luna saturnine @lunasaturnine - Tumblr Blog

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Um

Ugh

Why am I saying ugh

Why am I not saying Yaaay I'm a free little bird!

I have to fucking upgrade my icloud storage don't I? 8 more bucks a month. FINE. Fuck. I mean it is fine. $120 a year good grief. To have storage. As ifI don't have a butt ton of local storage.

It isn't Good Enough because I can't retain metadata once I download it, so I can't even start to organize it.

Which SUCKS LMAO

Anyway I'm gonna get a mac so maybe that'll solve the issue.

Spring is coming and I feel like leaping around like a baby lamb, THANK GOD, FOR THE LEAPING FEELING. Except I also gotta do my taxxesszzzzzzzzz and I um I wanna buy this laptop and this course in Austria...austria...austria...a real place....

I have so much um bullshit thoughts to clear out of my head yanno? Low thoughts AND high thoughts. High thoughts ("I'm the best EVER") generate low thoughts ("Why am I failing at being the best ever?")

Ugh I want to go to CBF wtfff that's so out of character

I also really want to go to asta and have wanted to go

I... can't, can I? Don't I have gigs or whatever? I have gigs the following week.

Well I'll keep you updated, loyal readers. I'm going to get hacking on my taxes and buy a laptop as a reward for having any money left afterwards hahaha.

I would like a couple more students, yum yum, feals good man

I would like to yes contribute to the world yes

I am really having trouble putting into words what I'd like to say about my grandma's art and I'd really like just a little just a littlej ust a lil POT a lil MARIJAJUANA to smoke and conenct to this crusted up third eye because I don't want to crap out on thisp roject I don't want to I want to put something in the book it means so much. Idk if theblock is just that I haven't mourned her enough or AT ALL but it is pretty firm and there's a deadline coming up and I must do it. so I am going to try to do it.

Okay gut, what do you want me to say about Rena's art?

Like ripples that emerge on the surface of water when something else is moving below, Rena's art was the visible byproduct of something else.

That's IT that's AS MUCH as I want to say. I want to start talking about what it actually was, but my gut says NOPE, quit it. But why should I quit? I'm going to keep knocking. I want POT!

Maybe this isn't the avenue to talk about the thing I'm trying to talk about? I want POT!!!! God dammit

So if I am not to say that, what am I to say instead? All the other shit I have to say is trite and already said by everyone else. I want to give up, but I would feel so angry and upset, and give bad vibes to the project.

Why can't I do anything? Why do I feel so glued up and stuck? What is there to comment on?

Okay I give up for now. I knocked on the door and yowled like a homeless cat and that counts as today's effort. I'm so frustrated

WHY DO I BE TALKING TO HIM? wHATS WRONG WITH ME? I DONT EVEN WANT HIM!!!

#COME THE FUCK ON!!!!!!!! EMBARRASSING

Sorta okay, sorta in hell. What's this pedal I'm not putting my foot on? Is it... INTERNET FAME ?????????? Lol oh my god what is life I feel so stagnant

inspiration prayer

Found recently a prayer I made about inspiration flooding me.

Like that blessing in Ella Enchanted, it wasn't a good idea.

I made a better prayer yesterday about inspiration interacting with my life in a moderate way.

I feel the effects of it.

Prayer is really major in my life! I think it is the arena in which I do things. That is part of being 12th house I think.

In other news, I desire to drink less or no coffee. I also desire to drink coffee every day. Have these two parts of my personality met? They have an uneasy marriage. The former doesn't want to be thought to be uncool or mean. And they both want to be awake.

Thirty-one years old. Age isn't real. Well...

thatfragilecapricorn30

time is a circle

ecclesiastes 1:9 niv // turn! turn! turn! - the byrds // the x-files, s4 e13 - dir. rob bowman // true detective, s1 e5 - writ. nic pizzolatto // homage to apollinaire - marc chagall // requiem for a nun - william faulkner // one hundred years of solitude - gabriel garcia marquez

Middle Way here's the thing

Here's the thing.

https://www.learnreligions.com/interbeing-3866931#:~:text=Interbeing%20is%20a%20term%20coined,on%20with%20many%20western%20Buddhists.&text=As%20doctrine%2C%20interbeing%20is%20the,within%20a%20Mahayana%20Buddhist%20perspective.

