memories I never can escape

“The water is nice.” Alyssa nodded. The waves were a comforting sound, but the thing she remembered most was the sand – she remembered building sandcastles as a kid, when her family would go to the beach, trying to outdo her brother, though he would always make the biggest castle, and hers would end up being small, but highly decorated with all of the prettiest seashells she could find. “The sand,” she nodded. “But I love the water too.”

Madi nodded and smiled. “The sand is nice. When I was younger I loved feeling it between my toes.” she giggled. “Now, I hate it cause my feet get so dirty.” she shook her head, looking ahead as they walked. She could hear the waves crash against the shore getting stronger as they approached the beach. “We’re getting close, I can hear the beach.” she smiled.

Troubled Kids || Alyssa & Madi

“Same here. I guess we have our reasons though.” Alyssa knew she had her own, and from what she’d heard, everyone else at Girls United did too. And the girls in juvie probably were the same. For her, she would have never ended up doing half the things she had if a lot of events hadn’t taken place in her life. If she hadn’t been put up for adoption before she was old enough to know anything else, if she hadn’t been moved from foster home to foster home, if she hadn’t finally found a family that loved her and adopted her, only to lose them a few years later, because of something she felt was her fault… “What’s your favorite part of the beach?” She asked randomly, looking over at Madi. She needed to keep talking to avoid the negativity in her mind.

#para #sorry my response is shit

Madi smiled a little bit at the mention of the beach. “The water. I love listening to the waves crash along the shore.” she shoved her hands in her hoodie pockets, thinking back to the times when she was younger and her and Bree would just go to the park by the beach and how the water always provided a comforting sound. “What about you?” she asked, looking over at Alyssa.

Troubled Kids || Alyssa & Madi

“No, I think it’s nice. It’s better than going to a bad area, you’re just asking for trouble then. At least if you go to the beach, it means your head is on kind of straight.” She shrugged, wondering where she would go if she could actually go anywhere. She’d probably visit her parent’s graves – she hadn’t been there in a long time, and she felt guilty over it. Shaking those thoughts away, she looked at Madi, nodding at her comment. “Well, yeah, Becca is… Becca,” she laughed. “But you don’t really have to worry about getting a black eye or anything, so she’s still better.”

‘’Eh, sometimes my head isn’t on straight. That’s why I ended up in juvie.” Madi laughed. Her messed up home life, and the passing of Kelci, that’s what drove her off the edge. Why she chose the prostitute life, and selling drugs on top of that, was beyond her knowledge. Well, maybe she did know, she just didn’t want to admit it. She blinked a few times. “I guess.” she smiled.

Troubled Kids || Alyssa & Madi

“That’s… good.” Alyssa nodded. It was actually sad to think the other girls there probably had a better grasp on life than her. Sneaking out to the beach? She’d done that before, sure. But she usually snuck out to go to parties or break into a store and grab alcohol. Why was she so screwed up? “It’s really pretty, the weather is nice,” she agreed. “I hate it. Being stuck in there. I feel like I’m in juvie again or something. Except… I mean, I know it’s not that bad. But it’s not fun. I don’t know. It drives me crazy sometimes.”

“I mean, I know the beach is not the ideal place to sneak out, when you’re a messed up kid. You’d think I’d go back to the place where I used to prostitute or something. Or the places I used to sell drugs. But nope.” Madi sighed, popping the ‘p’ “I go to the beach.” she shrugged. “I know. It has its perks, but, I do feel like it’s juvie all over again. Granted, the girls are better. Sorta. Becka is kind of a bitch.” she laughed.

Troubled Kids || Alyssa & Madi

When Madi spoke, she nodded, eagerly agreeing with that idea. “I feel like I haven’t been to the beach in five years,” Alyssa laughed. “Let’s do it. Let’s just get away. Please.” She loved Girls United – sort of. She liked it, at least. It was home to her now, and it looked like the only home she’d have for awhile. But she just needed to escape or she was going to drive herself crazy. “It’s a nice night for the beach,” she added, walking along with her. “I think that’s a great idea. I mean, how much trouble can we possibly get into there?”

“I agree.” Madi nodded. “I know a way to get to the beach from here too. I always go there when I sneak out.” she said. She began walking towards the direction of the beach. “It is surprisingly nice out tonight. I mean, we hardly get out as it is.” she shrugged. “Being stuck in that house, I mean.” she looked at Alyssa, knowing she must have felt the same way.

Troubled Kids || Alyssa & Madi

Following the other girl out, Alyssa quietly pushed the door closed behind her, listening for a few seconds to see if she heard anything inside. But she didn’t. Turning to face the other girl, she grinned, raising her voice a little more now that they were outside, with less risk of being heard. The fresh air was comforting, and she couldn’t wait to head off, further away from the house than she had been in awhile. “Let’s go!”

