. "we were stupid teenagers who were so in love with one another that didn't think about our futures.. come on lun.. it has been so many years since i left." he pointed out. "aren't you married with kids now?" he asked her. "hasn't your life gotten even a little bit better without me in it?" he questioned. "i'm not giving you some witty excuse as to why i left, i doesn't matter why i left." he explained to her. "that was many moons ago and things are different nowi'm different now and i hope you are different now.. if you came all the way here to get answers out of me then i promise you wasted your time and you will leave here even more upset than you came." he retorted.

"this can't be healthy for you." it certainly wasnt healthy for him, if he was being honest he couldnt tell her why he left because he couldnt lie to her. he didnt want to lie to her but as much as he wanted to hurt her.. to make her realize that he was some mistake in her life he couldnt turn the knife he had obviously stabbed in her back. "i loved you once upon a time when we were kids.. and then i grew up." he softly said fully bracing himself for her to slap him once more.

lunabenoit

"Do you think I still give a damn about you?" She asked with a heavy dose of disbelief. Of course, she still cared. Of course, he had plagued her thoughts, her life, her day-to-day since the day he left. He'd wrecked her without any forethought to the fallout, all for what? Money- the thought turned the waves in her abdomen into a storm that made her feel achingly sick. She blinked, her bare ring finger, her empty womb- there had been no such saccharine romances, no happily ever afters. Her relationship with her parents had been forever altered the day she ran away with him- time didn't do much to repair it, filling the cracks with just enough for it all to appear whole. She couldn't bring herself to tack on the ending statement. She'd spent years waiting on him to return like the long shadow that stretched through an open window as the day ended. She waited and waited and stayed bitterly disappointed. She wanted to tell him she'd moved on, that she was happy. Luna bit the inside of her cheek, said no such thing and shook her head. "I think you're a liar." She said after a short breath.

"I don't think you're any different at all. I don't think you grew up, changed. Got better. You just changed the scene." She accused with icy anger lacing her words. "Have you spent so long lying to yourself that it's that easy now? You can't even apologize for leaving me in that shitty apartment in that fucking lease in that city. You left me with nothing, Joaquinn. I had to fight my way back to some semblance of a life, and you have no fucking idea the hell you left me in."

#chat. joa #we can just say this is movedup in the timeline since i dropped the ball <3

camila-alvarez

Camila had never been one to judge a dog on their breed or size. However when a giant dog came running at you on the street and you had no idea who the owner was it could be a little intimidating. However once the animal approached her the only fear that she had was that the animal was going to lick her to death. That suspicion was only further solidified when, what she assumed to be the dogs owner, came into view running down the road yelling that the dog was nice.

"People call the cops?" She questioned before leaning down so that she could scratch the good boys head. A loose dog running around seemed more like the pounds wheelhouse than something to bother the cops with. "It sorta sounds like you've had this happen before." She chuckled. It wasn't a shock seeing the size of the animal and than the size of the women in front of her... she was sure it wasn't a rare occasion that the dog would indeed walk her instead of the other way around.

lunabenoit

Catching up a bit breathless, Luna nodded, "Yea. Had a shitty neighbor once call the cops on little girls doing dance routines in their yard." Looping a lead onto the dogs harness Luna blew out a breath, "Once or twice, especially when I lived in Lousiana. People just afraid of big dogs I guess?" The large animal panted his tail thumped against Luna's leg and he curiously examined Camila, "He likes meeting people but he won't usually engage until I've given the release command." Luna frowned dramatically, "Usually. But Baby seems to have really wanted your attention."

#chat. camila

joaquinni

joaquinn could have written a book with all the wild and crazy things that had happened in his past. most people wouldn't have believed the life he lived if he had told them anyways . most of it sounded like a story made up and those who knew him now would have never once thought that he would have been the person he once was. though being the joaquinn that he was currently didn't come easy. he had to work at it. he had to leave and hurt a lot of people behind. once of those people were the love of his life. "his girl" "his old lady" the one woman he had ever really loved or even cared about in his life it also was the hardest thing he had to do.

however it wasnt like he had much of a choice. if joaquinn had wanted any kind of better life, the one he was offered, then he had to cut off any and everyone who wasn't there to help better his life or build with him. it wasn't really luna's fault. luna had been a fairly innocent girl when he had met her when they were kids. her parents had guided her down a perfect past to give her the life she deserved. though joaquinn had seen a broken girl behind those perfect eyes. someone who wasn't living the life they should have been, the life they wanted. he was there to help her live it to the fullest. though with that he knew he had taught her a few bad habits in getting by in life. he took full responsibility with that. joaquinn had became a runner. he ran from his family, he ran from her.. not only once but twice. the last thing he had ever expected was to see her here. if he was honest he had hoped he never ran into her here at hmb. he loved it here and didn't want to run again.

