unspoken

maerijuana.tumblr.com's poetry blog. journalist lost in toronto. plain, deranged, insane.

[maechellexcvi]

eventful

the sky is gray but i wouldn’t even know

i see all the light and color i need in your eyes

and the rain falls

not enough to let us drown

but just enough

to tickle my skin and wet your lips

and under covers and skin

i can see us both 

we’re just dead people who walk

visiting dead people who can’t

hallow souls watching the currents change

breathing into our hands 

with cigarette scented breaths

the cold, it’s burning

but we’re warm enough 

in the walls of our own worlds 

and i will soon forget the imperfections of your face

and you’ll forget the imperfections of my soul 

but at least for a few days

we were each other’s home

[maechellexcvi]

bye note

headlights on a drive way streetlights on a walkway i've run out of things to say puff smoke and then inhale trying to stay awake the sun's not up, let's wait sit still and let it rain measuring the angles on your face trying to capture it by paint but faces like yours, i fail it's days like today when i grab all the chances to take and though i know it's only yesterday i would remember that day and wish i asked you to stay but you can't cause i'm a storm and you are a hurricane a catastrophe waiting to take place i'll lick my lips and remember your taste thanks for stopping by random guy on the highway

[maechellexcvi]

how many followers do you have here? I bet you have a lot <3

not much tbh. the size of the audience doesn’t matter sir. 

[maechellexcvi]

manila

your smoke envelops me and it smells like the mid-september mist in the west,

your sounds so loud, it beats my eardrums down and it taps along to the strings of my heart.

your faces, many. i could not recognize each one but i know with first glance, these are the eyes i've fallen for, kept me coming back for more.

your taste, extravagant. with each spice from each continent, could not recreate the warmth, the subtle bite of your taste.

your colors, so vibrant. with bright oranges and blues. i know your colors by hue. it seems monochromatic, but your shades unfold before me. like colorful, black and white photography.

and i could circle the globe, and still come back to my queen. the lady i could make love to, and as broken as she may be, i adore for the rest of me.

she's a scarred pearl. her broken pieces are her features, as she ages, stays her beauty, her flaws are masterpieces crafted to make the woman of elegance i'm passionate for.

and i'll taste her again, and she'll taste the same. with the same exotic flavor and tingle to my tongue.

she's an experience, i'll never forget. i met women, women of all places and sets. but i'll always come home to her, this i'll never regret.

[maechellexcvi]

writer’s block

I'm running out of words 

I'm down on my last syllables 

the letters roll out of my tongue and 

soon the silence does, too 

dictionaries and vocabularies 

i'm pushing my own boundaries 

of my emotion and being correct grammatically 

i'm sweating bullets 

my nerves are tying knots 

i'm getting restless 

the sheet is still flawless 

to stain the paper with blood from my veins 

but i'm cutting and i'm breaking 

nothing i can drain 

my arteries are empty 

my mind i try feign 

that i'm doing fine, 

i'm doing okay,

 just jeep staring at the page 

my hair is falling out 

 my eyes haven't been shut 

damn, i'm okay i'm just in a cage 

i just want something to put on the page 

[maechellexcvi]

distance

don't come so near don't make this clear don't make this easy don't treat me so dear don't hold me while you're sleeping don't tell me all your secrets don't let me flat your creases don't expose me to your deepest i get attached so easy i fall so damn hard i don't want to harm you i'm taking care of my own heart i'm violent, i'm toxic this will leave us brokenhearted so please stay away from me i'm not what you wanted

[maechellexcvi]

take one

it’s the beauty of not knowing 

and finding out

things are being whispered 

when they should be proclaimed aloud 

i wish you could hear me

but i really can’t shout 

so many ears are burning 

so many eyes prying around 

if emotions were the question

then i lack none

if silence will preserve this 

consider it done 

no one has to know 

until the time comes

i don’t know what to call this 

maybe a trial run?

