the concept of blinding someone has been one ive been fascinated and obsessed with since i was a kid. i used to actively try to figure out what being blind felt like. i would constantly blindfold myself and try to ind my way around the house all the time. my fursonas were almost always blind. i really liked characters who were tortured until they couldn't see.
i spend a lot of time wondering how much of my life was me seeking ou weird fascinations vs me misremembering trauma. why was i doing that? why did i feel the need to teach myself how to navigate the house in case i went blind? why was i constantly acting out kidnapping scenes or duct taping my limbs together, was it normal childhood fascination from an autistic child or was it something else. i've always assumed it was autism, but the older i get the more sick in my stomach it makes me feel.
both my parents have a very very intense paranoia about me being taken or "kidnapped", moreso than any other kids in our family. i wasn't allowed out of their sight in ways the others were, i wasn't allowed to leave. there has been more than once where i've gone missing because i went on a walk or left wherever i was and instead of assuming i eloped like usual they assumed i was taken and called the cops or were considering doing so before i left. i'd get in trouble for that. my sisters have been legally "kidnapped" by my mom once. but even during that, everyone knew it wasn't a real kidnapping. my dad worded it that way in court to win custody, but everyone knew it was just my mom acting stupid and impulsive. my sisters went with her willingly, she got them food and hung out in her house, the only reason it was "kidnapping" was because i was in the process of getting a restraining order against her and my dad was able to spin that as my mom supposedly having no contact with ALL of us and not just me, even though that was never the plan. they dont have the same kidnapping fear in regards to my sisters.
my uncle on my dads side had a large german shepherd. im scared of german shepherds. i have a lot of dog trauma i don't want to talk about or think about. its just scary. i dont understand.
