What the fuck is happening
The state of the world has become so absurd that questions have morphed into statements without punctuation. Grammar is always the first thing to go. My jaw is so tight and my chest is so tight and my shoulders are so tight. What do these things all have in common?
An unhealthy pattern I’ve had is to focus on that which is uncomfortable, painful, and hard. My fear-brain recognizes these instances as huge blocks of concrete unaffected by time. In the Thereveda Buddhist tradition there is a chant which asserts; “ All things are impermanent/they arise and they pass away/to be in harmony with this truth/brings great happiness”. Hegemonic society’s messaging as it exists today seeks to cast this truth in the light of falsehood. Thus, when I am walking around at a deficit---in recovery-speak, HungryAngryLonelyTired a.k.a HALT---this messaging permeates what feels like each and every cell of mine with a quickness.
From there I am an infected mess oozing self-loathing. To rebuild my capacity for resilience in the face of deep national change feels even more daunting once the patriarchy has raped my mind.
Today I found myself crouched in front of my space heater scrolling through a social media app, effectively feeding the tripe and marrow of my peace-body to the hound of Hades. The act of scrolling, ripping, throwing, scrolling...was hypnotic. So that was a lesson.
It is fascinating to be an ‘actual’ adult in this time. I feel a lot of the same feelings that I did when the 43rd president was in office. With those feelings come the narrative “but I’m just a kid!”. Back then the state of the world was also quite absurd. What was tight back then? My knees. My urethra. My hamstrings. What do these things all have in common?
To self-victimize is an unhealthy pattern. I am interested, nay, fascinated, in the individual processes surrounding freeing oneself from self-victimization. I am riveted by the idea of creating a visual roadmap of the spiritual steps involved in developing what Jung referred to as the animus. I am open to both an evaluation of the shadow side and an embodiment of the lightness.
The next trick, ladies and germs, is to be more attentive to these self-dictated interests than anything else. Freeing myself from victimhood and becoming intimately acquainted with my animus is naturally inclined towards justice, peace, and social justice. It’s got to.
And if not, well, all things are impermanent.