Hiii everynyan!! Yall can call me Magica/Swirly/Jade/Billy ^_^ This is my most recent blog so far, maybe ill link my other previous blogs laterrr
Selfshipping w/Dippy from Dog Man for 3 (?) years!! She's my lovely hunnybunny (our tag is #jadippy) 💖 i don't mind doubles following
Ugggg I draw silly doodles from time to time and write terrible drabbles on the occasion...sometimes ill go crazy but thats the price one pays for not being lobotomized yet :/
I'd really prefer if people 18+ followed me since I tend to be raunchy at times but since its the internet i can't expect people to follow that rule...anyone at least like younger than 16 will be blocked. Select moots from my previous blogs will be allowed to stay (will be tagging these posts as #magica duds so that others can block if needed please nag me if i forget to tag!!)
I block freely so there could be other reasons why you arent allowed to interact with me! Sucks!
a shizumari fic (Takopi's Original Sin) i wrote in a stream of consciousness. I've been wanting to write a shizumari fic for sooo long but only just now had an idea.
You can read it at AO3, but I also pasted it below the fold to read it here.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/84306626
Leaves rustled as Marina walked down the road she's walked down hundreds of times now. She felt them crunch under each step, and the cool breeze gently waft against her face's scar. It felt odd—she hadn't had the capacity to be focusing on these sensations for a long time now. Not since she's been occupied with walking down this down this path with Shizuka every day.
But lately, after weeks of her mother being unmedicated—with their family's insurance being particularly exploitive as of late—she's been hypervigilant to monitoring her behavior. Usually, she would have time to spend walking around with Shizuka after school, but for these past few weeks she would head straight home to keep her placated.
Finally, they had collected enough savings to pay for the medicine. After school, she went straight to the pharmacy, picked up the medicine (in exchange for its extorbitant copay), and immediately headed back to give her mother the medicine.
Needless to say, her mother's state was… volatile. It took a lot of convincing to get her to take it after so long, but once she did, the power of the sedative worked well. Almost too well—to the point that it immediately knocked her out and put her to sleep. She was grateful to finally have peace and quiet in that house, but it was also extremely unsettling. The solitude seeped into her bones, the house seeming much more spacious and empty in that moment. Even though her mother was sleeping right there on that coach, she never felt any lonelier than in that moment.
Her mind wandered, no, grasped, for anything else to think about, before landing on that shaggy-haired poorly kempt girl she somehow… befriended? She didn't know the right word to describe it.
But it was in that moment where she thought of it for the first time in weeks… This is what Shizuka felt every day of her godawful life. Coming back to an empty house, only occupied by herself and occasionally a deadbeat "mom" who barely even knows she exists. She hears every creak in the floorboards, every drop from the leaky sink, and all she can feel is the sheer abandonment, her presence utterly unacknowledged except by that dirty, underfed mutt.
Marina had that very same feeling right now. And that feeling pushed away every defensive instinct in her body to continue monitoring her mother's condition to get out of that damn house, and find the one place of solace she—and Shizuka—have in their torturous lives.
She left in such a hurry that she'd left her bag—and the phone that was inside it. She hadn't contacted Shizuka, but she let her feet carry her to that one special place, where she knew she'd find her.
It's not like she (I) had anywhere better to be.
The grass that had once only sprouted in patches has long since grown into a covering that Marina had to push through. A layer of moss had grown over the long-abandoned construction pipes that she and Shizuka had made their impromptu hangout spot. The foliage had made it difficult to see around her, but, against one of the pipes, she saw that familiar bag haphazardly tossed on the ground. She was here.
She didn't have the strength to call out, but she made sure to step firmly on the ground to make her presence known. From within the pipe, she saw something stir from within the now moss-covered opening.
"Oi."
That was all she needed to say before the moss cover burst open to see Shizuka pop her head out from the pipe, looking even more disheveled looking than usual. She wasn't in her school's uniform, she was back in her drab white shirt and shorts—her sleepwear, she'd been back to her house before coming here—making her look unsettlingly like that fragile, defenseless child, an image that still burned deeply within her whenever she looked at her.
"M…Marina-chan…"
"…Where's the mutt."
