Broken @lyndiesbroken-blog - Tumblr Blog

Broken down

How many times can 1 person break before they just become numb? I love him yet some words spoken just crush my heart... He is the 1 that but my heart together the last time, but a few pieces were missing, now it's like he is just chipping away at it with every fight every struggle every miss understanding... I dont Want to feel nothing I wish to keep loving him. . But damn! I guess it's up to me to get putting those pieces together hoping he will bring the freaking glue...

completed devoted

from deceit to devotion, my heart is as fickle as they say... one minute I love you... then next I hate you... I don't fully understand but I want to be in your arms and feel as if I'm loved yet I hear that voice again...

" are you good enough"

"he don't love you, you're fooling your self"

I want so bad to ignore that voice but I know its there... and after awhile its all over my face. people say I'm straight forward and they are right not because I want to be but because everything is shown on my face...when I'm sad my tears show, when happy a smile grows, when scared I run so you wont see my fears. I want nothing more but to be loved yet completely scared of it as well... let me love the little things about u til I'm completely devoted to you. once my heart is yours you couldn't pay me to stay away.

#loveless loved scared

deceit

it comes in many forms

but the form in which it seems to always visit me is within my own heart... I can only assume that this deceit messed u up as well... im sorry my love you are all I could ever want. To bad Im not what you wanted... I guess we were both deceitful... I Love You...

Goodbye

#loveyou goodbye missyou

will you move the stars?

I realize now that when I tried you never did... so why does my heart beat twice and much when I see you walk into a room...

when I wanted to know about you, you only thought of her... the one that got away... I was nothing more then joke to you...

its ok I know all too well that I have been not only ur 2nd choice but everyone elses as well... Im the runner up, The replacement, The toy never am I the 1st choice...

Wish I may... Wish I might... it doesn't matter... right

you loved her...

he had a Life with another...

the others job is more important...

and the another is my best friend...

I have got to learn to choice wisely...

so here it is...

I want a man that will more the stars... just to prove that I am his 1st choice...

someone that will not keep me as his secret... and tell the world that I'm with him...

is that so bad...

#missing_you

shattered

I have waited for the words that you spoke; but as there meanings slowly changed my heart dropped to the floor. all in all I wouldn't erase a single word... for that night and perhaps only that night, you saw me and I you... you held me close even when my heart broke your heart beat calmed me down; til you let go... I feel I'm only gonna get hurt but my heart still only wants you. you're my ideal, my dreams, my heart... but I know I am not that to you... no matter the tears no matter the hurt. you don't want me at all, and that is what hurts more I feel completely shattered as my pieces lay along your road; just praying that one day you'll notice them. goodbye love goodbye!

#broken

over thinking...

have you ever thought that you think too much?

I have...

I tend to over think everything and it tends to bother most people. why cant you be more spontaneous? well I have found my answer...

---> Because that isn't who I am...

I think because I am not one to whom doesn't think of every possible thing that could go wrong and every possible outcome... before I do anything...

Just as a leopard cant change its spots I can not change who I am.

I am a head strong, over thinking, vociferousness outlandish, soft-hearted person. I get hurt easily and is very scared of being forgotten and left alone; to die with only my thoughts in a world of sin blinded by a cherry icing to hind this sin, hoping to convince society that nothing is wrong... my fear my thoughts my heart my logic all goes to whatever it is I tend to over process... and all I ask... is that so wrong? is there something wrong with me?

My heart feels like its being pushed into corner... I cant tell if its fear, anger, sadness, or if its just confused... My heart hurts yet I smile... I cant think of a reason that i'd be sad, but here I sit... alone... with a crying heart... is it because his words replay in my head... or is it more that i'm afraid that my fears are actually possible... could it be that no one is possible of feeling something for me other then disdain Am I truly alone... these words are the ones that cause my heart problems, could it be?

yet what is this I see...? Could there be someone searching for me... as i'm shrouded in darkness A light seems to be searching... I wonder are they search for me or one of the other souls trapped here... I just don't yet, the true sadness is that even in this crowded sea of souls, I feel alone... only to revisit my fears.

