so i dont wanna delete this account in its entirety, but i know im not in a place where i can promise updates and good content and continue to deliver. itd be hiatus after hiatus and even though i have ideas upon ideas i dont think im quite ready to go about executing them. i dont think ill leave Forever, but just until im a bit better mentally and my writing improves.
i uh...im sorry. i made this account to practice a hobby and after a while it started to feel pressuring. i wanted to provide content but most of the time i was swamped with school (was a senior in high school at the making of this account, taking five ap classes at that) as well as dealing with personal issues stemming from illness to depression to a myriad of other things. i still love ateez and i still love writing and id like to keep the two together but life just isnt letting me do that.
im getting ready for college now and my mood is still unpredictable, i hyperfocus on things and then crash. id rather get help and form healthy hobbies that i wont hyperfocus on so i dont let people down like i did this time.
so uh, until i feel completely ready to come back and finish all the things i started, from dysnomia to stranded to all the drabbles i have planned, im on a permanent leave. requests are closed and im probably not gonna check my inbox.
thank you guys for the constant support, ill always be appreciative of the messages and just general appreciation that you guys gave both me and my writing, and im eternally grateful for it.
hopefully when i come back, if i come back, i can return that tenfold.
Feelin better. Lots of good things happened. Slowly getting back into writing. I might discontinue dysnomia and rewrite it at a later point in time. Or just do blurbs under the cyberpunk headcannon.
Mentally I'm still struggling a bit but I'll be fine soon. I just have a lot on my plate in terms of schoolwork and test preparation. I'm writing little things here and there and I'll start queuing those up soon. I'll also take care of the requests I have since I haven't really closed them.
Again, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go this long without giving y'all content.
✨💜 This is the Amazing Person Award! 🏆Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you're amazing inside and out 💜✨ —💫
Hey take you're time with your stories if you have to it's totally ok! And I'm glad you're feeling better now 😊 Aaaannnddd, since you asked hehe mtl to burn something while cooking and mtl to literally set the kitchen on fire 😂 -🍁
i just feel super bad for constantly pausing! like idk its just,,,a me thing i guess ; ; but tysm! i’m glad to be feeling better too bc that cold was rough…bUT! for your mtl request (im combining both into one thing bc theyre super similar i hope thats okay)
most
san
yunho
mingi
jongho
yeosang
hongjoong
wooyoung
seonghwa
least
san, yunho, and mingi are…extremely hyper. i feel like they’d be doing something but then they’d get overly excited about something else and neglect the food entirely which would cause it to burn. or they’d get super excted about something and start bouncing around and knock something over, setting it on fire
jongho, hongjoong, and yeosang seem slightly more calm than the beagle trio so i feel like they’d be a mix of sanity with the occasional “i accidentally burned the pancake and set the toaster on fire”
wooyoung and seonghwa were said to be tied for the best cook (in their rolling stone india interview!) so i feel like these two can keep their head level in a kitchen and not kill anyone or burn anything :’)
im also gonna alter my theme a bit to something i like a bit more :’) i dunno i find my mobile theme to be quite harsh on the eyes but then again i have very sensitive eyes so thats probably it...
im also putting both stranded and dysnomia on a hiatus so i can plan and write ahead for once! that way there wont be a lag with chapters :’) to participate in polls that will help me advance both stories you guys can follow me on twitter (@/macchiatomingi)! i’ll occasionally post polls there for you guys to vote :D
but uh since i’m on spring break i’m taking requests! send me stuff! i wanna write blurbs and drabbles and i wanna try my hand at mtls! just send me stuff! anything! something! :D
How's it going with the seungri situation over there? Idk who to believe because in one side most knets are against seungri but on the other side i-fans are much more forgiving and are waiting for proof
Ngl, i-fans are being ridiculous. But, that’s to be expected when they’re over there and not here, getting their news from translations and second and third-hand accounts.
I started laughing so hard at something that I ended up wheezing by the third "ha" like it went from "hahaha" to "hahhhhhhhhreeeeeeee" in a sECOND and god was that painful.