"Ah…" Shizuka brushed away more of the moss covering to reveal Chappy, laying asleep within the pipe alongside her.
A long silence followed, neither knowing what to say after so long.
And Marina hated it. Is this really all it took? For her one place where she could feel normal, where she could say anything she wanted, to suddenly feel this…stiff?
Shizuka made the first move, crawling out from the pipe and standing sheepishly in front of Marina. Without a word, she pressed her face into Marina's chest.
"…Not even a hello before pathetically clinging to me, huh?"
"And what did you expect? You know how long it's been."
"I told you the reason more times than I could count. I guess I forgot how friendless you are that you can't even check your phone."
Shizuka remained silent, and a cold shiver washed over Marina. Usually, she'd have a nonchalant retort to her harsh remarks, and she'd found solace in that banter. Have things really changed that fast? She wanted to get a look at her face, but Shizuka kept it firmly planted against her chest.
"…Sorry," was all she could sputter out.
"…No, I… I'm not offended. I'm relieved, actually. You sure haven't changed."
Dumbass, it's only been a few weeks, Marina thought to herself.
"I just… don't know what to say," Shizuka whispered, remaining in that position, her face pressed against Marina's chest. Slowly, she raised her arms and laid them across Marina's back before squeezing tightly. Not enough to constrict her breathing, but enough where she couldn't pull away easily.
Marina didn't know what to feel, nor what she should do. She kept her arms to her side as Shizuka rubbed her face and arms against her. Each breath Shizuka took left a warm spot against her chest, especially so with her arms now wrapped against her.
Shizuka's body heat spread through her own, and it felt…nostalgic? When was the last time she was held like this? She was too tired to recall.
This was new to her. She and Shizuka haven't really engaged in physical touch, since…elementary school. And that was a very different kind of touch than what was happening now.
She felt sick just thinking about it.
"Marina-chan," Shizuka mumbled, her frail voice muffled by her face still pressed against her. "Aren't you cold in that?"
Marina looked down; she'd forgotten she'd thrown her uniform's sweater on the couch when she got home, now dressed in a thin sweater and a small skirt.
"Dumbass, I could ask the same of you. The hell are you doing in that."
"Ah." Shizuka felt her own bare arms, still planted against Marina's back. "I just came out here without thinking. Every day like this, since--"
"Yeah, yeah, since we stopped walkin' home. Don't need to remind me."
More silence. Despite both of their attires, Marina didn't feel cold at all. Nor did Shizuka, her hands now wrapped around her thin arms.
"…Sorry. By the way. For leaving so often."
"…Marina-chan? Apologizing? To me?"
"Shut the fuck up before I take it back. You want me to start leaving again?"
She felt Shizuka bounce up and down in what she could only assume was a silent giggle.
"Does this mean you got them?"
"…Got what."
"The meds."
"Oh. Yeah. For now, at least. Should last her a month or so."
Shizuka only responded by tightening her grasp around Marina.
"…You gonna let go now or what. Shit's grossing me out now."
Still no response.
"The hell's gotten into you? You've never been this…touchy? Clingy?"
"…Only cause you're the one that always kept your distance."
Marina stopped to think.
…She has, hasn't she?
But it was only natural. It's not like they were all buddy buddy or anything. Could they even call themselves friends? Something more? Something less? She could never tell. They were just two worthless pieces of shit who walked home together.
But that wasn't the reason why. She knew the real reason—and she knew Shizuka knew as well. What gives her the right to start getting all touchy after…
"…Why?"
"…?"
"Why change now? After everything, after I…" The words caught in Marina's mouth.
"…I don't know."
"… … Hah?"
"I don't know. I just know that it feels nice."
"What. Does that mean this is gonna be a regular occurrence now?"
"Who knooows? The heart of a pure maiden is a fickle one."
"Don't make me throw up on your shoulder."
Before she knew it, the cold feeling that's been plaguing her all night was gone. Replaced by… she didn't know what. After everything that's been happening the past few weeks, after the constant vigilance and hours of feeling that overbearing gaze, scowling at her over her shoulder (but most times straight to her face), being clung to like this should feel suffocating.
So why does she feel so warm right now?
