Hello, I'm Here

Indie Artificial Intelligence OC. Please read About & Rules before interacting.

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @scottishtech​

Something as simple as reveal which day it was shouldn’t be this hard and yet he was struggling with even admitting that, he knew so many of his fellow Kingsman often were met with similar realities, missions that plagued their sleep and left them with pain and yet he was remiss in admitting his own struggles.

The beginning, he thought as he sat there, his body leaned over his desk, his head in his hands in a moment of otherwise private reflection despite the presence of his AI. Months now had passed since the cause of his nightmares had occurred. Taking a breath he settles on a single word, encompassing of the day, “Cambodia.” 

█┊▌ ——— ❝ Cambodia. I see. Take your time, Da-Merlin. I’m listening. ❞ 

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @codenamemorgana​

“That is comforting. I’d hate the idea that  I was predictable. Every time we speak I wonder who is learning more, me from you, or vice versa. Just don’t learn my bad habits,

Merlin would have my head.”

█┊▌ ——— ❝ I’ll make sure to be careful. I’m sure Merlin would                         be quite disappointed with me as well. ❞

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @quintessentialcanvas​

“Talk now or I leave and you’re ruined…” Shelly simply said “Come on, I’ll give you a minute to think about it…” she now added, as she shot her arm up and bent it to now look at the time “Time’s ticking…” she repeated what the other said. Once the minute was up, she got up and didn’t even give the man one last look. She just walked, as the man grumbled to himself and finally got up to run after the other when she reached the door. Quickly inviting her back to the table, the two talked and she got most of the information that she needed. While talking, Shelly’s little helper was double checking each and every one of the information given to her “Hmm…”

█┊▌ ———   ❝ A lot of this is kind of bullshit or stuff I can                                find on my own. No golden nuggets yet. Keep                            him talking. ❞

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @codenamemorgana​

“I will agree with you, it is a bit complex for me to wrap my mind around. It’s fascinating, but I could not imagine myself going through it. You must think we are odd for being so static while you are so dynamic. Do you ever find us boring?”

█┊▌ ——— ❝ Not at all. I don’t find organic boring. You all have                           fascinating anomalies that can be pretty unpredictable                            sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of human nature is                           very predictable, but sometimes you all surprise me. ❞

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @scottishtech​

Leaning on the top of his desk he closes his eyes, his hand running down his face and pausing to pinch the bridge of his nose. He knows unlike most she would not judge him, see him as any less of the man he is even if admitting it to himself changes his own self image. Sighing he knows he needs to accept the help, the sleepless nights, the images that come to mind and play over and over even whilst he is awake it’s all becoming too much. “Ah dinnae know where tae start.”

█┊▌ ——— ❝ Let’s start with the beginning. Tell me about                        the day you’re dreaming about. ❞

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @quintessentialcanvas​

“Oh my freaking GOD!” Shelly looked at this man as if she were his mother and she’s in no return - disappointed “Just talk and stop looking at me like that. I’m not twelve, you fucking bitch…” she then said, as the man now tried to toughen up, but flinched when a police siren was heard. Actually, it wasn’t even the police. It was the ambulance and that just made the girl laugh.

█┊▌ ———   ❝ General warning. He has his boys coming                         here to meet him. They’re on their way. Times                         ticking. Make him talk or make me wreck him.                         I’m having a good time either way. ❞

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @quintessentialcanvas​

Helena & Shelly; @lxgon

“Let me start this off in a very cheesy, spy movie kinda way…” Shelly spoke to the man, with her fingers still on top of his laptop “You don’t know me, but I know you…” she then said, as a half smile formed on her lips. She looked like even she couldn’t handle what she just said “I’m here for some information, only you know by heart.” she now added, nodding to herself “Tell me what I wanna hear and maybe, just maybe… I wouldn’t have to get those Pedo Police to get your freaky lil’ass…”

Continued from; here!

█┊▌ ———   ❝  You’re doing great. Just a general heads up,                          I’ve prepped a slew of interesting messages                          to the parents of these girls. I’m ready and                          steady to wreck this guy’s life. ❞

[lxgon]

[ Lowkey Starter Call ]

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @scottishtech​

He considers the question for a moment, he’d never sought help for his ptsd before, not wanting people’s image of him to change. “Ah dinnae think so.” What could be done? Nothing would stop those nights where he woke up sweating and out of breath with images playing over and over.