Also it turns out I had a low grade flu, been running a fever for a few days now and joint pain makes it hard to hold my head up and sit in certain positions. I feel better than yesterday but it'll be a while before I can stare at a screen for longer than 30 minutes without getting a pounding headache :')
I'm sick again but worse than last time so idek if ill have the energy to open my laptop let alone form coherent thoughts so literally everything is on hold for a while I'm sorry :'(
so i realized it today on the bus but we passed 200! i decided that, to celebrate, i’d (finally) post chapter 5 of dysnomia :’) but i also wanted to make a separate post!
i said this last milestone, but the fact that we reached 200 in such a short time after reaching 100 baffles me, like i straight up rarely post now??? and when i do its,,,gibberish,,,yet and still you guys come along for the ride and even enjoy it with me? and i wish i could do more, i really, truly do but as it stands im unable to do much and ive,,,kinda already slapped a lot on my plate.
thank you all so much for coming with me on this journey, and for being my friends and reading the little blurbs that i write, and i hope that i can continue to provide good content for y’all for a long time. literally my goal is to keep this blog going for as long as i humanly can. its amazing and ive met amazing people and learned so much about myself and my thought process and also about writing as a form of therapy? i dunno its hard to explain.
ive just...taken so much more from making this blog than i ever would have thought and i’m so glad that i’m not alone on this walk, i love every single one of you dearly and hold you all close to my heart, so please don’t ever forget that.
thank you for being there for me, and i hope i can continue to provide content that’s enjoyable and also serves the purpose of making you smile <3
“So, how’re the pairs working?” San asked once everyone was out of the house and the door was locked. You were Curious too; getting paired with Mingi was a recipe for disaster, and even though you spent a decent amount of time with Yunho, things would still be slightly awkward, but San can be extremely Hyper and you don’t know if you were ready to handle that just yet.
“Well,” Yunho starts, a look of contemplation washing over his face, “San, you and Calixte work best with each other. I work best with Mingi. We should just go based on that.”
The group fell silent, your eyes glowed a yellowish-green in confirmation. One thing you weren’t expecting was the slight change in your color coding, but Hongjoong said the color was nice and contrasted well with your current skin covering, whatever that means…
“Okay,” Mingi said, adjusting his shirt to cover the gun tucked in his waistband, “let’s go then. The faster we go the faster we can come back.”
And with that, the four of you were off.
The walk to the Red was silent, Yunho led the way, trying to make small talk with Mingi but failing miserably. The taller boy was completely silent as he had his eyes trained ahead. San walked at a leisure pace next to you, and there wasn’t much talking if any at all.
Upon arrival, you were Dumbfounded. Everything in the Red was so...bright? Vivid? For the first time since you were booted up, you couldn’t find the words to describe the sights you saw before you. People of all denominations bustled about, women, cyborgs, even androids that you registered as Discontinued bustled about behind their human caretakers. Contrary to the name, nothing was really Red. You followed slowly behind the boys, taking in all the sights. The people, the buildings, the signs were written in languages your translators could barely keep up with. You recognized some of the Old Languages, but couldn’t translate them due to a lack of information about them. Arabic, French, Chinese, but also a strange combination of Faric, Telunese, and Swanlic languages were present. The combinations were baffling, some signs having a mix of both Old and New languages, your processors were whirring trying their best to keep up with everything but there was just so much going on it was nearly impossible to do so.
“Oh no,” San started, rushing back to you and moving back the skin covering on the back of your neck, “let me fix this so things aren’t as overwhelming for you Cal.”
He flipped three switches, and all of a sudden things were calm. Sounds weren’t loud and blasting, lights weren’t bright and glaring, and signs were all in Kojan, the Primary language. Internally, things calmed down, which was good, it was what you wanted.
You soon broke off from the main group with San, going north while Yunho and Mingi went west. San rattled off rules for you to follow, your eyes glowing a bluish-gray in understanding. You followed closely behind him, per his instructions, and remained silent, also per his instructions.
The two of you walked until a dimmed down neon sign appeared, from what you could gather, it was a bar. Cupid’s Nest. The name made no sense, Cupid’s are mythological beings from Greek mythology, they don’t have nests according to what your archives said.
“Hey,” San started, faltering a bit in his steps, “maybe we can find answers here?”
“Perhaps.”
“Let’s go then.”
As San walked to the entrance, you slowly followed behind. Even though San altered your sensors, things were still so...new...so different, you couldn’t help but lag behind to try and see everything.
You noticed a narrow alleyway, one between the Cupid’s Nest, and the diner next to it. Something about it was captivating, almost entrancing. You couldn’t take your focus away from it even though you were standing close enough to the bar that you could smell the booze and cheap perfume that seemed to have embedded itself into the walls.
Your body moved without you controlling it; you abandoned San without saying a word, following the green numbers that flashed across your vision along with coordinates. Your hearing processors had stalled completely, the world was silent. People bustling around without sound, clinking drinks and dancing to music that had no words, no bass, no anything.
The only senses you still had was touch, sight, smell, and taste. Your hearing was gone, but you could smell the smoke in the air, the oil from a black market mechanics shop, the street food lining the alleyway. You could taste the alcohol in the air, thick and heavy and, if you were human, it would most likely be strong enough to burn your throat.