She looked down. Shizuka's disheveled hair, clothes stained with moss and dirt that clung to them like spider webs. Her figure suddenly looked so small, so fragile. As if the slightest touch would break her.
She thought of the girl, who would look at a figure like hers, and want nothing more than to do just that. To break her against the cold, hard ground and stomp on the pieces until they turned into dust.
She raised her hands, looking down at her sprawled out fingers, so close to touching her curved back, her exposed nape.
"…You sure are feeling limp there, huh? Don't know what to do with your hands?"
"H-hah?!?!" Marina shot her hands back down to her sides, straightening her posture from the slouch she hadn't realized she fell into. The sudden change made her lose balance, sending both of them to the ground, her back now against the pipe.
Shizuka laughed, deigning to show her face for the first time since clinging to her.
It was the most emotion she saw from her in…how long? Thoughts of doodles and a dumb-looking octopus flashed through her mind.
"You really think someone scared of you would cling to you like this?"
"I… D-does this mean…"
"I don't know. I've gone past the point of forgiveness. A long time ago now."
Marina fell silent, another chill running through her. The feeling goes both ways, she thought.
"I just know that I feel warm right now. And I'd feel even warmer if you'd do the same."
Marina didn't say a word. She raised her hands, and looked at them again. Her fingers looked less crooked, and her palms softer. Closing the distance from her skin to Shizuka's dirty shirt, she started rubbing against her back. Stiffly. Awkwardly. God, she felt stupid.
"…Pff-"
"Wha- you laughing?! The fuck's your problem?!"
"Haha, ha, it's just… I've never seen you look so…"
"Weak? Stupid?"
"Cute."
She could practically feel the red spreading across her face, and down her body. As if the warmth wasn't enough.
"W-watch your mouth before I start strangling you…"
Shizuka continued her soft laughter, now resting her head on top of her shoulder.
That laugh, so soft and now so close to her ear. It sent shivers down her spine. She raised her arms again, now wrapping them fully around Shizuka's torso.
Shizuka responded accordingly, tightening her grip once more.
By this point, they'd raised their voices enough to have awoken Chappy, who was now laying against them, also clinging to them in his own way.
This newfound warmth, of holding someone and being held…She realized it wasn't newfound at all. From some early memory she couldn't fully recall, she fell into the same sensation and instinct of holding her tight.
She didn't want to think of how she had to let go at some point. To return to that house that felt colder than ever, now that she's felt this warmth.
Great. Another reason to hate living in that place. But for some reason, she doesn't regret it.
a shizumari fic (Takopi's Original Sin) i wrote in a stream of consciousness. I've been wanting to write a shizumari fic for sooo long but only just now had an idea.
You can read it at AO3, but I also pasted it below the fold to read it here.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/84306626
Leaves rustled as Marina walked down the road she's walked down hundreds of times now. She felt them crunch under each step, and the cool breeze gently waft against her face's scar. It felt odd—she hadn't had the capacity to be focusing on these sensations for a long time now. Not since she's been occupied with walking down this down this path with Shizuka every day.
But lately, after weeks of her mother being unmedicated—with their family's insurance being particularly exploitive as of late—she's been hypervigilant to monitoring her behavior. Usually, she would have time to spend walking around with Shizuka after school, but for these past few weeks she would head straight home to keep her placated.
Finally, they had collected enough savings to pay for the medicine. After school, she went straight to the pharmacy, picked up the medicine (in exchange for its extorbitant copay), and immediately headed back to give her mother the medicine.
Needless to say, her mother's state was… volatile. It took a lot of convincing to get her to take it after so long, but once she did, the power of the sedative worked well. Almost too well—to the point that it immediately knocked her out and put her to sleep. She was grateful to finally have peace and quiet in that house, but it was also extremely unsettling. The solitude seeped into her bones, the house seeming much more spacious and empty in that moment. Even though her mother was sleeping right there on that coach, she never felt any lonelier than in that moment.
Her mind wandered, no, grasped, for anything else to think about, before landing on that shaggy-haired poorly kempt girl she somehow… befriended? She didn't know the right word to describe it.
