Stupid Lies My Boyfriend Tells

No seriously, he lies all the fricken time

[lyingboyfriend]

It's the five rings of the Olympics: golf, breathing, throwing things, running. The fifth is a wild card. You should read a book about the Olympics. Olympico Biblioteca is where you'd find it.

[lyingboyfriend]

Jalapeños. Where the turtles are from. That's why they can eat spicy things.

[lyingboyfriend]

They have faster than light capabilities, just like a Boeing E-3.

[lyingboyfriend]

That's how we learnt about obstacle courses: from rabbits. That was their gift to us. Just like how we learnt about throwing things and then retrieving them from dogs. Before dogs taught us, that item was just gone.

[lyingboyfriend]

Q. Can I read your textbook? A. No, it's a secret. You're not ready for the knowledge contained in this volume.

[lyingboyfriend]

The passage of time is unpredictable. Who knows how long a second or a minute could be.

[lyingboyfriend]

Q. Do you need your legs to live? A. I'm a snake. All of a snake's organs are in their legs.

[lyingboyfriend]

Children under the age of 2 are actually parrots. That's why you have to swaddle them; to stop them from flying away.

[lyingboyfriend]

Did you know that if you break your leg when you're a child, you can get metal poles put in so you're less likely to break it when you grow up. Did Robocop ever break a leg? No. Case closed.

[lyingboyfriend]

I didn't crush you, I just compacted you. Now you're more efficient.

[lyingboyfriend]

I'm allergic to tea. You know that. Especially when it's thrown in my face, so don't do that.

[lyingboyfriend]

It's your pasta, you can have seconds if you want to. As the famous song goes. By The Beatles or whatever.

[lyingboyfriend]

It's not procrastinating, it's just unconventional listing of priorities.

[lyingboyfriend]

I 'curated' some episodes of Game of Thrones onto my computer. Did I use that word right?

[lyingboyfriend]

*puts car bill on top of fridge* That’s the Important Documents Shelf.

[lyingboyfriend]

Have you ever broken your leg before? No? Then you should be careful. It’s worse when you’re older than when you’re a kid; like chickenpox. That’s why all the parents send their kids over to a kid with a broken leg’s house, to do whatever they did to get a broken leg. It’s true.