You get a substance spilled on you during a mission and things get weird, fast
dubcon due to sex pollen, John feeling like a horrible person, male masturbation, confession of feelings
“It’s you and John on this one” Bucky tossed a file in your direction and you grabbed it before it could hit the floor. John was eyeing you from where he was talking to Yelena. “What’s the mission?” you asked, opening the file to see photos of an abandoned base about sixty miles south of Mount Fuji.
“Clear it, make sure it’s abandoned, that the local water sources aren't getting affected by any runoffs and level it if possible” you nodded, flipping through the pages then handed it to John, “Sounds simple enough. Two day mission?” Bucky nodded, “Unless something goes south”
John looked up from the files “Let’s hope nothing does then”
John wasn’t sure what was worse, two days alone with you or the knowledge that he was in love with you and had no clue how you felt. He was good at this at one time, navigating his feelings, not running from them. Now? He knew there was no chance you’d want him the way he wanted you. He couldn’t blame you, not like he was exactly the catch of the century. Disgraced former captain america, divorced, publicly decapitated a man.
It would be fine. At least it was a simple mission.
____________
You followed John’s broad form through the winding hallways. The labs were up ahead. You had to clear them, make sure no research was left behind. If only you could get your mind off the man in front of you. It was getting harder and harder to ignore the growing crush you had on him. It was borderline maddening, you were falling in love with him. It was pathetic.
The lab doors loomed, John glanced back at you with a small nod. You tilted your head to let him know you were good and he pushed the door open right as gunfire erupted.
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John wasn’t sure what the hell happened. One moment it was like the entire base was abandoned the next it was alive with agents. He grabbed you without thinking, tucking you against his chest as he returned fire and gave you enough time to pull your weapon. “Son of a bitch” the curse falling from your lips made him look down in worry. You weren’t hit were you? When he realized you were just annoyed he smirked, “Lets get it done” you nodded, motioning to the room “Draw their fire, I’ll take them from the back” “Copy that”
It seemed like everything was going well, most of the agents were down. John turned to check on you just as an agent approached you from behind, before he could get the warning out of his mouth a bright teal substance had been splashed onto you. John shot the agent without a thought, running to your side. You immediately stepped back, shaking your head “We don’t know what this is. Don’t touch me. We need to find anything on it then we’ll call it in”
“The serum should let me metabolize it” he reasoned but you shook your head. You weren’t letting him risk it. “Find the vial, see if it has a label then we need to level this damn place once and for all”
You waited in the suv while John made sure the explosives were in place. You’d found the vial, the label read “L-OH23” you had no idea what that meant but you hoped Bucky or Yelena would since this was a former Hydra base.
Pain rippled through you, fire roaring to life in your lower stomach. The suv felt too hot. You reached for the ac and turned it over to six. You needed to cool down. That was all. Another pain rippled through you and you doubled up. You were…fuck you were wet. Unbearably wet. What the fuck was going on?
John slid back into the suv, dropping it into drive. It wasn’t until he made sure the two of you were far enough away from the base that he looked down at you and his face dropped. He’d realized the suv was freezing but it was cold here at night. You were coated in sweat, chest heaving and skin flushed. “You ok sweetheart?” you shook your head, “Get me back to the safehouse now John. we gotta call this in”
____________
By the time you got back to the safehouse you tried to stand on your own but your knees buckled. All you could think about was the ache between your thighs, hot taunt your nipples were under your suit and how your skin was begging for a touch that wasn’t your own. “I got you” John was around the suv, picking you up without another word. You tried to hide the moan that slipped from your lips at feeling his hands on you.
He carried you in and laid you on the bed. “I’m gonna call Bucky ok? Just try to cool down” you nodded, fingers tearing at your suit, “It’s gotta come off John, m’sorry” he shook his head “Don’t apologize. Take it off”
John tried to advert his eyes as best he could when you stripped down to just your panties, even your bra getting thrown across the room. He already had his phone to his ear, silently begging Bucky to answer. “Mission report?” came the gruff response in place of hello. “Barnes, what the fuck is L-OH23?”
After a brief pause Bucky asked “You or her?” “Her. Now what is it?”
Bucky sighed, John could practically hear him scrubbing a hand through his beard “Had a run in with that shit back during the howling commando days. Dum-dum got into it. Wasn’t pretty. We weren’t about to ask Peggy.. Wasn’t any other gals around.. Long story short John shit is about to get very grey as far as consent lines go”
“Cut the shit Bucky! Tell me how to help her!” John knew his voice was near panic but damn he could hear you moaning. He glanced back and nearly dropped the phone. Your hand was buried in your panties. “Its a drug that overly stimulates the nervous system. The fever will start and if she doesn’t get the release she needs it will burn right through her and no matter how hard she tries on her own she isn’t gonna be able to get it”
“You’re saying…” John couldn’t form the words, it was wrong, so damn wrong. All the times he’d thought of it, dreamt of it and now Bucky was telling him it was the only way to save you? That he had to take away consent because of a drug. “If you don’t fuck her she’s going to die Walker. We’ll deal with the fallout later but don’t you dare let her die when all you have to do is stick your dick in her”
“And if she doesn’t want it?” John asked, turning his back on you because your moans were hard enough to ignore let alone the actual show of you finger fucking yourself. “She wants to die even less” John groaned, “I’ll report come morning” “You’re not a bad guy for this John. It’s a necessary thing” Bucky muttered and John scoffed, “Tell me that after this, ok?” and hung up.
John slowly walked over to the bed, your hips were rocking up against your hands, low whines falling from your lips. Your skin was covered in more sweat. “Honey?” he called low and your eyes snapped open, pupils blown. “John? Please help me” you whined, pulling your fingers out and reaching for his hand. “Your fingers are bigger, longer. They can help. Please”
God all the times he’d wanted this and it was going to be the biggest betrayal to anything that had been growing between you. “I got you baby” he murmured, sitting on the edge of the bed. He’d stripped down to his pants while he was talking to Bucky.
He slipped a hand between your thighs and your legs fell open. He rolled his lips between his teeth, silently cursing himself as he pushed your panties to the side, teasing his fingers through your folds. A little sigh left your lips at that smallest of contact. He pushed his fingers into you, your pussy was dripping, sucking the digits in easily. You whimpered his name, back arching. He shifted, fingers finding that spot inside you while his thumb teased at your clit. Your skin was so hot, feverish. Maybe this could be enough? Maybe he wouldn’t have to do everything?
He could feel your walls fluttering around him, your breathing quickening right before you screamed his name, your release soaking his hand. He felt so damn guilty for how good it felt hearing you scream his name, how damn hard he was. He slipped his fingers free but the next moment you were dragging him up the bed, your lips crashing into his like you were drowning and he was the last gasp of air you could fit down your lungs.
He groaned into it, shifting to be on top of you, his weight not quite resting on you. Your legs spread, hips rocking up so you could rut your core against his hard cock through his pants. He gave a roll of his hips and was so damn ashamed at how hard he was, how bad he wanted to be inside you. You murmured into his lips “Wanted you for so long” as you unzipped his pants, shoving them off his hips.
You reached to line him up and christ your hand nearly burnt with how hot it was. He looked up at your face, silently begging you to tell him to stop, for the fever to break but you hooked a leg behind him, dragging him down and he was pushing into you the next moment, stretching you so beautifully around him. Your entire body shuddered, back arching into him. He could feel the heat rolling off of you, how frenzied your heart was. It would be so easy to lose himself in your sounds, your taste, the feel of you. The way you whimpered “Wished this wasn’t the case”
You came within moments of him being inside you, your skin starting to cool. He was using every bit of self control to not cum, to not rut into you like a mad man. His fingers found your clit as he gave shallow thrusts, needing you to cum one more time. Your back arched, walls clenching down around him so hard he made a strangled sound. He stayed in just long enough to make sure your aftershocks were done before pulling out, hearing your small, whimpered “Wish you wanted me” when he did.
Your eyelids were fluttering close so he pulled the blanket up around you, checking your vitals. Your heart rate was down to normal, your temperature was headed that way. You would be ok, physically at least. He doubted things between you and him would ever be ok again.
He stepped off the bed and glanced down, his cock was still achingly hard. He needed a cold shower.He grabbed just a pair of boxers and headed into the bathroom. He tried to think about anything but what had just happened. His cock refused to forget, every memory of you causing it to twitch. He stepped under the stream of water, his hand wrapping around the hard shaft. Fuck, he was a horrible person. His hand started to move, slowly jacking himself off then the more he thought of you, your pretty sounds, how you felt, your lips on his, he got faster, his thumb catching on the head in just the right way to make him grunt. He felt that sensation run up his spine right before he started cumming, hot spurts shooting out and hitting the wall of the shower, spreading across his hand. His knees trembled, he let out a low curse. Fuck, he’d never cum so hard from just his hand.
He stepped out of the bathroom and you were fast asleep, curled up on your side. He never hated himself more. He hated how good kissing you felt, being inside you. He was a fucking monster. Christ he loved you and that god damn hydra agent had to ruin everything. He walked over to the small couch and sat down, already dreading when you woke up and the drug was gone from your system.
You woke up cold, alone with the sinking reality of what you’d made John go through the night before. He’d never want you like that and yet.. Oh god he was going to hate you. That was probably one of if not his first time since the divorce. You felt the panic attack before it hit, a silent one, where your breaths were choked off, refusing to go down your throat.
