when? @madeofclayandnothingelse - Tumblr Blog

Not lonely anymore.

Damn it, I’m so fucking lonely.

It works for a while, then it fails, then it’s time to find something else

I deserve this

There will be people and there will be love again, it’s just a matter of holding out til I get there, I hope it happens soon, I need it to happen soon

I wonder what god would have been if it wasn’t presented to me

The goal is to feel

Why is this so difficult

This insomnia kills me and withdrawal form meds isn’t helping but at least this is where it counts, right? This shit still hurts but this is what Paul meant by dying daily and I almost forgot how to die today, and it takes honesty to die, and what’s the point of living if no one can live up to and use these nice words and sentences to describe deep pain? What’s the point then?

Maybe I don’t let myself be comforted

I just want someone to comfort me for fucks sakes, how is that wrong if I’ve comforted myself my whole fucking life? I’m tired of this.

There’s a gold cloud outside my window

What is life supposed to feel like? Is it supposed to be anything? Why try so hard to make sure that it’s what you were told what it should be? What’s life if there’s nothing real in you but what you’ve been told to avoid? Pain? Too much of it? Not seeing a way around it? How pointless is it then if you feel nothing, not even what know is pointless; for fucks sake you can’t even feel the pointlessness, at that point you’ve achieved what you’ve been told what life is: amazing because of the reaction and symptom to it’s pointlessness. What’s life supposed to feel like to you if no one told you what it should be? What are you feeling at that point?

Drowsyness might as well be an emotion

I should’ve slept longer but I just couldn’t

22 today

I hope

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