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she/it

[luridbrainrot]

I just want to say I know all too well how much cancel culture hurts, even then, even now when I've gone through yet another call out (which was mostly false and full of private information, which hurt me more than anything ever has. It bled into my real life too)

I go back to my old ways. I'm not going to lie about not being into weird shit anymore because I feel happy in the current space I made. It doesn't change the fact it was fucked up to lie about that in the first place.

I got mental issues. I still do. They hurt other people more than they hurt me. It's taken me years to actually try and make an effort to improve that issue. I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt. I don't even know how to fully apologize, to be honest. it feels impossible to encapsulate the things I've done in a single place. I can't go offline anymore, because there's nothing for me offline.

[luridbrainrot]

I don't plan on using this account for anything and I don't care for the OSC anymore, but I'm going to say, I lied about @chesterfern back before Objectified was what it is now. I wish I hadn't. I wish I wasn't such a petty little asshole. I lied about so much. I lied about my age. I formed relationships with people who didn't even know this. There aren't any excuses for it. I violated people.

I'm about to turn 23. A lot has changed in my life and I still don't feel like I've improved much. This isn't me asking for forgiveness, but rather putting it out there. I'm sorry Chester. I was so consumed with this fake version of myself, this egotistical freak. I've tried to find ways to contact you after you reached out on VK, as I was still denying I had done anything wrong at the time. I have such a horrible problem with cognitive dissonance I couldn't just agree on one thing with myself and that hurt you even more. I was looking back on VK just last night and saw those messages again and felt incredibly ashamed of myself.

Please support Chester and don't trust any shitty old or rumors. Chester had every right to do the things that happened between us, and I took it and twisted it to make me into a victim. I ruined Chester's life then. I will never be able to fully pay for that.

I know I'm not able to be trusted by anyone. It makes everything I do look like another fat lie, but I'm serious here. I'm sorry. Sorry will never be enough though, and I know that.