John heard a small sound, just a light whine and was up on his feet. You were curled up on your side, shoulders shaking. He didn’t know what to do. What if his touch made the fever spike again? What if this panic was because of what he’d done the night before? He didn’t want to make things worse but doing nothing was killing him.
You could feel John at your back and him refusing to touch you just confirmed your fears. He hated you. The sobs wracked through your body when you couldn’t handle it anymore and you felt the bed dip before his arms were wrapping around you. “I’m so sorry sweetheart. I just couldn’t let you die”
“You don’t have to touch me if you don’t want to” you sobbed out and John’s hold tightened on you instantly, realizing maybe you meant everything you’d said the night before. The little “I get it” you whisper is so weak and hurt it makes his heart crack. “I didn’t think you’d want me touching you after last night.. Didn’t want to make the fever flare up either but also didn’t want anything I did to make you hate me. I just couldn’t lose you”
You turned around in his arms, burying your face in his chest. “I’m so sorry John. I meant everything and you didn’t”
John’s heart ached and flipped at the same time. “Oh sweetheart, I meant it all. I just thought it was the fever talking, that's why I pulled out after you finished, didn’t want to cum because it was saving you, not you actually wanting to be with me or that's what I thought”
John called your name softly “Look at me, please. Slap me, something. I need to know you’re ok. I need to know if you believe me because last night..god I felt so horrible for wanting it.. For enjoying it.. Thought you didn’t want me like I’ve wanted you”
A long moment passed with the only sound being you sobbing softly into his tear wet collar until the nearly inaudible “I love you” hit his ears. He froze for a second, holding you so tight he was afraid he may hurt you. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, “I love you too baby”
You pulled back and looked up at him, eyes red and face a little swollen, “You mean that?” “With everything I have” he murmured, brushing your hair back from your face, “It killed me yesterday to not say it, didn’t want our first time to be like that” he continued, wiping a few stray tears away from your face.
“Thank you for saving me” you whispered and he nodded “I’ll always save you. No matter what” you leaned up slowly, pressing a soft kiss to his lips and he almost sighed in relief at how differently this was going than he thought it would. You deepened the kiss, your tongue teasing at his lips so he took the hint, letting his tongue push past your lips to tangle with your own.
You pulled back first, panting softly and looked at him with so much unhidden love and hunger a soft groan escaped him “You’re sure?” he asked and you nodded, “Want it to be real, this time could be our real first time” you kissed him again and he groaned deep in his chest, “Gonna take my time, not just trying to get your fever to break, I wanna explore all of you”
“Good, just promise me you won’t pull out this time. Wanna feel you, all of you” you breathed and christ he would give anything to you in that moment. “I promise sweetheart” he pushed you over onto your back, moving so his weight was pushing you down into the mattress, his lips finding yours, “Anything you want, I promise” he murmured, lips trailing down your neck.
It’s just fluff of teasing John with a video. Blame @fangirlmermaid for it
You and John had this thing. What it was, you weren’t quite sure. You had feelings for him, he had feelings for you but nothing had happened. You’d cuddle up to him during movie nights, he’d always be the first at your side during missions, late nights when neither of you could sleep you always ended up finding each other. So many times it seemed like he was about to kiss you only for him to pull back.
“I think he’s just scared” Yelena muttered, watching John leave the room. You raised an eyebrow at her “What?” she waved a hand at John’s back, “He likes you. He wants to smoochie smoochie he’s just scared” ok Yelena was talking good about John? You grinned at her as you scrolled through your phone “What alternative reality have I fallen into?”
“I bet if you made the first move he would trip over himself” you laughed, downright laughed. “Yeah, his teammate that he’s been doing this weird back and forth with making a first move when it's his first adventure out after the love of his life. That can’t possibly go wrong”
A couple days passed and you kept thinking about what Yelena said. Was John waiting on you to make the first move? Was he scared because of what happened with Liv?
You’d been sending videos back and forth with Yelena and Bob. Everyone was around the tower just enjoying downtime, you sent one to Ava that felt like her then froze on one. It was one of those videos with blue and red flavored drinks and lollipops with the caption across “Wanna make Purple?”
You hesitated, you could always tell him you’d meant to send it to Yelena because you and her were always teasing each other. You clicked on John’s name and sent it.
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John was in the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water when his phone dinged. He pulled it out of his pocket and smiled when he saw it was you. He clicked on it and the video started playing, blue and red slushies then blue and red lollipops and finally a caption “Wanna make Purple?” his eyebrows scrunched together for a moment then it occurred to him just what it meant. Was that you asking for more in this? Giving him the go ahead?
He put the water back, pocketed his phone and headed for your room.
You were laying across your bed, trying to act like your heart wasn’t in your throat when there was a knock at your door. You called out “It’s open” and the door slowly opened, John stepping just inside your room. You sat up seeing him, a small smile on your face “Hey” he nodded, scrubbing a hand across the back of his neck “Hey sweetheart um.. wanna go get a slushie?”
A grin spread quickly across your face “I’d love to”
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Yelena was in the common room with Bob and Ava. Alexei was asleep in the recliner and Bucky was reading. You and John walked in, John’s arm around your waist. She raised an eyebrow “Where have you two been?” John laughed “We went out”
She looked from you to him, the slightly tousled hair, the few wrinkles on your clothes. “You dirty dirty deviants” you stuck your tongue out at her and it was a deep purple. “Why is your tongue purple?” Bob asked and you grinned “We just got slushies!” but everyone could see the flush creeping up your neck. Ava nodded “Grape ones?”
John slipped his arms around your waist, pulling you back against his chest “No, I have blue raspberry and she had cherry” with that the two of you left the room to scandalized laughter that woke a confused Alexei up.
You stepped on the elevator and turned to pull John down into another kiss. “So, making out in your truck like teenagers was fun” he nodded, nudging his nose against yours, “You’re mine now right?” you pulled back, rolling your lip between your teeth “You mine?” “As long as you’ll have me” he answered with no hesitation so you smiled, pressing another kiss to his lips “For good? That’s how long I wanna have you” he chuckled “That’s fine with me”
John's had a habit of casual so you think you're just that
Mention of sex, unprotected sex, mixed signals
After John and Olivia split he honestly figured a certain aspect of his life was over. He had been with her since high school after all, he never once ever thought of cheating on her and besides who would want him after everything he’d done? Then one day it was like a switch got flipped. Women started flirting with him, a lot.
The serum made his libido through the roof and as long as he was honest with them that it wasn’t going to be anything, what was the harm in sleeping with them? He used protection, he made sure they were well satisfied. They were never around his son or flaunted in Liv’s face. No harm, no foul.
You were curled up in the common room with your head leaned over on Yelena. Bob was on her other side and Ava was fast asleep in the oversized recliner across the room. A new series Bob got interested in had dropped so all of you had stayed up with him to watch. That was a few hours ago and he seemed hell bent on finishing it so all of you were sticking it out with him even if it was early morning.
You heard a noise and leaned up, watching John shuffle out of his room, half asleep with the brunette he’d brought home walking behind him. He caught your eye and you saw the blush creep up his neck when he walked her to the elevator and hit his code so she could get down to the parking garage. The fucked out look she still had, along with the grin she gave him made your stomach clench. Especially when she purred, “Thanks for the fun night” before stepping onto the elevator.
“He’s a whore I swear” Yelena muttered when you settled back down. You heard John walk by and laughed lightly, trying to soothe your heart, “He’s just doing what men do. He lost the love of his life Lena. At least he’s careful with it. That’s what counts right?” you looked back up about the time John got to the end of the hallway and he was looking back at you. He winked then disappeared into his room. You shook your head, hoping your face didn’t betray you.
You never thought you’d develop feelings for John Walker of all people. He was brash at best some times, overly straight to the point at others. He rambled about football at random, had a bad temper, still needed more therapy than he’d agreed to and had a habit of keeping people at arm’s length.
He was also protective. When some reporters tried to ask you, Yelena and Ava sexist remarks about what you wore under your suits he’d made the man blush about fifteen shades of crimson when he went into heavy detail describing the boxer briefs he was currently wearing then demanded the man to tell the room what undergarments he was wearing since it was expected of the three of you to share such an intimate detail.
He didn’t let many people in but you’d managed to make it past those walls. The first time you’d found him after he’d had a flashback/nightmare you weren’t sure which, you hadn’t been sure if you should approach him or leave it be. You didn’t want to make it worse so you’d just hovered in the doorway of the media room. He’d been sitting on the small chaise lounge, a book next to him like he'd attempted to start reading to distract his brain and that hadn’t worked. When he’d realized you were there, he hadn’t tried to hide the hollow look in his eyes or the dried tears on his cheeks. He just whispered, “Lemar saved me that day. I would’ve kept going back even though I knew they were already dead. I didn’t want to leave them behind” you’d walked closer, not sure what to expect but he’d slipped his arms around your waist and laid his forehead over onto your stomach. “I can’t let anything happen to any of you. I’ve already lost too much. I’ve got to keep all of you alive”
Neither of you mentioned that night but it brought you closer you’d like to think.
John was a handsome man too. You would be a liar to say anything else. Tall, broad, that crooked grin that made your heart flip and those ocean blue eyes with that little spot in them that was darker. You hated how much you wanted him, how much you cared about him because while you knew for a fact he cared about you, knew he’d kill for you, you’d always just be his friend, his teammate. You would just have to learn to deal with it, you’d been burying it for this long, you could continue to do so.
