LYRIC FAIL

sometimes lyrics are bad. sometimes they are so bad they are good. sometimes they are just really bad, and that makes them hilarious. this is a place to talk about those lyrics. email your Lyric Fail suggestions to: [email protected] and [email protected]

[lyricfail]

we're flirtin' with disaster y'all, damn sure know what I mean!!!

- Molly Hatchet, "Flirtin With Disaster"

I have no fucking idea what you mean. Download my Kenny Powers mix on This Recording right now!!! 3 plus hours of double lead guitar harmonies and soundbites from the pride of Shelby, NC.

[lyricfail]

Muskrat Susie, Muskrat Sam  Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land  And they shimmy  And Sammy's so skinny  And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed  Singin' and jingin' the jango  Floatin' like the heavens above  It looks like muskrat love  Nibbling on bacon, chewin' on cheese  Sammy says to Susie "Honey, would you please be my missus?"  And she say yes  With her kisses  And now he's ticklin' her fancy  Rubbin' her toes  Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes  As they wriggle, and Sue starts to giggle

-- Willis Alan Ramsey (covered by Captain & Tennille),Muskrat Candlelight/ Muskrat Love

Wiki reminds you that:

It features sound effects created with a synthesizer to evoke the imagined sound of muskrats courting. The single featured an "endless loop" of these sound effects created by encoding the end groove of the 45.

[lyricfail]

Yes, we speak of things that matter, With words that must be said, Can analysis be worthwhile?  Is the theater really dead?  And how the room is softly faded And I only kiss your shadow, I cannot feel your hand, Youre a stranger now unto me Lost in the dangling conversation. And the superficial sighs, In the borders of our lives.

Simon & Garkfunkel, "The Dangling Conversation"

This song is like watching The Life Aquatic on your laptop, while on the toilet, and your bathtub is a litterbox for sixteen stray cats and your rent is two months overdue.

[lyricfail]

You know that it would be untrue  You know that I would be a liar  If I was to say to you  Girl, we couldn't get much higher  Come on baby, light my fire  Come on baby, light my fire  Try to set the night on fire 

- The Doors, "Light My Fire"

I avoided The Doors like the plague throughout high school and college, based on my instinctual dislike of overlong organ solos that aren't Steppenwolf's "Magic Carpet Ride." So it wasn't an embarrassing classic rock phobia (I'm a Deadhead) either. No, it was this lyric, wherein American poet Jim Morrison rhymes the word fire with fire. I don't even care about further down when he says "mire." Fire with fire. That was all it took to put me off The Doors for like 20 years. I like The Doors now. Maybe it's because Jim Morrison sounds like a drunk Mel Tormé. Plus this song was written by Robby Krieger, who I don't hate at all. But I still don't like Ray Manzarek. Those organ solos fucking suck.

[lyricfail]

She flies through the back door, she's my older sister

She throws French phrases 'round the room

She has ice skates and legs that fit right in

She's wicked to all the beaming dreamers

Who'll later boast of an evening

By her fiery side

Carly Simon, "Older Sister"

As a closeted fan of the album Comin' Around Again, it saddens me to throw this tomato of lyrics into the beautiful face of Carly Simon, especially because the very reason that this song is lyrically flawed is the reason it is so raw, so honest. Unfortunately, Carly was born with squid-like tentacles instead of legs, and as a result was never able to ice skate like all of the other girls, including her older sister, who was also a Francophile. This song was a lyrical breakthrough for Carly, as she had previously attempted to conceal her condition by wearing bellbottom jeans, and refusing to be photographed from the waist down.