Madhyamika tells us that nothing has an intrinsic, permanent self-nature. Instead, all phenomena -- including beings, including people -- are temporary confluences of conditions that take identity as individual things from their relationship to other things.

Consider a wooden table. It's an assembly of parts. If we take it apart bit by bit, at what point does it cease to be a table? If you think about it, this is an entirely subjective perception. One person might assume there is no table once it is no longer usable as a table; another might look at the stack of wooden parts and project the table-identity onto them -- it's a disassembled table.

The point is that the assembly of parts has no intrinsic table-nature; it's a table because that's what we think it is. "Table" is in our heads. And another species might see the assembly of parts as food or shelter or something to pee on.

---

I find all this agreeable. AND YET:

There is nothing in here which doesn't say that the wooden table-ness of the "assembly of parts that constitute the wooden table" should not be celebrated. To affirm something's existence is not necessarily affirming it's permanence.

In fact it is how creation works, according to Abrahamic religions.

God saw the stuff and said that it was good. Boom. Affirmation is creation, because it is insulation against entropy. Punkt.

The person I am arguing against is the person who, understanding the principles of interconnectedness, abhors the naming and designation of things, simply on account of their impermanence. And I invite that person to study Taoism for a deeper look at those dynamics.

What I am trying to say is...

The fact of the emptiness of phenomenon means we are invited into a deeper consideration of how to handle them.

It doesn't necessarily mean we should abhor them. It just means that the way of approaching them as if they are permanent, anchoring this and that to them, does not work well.

Am I glued to the computer because I want to fucking WRITE SOMETHING?

Okay GUT HAVE AT IT!

H...

Prudence really do grab me every time I almost get into the flow with something. Or maybe I was like too passionate or whatever. Okay I''ll be more mellow. I'm just feeling sort of desperately bored and I want to start going to bed but it's like I have to do something interesting at the computer or I won't feel like I've done a day.

Dream

No not dream. As I was drifitng to sleep... it's so vague. But things seemed obvious about being in my body. The thoughts were about aligning with northsouth/eastwest poles and I "thought" about it all night as I slept. "It's the only important thing, really" said one concrete thought. And it is about being in the very center of your experience. Being just calmly in the center there. As you are calm and in the center of the cross of matter, everything around you snaps into that calm too. The entire cosmos changes to incorporate your ... calm energy. Wow yeah this isn't adequate. At least I tried. Maybe I have to write about it or something. I guess I'll turn off the computer, I'm feeling antsy. I feel this eclipse a lot. I googled why it's long and it says it's because it's near apogee.

I'm going to read my new book about moon magic for a bit and then go ttake a look and go to bed.

I'm going to be calm and in the center of the... two.. axes. Nothing else matters, really.

fruitpilled-peachcel

this image of Mongolia's best known paleontologist standing in between the fossilized arms of Deinocherius is undeniably the most powerful image in paleontological history

neptune holes

I used to write about neptune holes a lot, when I was beginning to understand how neptune energy worked in my life

Neptune holes are where your perception distorts and you lose a sense of scale. You can't utilize your perception to give you a sense of scale. The connections between things that are solid in the non-subjective matrix of reality dissolve - or rather, your perception of them zooms in to like an infinite degree and becomes really fluid, and you can't perceive them as connections. If you are to navigate when under the influence of Neptune, you have to become alert to the subtle forces that exist underneath the gross forces (b/c you can't perceive the gross forces). The subtle forces are the Laws of the Universe, the putting energy in and getting out dynamic.

Insofar as you are synced up with that energy, Neptune is like a magic carpet and your life unfolds in front of you basically magically. But where you're not fluent, you get stuck in time warps and energy sinkholes. Things that are sorta obviously bad decisions to others, and even to the part of you that has a right mind, seem to be infinite places for you, and they seem to go on forever.

#neptune

Things I associate with my gma doing artistically well:

1. Slicing food

2. Putting things down

3. Throwing things away when their vibe decreased

4. Focusing and making art and enjoying art

R***'s collections

Some of my grandma's serieses that I like...

Madonna series (MY FAVORITE I want to inherit My FAVORITE)

Book of Geode

Shit is that the only two I can remember? Fuck me

Her baroque eggs

I certainly feel like writing something, something wholly original, something out of the spring only found in my own heart. What is it? If I rock out first, if I tidy up first, will it come to me clearly?

I want to honor my desire to constantly be in front of a screen, by doing interesting things on that screen. Oh I could work on my Shostakovich paper!