You stood shoulder to shoulder with Yelena in the debriefing room. You could feel your jaw clench harder with every word Bucky said. A mission, undercover, you and John.
The plan was for the two of you to play the part of a couple, a seller for nuclear codes that never should’ve made it onto the market was open to offers. Yelena had been going back and forth with him through encoded messages, haggling prices and meetings. It was all set up. Now you and John just had to play the part.
Yelena held out the folder to you of your persona “At least you’re not married?” you scoffed out a laugh, opening the folder with a photo of you and the entire fake life that had so much background laid out this fake person was easier to trace than you were.
The backstory was you were an heiress to an old family. Was raised in the life, let John through him being an enforcer for your father. The two of you broke off into black market arms trading and had so far made millions. Your eyes trailed over the papers, one life catching your attention as you glared at Yelena “The hell is this?” she looked over your shoulder, shrugging at it “I thought it added to the story”
The line read Lukas is very jealous of Aria. Doesn’t like men even looking at her for too long. Hospitalized multiple enforcers of her fathers enemies because they just spoke foul of her. Aria isn’t much better when it comes to Lukas. Both are territorial of the other and will kill to keep the other alive. Can’t keep their hands off each other.
John glanced up from where he was undoubtedly reading the same line. He smirked but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Don’t worry sweetheart, I promise to be a perfect gentleman” you shook your head, “Oh I doubt you’d have the energy to do anything else” he grinned a little broader then, his teeth showing “Oh I’m just fine on the energy front. Stamina’s hell”
You shook your head and looked over at Bucky, “When’s the meeting and how long is this op?” he scrubbed a hand down his face, “Two days from now. The op will last three. From our intel he’s going to have people watching the two of you from the moment your boots hit the ground so you have to play into this as much as possible. We’ll be working with other agencies to line up so that all his safehouses can be hit simultaneously. If anything goes south you both know how to get an emergency pull”
You looked over at John, three days playing his girlfriend. Three days sharing a hotel room, having to play into a part that made it seem like you were both deathly in love with each other. Yeah, you’d be just fine.
You walked down the street with John, his arm around your waist. You were headed to lunch with the buyer. It was a premeet before he would actually drop the coordinates on where you two could meet him for the buy.
“You need to relax a bit more baby” John’s voice in your ear made you suppress a shiver. You cut your eyes up to glare at him and he smirked, “It’s just an op. Nothing different than any other time we’ve had to play pretend. Hell you’re better at this shit than I am”
You let out a breath, “I’m just sick of being watched constantly. It’s getting annoying. We’ve had to stay glued to each other just in case” he shrugged, eyes flickering across your face “I’ve been in a lot worse places” you rolled your eyes, “I’m sure you have”
“Yeah yeah yeah” he mumbled, squeezing your side just enough to pull a light gasp from you. “Easy Lukas!” he winked at you, “Don’t be so damn pretty when you’re annoyed with me Aria”
The lunch went amazingly well. Julian seemed to be well impressed with you both and invited you to an event at his estate. Luckily Mel had thought ahead and made sure you and John had black tie attire also.
You were standing in the bathroom of the suite, staring at your reflection. The dark blue dress fit you perfectly, skimming over your curves. You couldn’t help but think how it would make John’s eyes look even more blue. You shook your head to clear that thought before knocking on the door to make sure he was dressed. You really didn’t want to walk in on him half naked and try to function the rest of the night with that image in your head.
“I’m dressed” he spoke low so you stepped out. He was fixing his tie and cut his eyes up when you walked out and suddenly you were unsure about the dress because he seemed to have forgotten how to tie a tie.
John was trying like hell to talk himself out of getting hard from just seeing you in that dress. He was certain Mel was trying to kill him by sending it. It was the perfect shade of blue and dear christ you looked like the perfect mixture of sin and heaven itself in it. He hadn’t even realized he’d been staring until you chuckled, “That tie giving you issue?”
He glanced down at the loose tie and nodded dumbly “Yeah, guess so” you stepped forward, taking the tie in your hands. A few seconds later it was tied neatly. You patted his chest and smiled “Last performance Lukas then you can get back to your life I’m sure your phone has been going haywire” his eyebrows furrowed, what did you mean? “Huh?” you flushed slightly “Women trying to fit into your schedule”
Before he could answer you stepped away, grabbing your shoes to slip them on. He wanted to say something, defend himself against the hookups but what could he say? It was true. He knew his phone wasn’t blowing up however. They all knew it was one night. He didn’t want any of them over that.
He hadn’t wanted anyone over one night since Olivia but over the last few weeks his thoughts were moving into dangerous territory where you were concerned. You knew him as a person. You liked him as a person, you spent time with him, laughed at his dumb jokes, watched movies with him, cooked with him. You knew him for more than just his dick and his looks. That meant something to him.
You held out your hand and he slipped his into you, “Let’s get this over with” you mumbled with a laugh.
You were standing near the tables lined with more food than half the people in New York could eat in a month’s time. All you could think was how the people in this room could probably solve homelessness if they weren’t such wastes of air.
John had his arm around you, you were leaned back against his chest. You were on his left side, leaving both of your right sides free. The safehouses would be raided soon. You were almost out of this. John’s encoded phone buzzed so he pulled it out the inner pocket of his jacket. You turned to face him and saw the message from Yelena “Need to clone his computer hard drive. Office is top of the stairs to the left.”
You huffed out a laugh, “That explains why this necklace has a usb hidden” John nodded, glancing around the room, “How do we do this?” you glanced down at the champagne flute in your hand and swayed slightly, passing it off to the nearest server “Luka, I think I need to use the bathroom. Come with me love? I feel a little light headed” his eyes widened a bit but he schooled his features quickly enough “Of course darling” the server pointed up the stairs “To your right ma’am”
John followed close behind you, keeping an out for any guards. When you got to the landing at the top of the stairs he nodded “it’s clear” you veered left instead of right, taking the door Yelena had told you. Both of you slipped into Julian’s office. You headed for the computer while John stood by the door, listening for any footsteps. You popped the necklace apart and plugged it into the usb. John pulled the phone out and typed “Connected” to let Yelena know she had remote access. It wouldn’t take her but about thirty seconds. However thirty seconds in a house full of armed guards when you only had two handguns between you, no shield, no kevlar? It wasn’t a fight you were looking forward to because you knew John’s stubborn ass. He’d end up catching a bullet just to keep one out of you.
You watched the end of the drive turn colors, the screen on the computer changing too fast for your eyes to keep up. The phone in John’s hand buzzed and he glanced down to see it read “Finished. Get out”
He nodded to you so you plucked the usb out and he met you halfway the room gripping your wrist, “C’mon” right before his hand landed on the doorknob it twisted. Your heart leapt into your throat “What do we do?” you whispered as he turned to face you, tilting his head to the side, “Please forgive me for this?”
Before you could ask he had you backed against the bookshelf, one of his hands warm on your thigh as he hooked your leg up around his waist. His lips were warm, soft and surprisingly gentle as he kissed you, soft at first then his tongue pushed forward, bullying its way past your lips. The world fell away for a moment, the op, the fact that John slept around so much was why he knew what would feel good, the fact that this wasn’t real. You whined low, fingers gripping his broad shoulders to pull him closer, tilting your head to let him deepen the kiss even more, rocking your hips up into his. He grunted low, moving closer, one hand going up into your hair, tugging just enough to make you moan.
A throat clearing at the door made the two of you break apart. It was a guard looking highly amused. “Aria, Lukas. Mr Blackmoore warned me that the two of you may end up trying to find some privacy but I’m afraid his office isn’t a place he would appreciate you doing this in”
You knew you were flushed, hair tousled from John’s fingers. John didn’t look much better, his chest was heaving and he had to readjust the front of his pants in a way that made your thighs clench. “Sorry sugar” you whispered and the guard chuckled, “No harm, no foul sweetness”
“Easy with that” John damn near growled which just amused the guard more. He waved a hand “Gotta escort you two back downstairs" you hooked your fingers with John’s, feeling his pulse race when your pinky brushed his wrist. Yours was nearly as fast. You winked at the guard “Please don’t let this slip to Mr Blackmoore?” “Course not beautiful” he agreed with a nod. John’s grip tightened on your hand so you squeezed back, walking past the guard and heading for the stairs.
John turned over in his bed, trying and failing to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes all he could think about was how your lips felt, that little sound you made when he hooked your leg around his waist, your tongue tangling with his. Fuck, how you rocked your hips up against him. He’d been rock hard in front of that damn guard and hadn’t even cared. He would’ve fucked you right there had you asked him to. He would do so much more than fuck you. Maybe that was the issue. He wanted you in a way that scared him. He wanted to fall asleep with you in his arms, wake up with you still there. Make your coffee the way you like and get that little grin you’d saved for rare occasions pointed at him.
He finally gave up and threw the blanket off his legs, deciding to go grab a water or something from the kitchen. Maybe he could clear his head.
____________
You woke up panting, a fresh sheen of sweat coating your body. Fuck, how many times had you had that dream since that op? John, not having to stop because the guard came in. His fingers dipping below your dress, pushing into you, curling deep to hit that spot that made your knees weak, hitting his knees in front of you and feasting like a man starved, bending you over the desk in that office and fucking you until you were hoarse from screaming his name and absolutely weak.
You scrubbed both hands down your face. As if your raging crush on John needed wet dreams added into the emotional ones. “Fuck” you muttered, tossing your blanket off. You needed some water and forgot to fill up your cup before bed.