Madi laughed a little as they began walking. “We should go to the beach!” she grinned. “Dip our toes in the water!” she said, throwing her hair up into a messy bun. “Like, seriously, we need to get as far away as possible right now.” she said. She loved the beach, and that’s often where she went when she snuck away. It was the one place that gave her peace

Troubled Kids || Alyssa & Madi

Alyssa didn’t whisper back. She just nodded. Any whisper was a risk of being heard, and they needed to get out before anyone knew they were missing if they planned on sneaking back in. She had no idea if someone would notice their absence while they were gone or not. It was kind of exciting to wonder, though. Pulling open the door as quietly as she could, she held it open for Madi, glancing back over her shoulder, making sure no one appeared to be coming down the steps or watching them.

Madi nodded in thanks as she escaped out the door, waiting for Alyssa. When the breeze of the night hit Madi’s face, she smiled, suddenly feeling like a thousand weights were lifted off her shoulders. Well, at least for the time being. She looked back, waiting patiently for Alyssa so that they could go to the park or whatever, or wherever they decided to go.

Troubled Kids || Alyssa & Madi

“Not really,” Alyssa admitted, though she didn’t say much after that. She was starting to learn that not being okay was just a part of life – it was something she couldn’t escape. No one could. So you had to embrace that, and figure out exactly how to be okay with not being okay. It was a hard thing to do. “I think we’re clear,” she said quietly around the time they reached downstairs, glancing around the room they were standing in. She had no idea what would happen if they got caught, but she doubted it would be fun. She didn’t really want to destroy the trust she’d earned from Michelle and Rita; when they knew that they could trust her, they were easier on her. Reaching the door, she rested her hand on the knob, glancing around once more. “Still clear?” She whispered, wondering if Madi had heard or seen something she hadn’t. Not that there would be any backing out now.

Madi nodded and continued to look around, double checking to make sure no one was up to catch her and Alyssa. She had snuck out plenty of times without Rita or Michelle knowing, but, she enjoyed the trust they had given her, although, if she ever got caught and that trust was taken away, she wouldn’t mind spending more time here...just cause it was a place to live and no one in her family wanted her. She was snapped out of her thoughts when Alyssa asked if they were still clear. “Yeah, we’re clear.” she whispered back.

kkei-bbi-deactivated20181008

Troubled Kids || Alyssa & Madi

Alyssa nodded, studying Madi’s face for a few seconds. “Are you okay?” She asked, her eyebrows pulling together. It was a stupid question – it was her least favorite question. If any of them were okay, they wouldn’t be in Girls United in the first place. She immediately wish she could take it back, but she just smiled instead. “Alright then,” she nodded, starting down the hall, keeping her footsteps silent the best she could. She didn’t really want to get caught before they’d even left the property. She rarely ever failed at sneaking out, and she’d be mad at herself if she did tonight. “Let’s go,” she whispered, heading to the door.

“Are any of us okay?” Madi asked when Alyssa asked if she were okay. None of them were, that was true, but, they were all battling their own internal battles, which, made them feel even worse. She nodded as they began to tiptoe quietly to get out of the house. “Okay.” she whispered, keeping an eye out for anyone or anything that could stop them from getting caught. She really didnt want to get caught, and she knew Alyssa didnt either.

Troubled Kids || Alyssa & Madi

Alyssa’s life was a mess. She was a mess. And she’d came to the conclusion that whenever something involved her, it was going to be a mess. She hadn’t talked to her brother since he got mad at her; he hadn’t stopped by to see her, he hadn’t answered her texts. She knew he was hurt, but all he was doing was hurting her more than she ever could him. It’d been months. She hadn’t seen Jesus in awhile either. And her birth mom had stopped coming now. She wasn’t sure why; at first, she asked her not to come for a few weeks, but then she started coming around again, and that made her a little happy. Now she was gone. Everyone was leaving. Again.

Pushing her cellphone in the front pocket of her jeans, she let out a small sigh, making her way to Madi’s room. Sneaking out wasn’t a great idea, but she wouldn’t be going alone, and it was only to the park, so it could be much worse. It could be February again, when she’d went out to some party and took a random pill that was handed to her, drinking too much, again. She had thought getting into trouble would help her, but it hadn’t. It only reminded her how screwed up she truly was. Everything was.

“Hey,” she said quietly, peeking into Madi’s room. At least she had Girls United if nothing else, though she wondered just how long that would last. They could kick her out if they wanted to, and there wouldn’t be a thing she could do about it. Pushing that thought away, she forced a small smile. “Ready to go?”

[ madi-jackson ]