Wooyoung did say that booze always had a little kick to it.
You made it to the end of the alleyway, looking around wordlessly, your eyes were Frantic, flashing from blue to yellow to green all at once before cycling back to their neutral color.
Another set of coordinates popped up on your radar, slightly south of where you were currently. You followed it down to the number of steps, not wanting to mess anything up, but at the same time not having control of your actions.
Messages are coming in but you can’t decipher them, something’s off about them. There’s noise in the messages, you have an inkling that it’s San, but there’s no way to be sure.
You keep walking, following the coordinates until you reach a small mechanics shop. Spare android parts hang from the entrance; arms and legs, sometimes whole mechanized heads hang on hooks and strings in front of you.
Your body moves before you can understand what’s happening; one minute you were standing as the world regained it’s sound, the next you were strapped to a chair with wires being shoved in the ports at the nape of your neck.
The man presses buttons, frantically, almost as if he knows he won’t have time to complete everything, and then the world goes black.
Black.
Blue.
Green.
White.
The world rushes back to you as you feel the cords ripped from your neck, a stinging sensation left in their wake. Your eyes are trying to adjust, barely making out the figure that’s dragging you out the store, body barely registering that it’s moving again. Your legs fumble over themselves like a newborn baby deer and your systems battle to try and catch up to everything going on.
You only register a tight pain in your arm, the feeling was foreign. Almost as if that man had cut you open, like a fish, and inserted nerves into you. This was a feeling foreign to your touch receptors and you didn’t understand it. It hurt, it stung, and you didn’t like it.
You nearly felt scared, until you crashed into the body in front of you.
Mingi. He had gotten you out of that mechanic’s shop. He had dragged you along random sidewalks, for around fifteen minutes without saying anything, until he noticed the building to his right.
A simple black brick building, with neon purple and blue lights cemented to the side. You couldn’t process the name, but you took note of Mingi’s expression.
His eyes were vacant as if his soul had left his body. His normally sharp and hyper-aware demeanor dropped for one that was empty. He was just a shell of his former self and you were worried; the change was sudden. One minute he was fuming, dragging you along so quickly that your legs couldn’t keep up, and the next he was as still as a statue.
“Sorry mister,” comes from your left as a child bumps into Mingi, not really paying attention to where he was going. You thought it was cute, but concerning; why would a child, barely older than 10, be in the Red? It was dangerous here, you knew that, and you barely knew anything outside of what was programmed into you.
It was only after the child left that Mingi let go of your arm, bringing his hand down to your wrist instead. He said nothing and kept walking, at a slower pace than before, until the two of you reached the same forest that the four of you had entered from.
“Mingi!”
“Cal!”
“What the fuck happened,” San starts, nearly fuming, “Calixte where did you go?!”
“I…” your words get caught, you genuinely didn’t know how to respond; you had never seen San this angry, red and black hair covering his eyes, voice hushed but rough, “I’m sorry.”
“Why are Cal’s eyes glowing purple,” Yunho started, “Mingi where did you find them?”
You turned to look up at Mingi, his expression still as glassy as what it was earlier, he didn’t respond. He just stared blankly ahead, which only served to agitate San even more.
You gave a small squeak of surprise and backed up when San stormed up to grab Mingi by the collar of his shirt, “What happened to Calixte?”
“I don’t know.”
“Bullshit.”
Yunho had to step between the two to calm things down, you were trembling, circuits stressed from so many new experiences and things happening all at once. It was overwhelming, everything was so overwhelming. It was too much and everything was getting hot and you couldn’t focus and you didn’t know what to do.
Too much, it was all just too much and you didn’t like it and you just wanted it all to stop but it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t stop and you didn’t know what that old man did but whatever it was caused...this.
You were panicking, you didn’t even know that you could panic; your circuits were hot and your systems were trying to keep up with everything, it wasn’t fun. Your sight kept glitching, big, glaring ERROR and RECALIBRATING notices popped up. Your hearing went from silent to overstimulated to completely mute within the span of seconds. At some points, you could feel every dust particle as it passed over your skin covering, other times you felt nothing.
You felt like you were dying, and you didn’t even know what death felt like.
“The building,” Mingi starts, voice hoarse, San and Yunho look to each other then back at him, all unaware of the complete system meltdown you’re having a mere two feet away, “it was too similar.”
Nobody says anything as Mingi stalks off, back to the house. San and Yunho turn around to look at you; San still looks mad, but he seemed to have softened after seeing the state Mingi was in. He walks ahead, Yunho grabs your hand and begins walking behind the two of them.