You stepped out of your room, the hallway a little chilly as you padded down it to the kitchen. You could see the light was on but that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. None of you had healthy sleep patterns. Maybe it was Bob raiding his cookie stash or Ava bringing out that fancy tea she kept hidden.
You pushed the door open and froze. Sitting on a bar stool with his back turned to you was John. Your eyes trailed across the scars, moles and freckles that littered his back. The urge to trace them with your fingers was nearly overwhelming. You had no animosity towards Liv but damn if you didn’t hate every single one of his hookups for getting a chance to do just that if they had a brain in their heads.
He lifted a shoulder “Couldn’t sleep?” of course he knew you were there without you having to say anything. “Not really” you walked around the counter to see he was twirling a glass of water between his palms. It wasn’t nightmares that had woke him, you knew that look. This wasn’t it.
You tilted your head, staring at him “What’s wrong John?” he cut his eyes up, let out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a scoff “Nothing. Why are you up?” you nodded to his cup “Needed water” he held it out “Want some?” you knew you probably should resist the urge to tease him but the words were falling out of your mouth before you thought about it, “Have you kissed anyone lately?”
The corners of his mouth ticked up, holding your eyes he said “Not since I had my tongue down your throat” you swallowed hard, feeling a jolt go straight through your core. “Fair enough” you took the glass from his hand, your fingers brushing. He watched you for a moment, eyes drifting over you. “Sorry about that by the way”
You sat the glass down, trying to resist the urge to laugh. He was apologizing for probably the best kiss you’d ever gotten and the most action you’d seen in a year. “No worries Walker. I wasn’t exactly complaining about the whole not getting shot thing…” you trailed off, your eyes landing on the wall behind his head before you added “Plus you’re a damn good kisser”
“Even better when my tongue is in other places” he muttered and your eyes flew up to his. He looked just as shocked as you did. “John?” he ducked his head, scrubbing a hand down his face before he took a deep breath, visibly bracing himself before saying “I can’t stop thinking about you, about that. If you want to fuck I’d love to see what would’ve happened had that guard not interrupted” you knew it was a bad idea, knew you were just going to be another notch in his shield but fuck you wanted him more than you’d ever wanted anyone.
You nodded slowly, walking towards the door and his face fell until you let your fingers trail over his back “You coming or what?” you spoke close to his ear and he looked up at you, blue eyes wide. “Really?” you nodded, “Show me what you’ve got”
______________
You stumbled back into John’s room, his mouth moving from yours down to your neck. He backed you against the door as soon as it was closed, his hands slipped under your shirt, warm and calloused on your skin. “You really want this?” he asked, lips against your skin. “Please” he pulled your shirt up the next moment, baring your upper half to him.
He groaned, palming one of your breasts and dipping his head down to roll the nipple of the other between his lips. “So damn pretty, so sweet” he murmured the words into your skin, his free hand slipping lower, hesitating on the waistband of your sleepshorts. You nodded, grabbing his wrist and easing his hand down lower. He moaned when his finger brushed over your core, feeling how wet you already were. “This for me?” he asked, pulling away from your breast, leaving it shining with his spit, a fresh mark on your skin from his mouth. You nodded, barely able to form words when he nudged your panties to the side and buried two thick fingers into you. Your head fell back against the door, a silent scream getting caught in your throat when he found that place deep inside of you, curling his fingers expertly over it as he circled your clit with his thumb.
You could feel that tension building in your stomach, he moved back up to your lips, tongue slipping into your mouth to tangle with yours, swallowing your moans as he fucked you on his fingers. You were right on the edge and when he sped up just a bit, twisted his wrist just slightly, your orgasm slammed into you. You whimpered his name into his mouth, your knees shaking. He worked you through the orgasm, only stopping when you pushed at his hand. He slipped his fingers free of you, chuckling when your knees wobbled. He brought the digits up to his fingers, licking them clean. Your thighs clenched at the sight. He grinned, “Think you’re ready for more?” you nodded, “Please” he leaned down to pick you up, your legs wrapping around his waist on instinct and that put your core right over his hard cock. You moaned, rolling your hips down and he groaned, grip tightening on you “Let me get to the bed”
He walked over to the bed, bracing one knee onto it to climb up with you. He laid you down, his broader frame pressing you into the mattress. You tugged him down with you, lips finding his again even as you lifted your hips to wiggle out of your shorts and panties. He pushed his sweats off, kicking them off the bed and wedging himself between your thighs. He broke away from the kiss, moving down your neck, licking over your pulse point “You’re sure?” you nodded, slipping your hand down to wrap around his hard cock, whimpering slightly at the mere weight of it in your hand. He let you line him up with your opening before he slowly pushed into you. Your head fell back against the pillows, a moan leaving you and the prettiest groan falling from John. Every nerve ending felt like it was on fire in the best way, you’d never been filled so completely. Once he bottomed out he stilled, eyes wide “Fuck. I forgot a condom” you laughed then moaned when that action caused you to clench around him and he rocked his hips forward without meaning to. “Have you used one every time?” he nodded, eyes dropping from your face to where he was bared inside of you, bare, nothing between your bodies. “Always, never wanted to risk it. I guess I got caught up with us living in the same place”
You shrugged, tugging him into another kiss “I’m on birth control John. I haven’t had sex in a year” he dropped his face to your chest, the tremor in his muscles telling you he was fighting himself “Sweetheart I can pull out and put a condom on. I didn’t mean to go bare” “It’s ok John, just fuck me please” you were starting to feel pathetic. “Unless you changed your mind?” you added and his eyes shot up, a near panicked look in them “What? No”
You rocked your hips up, moaning when that caused you to take him deeper. “Then show me why most of New York wants to sleep with John Walker” he growled low, teeth grazing your chest, “Red if its too much” you nodded, buried your fingers in his hair and tugged hard enough his eyes rolled back a bit when you were able to pull him into a kiss “It won’t be too much. Now fuck me like you mean it Captain”
You woke up, a delicious soreness between your legs, body probably covered in marks from John’s teeth, a feeling of slight beard burn between your thighs and a heavy weight around your waist where his arm was tucked. You closed your eyes, the memories from the night before crashing back into you.
“Feels so damn good” John moaned, one hand bracing himself, the other under your body, splayed wide across your lower back to hold you close. Every thrust took your breath he was going so deep. You could hear the bed knocking into the wall with every snap of his hip but the pleasure shooting up your spine made any worry quickly disappear. Your nails digging into his shoulders, him telling you to mark him up. The way it felt when you came for the fourth time, body trying to give into exhaustion at that point. Him being hell bent on making it five before he allowed himself to cum. The way the bed had cracked just as both of you had reached that peak together, neither of you caring as you clung to each other, the aftershocks rolling through your system as he kept fucking you, your pussy milking his cock for every drop of cum.
You scrubbed your hand down your face. You could feel his cum drying on your thighs, still feel the faint ghost of his lips on your skin. Fuck you could not let him wake up after a night that meant so fucking much to you only for you to be faced with the reality that you were indeed just a notch in his shield.
You looked around, spotting your shorts and panties. Your shirt was by the door. You had an escape route planned. You were trying to figure a way out when his arm shifted just enough, loosened just enough you were able to shift the pillow you’d been laying on under it in your place. You slid off the bed onto the floor, waiting for a few seconds and when the only sound was his breathing you stood up and quickly snatched your clothes on and slipped out of the door.
________________
John shifted in his sleep, the scent of your shampoo hitting his nose. He slowly woke up, memories from the night before hitting him.
“John” just hearing you say his name, every other woman since Olivia had used Walker even in bed. Even if they said his name, it didn’t sound like it did coming from you. Seeing the look in your eyes when you came, the way you clung to him even tighter, buried your face so damn cutely in his chest, whining out his name, begging him to not stop even when you were quivering under him. You snuggling up to him as you dozed off.
He reached out to pull you into his arms, the words “Do you want to go out with me?” resting on the tip of his tongue but they died when he realized the other side of the bed was empty, cold. You were gone. He sat up, glancing around. The bathroom door was open so you weren’t in there. No, you’d just fucked him and left him. So much for the possibility of you having feelings for him too.
You walked into the kitchen, shooting Yelena a smile when she spotted you. She was talking to John but the moment she greeted you his shoulders tensed. You smiled brightly at him, “Morning John” he nodded “Morning”
You headed for the coffee maker but the moment your back was turned you heard John mumble something about training and he left the room. You turned back to see Yelena looking between you and John’s retreating form “Something happen?” you shook your head “Not that I know of?”
You couldn’t deny it any longer. John was acting weird towards you, only you. At first you’d thought maybe it was close to an anniversary of some sort. Those could be hard but then the closer you paid attention the more apparent it became he was freezing only you out. You didn’t know what to do. Your heart ached. You never should’ve let those lines get crossed, never should’ve given him your body for a night when he’d already had your heart for months.
____________
John was certain it would hurt less if you’d shoot him than treat him like nothing had changed. Everything had changed. He couldn’t think of anything but you. He didn’t go out anymore, deleted every number from his phone that wasn’t team or Liv. He just never expected things with you to be what they’d become.
He was trying to find the book he’d been reading. He wasn’t sure where he misplaced it but Bob told him to ask Yelena because she’d redone the library in the tower. He was about to knock on her door when he heard your voice drift through “I.. I know it was just sex to him, just another hookup. I’ll never be in his life like Olivia was, I’ll never be better or even close to her but I don’t know why he suddenly hates me now” his heart hit his feet. Was that what you thought? How you felt?
