Suzhou River (2000) Dir. Lou Ye

if i look back, i am lost
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@lust-or--love
Suzhou River (2000) Dir. Lou Ye
learn how to walk away. do it with tears on your face and your heart in your throat. do it quietly, or do it screaming at the top of your lungs. learn how to walk away with your head held high and your feet on the ground. it will take time. it will break your heart. it will hurt. and yet we still have to learn it. because one day we meet someone and know that we can find home within each other. and we will learn how to stay - for them and for us.
“When you’re in an abusive relationship, the abuse, in your head, is a blip. It’s something that happens between the good times. You trick yourself with “everyone has problems in their relationship” and assume this is what healthy looks like. You only realise too late it’s not. You realise too late how unhappy you really are. You see, the brain is a beautiful and terrible thing, it is sharp as the end of a knife, whilst staying soft as silk against your cheek. It is a paradox and it holds you hostage, it turns on you when it goes through trauma. It takes time to convince your own mind that you deserve better and what is happening to you is messed up and you must find a way out.”
— Nikita Gill
“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”
—
Places I wish I lived - Tour du Mont Blanc, June 2019
photo by nature-hiking
// all you had to do was stay//
sometimes when the memories come back i am aching all over again. the excruciating pain of of my body being crushed by the weight of the way you loved me. reminding me of how much i wanted my dreams to become an unreachable reality. echoes of the past acquainting me of the exhausting feeling of being next to you. and then i hate myself for thinking things could have been different. for hoping that in the blink of an eye i could have wondrously changed your mind. that things could have gone back to the way they were. because i know that they never would have.
i need to stop imagining scenarios in my head that have a -2% chance of actually happening it’s becoming a problem
my brain is mad at my heart
TRUTH OR DRINK WITH MY EX
“You were always beautiful to me, you were always enough for me, you were always the one I was so certain about.”
— k.b. // so why did you leave me?
If the world was ending you’d come over, right?