joa would be lying to admit that luna didnt cross him mind daily. even after the years she played a key role in his head rent free since the very moment he had snuck out of her life. today was one of those moments that she was living in his thoughts. mostly because he could have sworn he had seen her previously. though he just tried to convince himself he was being paranoid and silly and went on with his day. the man had just finished up grabbing a bit when he had came out of the restaurant and onto the sidewalk only to feel a bunch of bags with force behind them hit his chest. "what-" he hadnt even had a single moment to see who was even upset with him, assuming it was some mans wife who had visited the club or something ridiculous like that. it happened more often then he like to admit, being blamed for these men straying from their wives. however when he heard her voice he couldn't breath.

it was like every bit of air had been knocked out of his lungs when he heard the voice. he didn't even have to look down to see who it was. joaquinn could hear that voice so loud in a crowded room with her whispering. it was one he could never forget. once again he felt the tiny palms push against his large cheat only to feel items tumblr at his feet. "woah, woah, woah." was all he said searching for the words to say to her. hell what do you say to a women you had pretty much convinced you had died all while living his best life? but before he could even say another word he had felt the sting followed with the loud S L A P. "christ, luna." he murmued as his hand rubbed his cheek momentarily.

then his hands moved quickly to grip both her wrist just in case she was feeling froggy once again. "i need you to stop and i need you to take a breath. i need you to just breath for a second and lower your voice." the last thing he needed was the cops to be called on them. he had done well keeping them mostly on his side instead of vise versa like his life once was. joaquinn didn't let her speak instead he let go of one wrist but his other hand remain firmly on his other as he pulled her to the side away from people. "would it make you feel better if i told you i had no idea who joaquinn was and that you were seeing things? maybe that i am the ghost of your boyfriend's past?" right now wasnt the time for jokes and he knew it but what the fuck was he supposed to say to her. "are you fucking stalking me, luna?" was the next line out of his mouth and it was even worse than the jokes previously.

lunabenoit

Luna yanked on his hold of her, stomping her foot and dragging along as he lead them away, "You wouldn't want this nice town of people to hear about the shitty things you've done?" She asked loudly as she was pulled away from people. She had come to Half Moon Bay to escape the watchful eyes of Hendricks and allt he goons he had keeping a watchful eye on her. Half Moon Bay was the perfect little town, close enough he couldn't think she was trying to run and do something dramatic but far away enough that she could pretend that her life was not all that it was. Maybe there was a part of her that had kept tabs on Joaquinn all of these years that knew he could be here. A small masochistic and dad part of her that wanted to see him again. Luna would not admit to it, it was too fucking sad to pine for a man who had left her so long ago. Built a life and not thought twice about what it had done to her.

The gaslighting had to be the worst of all the things he could have said in the entire world. Until he accused her of stalking him, and this time Luna slapped the other cheek. Her hand stung, and she glared daggers at him. "Yes, the man who isn't Joaquinn who still knows my fucking name." She was quieter, if only to control the threat of spilling tears in the middle of town. "How fucking dare you." She yanked her other wrist out of his grasp and pushed against his chest, "I looked for you. I mourned you." She practically cried out, "And what, you've been in the smallest coastal town the whole damn time?"

"You've had years, and the best you can give me is some half-put-together joke that's not even clever. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you I hate you." She whispered harshly, rubbing her red palm with her other hand. So many years had passed since he'd left her- Luna had attempted to find a new ground to stand on, a new future new self but it always fell back to him. Back to their years together in which she discovered what it meant to be her own person, to be in love, and to throw away every expectation in the name of hope...more? She still hadn't figured it out.

"You need, you need-" She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "You've been doing what you need for years. Nevermind me. Or anyone else." Her eyes spilled over with tears the next moment her gaze landed on him. She did nothing to stop the rolling of tears. "Why did you take me with you, Joaquinn? Why did you take me from my home, make yourself my family, and leave me without anything?" She shot question after question, never really considering that he might answer them. Luna dried her tears on the back of her hand. "I suppose none of it matters anyway." She laughed bitterly a million emotions rolling through her like a storm of thunder and lightning burning loud and impossible to ignore. "I surprised you'd not forgotten my name..." She wanted to tell him of everything that had happened between his ghosting to now. How she went home and despite spending a year or so attempting to fix what she'd broken at sixteen her parents were still strangers to her who had believed she threw away all her potential.

They had a shrine to the girl who left that night. Photographs and pageant trophies backlit with hopes and dreams. She may as well have died, reborn someone entirely new. Entirely wrong. She wanted to tell him about Paris, about her art and how she went legit, until she had no choice. She wanted to show him her work, her original pieces. The ones that bloomed from the hole he'd left in his departure. She wanted to ask if any part of him still missed her, if it was hard -if he cared. She wanted to tell him about Hendricks, how she figured the guy forgot all about her when she went back to New Orleans.

How she had been wrong and how he found her rather quickly and pulled her back in under threat to her safety if she didn't assist. She wanted to tell him she was here now to find some agency over her life and how seeing again made a storm inside of her equal parts thundering rain and sunshine. She wanted to tell him how it made no sense and all the sense in the world, but she said none of that. She bit the inside of her cheek and kept her mouth shut a moment. "Go a head then. Tell me a lie." She said after catching her breath, "But make it a fucking clever one. At least give me a witty excuse for everything."