You were never just a hookup to him. He didn’t know how to prove that, fuck he’d been treating you so badly since he woke up alone.
A few nights had passed since John overheard your conversation with Yelena. He headed into the kitchen and froze when he realized you were sitting at the counter. He almost walked out but dammit he wasn’t losing another woman he loved without a fight. “Can we talk?” he asked softly, already bracing himself for you guilting him, being angry at him because he deserved it for the way he treated you. He hadn’t been prepared for you to look up, eyes wide with unshed tears, looking like your head and head couldn’t decide between heartbreak and anger. “What did I do?” you asked in the smallest voice he’d ever heard come out of you.
He dropped his head, unable to meet your eyes when he admitted, “You weren’t there when I woke up” He heard the moment you froze, only your breathing letting him know you were still there but he continued “Heard you and Lena talking about it. It wasn’t just a hookup to me and I realize how it probably looked to you” he finally raised his eyes to you and god he hadn’t been prepared for a look of guilt to be on your face because none of this was your fault. He should’ve made it clear what that night was after bringing so many women through.
“John..” just hearing his name on your lips made him close his eyes for a moment before looking back at you. You gave him a small smile then looked away and took a deep breath “I wasn’t there when you woke up because I couldn’t face being just another woman to you with how I feel about you”
The breath caught in his throat as you continued “Wouldn’t have been able to face both you or myself again had I interpreted amazing sex as more than just that” you trailed off and he took a hesitant step closer “We should’ve talked earlier” he mumbled and you nodded, a shaking breath leaving you.
You finally looked fully at John, the raw honesty on his face making your heart ache. “Sweetheart, that night meant more to me than any other night has ever. To have you trust me like that, to finally be with you like that, to be with someone who mattered to me, who I mattered to, that I cared about as deeply as I care about you.. I that I would die for, live for” he trailed off and you couldn’t take it any more. You moved off the stool and covered the last step to being in his arms, burying yourself in his chest because you didn’t ever think he’d feel like that. “Just live for me John” you got out, muffled by his shirt because he’d wrapped both arms around you.
“Are you saying this can be something more? I don’t want another hookup, I couldn't do it after you. You mean too much to me, that night meant too much to me” you closed your eyes at his words, kissing his chest over his shirt. “I want this to be something John, I just couldn’t think of you being with anyone else after that”
John sighed in relief, body relaxing as yours did, both of you holding onto each other just a little tighter. You looked up at him, a small smile “Come lay down with me? Just hold me” god he could die happy on the spot. The reality of you wanting him in innocent ways too, wanting him to hold you, just wanting to be with him. You actually wanted this as much as he did.
“Anything you want baby” he whispered into your hair.
_____________
You tucked yourself against John’s chest once you were both in your bed. His arms were locked tightly around you and you couldn’t stop the little satisfied sigh that fell from your lips. He looked down and you smiled up at him “This is real isn’t it?” he asked softly with his lips against your temple. You nodded, scooting closer “Very real”
He kissed your temple, hand smoothing down your back, “I just want to be yours sweetheart” you kissed his chest, right over his heart since he’d slipped his shirt off, “You are mine John and I’m yours” he sighed in relief closing his eyes tightly for a moment, “Fuck I thought I’d lost you”
You leaned up to press a kiss to his lips, “Never love” his eyes flew open, pupils blown and you laughed “What is that reaction?” he shrugged, “You called me love” you got a bit worried “Is that.. Is that ok?” the grin that slipped onto his face told him everything you needed to know “I love it more than anything” you laughed, laying back against him “Good, then get some sleep. Yelena is gonna be giving us hell” he chuckled, tucking you closer “She can give me all the hell she wants I’ve got you in my arms”
“Quit sweet talking, you’ve got me” you teased and he shook his head, “Nope, never”
You’re finally over being touch adverse, at least where the team and John is concerned. That is until a reporter says some things that get under your skin
Mention of being touch starved, an asshole reporter, slight mention of sex
Between Sam and Curtis pretty much everyone that needed a bit of help had managed to find therapists that fit their needs. You’d brought up the fact that most of your life you’d been highly adverse to touch. When you weren’t actively fighting or getting wounds patched up, you never wanted anyone touching you but now you craved it.
Yelena would catch you laying across the couch to watch a movie and immediately wiggle her way under the blanket to fit with you. Bob would find you on the roof just enjoying a warm evening and sit shoulder to shoulder with you, offering you cookies out of his stash he’d hidden away from Alexei. Ava was comfortable resting her weight on you when she was half asleep in the morning and didn’t trust her own abilities to not space out on her. Even when Bucky would randomly pass you his arm fresh out the dishwasher and ask you to hold it for him. You found your people and you were no longer adverse to touch or to their touch anyways. You loved it and as far as John’s touch went?
You couldn’t get enough of John’s touch. The way he’d walk past and run his fingers along your back or side in the gym, slipping your arms around his waist in the kitchen and pressing your face into the empty space between his shoulders while he cooked. Cuddling into his side during movies, having a hand on his thigh during meetings, after sex the way he’d stay with his arms wrapped around you, just holding you. After solo missions when you’d meet him in the hangar, run to him and practically jump into his arms. That would be when you’d finally felt like you’d made it home.
You were so in love with him it hurt. You hadn’t told him yet. You couldn’t. Hell he’d been married to his high school sweetheart and Olivia was such an amazing woman. You wanted him to come around first, wanted him to say it first, if there was anything to say that was. You knew John cared about you, he would protect you with his life, held you like you were something worth losing, fucked you like it was his very reason for being on earth.
That was more than enough. Especially considering you’d never once had anything like you did with John before.
You were standing in front of John, leaning back against his chest. You’d pulled his arms around you halfway through the senator's speech and he’d pulled you back against his chest, stepping closer. “Cold or just wanna be closer?” he whispered into your ear. “Both” you laughed and you could feel his grin against the side of your face before he pressed a kiss to your temple.
Yelena fake gagged where she stood next to you. You rolled your eyes and opened your arms, she grinned and tucked herself into your arms like you were in John’s. Bob laughed at the image and Ava just shook her head.
There was a plus side to Yelena being a bit shorter than you. This angle worked even when you were both in heels. Bucky walked up to your group and shook his head “Should’ve known” you grinned at him. “Hey, is the senator almost done?”
He nodded, “We can almost wrap it up here” you grinned and Yelena looked over her shoulder at you, “Wanna come with me to grab some of those fancy desserts for the road?” Bucky sighed, “Please so she doesn’t take the entire tray again”
You laughed, leaning your head back to press a quick kiss to John’s lips. “Be right back baby” he nodded, “Ok sweetheart” and kissed you once more before letting you go.
____________
You were waiting for Yelena and Bob to get through bartering with catering, laughing at their need for lemon tarts when you heard your team being mentioned. You froze, hoping like hell it wasn’t some asshole.
The next thing you knew you heard John’s name. You stepped closer and heard “Gotta say, he’s doing pretty good considering but damn does she ever let the man breathe” who? Who never let John breathe? `you kept listening and your heart fell when you heard your name. “She’s a damn good hero. She does her job and saves lives but the man has got to be so damn tired of her always clinging onto him. You know he went from a normal marriage to a relationship with someone who is so desperately touch starved its pathetic”
You didn’t mean to let the words land as hard as they did. When you and John first got together you’d both had your issues. His marriage had been one for you both. He had felt like it was a betrayal to Liv to be dating, to having feelings for you. You felt like you’d never be able to compare to her. Now to have people talking like that, in public. For the woman the reporter was talking to’s credit she shut it down. “That’s not fair. You only see what happens in the public eye. Just because they touch a lot doesn’t mean he doesn’t like it” the reporter just scoffed. “Yeah” and walked away.
You stood there, staring down at your shoes, feeling like you may throw up. The entire room had shifted. It felt too hot. You didn’t ever register Yelena calling your name at first, not until Bob bumped your shoulder and held out one of the tarts. “Saved you one” you tried to smile, took it from him. “Thanks Bob” your act must have been convincing enough because he grinned.
Yelena eyed you, "Something is wrong” you shook your head, taking a bite of the tart in an effort to be convincing. “Just tired” she stared you down for a long time before nodding, “Come on then, lets go talk to Barnes and hopefully we can head home”
____________
When John saw you, Yelena and Bob headed his way a smile slipped onto his face. He expected you to slip back into his arms, wrap yourself around him like you always did. Instead when he reached an arm out for you, you barely let him pull you against his chest before you were pressing a kiss to his jaw and murmuring you were gonna ask Bucky if you all could leave yet and just like that as fast as he had gotten you into his arms you were gone again.
He told himself you were just tired. That was it. Your social battery wasn’t much better than his. The only difference was no one looked at you like they did him because you’d never publicly decapitated someone and you were absolutely beautiful.
When you got back to him, you smiled softly “Good news, Bucky said we can all head out”
The lot of you headed for the cars waiting to cart you back to the tower. On the way here you’d been sitting tucked into John’s side with Yelena in your lap, laughing brightly at something off the wall Bob had said. Now? You sat with a space between you and John wide enough your handbag fit with room, Yelena was talking to Bob and Ava low and you were quiet. “Are you ok baby?” John asked after a moment and you looked up like you’d been somewhere else entirely, a small smile on your face “Yeah love, of course”
You didn’t mean to let that reporter’s words fester the way they had but it was like a virus that had gotten under your skin and the longer you let it gestate the worse the symptoms got. You would catch yourself reaching for John in the kitchen, wanting to slip your arms around his waist. Then the words would make their way through your head again “the man has got to be so damn tired of her always clinging onto him”
You’d side step him and just reach for coffee instead to have something to do to distract your hands, opting to just stand near him while he cooked, hoping that wasn’t too much.