But it was in that moment where she thought of it for the first time in weeks… This is what Shizuka felt every day of her godawful life. Coming back to an empty house, only occupied by herself and occasionally a deadbeat "mom" who barely even knows she exists. She hears every creak in the floorboards, every drop from the leaky sink, and all she can feel is the sheer abandonment, her presence utterly unacknowledged except by that dirty, underfed mutt.
Marina had that very same feeling right now. And that feeling pushed away every defensive instinct in her body to continue monitoring her mother's condition to get out of that damn house, and find the one place of solace she—and Shizuka—have in their torturous lives.
She left in such a hurry that she'd left her bag—and the phone that was inside it. She hadn't contacted Shizuka, but she let her feet carry her to that one special place, where she knew she'd find her.
It's not like she (I) had anywhere better to be.
The grass that had once only sprouted in patches has long since grown into a covering that Marina had to push through. A layer of moss had grown over the long-abandoned construction pipes that she and Shizuka had made their impromptu hangout spot. The foliage had made it difficult to see around her, but, against one of the pipes, she saw that familiar bag haphazardly tossed on the ground. She was here.
She didn't have the strength to call out, but she made sure to step firmly on the ground to make her presence known. From within the pipe, she saw something stir from within the now moss-covered opening.
"Oi."
That was all she needed to say before the moss cover burst open to see Shizuka pop her head out from the pipe, looking even more disheveled looking than usual. She wasn't in her school's uniform, she was back in her drab white shirt and shorts—her sleepwear, she'd been back to her house before coming here—making her look unsettlingly like that fragile, defenseless child, an image that still burned deeply within her whenever she looked at her.
"M…Marina-chan…"
"…Where's the mutt."
"Ah…" Shizuka brushed away more of the moss covering to reveal Chappy, laying asleep within the pipe alongside her.
A long silence followed, neither knowing what to say after so long.
And Marina hated it. Is this really all it took? For her one place where she could feel normal, where she could say anything she wanted, to suddenly feel this…stiff?
Shizuka made the first move, crawling out from the pipe and standing sheepishly in front of Marina. Without a word, she pressed her face into Marina's chest.
"…Not even a hello before pathetically clinging to me, huh?"
"And what did you expect? You know how long it's been."
"I told you the reason more times than I could count. I guess I forgot how friendless you are that you can't even check your phone."
Shizuka remained silent, and a cold shiver washed over Marina. Usually, she'd have a nonchalant retort to her harsh remarks, and she'd found solace in that banter. Have things really changed that fast? She wanted to get a look at her face, but Shizuka kept it firmly planted against her chest.
"…Sorry," was all she could sputter out.
"…No, I… I'm not offended. I'm relieved, actually. You sure haven't changed."
Dumbass, it's only been a few weeks, Marina thought to herself.
"I just… don't know what to say," Shizuka whispered, remaining in that position, her face pressed against Marina's chest. Slowly, she raised her arms and laid them across Marina's back before squeezing tightly. Not enough to constrict her breathing, but enough where she couldn't pull away easily.
Marina didn't know what to feel, nor what she should do. She kept her arms to her side as Shizuka rubbed her face and arms against her. Each breath Shizuka took left a warm spot against her chest, especially so with her arms now wrapped against her.
Shizuka's body heat spread through her own, and it felt…nostalgic? When was the last time she was held like this? She was too tired to recall.
This was new to her. She and Shizuka haven't really engaged in physical touch, since…elementary school. And that was a very different kind of touch than what was happening now.
She felt sick just thinking about it.
"Marina-chan," Shizuka mumbled, her frail voice muffled by her face still pressed against her. "Aren't you cold in that?"
Marina looked down; she'd forgotten she'd thrown her uniform's sweater on the couch when she got home, now dressed in a thin sweater and a small skirt.
"Dumbass, I could ask the same of you. The hell are you doing in that."
"Ah." Shizuka felt her own bare arms, still planted against Marina's back. "I just came out here without thinking. Every day like this, since--"
"Yeah, yeah, since we stopped walkin' home. Don't need to remind me."
More silence. Despite both of their attires, Marina didn't feel cold at all. Nor did Shizuka, her hands now wrapped around her thin arms.
"…Sorry. By the way. For leaving so often."
"…Marina-chan? Apologizing? To me?"
"Shut the fuck up before I take it back. You want me to start leaving again?"
