A path to happiness.

Just a lost person trying to find peace and happiness.

[lunawillowtree]

˗ˏˋ ★ Growth takes Bravery ★ ˎˊ˗

My whole life, I've been playing things safe.

‎‧₊˚✧Safety. Comfort. Certainty.✧˚₊‧

It took me more than a decade to understand that this exact behavior was my greatest enemy. The truth is that we will only be on this earth for a limited time and with every year,

with golden leaves falling from trees,

snowflakes dancing in the wind,

with every spring blossom and every summer rain,

I want to grow beyond my past self.

The second harsh truth is that this can only come from a place of uncertainty and discomfort. To truly grow means to accept these emotions and still take the jump. The only certainty along your side is self-trust and your ability to deal almost anything. No matter what will come, you can manage to make it good.

Pick something that you are afraid of and do it now.

[lunawillowtree]

˖⁺‧₊˚ I miss u, truly ˚₊‧⁺˖

That's all I want to say. Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn't.

Your smile makes me feel okay again and without it the colors of life are slowly fading. Wherever you are right now, whatever you are doing I hope that you are happy. Spring will come soon and I wish that it will take away all the sorrows and doubts in your heart. That the sun will come again and warm you wherever you are going. A gentle spring breeze should carry all your worries far away. I'd wait at this place and take them all. For you I could be the strongest person on earth.

[lunawillowtree]

‎‧₊˚✧ The Pain of Love ✧˚₊‧

This is tough. My whole life I have not experienced heartbreak or unrequited love before. And I used to believe I was simply fortunate and that it would never happen to me.

I have had my fair share of crushes in the past. For most of them the excitement would slowly fade, and we would eventually become strangers again. And in most cases, the pain was sharp but passed quickly. Now everything is different. This new kind of pain is much bolder, spreading through my entire body and captivating my whole mind. It is the kind of pain that will not let you cry. Instead you will stare at a blank wall for an hour unable to move forward, entirely paralyzed. Trapped in uncertainty, accompanied by the feeling of losing everything that ever meant something to you.

Slowly killing all other feelings until nothing but a bottomless void remains. An endless loop of these thoughts:

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I just want the world for you. At this point I don't even care if I am included. I just need you to be happy. I don't care about your flaws and insecurities, not even a tiny bit. Sometimes I wish I could stop caring about you. Sometimes I try to convince myself that I don't. On some days I look at the sky and wish that I would have never met you in the first place. I want you to fully vanish, yet I could never let you go.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

[lunawillowtree]

:･ﾟ✧: Regaining a Love for Reading｡✧:･.:

I used to love reading and writing. Escaping into alternative realities and letting my mind create vivid universes. Now I struggle. I cannot seem to focus on anything for more than a few minutes and I am loosing all my interests.

This has to change. I need to regain the ability to find peace in silence and solitude.

I am starting with a book. Today marks the 09/02/24 and I will finish it by the end of this month.

The book is called Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Fairies. I hope that it will bring some spring spirit into my life.

[lunawillowtree]

The Beginning

To be honest, I've been lost.

I always thought that once my social anxiety would be gone, I would automatically be free. Well I am free, but everything that I was used to, the things I would hold on are slowly fading. I am freefalling into an uncertain future. Things can now change at split seconds.

I need to ground myself. I need to find stability again. I need to be happy with who I have become. It feels like I am relearning how to live.