You didn’t stay in his hugs any more. You used to tug him back into you, snuggle deeper into his hold. Now you’d wiggle out after a few moments, making sure you weren’t clinging to him.
You found yourself digging up old interviews of him online. The ones with Olivia at his side. You spent too long watching how she was with him. The way she’d touch his arm or side but never more. She was the love of his life, his first love, the mother of his child and a civilian yet she could conduct herself better than you. John held no blame whatsoever if he was to get tired of you.
You pulled up interviews of all of you, filmed footage fans had posted and flinched like you’d been slapped seeing them side by side. You leaning back against John’s chest, laying your head over on his arm, whispering something in his ear. You really were pathetic. You needed to pull back, from him, from everyone. God they were probably so damn tired of you.
John didn’t know what to think. He was almost certain he hadn’t done anything, he wracked his brain trying to remember but no instant came to mind. Something was different, something happened that he didn’t catch.
He knew it before he found you asleep with your laptop, dried tears on your cheeks. He knew it when he felt you behind him when he was cooking, waited to feel your arms around him and the feeling never came, instead the sinking disappointment when he realized you’d just gotten coffee and were standing a few feet away.
He knew it when you wiggled out of his hugs after just a few seconds, knew it when you no longer wanted him staying inside of you, holding you close after sex. He knew it when you stopped getting close to him during debriefings, choosing to stand against the wall. He knew it when you opted out of movie nights, claiming headaches or tiredness.
He loved you so damn much it hurt. He never expected to feel that way about anyone again. You were never afraid of him, even before you got together, you challenged him positively at every corner. You weren’t afraid to be his. You would sink into his embrace if ambassadors from all over the world were watching, if you went on separate missions he’d have to brace his feet when he’d hear you coming in the hangar because you’d throw yourself into his arms. He loved it, loved feeling like he was yours, like you wanted him as much as he wanted you, like he was finally doing something right because if you’d gone from being so damn adverse to touch to wanting his he must have done something right.
He was willing to ask Yelena if he’d done anything, knowing she’d never miss a chance to roast him but he didn’t want to put words to what was happening. It felt like you were already halfway out of this relationship, like if you weren’t getting the physical contact you’d come to crave from him, maybe you were getting it from somewhere else and that was why you no longer wanted his.
That broke him. The idea of you with anyone else. He’d already lost Olivia. He didn’t know if he could survive losing you.
You were exhausted. Solo missions tended to kick everyone’s ass but at least you didn’t need a trip to medical. That was a plus. John and Yelena were both due back from their own missions too. Bucky and Ava had stayed back just in case either of you needed help or an emergency evac.
You trudged off the jet, seeing John across the way and Yelena already putting her gear away. John froze when he saw you, a small smile on his face. Every fiber in your being screamed to be in his arms, to run across the hangar and sling yourself into his embrace but the words “normal marriage” and “desperately touch starved” stopped you.
You walked to the lockers to put your gear away, John coming up next to you. His hand brushed your lower back and you struggled to not melt into it. “You ok?” he asked softly and you nodded, “You?” he sighed, “Am now” you swallowed hard, managed to get your emotions under control and turned to face him after securing your locker with your fingerprint. “I’m gonna go shower, ok?” you pressed a kiss to his jaw and turned to walk away before your heart absolutely burst out of your chest begging him to just hold you.
____________
John watched you walk away, feeling like his entire body was frozen. He couldn’t do this anymore. He looked up and Yelena was already staring at him. She nodded towards the hallway where you disappeared and he lifted a shoulder, letting it drop before following you.
He let himself into your room after he’d gotten a quick shower and sat down on the edge of your bed. He could still hear your shower running. He was trying to get his words straight in his head before you came out, didn’t want to flat out accuse you but needed to know.
___________
You’d heard the moment John walked into your room. He wasn’t trying to be quiet, didn’t want to spook you. Maybe that was why you were taking longer than necessary in the shower? You didn’t want to face him. Didn’t want to try to keep this distance so you didn’t lose him when all you wanted was to wrap yourself around him.
You slipped the shirt of his you’d grabbed from the dresser on your body. Towel dried your hair and stepped out. He looked up the moment you did and your heart flipped. God he was so handsome, so sweet to you, held you so gently. You missed him so much.
“Do you have someone else?” he asked and you froze, heart hitting your feet because you never thought he’d accuse you of that. He knew how you felt about cheating. “What?” he stood up, holding his arms out helplessly and looked so broken in that moment, “You don’t want me like you used to. You don’t kiss me first, don't want me holding you as much, barely acknowledge me after solo missions, I miss you and it feels like you’re halfway out of this”
Your face fell to match your heart. You took a careful step towards him, “Fuck John, I..: you struggled for words, “I don’t have anyone else, how could I? You’re the perfect man for me.. its just.. God it’s stupid, I know but I heard a reporter say how I’m probably too much for you because I’m too clingy and you are gonna get tired of me and I guess it got to me” you trailed off, eyes dropping because you felt so guilty for not realizing how you’d been making John feel.
“Too clingy?” John felt his eyebrows scrunch together because he honestly didn’t understand. He loved every time you wiggled into his arms, held onto him just a little longer, kissed him a little deeper. “I’m always on you or near you. It’s got to be too much at times. I didn’t want you getting tired of me so I backed off so I wouldn’t lose you”
John had to take a deep breath to not storm out and find the damn reporter that put that poison into your head that moment. He sighed, leaning his head down to catch your eyes, “And you almost lost me because you pulled away” he scrubbed a hand down his face looking around your room before saying, “I love you being clingy. I love feeling loved and god dammit I love you!”
Your mouth fell open, a bit shocked at John’s words. “You love me?” he nodded, sitting back down then held out a hand “At the risk of sounding clingy can you come here?” you walked across the room and he gently tugged you down into his lap, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Please come talk to me. Don’t go off some asshole’s comments or even your own worries. Please”
You nodded, laying your head over on the curve of his neck and he sighed in relief at having you that close again. He barely caught your whisper of “I love you too, by the way”
He shifted back onto the bed, laying down with you still draped over him. He pulled the blanket up around you both. Right before you dozed off he whispered “I love you, clingy and all” you huffed out a sleepy laugh, “I love you too” he was going to find that damned reporter, Yelena would help him but for tonight you were back in his arms where you belonged.
John woke up slowly, the feeling of you trying to nuzzle closer into his neck waking him. “I’m right here sweetheart” he mumbled and you shook your head, still half asleep, “Not close enough” his heart ached then because he realized what that distance you’d put between both of you had cost you too. You had tried so hard not to lose him, you’d been hurting yourself.
“How close do you want me?” he asked looking down to see you were already looking up at him with a shy smile, “As close as possible” your fingers were slipping under his shirt as you spoke. He grinned, “You sure?” “Please” you breathed, kissing down his neck.
He turned the two of you so your back was to the bed, his weight settling on top of you, “Whatever you want baby” he slipped the shirt over his head and tossed it, yours was next. You kissed him, tongue slipping past his lips to tangle with his, hand slipping below the waistband of his sweats and he groaned, “You want me inside you huh?” you nodded, pulling back to look up at him, “I love you and I’ve missed you so much” that killed him in the best of ways. He shoved the sweats down, nudging your legs apart. He couldn’t deny such a pretty request. “Gonna stay wrapped up in you as long as you’ll have me. I need you close” he murmured against your lips and you whined, hooking your legs around his waist, “The rest of our lives sound good?” “Sounds perfect to me”
When he lined himself up with your opening, pushing inside slow enough you could feel every vein and ridge he felt a shiver run through your body. “Fuck I missed you so much” you whimpered, lips against his. He nodded, kissing your lips then your cheek then your neck, “Missed you too sweetheart but that is never happening again” he gave a tentative roll of his hips and your back arched, hands gripping onto him like a lifeline. He chuckled low, “Fuck why would I ever not want you clinging to me? I’d have to be an idiot to not want the woman I love in my arms”
You buried your face in his chest but he knew you well enough to pinpoint when you were getting shy over something. He turned his head to nuzzle at your neck, “I love you so damn much, always want you near me” you moaned at his words, turning to face him and god the love in your eyes made his chest ache. “I love you so damn much too John, couldn’t stand the idea of losing you”
“You could never” he promised, wrapping both arms around you to keep you as close as possible, his hips rolling into your deep and slow, letting the pressure build at a lazy pace. You had all morning to make love to each other, he’d find that damn reporter later, for now it was all about making you see just how much he loved you and wanted you right here in his arms where you belonged.
You were ok with hiding your feelings for John, until his new girlfriend cheated
You weren’t sure when you fell for John. God knows you never meant to, never saw it coming. He was so much more than he seemed. He was the man that always watched everyone’s backs, made sure weapons were always in top shape, that gear was cinched tightly and comms were all on the right channel.
The man who kept every little crayon doodle that Eli made him tucked away either in his nightstand or in his wallet because no matter what he’d gone through letting that little boy and Olivia down would always be his biggest regret, the man who cooked grilled cheese without the crust for Bob and Yelena at two in the morning, the man that would silently sit with you on bad nights, make sure you made it to the infirmary if you got hurt and would actually let himself be checked out if you asked him to go.
