The Archives @m4dsarchives - Tumblr Blog

Hey!! I’m Madz

Im 18 years old…as of today…and this is my silly little archive

It’s more for me than anything. A way to archive my digital thoughts and my silly guys

I have many ever changing interests but my biggest one has to be my own characters. You will come to know them soon…

sidewhatwhom

AWWWW!! SO CUTE!! /ref

Childhood favorite

sidewhatwhom

Finished Rose & Pearl piece for my AP class 🌺

I think this would be the very first time he was confronting what happened to him as a kid.

This was after him and Sam tried to get a little intimate and he ended up running to the bathroom and throwing up and locking himself in there and not letting anyone in except for Evelyn.

I don’t think he believed what happened to him was real or valid until he reacted so physically.

Yeah. That is my two cents.

On that note

I’ve been thinking about talking about the more ugly parts of Sam’s abuse. Like how he’d lowkey hit his sisters and other kids because that’s what he was taught. I don’t mean petty little slaps, that kid used to beat other children 😭

I think there was a lot of guilt in his anger. I think Sam is a guilty character. Him and Evelyn are so insecure and guilty bro. He is so guilty it burns in his spine and infects everything he does.

He was so desperate to be better that he ended up scooting a bit to the wrong way. Honestly his mother didn’t help much. She kind of expected her children to be okay and well adjusted because they weren’t in that situation anymore. She was very confused when Sam would get angry at little things.

I once wrote a thing where he was at Aelius’s house and they were getting a snack in the kitchen when he broke a bowl and Aelius’s dad came running in. The whole thing scared him so bad he had to sit outside and cry for a bit. He was VERY embarrassed and couldn’t understand why he did that.

Where was I going with this…

It’s been getting more difficult for me to talk about oc stuff because I’ve been more open about my life with people and I’ve realized every oc is deadass just a reverb of my life LMAO FAAAWWWKKK AND ITS EEEMMBARRSSINGG

One of the main reasons I don’t share my oc stuff with my family because if I ever get too deep they’re gonna know that play is DEFINITELY about them

Anyway I have a bad habit of making ocs based off family members and not realizing until much later. Now I have a handful of guys who I have to continue to make in the image of the people I thought I knew well. Fart.