Maayonce

[maayonce]

Want to do covers of songs but...

I need to purchase a good mic and I’m thinking of building a low key studio in my apartment to record in. Because lately I’ve been really wanting to express myself musically and I feel really inspired. But most of the things I write about are dark and I’m trying to find something light to write about. I guess I’ll get there once I’ve expressed all of my darkness...

[maayonce]

Progress is...

-Not admitting yourself to the ER at all this year from self inflicted wounds caused by toxicity.

-not having a panic attack couple times a week, every week. My energy is much clearer, I am more level headed and even tho I don’t always think everything through; I am still a light house. I am the beacon of light wherever I go and I very much enjoy this feeling.

- waking up and not dreading my first breath with my eyes open. I still feel negative thoughts, I felt very consumed last week. Did not want to get out of bed or go to work. Smoked a lot of weed laying in bed and my boyfriend had to suffer from the dirty apartment and barely having food to eat because I simply didn’t feel like getting up or doing anything. I cleaned, I cooked, I expressed my love because I do love my boyfriend. He truly is my lighthouse as I am everyone else’s.

- having a positive relationship with my dad. I don’t remember my parents telling me they loved me. But my father tells me he loves me every time we speak. I told him a couple weeks ago how proud I am of him and how strong he is for going through what he did when we were younger with court and the accusations. I don’t know any man who can endure that and still come out sane. I am blessed to have a father like mine.

- being able to recognize where you were and where you’re going. I clearly still have a long way to go but I’m getting through these hurdles and I’m going to keep doing it until I am 1000% happy with myself when I look in the mirror. I am okay. I am okay.

[maayonce]

When I look inside myself, I see someone else

I never got to hold you but I named you Luna

Whenever I’m feelin lost I look at the moon, I,

I imagine what you would look Iike and how you would carry yourself

You look after me in my darkest days, how could I take your beautiful heart away?

I’ll never forgive myself, I, I gotta live for myself and you

The beauty Inside of us is so true, it’ll never die even tho I’m the murderer of luna

I’ll never fucking forgive myself, you know how much I need you mama

I gave you to someone I knever knew

You were the only part of me I never consumed

I gave you up cus I didn’t know myself, pleas fo gI forgive I swear I’m somebody else

Someone better, you’ll be proud of me I’ll make it big and the crowd will party at my death anniversaries

I just wanna be anxiety free, stop giving a fuck about what everyone thinks of me

I’m tryna be free, just let me b free

I know my friends care about me and my energy is electric

But sometimes I just wanna day fuck this shit and end it.

Your mother

[fckyeahprettyafricans]

Cape Verde ig: s1rpleasant http://calvinpleasant.tumblr.com/

[maayonce]