Unfortunately he met Maren before you worked up the nerve to tell him. You didn’t want to risk making things weird with being teammates, friends and effectively roommates with you both living in the tower. A week after he met Maren, you met Felix. He was handsome enough, didn’t get like some men would over dating an “avenger”, it was nice for a little while until you realized that you were using him and he was actually falling for you. You broke things off as gently as you could.
The comfort was the fact you knew it wasn’t your jealousy making you dislike Maren. No one else did. Olivia made sure to schedule visits when she knew Maren wouldn’t be over, Bob would stand up and leave the room when she walked in, Ava and Yelena weren’t shy about their opinions, hell even Alexei would mumble “She’s not very good fit is she?”
You endured it. John was still paired with you on missions, still trained with you, was still there on rough nights, even if you had to remind yourself to hold a certain amount of distance. You could at least still have him as a friend. That changed when he left one night to go over to Maren’s. All of you had gotten back early from a mission, Bob wanted a movie night, the disappointment you felt at seeing John walk out the door to choose her over all of you made you stomach drop.
You curled up on the end of the couch, Yelena crawled up next to you, silently laying her head in your lap. You smiled to yourself, teasing your fingers through her hair. She knew how you felt about John. She’d long since picked it up, had offered to break them up but you couldn’t do that. It wasn’t John’s fault he didn’t feel the way about you that you felt about him. You’d rather have him in your life as something than things just being tense and awkward because you confessed.
“He’ll get his head out of his ass one day” she whispered. You shook your head, nodding towards the tv, “Shhh Bob is excited about this one” she nodded, turning her eyes back to the screen.
____________
You had no idea when you dozed off, you just knew you woke up to the sound of footsteps coming closer to the couch. You shifted, eyes opening to see John drop into the chair across from you and realized you were covered with one of Ava’s blankets. “You’re back early” you whispered and he nodded, scrubbing a hand down his face “Would’ve been back sooner but I just needed to clear my head for a while”
You pushed yourself up to a sitting position, taking in his posture a little bit more. He looked rattled, “John, what happened?” he shrugged, a bitter sounding laugh falling from his lips “She was surprised to see me” you nodded slowly, feeling like that had a different meaning than you thought so you asked, “What’s that mean?”
He raised his eyes to you, blue eyes trailing over your face, leaving a feeling of warmth in their wake. You hated when he did that, hated that he had that power over you and didn’t realize it. “She had another man there, apparently she’s been cheating on me damn near the entire time I was dating her” “I’m sorry John” you meant it, you loved him too much to wish him any pain. He shrugged, “Should’ve seen it coming”
He stood up, looking around the room. “You headed to bed?” you nodded, tucking Ava’s blanket around yourself, “Yeah, wanna walk me since we’re on the same floor?” he half smiled then, “Sounds good to me”
John watched you shuffle down the hall to the elevator, the dark blanket tucked tightly around your shoulders. Your hair was a bit tousled from being asleep, eyes half hooded. You were so damn pretty it wasn’t fair. He still wondered what happened with Felix. You’d seemed happy for a while there until you suddenly broke things off. He hadn’t cheated at least. He shook his head, thinking about Maren with that guy, more so the fact that it should have bothered him more than it did. He knew why it didn’t. It had everything to do with how he felt about you. It hurt being cheated on but he wasn’t in love with her or anything. Why not just break up with him? He shook his head again, trying to clear his thoughts, he needed some sleep. He was supposed to train with you the next day, the coming weekend he had visitation with Eli. He needed to focus, not think about how cute you looked trying to fight a yawn.
“So, are you going to tell him now?” Yelena was sitting on the kitchen counter in front of you. You were cutting up fruit and she was stealing it as fast as you could cut it. “No”
She rolled her eyes, popping a strawberry into her mouth. “Even his ex-wife is good with you being around her son. I think that says something” “That I’m his teammate? That I’d protect her or their son if they ever needed it?”
She huffed, shoving a strawberry into your mouth that time, “I never thought I’d see you being a coward over anything” about that time John walked into the kitchen and froze, taking in the sight of you aggressively chewing a strawberry and glaring at Yelena. “What did I miss?” he asked and Yelena grinned “She’s being a coward Walker”
He headed for the coffee maker, shaking his head. “Hard to believe that one Belova. She isn’t scared of a lot” “This time she is” Yelena hopped off the counter, winked at you then walked out the room.
John poured coffee then turned to stare at you with a raised eyebrow, “Wanna tell me what that was about?” you shook your head, “Nope” he nodded, motioning to your fruit “Want some waffles to go with that?” you grinned “Sure”
You’d just walked back into the tower with Yelena and Bob. The three of you had gone on a coffee shop run. You barely stepped off the elevator when it dinged again, signaling someone was coming up. You cut your eyes at Yelena, wondering who it was. Mel wasn’t due, Olivia didn’t like coming to the tower, any of Sam’s crew always made sure to let someone know before they came over.
The three of you turned to face the elevator and Maren stepped off. “Oh fuck no” Bob waved a hand behind him, “I’m gonna go” Yelena muttered, “Are you gonna kill her?” you shook your head, “i can be civil” she laughed but walked away.
Maren stepped off, that overly fake smile of hers plastered in place when she saw you. She spoke your name like it pained her, like her tongue was numb but forming the words. “Is John around?” “You’re not seeing him. The best thing you can do is get on that elevator and never step foot in this tower again”
Her eyes widened, “What?” you nodded, taking a step closer but managing to keep your voice low, “Matter of fact, I’m going to make sure downstairs no longer lets you in even off the streets. Hell I’ll call the NYPD to make sure you don’t come within a block of here. That’s me being nice, me protecting you because believe me it is taking every ounce of self control I have to not break every last bone that is in your face” you managed to keep a smile on your face as you said it and you weren’t sure if that made it worse.
“Well. Why do you even care? It’s not it affects you” you felt your jaw clench and your smile dropped, you stepped even closer,the toes of your boots brushing the toes of her heels, “Because I actually love him and would never dream of cheating on him unlike the pathetic little sorry excuse for a woman you are, bitch”
You had no idea that when Bob and Yelena disappeared they went to alert John of what was happening. You didn’t even know he was behind you until Maren’s eyes flickered up. You followed her sight and felt your heart drop. He heard you. His eyes stayed glued to you. “You heard her, Maren. Fuck off” he damn near growled and that seemed to get her to move. She stumbled back onto the elevator, hitting the button and muttering about crazy superheroes.
“John, I didn't mean for you to hear that. Hell, I didn't mean to tell her that. I was just so pissed” he stayed silent for a moment but as soon as you opened your mouth to stammer out another apology he was crossing the floor, lips crashing into yours like it was his last act on earth and he meant to make it last. You whined light, feeling one of his hands fall to your hip, the other cup your chin, you almost melted into the kiss then reality hit. Was this just because of her?
You tried to pull away but John slipped his arm around your waist, his other around your shoulders and he muttered against your lips “Baby please don’t leave after admitting that” you moaned at his words and he used the chance to kiss you again before admitting, “I want you, fuck wanted you for so long. Dated her to try to get over you. I love you too”
You pulled back far enough to see his face, looking for any hint of a lie but there was nothing but love there and tears brimming in those tiny oceans you loved losing yourself in. He kissed your nose, “Please believe me sweetheart. You were with someone else by the time I truly realized how deep I felt then you and him broke up and I didn’t know what to do and she cheated and you were so pissed off..” you shook your head “Shut up John” and pulled him back down into another kiss to quiet his rambling.
He groaned roughly, pulling you closer, tongue slipping past your lips to tangle with your own. When the need for air pushed the two of you apart, he grinned, letting his forehead rest against yours, “I love you, god I love you. Let me take you out on a real date, do this right, show you I mean it” you nodded, pressing a kiss to his lips “Whatever you want baby but for now..” you grinned and he chuckled, “Use your words beautiful”
You cut your eyes up at him, feeling your face warm “I don’t like knowing she was the last woman to touch you” he rolled his bottom lip between his teeth, leaning down to scoop you up into his arms, his hands firm on the back of your thighs. You let out a small yelp but knew he could easily carry you. He smirked, pressing a kiss right over your pulse “Well lets go change that then”
John is just a little too pretty for your own good
You’re not really sure when your little crush on John started. If you had to guess, it probably started in the desert. You didn’t really acknowledge it as attraction, more so just appreciation. He was handsome, downright pretty. At the moment his hair had been disheveled from the helmet, that crooked half smile on his face and he’d spotted cactus berries out of nowhere to feed you, Yelena and Ava with.
You of course pushed the moment off on being grateful to be alive and have food when you hadn’t ingested anything in over thirty hours. Besides, you'd thought he was still married. You’d never actually entertain thoughts like that about a married man.
Then the next thing you knew all of you were tied up in a gas station, Bucky telling everyone that John’s wife had left him and that all of you had decisions to make with your life. You felt horrible then for thinking John was attractive because he looked absolutely heartbroken when Bucky blasted him out so you shoved that down, focused on saving Bob, stopping the void, taking back New York then came Valentina springing the whole “New Avengers” bullshit on all of you and personally you would’ve rather stayed with the thunderbolts as your team name if you had to be a team but that wasn’t your choice now was it?