I thought that fear separated humans from machines yet, at the moment i'd rather be a machine... machines don't feel let down or hurt... they never cry and never feel...

so yes I have thought that I over think everything... mainly because there's too many variables in society and it dares me to think outside the box... outside or inside either way I over think everything...

so my question is have you ever thought that you think too much?

disappointment

im tired of everyone shutting me out. I get it... im not the most lovable person and I may not be the prettiest or most easy person to talk to... I miss the moment that everyone else gets to see/feel. I don't get the happy ending or the aww moment. my life is just normal. disney movies and fairy tales just set us up for disappoint...is it so bad to want to be liked. Is it so bad to want a fairy tale ending... or even a 1980's movie ending... either way is it so bad... i miss my so called friends. i miss my heart... i miss life... and i miss you.

#missing

where are all those southern gentlemen

Is there any southern gentlemen in Michigan...?

~the ones that open the door

~the ones that tell ya your the best part of em...

~etc...

#needacountryboy

want one!!!

I'm just waiting for that guy, that when I'm dancing like a fool, he'll say proudly, "See that one, she's mine."

#awesome

All that we see or seem Is but a dream within a dream.

Edgar Allen Poe

#a dream within a dream

Its about time I start to write my own story, instead of just starring in it...

my heart

awaiting in my tower...

what went wrong

He told me it was all a lie. told me he used me, but i'm too nice of a person and he's sorry. wtf! I love fell for every word for every touch, with every smile. I fell in love, and got played. In the game I had never lost to anyone but him. so congrats! you won... nothing...

without me ur nothing... but a grown ass man living with his mother... a grown ass man who is afraid of having a relationship... someone who is and was a coward. yet someone who stole my heart, filled my head with thoughts of someone being able to love me for me... that is the moment i should have noticed it was all a game or a dream... for no one can think of me in a positive light. I'm nothing more but a lost soul trapped in the world of shadows... forever searching for the tiniest shred of light.

our paths will never cross again... my heart will never seek ur kindness nor ur hand. my heart will be closed off and locked away... for maybe one day someone will pass my labyrinth, climb every wall and stair, just to even get a single look at my heart... only then can anyone say they love me or care for me.

but if you ever need a kind word, or a warm smile i'm just a phone call away. my heart will not be tainted with every bit of my power my strength I will not be tainted. I'm beautiful even if u don't think so, I finally do. I will shine and sooner or later you will too. you just wont shine the way you did that first day you spoke to me... friendship sure... but no longer will my heart be a choice, is a promise!

#stronger now

whens strong a bad thing

never thought id see the day when being strong was a bad thing. Tired of hearing how great my soft sweet brother is and then when they describe me i get... "well shes strong... she may lead a lonely life because of it..."

excuse me when the fuck did i ask what u thought... i don't give a fuck... I get it you all like john more then me... ok I'm not stupid.

sure i may not be reliant on a guy to kill spiders or brush my hair, is that really so bad... what the fuck... I had a guy but my own family chased him away... and just because im not with a guy and im independent doesn't mean im gonna be alone forever or turn out to be gay. (not that there is anything wrong with gays)

Im strong, Im independent, Im me if you dont like it I could care less... so some would ask if you dont care... why are u posting this so some people can read about ur life. because i know someone out there is like me and i feel that once they read this they will notice that they arent alone.

teary eyed

was left teary eyed today, not from heart break but from my friends comments on my fb from back when we were roommates... there comments reminded me that i may come off a bit cold but i swear once you get to know me its worth every minute i promise you... thank you...you guys you made my life so much better... xoxoxo

#miss you

Hate missing you but I love the fact I have you to miss...

my heart to urs <3

day by day

when is emotional too emotional?

is it so bad to wish for those closest to you not talk about you behind your back?

i heard everything and each word cut into my heart like a knife though butter... with every cut... every scar... every missing piece my heart wouldn't be able to feel anything anymore...

i find it amazing that a heart broken into a million pieces can still feel every pain, and still can love him with every piece... yet this "love" is killing me and making me wish i was dead...

i hurt him and i hurt her... two people that were important to me and close to me i hurt them and pushed them away... and in return hurt myself... soon i'll be alone and soon i'll be dead in spirit alive in body...

I miss him and i miss my precious memories with him, i miss the warmth of his arms... if only he told me who i was to him and i didn't push to know what he thought, felt, and wanted. i'd have him still around to make my day brighter.

i hurt her and i cant believe i let my mouth say the things i said out of anger. we hurt eachother yet she is able to sleep and i sit here with tears streaming down my face and the words "you did it again idiot" replaying in my head. i wonder how long it will be til she talks to me again. she may talk to me again but even if she does my words of anger will still live within her heart and mind. how could i do that. wtf is wrong with me, i live remember even if she forgives me i wont forgive myself.

my emotions control me when is that too much...?

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Broken