#slap tw #black mail tw #chat. joaquinn

@lenakaplan

San Francisco Carnaval

Glitter stuck to her face, and the bright colors were like a sea for her to get lost in-. The event was wild, the music could be felt in her veins, and Luna was only caught in it all because she was forced into the city to drop off some counterfeits at the behest of the man who fancied himself her boss. She needed to wash the bitterness away and as she moved with the flow of the party that took over the entire street Luna pushed through knocking over a slushy green drink, "What's a girl gotta do to get a drink-" She sighed shaking the liquid from her shoe and nodding to the woman nearest, "You look like you know where the good drinks are."

#hmbspringevent #chat. lena

Cami & Luna - meeting "Baby" @camila-alvarez

Luna got a big dog breed hopeful it would deter those with less than kind intentions, and perhaps in part for the quiet company. Baby was always a big dog even when he was a big puppy and she technically took him to save him the cruelty of docked ears to look tough. And despite all that he'd grown quite well into his name as was in fact a big baby. Baby liked to get out of the house and take long unassisted strolls down the street. Luna liked to grab a snack and follow him in case anyone got bright ideas to call animal control for the big dog. She walked quickly despite the dog taking a leisurely stroll, resting when he'd stop to sniff this or that and only running when his long limbs broke into a gallop to greet the first person he saw with a friendly but firm head nudge. "He's friendly!" Luna screamed running to catch up, "I swear don't call the cops!"

#chat. camila

Joaquinn & Luna @joaquinni

Where: downtown

If Luna were to lay her life out in order of most painful moments, there was a safe bet that most of them would involve Joaquinn. In some form or another, whether he was simply there, a passive player in the way life had its way with breaking her heart, or if he was the direct result of all that pain. Once upon a time, he had been her ultimate freedom, the person with whom she felt most like herself. There was no need to play the role of the perfect daughter, beauty queen. She had no need to be anything other than exactly as she was, and at the tender age of sixteen, she believed he would be all she would ever need. Falling helplessly in love with how every woe she'd ever felt dissolved when she laid her head against his chest.

Running away with him was easy. The only thing in her life she had never second-guessed. She was fearless when she got on the back of his bike and left it all behind. At sixteen, there was no other way to hold onto the first real thing she'd ever felt. Maybe if she had been older, wiser, and a little less reckless, she wouldn't have let her youth slip from her palms. And test, years later, with all she knew now, Luna could not answer if she would have done it any differently. There wasn't much Luna knew about life, but she was certain she could count on the lack of predictability. She was a young girl swept away in the love affair with Joaquinn. Never could she have imagined she'd spent years after being haunted by the ghost of his absence. His leaving had been sudden and terribly painful. It tore something asunder at her core, scattering the pieces of all she had known of herself into the terrible unknown.

She had been twenty-three when he left. The day was not one she could recall in anything more than soul-sickening loss, but in the days, months, and years since, there had been times when Luna caught a glimpse of someone who could have been him. Her heart would plummet, and she'd focus and realize as quickly that it was not him. Surely it never would be again. She wasn't completely clueless. She knew he was someplace in California. Perhaps it was what drew her back years later, knowing that there were worse things along this coast to be haunted by than the man who was still written all over her. Still, sometimes she could convince herself she imagined it all if there wasn't his handwriting inked along her wrist to keep her planted in the painful now. Hiding out in a small town forty-five minutes outside of San Francisco until she could figure out what she was supposed to do next. Paint and ink-stained her fingers as she carried her groceries down the street, suddenly stunned in place by the phantom vision of Joaquinn. Luna blinked hard, certain she would focus and realize it was just another tall dark-haired man. But by the third time she realized with a heavy sinking feeling it was in fact him. After twelve years her heart raced blood rushing to her face and Luna was swept up like a memory.

Unfortunately, she had plenty of years to think about what she would do with this opportunity. All the things she wanted to say rushed to her lips, and as she grew closer to him, they were replaced with blinding rage that came forth as she shoved her groceries into his chest with a sharp shove at the center of his chest. "You rat bastard." She seethed without the soft remembrance she had hoped would have set in by now. Luna thought it would be enough time to let the wound scar over, tender scar tissue, but all healed nonetheless. She found, as her palms crashed against his chest, her groceries spilling at their feet, that he was nothing but a bruise that ached as if it had been pressed too hard. All the soft parts of her had been damaged by what Joaquinn had done to her, and now confronted with him after all these years, Luna was more aware than ever that she was more rage than woman. All her flimsy attempts at healing at becoming something better were dashed before they even took shape, and in a breathless moment, she knew it was him.

Luna had spent years chasing his ghosts, looking for answers in silence, only to have all of them slip through her fingers like water. Tears stung at her eyes, stubbornly unshed as she jutted her chin up at him twelve years later, and all her best-laid plans dashed as her head spun. A quite smothered sob threatened to spill tears over her cheeks. Her fingers curled into the fabric of his top before she ripped her hands away. Pushing up on the tips of her toes, she closed the space smacking her hand against his cheek with a sharp slap that stung her palm. "I thought you were dead. I wished you were dead."

#chat. joaquinn #physical violence tw

taemochi

#visage. luna

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