cri de coeur

[maggiediep]

I'm sitting here not in the best of moods and not sure who to talk to so I send out a post to nothingness. I'm feeling low at the moment due to a series of events and I can't seem to get these bad thoughts out of my head. Within 24 hours I've been lied to, made fun of, and made to feel obsolete. I don't know how to respond, I don't know what actions to take, I don't know how to articulate the words to describe just how hurt I feel. it's another day and the world will move on and so must I. I'm just tired.

[maggiediep]

What a year. I've been a contractor for Kaiser for 1.5 years now. It's been an amazing experience. I really appreciate all the traveling, amazing people I've bet, and mostly the experiences I've had just being on this project. I feel like I've grown so much and it came at such a pinnacle point in my life. I don't know what's going to become of me next year after this is done. The thought is both nerve wrecking and exciting all at the same time.

[maggiediep]

[maggiediep]

Sure there's adaptation and compromise, but there are some things worth holding onto; in this case my self respect.

[maggiediep]

a friend recently posted this on facebook and it resonated. i’ve been in a weird place as of late, emotionally sensitive you could say, but this lovely quote has given me that sense of purpose i was lacking. life has definitely thrown me a few curve balls, but each time i jump right back up. i’ll get over whatever insecurities i’m feeling eventually. nothing to report, just simply sharing more words of encouragement should anyone need them.

[maggiediep]

so I began dating again and I”ve come to realize I dont really like my generations take on dating. Maybe I’m a little old fashioned, but I like the small gestures. They are very much appreciated. Please walk a lady to her door, flowers, the whole spiel. I promise I’ll reciprocate. I’ll bring you cookies, I’ll rub your back/head and listen to your awful jokes and laugh. 

[maggiediep]

On repeat at the moment, feeling nostalgic

[maggiediep]

[maggiediep]

Celebrating #mybirthday at the #magiccastle <3!!

[maggiediep]

Just some of the wonderful people who've made working for kaiser an amazing experience. Can't believe I've been on this project for 6 months already. Time sure does fly.

[maggiediep]

#birthdaydinner at the #theplayground ^__^ (at The Playground)

[maggiediep]

decisions

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my rope And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me Looking for heaven, found the devil in me Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me 

one of the biggest decisions of my life, not sure if the best one, but it's whats right for me, at least right now. i wish someone could just tell me everything will be okay. someday. 

[maggiediep]

Sent a request to my agency, specified in my email yet they didn't schedule it accordingly :( to make matters worse I'm in a different region and had finally fallen asleep - you madame fail at life

[maggiediep]

Anthem for the day on repeat to get me thru the workday

[maggiediep]

I am not a graceful person. I am not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2 a.m., gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don’t belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn’t happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don’t see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.

Anna Peters

[maggiediep]

Can't believe I'm here for work #monoafalls

[maggiediep]

last of my overnight shifts.

one.five hours and counting.

so close.

this song is on repeat in my head to get me thru the night.