She felt Shizuka bounce up and down in what she could only assume was a silent giggle.
"Does this mean you got them?"
"…Got what."
"The meds."
"Oh. Yeah. For now, at least. Should last her a month or so."
Shizuka only responded by tightening her grasp around Marina.
"…You gonna let go now or what. Shit's grossing me out now."
Still no response.
"The hell's gotten into you? You've never been this…touchy? Clingy?"
"…Only cause you're the one that always kept your distance."
Marina stopped to think.
…She has, hasn't she?
But it was only natural. It's not like they were all buddy buddy or anything. Could they even call themselves friends? Something more? Something less? She could never tell. They were just two worthless pieces of shit who walked home together.
But that wasn't the reason why. She knew the real reason—and she knew Shizuka knew as well. What gives her the right to start getting all touchy after…
"…Why?"
"…?"
"Why change now? After everything, after I…" The words caught in Marina's mouth.
"…I don't know."
"… … Hah?"
"I don't know. I just know that it feels nice."
"What. Does that mean this is gonna be a regular occurrence now?"
"Who knooows? The heart of a pure maiden is a fickle one."
"Don't make me throw up on your shoulder."
Before she knew it, the cold feeling that's been plaguing her all night was gone. Replaced by… she didn't know what. After everything that's been happening the past few weeks, after the constant vigilance and hours of feeling that overbearing gaze, scowling at her over her shoulder (but most times straight to her face), being clung to like this should feel suffocating.
So why does she feel so warm right now?
She looked down. Shizuka's disheveled hair, clothes stained with moss and dirt that clung to them like spider webs. Her figure suddenly looked so small, so fragile. As if the slightest touch would break her.
She thought of the girl, who would look at a figure like hers, and want nothing more than to do just that. To break her against the cold, hard ground and stomp on the pieces until they turned into dust.
She raised her hands, looking down at her sprawled out fingers, so close to touching her curved back, her exposed nape.
"…You sure are feeling limp there, huh? Don't know what to do with your hands?"
"H-hah?!?!" Marina shot her hands back down to her sides, straightening her posture from the slouch she hadn't realized she fell into. The sudden change made her lose balance, sending both of them to the ground, her back now against the pipe.
Shizuka laughed, deigning to show her face for the first time since clinging to her.
It was the most emotion she saw from her in…how long? Thoughts of doodles and a dumb-looking octopus flashed through her mind.
"You really think someone scared of you would cling to you like this?"
"I… D-does this mean…"
"I don't know. I've gone past the point of forgiveness. A long time ago now."
Marina fell silent, another chill running through her. The feeling goes both ways, she thought.
"I just know that I feel warm right now. And I'd feel even warmer if you'd do the same."
Marina didn't say a word. She raised her hands, and looked at them again. Her fingers looked less crooked, and her palms softer. Closing the distance from her skin to Shizuka's dirty shirt, she started rubbing against her back. Stiffly. Awkwardly. God, she felt stupid.
"…Pff-"
"Wha- you laughing?! The fuck's your problem?!"
"Haha, ha, it's just… I've never seen you look so…"
"Weak? Stupid?"
"Cute."
She could practically feel the red spreading across her face, and down her body. As if the warmth wasn't enough.
"W-watch your mouth before I start strangling you…"
Shizuka continued her soft laughter, now resting her head on top of her shoulder.
That laugh, so soft and now so close to her ear. It sent shivers down her spine. She raised her arms again, now wrapping them fully around Shizuka's torso.
Shizuka responded accordingly, tightening her grip once more.
By this point, they'd raised their voices enough to have awoken Chappy, who was now laying against them, also clinging to them in his own way.
This newfound warmth, of holding someone and being held…She realized it wasn't newfound at all. From some early memory she couldn't fully recall, she fell into the same sensation and instinct of holding her tight.
She didn't want to think of how she had to let go at some point. To return to that house that felt colder than ever, now that she's felt this warmth.
Great. Another reason to hate living in that place. But for some reason, she doesn't regret it.
I will never believe that IbisPaint is beginner friendly at least to especially stupid people like me cause i remember being very intimidated by that fucker back when i was an itty bitty one #Sketchbook4Lyf