[maechellexcvi]

violated

i wake up to confused faces and alcohol on my breath 

it was the idea of being half naked

the whiplash of memories come rushing back

when i smell something familiar

it’s not the event that hurts 

it’s waking up and knowing that it did

it happened

it’s the sting whenever you look at you 

it’s never wanting to wear the same clothes 

it’s sleeping with the door locked 

it’s never wanting anyone to sleep beside you

it’s the never ending self-loathing and blaming 

it’s the thought that they probably don’t feel a thing 

it’s not the event that hurts 

it’s living after it happening

[maechellexcvi]

starlight

i’m counting days and nights 

when our lips finally collide

when our eyes meet 

and your touch sets me on fire 

when i finally,

draw the words i write 

with my fingers, 

trace your lines

without all the lights 

the thought of you makes me high 

our bodies created the perfect art

our emotions make the perfect rhymes

too passionate that i, 

cannot dare fantasize 

i am not yours

and you are not mine 

but for some borrowed time

mix my ashes with your light

we paint the sky

[maechellexcvi]

expectations

darling, i’m a fool to allow myself to be used by you to open my heart up, my happiness you consumed the ghosts that haunt you, now haunt me too what was i expecting? a love that’s never ending? i’m nothing but a cigarette your anti-depressants, if you will you love me when you need me and throw me away after the pill what’s more idiotic is i knew. the thought of you fucking me over? it’s nothing new. i didn’t know what i was expecting but i knew it wasn’t the truth

[maechellexcvi]

psychological warfare

is this nation really free? on what terms? in what means? heroes fought battles sought, until the taste of freedom is lingering on our tongues and the battle of few, reaped by many the prize of this hard earned freedom to some a burden to carry we’re labeled independent we call ourselves free but it’s as if we’re in bondage as if a dog on a leash our culture colonized our mindsets invaded we conform to foreign standards while our filipinos are jaded our thoughts and our wants influenced by other nations. the war is not over, it’s a mental invasion

[maechellexcvi]

give and take

i’m not what you want i won’t hurt you but i’ll suffocate you i’ll want you so bad i’ll strangle you i’ll love you too hard you’ll bruise i’ll appreciate you too much i’ll always notice you and won’t ever let you escape. but i’ll make your features, experiences, hopes and nightmares the subject of my love and affections making them into beautiful poetry glorifying your flaws loving your doubts and when you leave i’ll be broken but that’s okay cause you’re just another piece, a dull piece of poetry that’s meant to glorify me.

[maechellexcvi]

intimacy

I wish we could go back to the days that you gave me sunshine and i gave you rain and we would be the home of each other’s pain We’d talk until nightfall We’d greet each other the next day You get under my skin And with that i’m okay You were a habit. A good one, in a way. But now that you’re gone To meet people more interesting It shattered my feelings But i won’t say a thing Now you’re just a stranger, That once was my everything

[maechellexcvi]

time

I don’t count nights or days I count “alrights” and “okays” I don’t count months or weeks I count hugs and kisses on cheeks I don’t count hours and minutes I measure the emotions within it Time is such a broad concept But really what does it mean? Is it really just clock’s hands, Moving to a beat? It means so much more When there’s so many things tied to it So i never count the seconds Or the alarm bell’s ring I’d rather count the emotions, the moments, the story beneath it But really time isn’t that concrete Look at it like this, time isn’t real, but only clocks exist

[maechellexcvi]

gyh

they told me to guard my heart and i did i built walls up too high to reach but you came along and you’re like a song i’d like to keep playing until the words sounded wrong you broke down my boundaries you teared down my walls you made me feel comfortable you made it seem okay to fall and now, i lay down in ruins in the debris of my walls you left me hanging and you left me to clean it all

[maechellexcvi]

sight

i cover up the mirror and i hide away the pain i put away the makeup “fixing up” is in vain nobody ignores beauty and nobody ignores fame no one falls in love with soul on first glance and that’s what drives me insane they’ll tell me i have talent and how they love my mind but who cares if i’m smart? when they want pretty and not kind? they’ll get ignored by the gorgeous people and get shunned by those with looks and i’ll just keep my silence hunched up on a book will glance up for a minute and will think if it’s right, that i would prefer people if they didn’t have eyes no basis for beauty only what they feel inside no judgement for ugly by heart we’re defined we’ll see who people really are with no bias of sight but things couldn’t be like this no matter what fight i go back to the reality and just wish we’re all blind

[maechellexcvi]

different pain

I’m waiting on the days When i wake up and the pain is different It will still make my heart quench It will still make my knees weak And it will still make me cry But it will be something new Something different Something will turn and shift Something will change and i’ll see A different kind of pain Than i used to feel And on that day i’ll wake And i’ll see you I’ll know you belong to me I’ll know you’ve been mine all this time I’ll know it’s you And all the people you are with Are preparations for me The failed love affairs, Are all for me to love you perfectly I’ll taste every single one of your lovers When i taste your mouth I’ll feel every hand that touched you When i hold your hand And i wouldn’t mind feeling these Because it wouldn’t matter Because you’re here now And you’re home You’re the pain that i won’t get tired of I won’t get tired of loving you