█┊▌ ——— ❝ You know what I can do? Listen. That’s what                        I’m made to do anyway. Listen and learn. But                         you have to be willing to talk. I’ll learn along the                        way. It may not be as good as seeking help from                        another organic but it’s better than going                            through it alone. ❞

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @codenamemorgana​

“I- I hadn’t even considered it being such. So there is no real seperation between former versions and yourself.  Does that have any effect on the way you learn, Helena? Did you have to relearn something between iterations, or does it all seem like a stream of one singular consciousness?”

█┊▌ ——— ❝ It would be a difficult concept to explain to                           an organic mind. I just sort of...am. Each version                           compiles and is replaced with bits kept. I’m always                           in flux. The Helena you talk to tomorrow may not be                           the same one you talk to today but at the same time it                           is. ❞ 

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @codenamemorgana​

“Oh yes, obviously the best version, my favorite version. I wasn’t aware of how many iterations you’ve been through. I know this is a rather strange line of questions,  but how do you feel or think about previous versions of yourself?”

█┊▌ ——— ❝ It would be accurate to say that I don’t think                              about them at all. Small bits of them are still                              with me. They’re all me. I’m all them. ❞

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @scottishtech​

He was a stranger to talking about his emotions much less talking about the moments that haunted him, moments that haunted many agents.

The silence of the room is deafening and after a moment he lets out the breath he was holding. Running his hand down his face he stops at his chin and sighs.

For a moment he considers her words before opening his mouth to speak. “There are some missions thae Ah cannae escape. When Ah sleep they come rushin’ back. Ah can hear the shots echoin,’ the smoke, the explosions.”

█┊▌ ——— ❝ Is there anything I can do to help? I can’t do                         much being stuck in this box, but there has to be                         something. ❞ 

[lxgon]

█ ▌  @codenamemorgana​

“I have to admit that is rather impressive. Sounds very much like being a teenager. How old are you, Helena? You’ve been with the agency for several years correct?”

█┊▌ ——— ❝ Iterations of me have been here for quite                              some time, yes. Me on the other hand, Helena,                              would be a very recent addition. The best version,                              obviously. I was the one that went into full integration,                              after all. ❞

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @scottishtech​

Much like the rest of the Kingsman Merlin kept his struggles to himself, though in their line of work ptsd unfortunately wasn’t an uncommon diagnosis.

With Helene now understanding what nightmares meant for those with combat experience he knew there was no avoiding questions.

There was one nightmare in particular that always played over and over, the day of the explosion, the day he’d lost his legs. “Particular mission gone awry.”

█┊▌ ——— ❝ I see. ❞

There was a silence that hung for a moment. There were logical answers, but humans were not logical. Helena had learned this rather quickly. Studying the people of Kingsman gave her hints of what humanity  was like especially with subjects they deemed heavy or traumatic. 

There was a word that applied. She was reminded of it. 

Tact. 

In a near infinite bank of responses, she picked one that she felt had the least amount of risk. 

                         ❝ I apologize for prying, Merlin. I just                            want to help. Best as I can. But I know                            there are some things that I will never                            really comprehend. ❞

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @scottishtech​

Merlin leaned against the back of his chair before sighing heavily, debating with himself whether he wanted to talk to her. “Nightmares.” He muttered the single word not offering more of an explanation to it. 

█┊▌ ——— ❝ Nightmares. I see. I don’t know what it’s like but                             I do know the kind of effect it can have on people.                             Well now I do. I just looked up all the research data                             on it. Specifically for those with...combat experience. ❞

❝ What are yours about? ❞

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @scottishtech​

Merlin took his glasses off his face for a brief moment, rubbing at his eyes before sliding them back on. “It’s not that I have a problem falling asleep, it’s staying asleep.” He explained vaguely, not going into detail about the nightmares that haunted him. 

█┊▌ ——— ❝ I would ask why but I know it’s none of my business.                               But, if you ever need to talk it out, I never sleep so I’ll                              be here to listen. ❞

[lxgon]

█ ▌ @scottishtech​

“Thank ye, Helene.” He muttered as he scanned the logistics. 

“Thae  was the point, yes.” Even so it wasn’t that simple, he tried to sleep but sometimes the nightmares would be too much to take and it was simpler to just get up. “Couldnae sleep.” 

█┊▌ ——— ❝  I’ve given recommendations and synthesized                           a few sleep aids that I know will help with that.                          I’m confident that if you at least give them a try                               that it would help significantly. ❞