You never know what will become of a simple connection
Two years ago I had the opportunity to work with a wonderful career coach, Wolf Rinke, supported by my VP and company. During the time I was working with him I noticed the parallels in philosophy, between him and my father-in-law, Stephen Sokolow. I introduced the two with no pretense. The result was a partnership that led to Wolf writing the forward for his new book, The Wise Leader.
Most recently Wolf shared an excerpt from The Wise Leader in his monthly newsletter which I would like to share with you:
THE WISDOM OF HAVING AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
Shared on behalf of Authors of "The Wise Leader", Dr. Paul D. Houston, and Dr. Stephen L. Sokolow
Gratitude is a powerful force. Many wise leaders have embraced the catchy phrase: "Have an attitude of gratitude." It's certainly debatable that you can't be too rich or too thin, but we maintain that you cannot be too grateful.
Wise leaders truly do have an attitude of gratitude. They are grateful to the people around them and to life itself for the countless gifts that have been given to them. They show their gratitude in many ways, both internally and externally. Gratitude is one of the several principles of Wise Leadership that is contagious. Gratitude begets gratitude. The objects of our gratitude are boundless: our families, our friends, our colleagues, our opportunities, our careers, our lessons, our gifts, our good fortune, our good health, nature, life itself, and the divine.
Gratitude isn't just a feeling-it's a form of energy. The energy of gratitude has the power to attract and empower. We know that when we appreciate others they are more likely to appreciate us and, similarly, when we appreciate the unique gifts of others they are more likely to appreciate our unique gifts. Gratitude and appreciation are among those special attributes that can never be used up. Give gratitude away and you still have it. Wise leaders seem to abound with gratitude for so many things, but especially for the honor of serving others.
Gratitude is not only a powerful principle of wise leadership but also an expression of love and connection between people and the world, and between human beings and the divine. The well from which gratitude springs is limitless, as are the opportunities for each of us to express it. The more grateful you are, the more grateful you become. The more gratitude you express, the more gratitude you receive. Genuine gratitude is empowering. It empowers you and those you lead. You are hard-wired with the capacity to both receive and express gratitude. As leaders, you can embody this principle and magnify its positive effects in the world.
Wise Leaders Show Gratitude for Help and Support
When you show gratitude for the help and support you receive, the impact only multiplies-the good stuff just keeps coming. Gratitude creates plentitude-you end up with more. When you are not grateful you typically end up with less. Lacking gratitude, even those who have much may experience life as empty and sterile because they don't appreciate what they have. Gratitude is a magic word-the "open sesame" of life. When you know how to be grateful and can express gratitude in appropriate terms, the rock rolls away and the treasure is revealed.
Gratitude begets gratitude. Its expression attracts similar energy in others and in the universe, so that the very act of expressing gratitude sends out an energy field that not only comes back but also is magnified. Think of sprinkling Miracle-Gro® in the garden of life. Gratitude has the effect of almost magically creating abundance; sprinkle it about and watch everything grow.
People often tell little children that the magic words are "please" and "thank you." Guess what? Those are still magic words even when you grow up! Saying "thank you" is expressing gratitude. How many notes do you write to people expressing your gratitude? Do you appreciate how important those notes are to people? The words are important. You may say thank-you, but if you take the next step and put the words in writing they are even more powerful. You can use e-mail or print a letter from your computer, but the message will mean more if you write a note or letter by hand. Handwriting seems so much stronger than electronic communication because it is more personal.
Paul frequently receives notes and letters about speeches he has given or articles he has written. When he gets thank-you notes or e-mails from people, it makes him want to do more, which is part of the Miracle-Gro® effect. Gratitude reinforces whatever good things you are doing. You want to do more when you know that what you're doing is appreciated and valued. It's not so much that you're looking for a pat on the back; rather, it's good to be told that your energy and effort have meaning for others. Knowing that, you want to do even more. It's a way of refueling the engine.
Wise Leaders Are Grateful for the Opportunity to Help Others
One way to show your gratitude for the opportunity to help others is to do just that. Wise leaders are sincerely grateful for the opportunity to help others, and they do so with graciousness.
Paul has found that being helped by some people can be a painful experience because they lack graciousness. It's as if they're saying, "Well, I'll help you, but it's a big inconvenience. I don't know why I'm even bothering, but I'll do it." Some "helpers" convey such a sense of martyrdom and make such a big deal out of their assistance that you wish they hadn't bothered. Such people are not grateful for the opportunity to help; they see it as a burden rather than a blessing. Gracious helpers would say, "I'm glad to be helping you, and it's something I truly want to do, not something I'm doing grudgingly."
We believe that helping behavior is a natural inclination; children, for example, seem always to be glad for the opportunity to be helpful. Not everyone needs help, of course, just as not everyone is open to accepting help, even when they need it, so you should be grateful when the opportunity to help someone appears.
It's worth noting that judgment comes into play here. Like children who want to help but don't know what they're doing, grownups may also "help" in a way that doubles the work instead of cutting it in half. In such cases, you might find yourself telling the would-be helper, "Thanks very much, but I'd rather just do it myself." This is likely to hurt the helper. It indicates that you're not valuing the giver's generosity, graciousness, and good intentions. Instead, you're looking only at the result of what they do.
Thus a part of gratitude may involve suspending judgment. Consider that if a child makes something for you, you are grateful even if their gift is a blotchy mess. You might also value those acts of kindness offered by other adults, regardless of the quality of the help they provide. Our society places a large premium on outcome and tends to disregard intention. Leaders should seek a balance between outcome and intention, showing that both are appreciated.
When you offer to help someone-whether by offering a kind word, being a good listener when they need someone to talk to, lending your hand to physical tasks, or providing expertise-you feel good when your offer is accepted. When your assistance is rejected, though, you're left to wonder: Did they think I didn't have anything to offer, or did they think that my help came with strings attached and would obligate them in some way? Why was my offer not accepted? Did I misperceive that help was needed? Maybe the person you offered to help needed to be self-sufficient. If someone asks for your help, you might ask first how you can be most helpful. People often don't ask for help or accept its offer, so you may experience a natural feeling of gratefulness for the opportunity to share some aspect of yourself when your offer is accepted.
You may want to remember that wise leaders:
Have an attitude of gratitude.
Are mindful of life's blessings.
Are grateful for the help and support they receive.
Are grateful for progress.
Are grateful for obstacles and adversaries, for they may be our best teachers.
Are grateful for love received.
Are grateful for love accepted.
Are grateful for the opportunity to help others.
Are grateful for their gifts and talents.
Experience boundless gratitude.
Are grateful for divine guidance.
Source: Excerpted with permission from the new book "The Wise Leader: Doing the Right Things for the Right Reasons" by colleagues Dr. Paul D. Houston, and Dr. Stephen L. Sokolow, with a Foreword by Wolf J. Rinke, (yours truly) available at Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, and iUniverse.com.