Everything was still on overdrive, but Yunho’s hand was a comforting weight in yours. It was warm and much bigger than your hand. You didn’t realize it, but you had begun to inch closer to Yunho’s side. Almost as if he would protect you from the very happenings of the world.
He thought it was strange, that an android was taking solace in his presence, but he removed his hand from yours and wrapped it around your shoulders instead, bringing you even closer to him. You didn’t mind; the contact was nice, wanted even. All of this was foreign to you and there weren’t words to describe the emotions, so it was nice to have Yunho as a sort of grounding force.
The walk back to the house was silent, your systems whirred loudly as they tried to process everything that you were feeling. Yunho noticed, you know he did, but he didn’t say anything. He just held you to his side and kept walking.
The two of you were the last to make it back, and from a distance, you could hear Mingi, San, and Hongjoong screaming at each other. The words were fuzzy, you could just identify their voices.
“What the hell were you thinking? You can’t just bring Calixte into the Red!”
“It was the only way we’d get answers for whatever the fuck is going on! What else were we supposed to do?”
“Maybe sit and wait until I give instructions? I’m the leader, it’s my job to make sure none of you get hurt or worse!”
“Yeah well, you sure as hell did a good job with that the last mission we had.”
“Mingi, shut up.”
“I’m just saying,” Mingi started, voice booming. Even outside you could feel the frustration seeping from his words, each one cutting a hole deeper into you, “if you took your job seriously then we’d be able to bring Jongho on missions with us. If you actually gave a damn then maybe we’d be able to use him on the field instead of having to rely on him from base!”
“Mingi…” San was trying to stop him now, you and Yunho stood at the open doorway, watching everything unfold. Yunho held you behind him, but you still peeked over his shoulder to see what was going on.
Hongjoong and Mingi were chest to chest at this point, Hongjoong’s face was blank, void of all emotion, but if you looked at his eyes you would see nothing but pure, white-hot anger. Mingi was the same, but his emotions were shown in his posture: back straight, fists clenched so hard his knuckles were white, everything about him screamed danger, but Hongjoong didn’t back away.
“Mingi,” Hongjoong’s words were quiet, but sharp, “if you know what’s good for you, I’d shut up.”
“If you knew anything about being a leader then all of us wouldn’t have had to go through hell for your plan,” Every word Mingi said was laced with such venom, nobody in the room dared to interrupt him, “Jongho wouldn’t have to deal with partial paralysis, Yeosang would have a hundred percent of his hearing, Wooyoung wouldn’t have his scars,” his words got harsher as he continued speaking, hands trembling, “if you knew a goddamn thing about being a leader then we’d have actually made some fucking progress in this stupid scheme of yours and-”
His words were cut off with a swift hit to the jaw. Hongjoong brought his hand back, releasing the fist he had balled up and with trembling shoulders, looked up at the taller boy.
His gaze was deadly, and you found yourself clinging to Yunho’s shirt to be away from it even though it wasn’t even directed at you.
“If you feel so strongly about me, and my method of running things,” Hongjoong started, his voice strained, “then leave.”
Mingi stood motionless, his lower lip swollen from the new split in it, holding his jaw that was sure to bruise from the force of the impact. He lowered his hand to his side, standing still aside from the heaving of his chest.
“Fine. I will.”
And with that, he stormed past you and Yunho, anger rolling off of him in waves. He walked away from the house and didn’t look back, not even when Wooyoung or Seonghwa called after him, or when Jongho screamed at Hongjoong about why he couldn’t have just let the argument go. He didn’t look back when San and Shiber took off after him.
He just left. And this time nobody was sure if he was planning on coming back or not.
You buried your head into Yunho’s back, between his shoulder blades, systems overworking themselves again to process everything. You felt him turn around and pull you close, into a hug, as Wooyoung called it. You trembled, and he held you. He held you close as more binary code popped in your vision, blurring everything, canceling sound, muting touch, and once again you couldn't decipher the message.
Regardless of what the message meant this time, you knew it wasn’t anything good. And that thought terrified you, it terrified you to your very core.
And you were scared of that.
~~~~~~~~
lots of you wanted yunho...so you got yunho :D from here on things will pick up! sorry it took so long getting this chapter out, school is a pain :’) and so is life in general :’’)
i’m going to spend a lot of time (like,,,a LOT,,,of time) planning out the next few chapters, but due to school and other external circumstances i’m not really sure when i’ll have the next few chapters out? it hopefully wont be as long as it took this one to come out, i feel really bad not providing the chapters as often as i prodive drabbles or imagines or things like that ; ; i promise i’ll get better with it
anyways, tell me what you guys thought of this chapter, or if you have any theories bc i tried to make some things very clear compared to previous chapters, and i wanna see if y’all caught it or not ;)