John could feel your eyes on him again. He did so often he should probably be used to it by now. What, were you waiting on him to chop someone else’s head off with his shield?
He finally asked you one day in the gym when it was just the two of you. “Why do you stare at me so often? I’m not dangerous or not anymore so than anyone else on this team”
You shook your head, a giggle falling from your lips “That’s why you think I stare at you?” he nodded, you shook your head, stepped close enough to pat his chest “You’re just so damn pretty it’s unfair. That’s all” he could feel his face flush and he tried to hide it but knew you saw it, especially when you simply winked at him and walked away.
You found him pretty? You, who the team adored, who the public adored, found him pretty. He couldn’t wrap his head around it. Couldn’t see it.
The next movie night he was already sitting on the couch in the common room when you walked in. He figured you’d sit with Yelena, Ava, hell maybe even Bucky. Instead, you walked over and sat down next to him, turning to lay halfway across his lap. He could feel himself flush but didn’t say anything, even when you cut your eyes up at him and gave him a small smile before turning your attention back to the screen.
He was, he had something he could concentrate on. He was focusing on the movie, on everyone else’s presence but when they started calling it a night and you were still in his lap, it was hard to focus on anything else, especially when you turned to fully face him, letting your eyes trail over his face before your fingers followed the same path.
His fingers shuddered where they’d come to rest where he hoped was a respectful height on your sides. He let you trace his features, a soft smile slipping onto your face. “You’re really pretty John. I don’t mean anything bad by that. I know you have that whole masculinity mindset but I like your nose and your grin is a little lop sided when you’re actually happy, that damn underbite and don’t even get me started on your eyes” you traced directly under his eyes, a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a light moan leaving you, “That pretty dark spot just below your pupil and god John you have incredible eyelashes. You’re just pretty in a handsome way” god he was melting, absolute putty in your hands and prayed you didn’t realize.
“Sweetheart..” he tried but you shushed him, “I’m enjoying the view dammit” his lips ticked up without him meaning to, he finally managed to whisper, “You’re so damn much prettier”
You shook your head, “Different pretty, not more or less” then leaned in and your lips met his jaw. He froze, unsure what to do until you whispered “I really like you John and not just because you’re pretty”
He breathed out slowly, making sure you didn’t pull away but pulling into you into a proper kiss, his hand on your cheek. You shifted to kiss him back, leg slipping over his lap to straddle him. His free hand moved to just below your rib cage, enjoying the warmth and softness of you. You kept pressing soft kisses to his lips that were so damn sweet he could’ve just melted into you.
You kept mumbling between kisses how pretty he was, how sweet, how much you liked that he was gentle with you but so damn strong. You pulled back and for a heartbeat he worried he’d gone too far but you just smiled and pulled him back into another kiss, he grunted low, smiled into the kiss, parting his tongue to welcome yours when he felt it flicking against his lips. You whined lightly, your hands splayed across his chest, plump and warm over him. He was in absolute heaven.
You could feel him harden under you, how big his bulge was. He mumbled an apology against your lips, lifting you just far he could readjust before kissing you again. He pulled back, lips trailing down your neck, “This is a thing right? You wanna try this?” you nodded, “Please” he huffed out a laugh “Good” you both knew you’d want to take it slower, you were teammates, lived together, even if you’d both be chasing a relief alone in the showers to the thought of the other later. This was plenty for now, finally knowing the other felt the same way, finally giving in.
Just in case anyone was wondering why things have tampered off a bit, real world has been kicking my ass between being dog tired from working constantly and college I haven’t been getting a lot of time to write but I squeeze in what I can when I can. I am doing kinktober/ smutober this year i already have the list settled on who im writing what for so there’s that. Inbox is open!! so enjoy whats here.❤️❤️
Maybe you shouldn’t have made the bet on who could go longer without breaking (part of Blue Eyes verse)
John gets in his feels, everyone is horny AF, Yelena finds it hilarious that both men are wrapped around your little finger
Yelena made an off handed comment, “They’re absolutely addicted to you, I swear. I wonder who could go longer before breaking, one of them or you?” you laughed it off but then you actually started thinking about it, a little too much if you were being honest.
Lewis always wanted you tucked up to his chest to fall asleep, feeling your pulse helped to lull him under peacefully. John on the other hand, always curled up to your back, having his chest tucked firmly against you like he couldn’t stand the idea of much distance.
When it came to sex, Lewis craved you not only from the fact that you were in love with each other but the imprint made you one of his needs as soon as your relationship turned physical. He would never push you but he could never resist having a hand on you in some way either. John on the other hand, you had no idea how Olivia ever kept up with him. He was insatiable, a bit on the jealous side and had this way about him that even when no sex was involved that made you feel like the most desirable creature.
You loved both of them more than you ever dreamt of but who would break first? A part of you felt like it was a double sided sword. If you brought up the question, what would they say? If they could go a long time without breaking, what did that say about you? Would you spiral? Would they spiral? You shook your head, knowing it was a bad idea.
Unfortunately for you, those two men could read you like a book. You were laying in the center of the bed, propped up on pillows while you typed up reports on your laptop. You were wearing Lewis’ shirt and a pair of John’s boxers. You wanted comfort and it wasn’t like they needed lacy lingerie to find you alluring anyway.
They both walked into the room and froze in the doorway, watching you for a moment. “Baby?” John spoke first and you cut your eyes up at him, “Yeah love?” “Something wrong?” you shook your head, eyebrows furrowed “No, why?”
“Because for two days you’ve been looking at us like you’re trying to figure out a problem and honestly we’re starting to worry honey” Lewis replied and you chuckled, closing the laptop and leaning over to put it in the nightstand. You patted the bed and they both walked over, climbing onto the bed but leaving space like they were worried about crowding you. “Just something Lena said”
“Which was?” Lewis asked, hand reaching out to rest on your bare thigh. His thumb started tracing small circles and you felt your shoulders relax at the motion. “Who would break first” you whispered, ducking your head because your face felt like it was on fire. The two men who loved you, who you loved and yet you were embarrassed by this.
“You mean..” John trailed off and you nodded, looking from him to Lewis. “It’s dumb I know I was curious after she said it..” “Who do you think would break first?” Lewis asked, a crooked grin slipping onto his face.
“Honestly? Probably me” you laughed, trying to break the moment. John grinned, knocking his shoulder against Lewis’ “What ya say Ford?” Lewis’ eyes stayed on you “What’s the winner get?” you grinned, “Bragging rights in this relationship”
He shrugged, “Good enough for me” and leaned forward to catch your lips in a kiss, mumbling against your lips “Kissing doesn’t count does it?” you shook your head and he groaned “Thank fuck” John slipped his arm around your waist and tugged you over into his lap “Dammit, share Lew”
You walked into the kitchen and froze. There was a whiteboard on the side of the fridge with tally marks along with yours, Lewis’ and John’s names on tops. “What is that?” you pointed to it and every person in the kitchen froze except for Bucky. “They figured out the bet you made with those two, the top contender for breaking first is Walker”
You studied the board, John was top for breaking first, followed by Lewis. There was one vote for you and that was Bob’s handwriting. “Bob!” he shrugged, “I walked into you three that time” you shook your head “You all need hobbies”
You walked out the room and Alexei hollered behind you, “So, you want to join betting pool?” you froze and slid back into the room, eyeing the board, “Twenty on John”
John wasn’t sure how many hours a day he could spend in the gym. He was dying. He missed your taste, missed feeling you under him, missed the way you sounded when you fell apart so pretty, the way your nails left angry red marks behind in his skin, the way it felt like he truly belonged to you when he was buried hip deep in one of your holes, having you begging for him along with Lewis.
What was worse was you were flirting with Lewis in front of him. Rubbing against the other man in the kitchen when you needed a bowl gotten down from a top shelf, adjusting in bed and he’d heard a grunt from Lewis because your hand went a little too high on his thigh. This morning when you were brushing your hair Lewis walked into the bathroom with the intention just to brush his teeth but you pulled him into your arms and kissed his neck, your teeth grazing his pulse before you pulled away. He’d seen how hard Lewis had gotten, not like there was anything to hide it since he’d just been wearing boxers. Did you just not want him? Were you trying to make him snap?
You had no idea how much more of this you could take. John and Lewis, “accidentally” having you pressed between them in bed tightly enough you could feel both of their bodies, hard and ready against you. Them sparring together and making sure you always had front row seats, trapping you between them for movie nights.
You needed one of them to break first. That was why you kissed Lewis’ neck, let your teeth graze his pulse. You needed to push him to push John. You knew John’s jealousy. A little more of a push and he’d carry you off the room.
You were putting away laundry, humming to yourself. You were only wearing panties and Lewis’ shirt because you planned to shower once everyone’s clean laundry was away. If neither of them broke soon, you were going to go insane. You’d even gone as far as purposely letting your hand brush over both of their cocks on missions, just to feel them stiffen under your touch. You knew they wanted to break.
You’d left Lewis in the kitchen after you needed a break because you’d been damn near on the verge of hitting your knees when he walked in from going on a grocery run with Bob and Yelena. He was just wearing jeans and a shirt with a leather jacket. You were losing it. You bent down to put away John’s undershirts and heard the door open. You smiled to yourself, “Lew?”
You turned and John was leaning in the doorway, “Not quite. We need to talk” he stepped inside, closing the door. His eyes were darker than usual, focused on you. You felt your heart flip, heat flooding your core. “About what?”
He kept walking until he had you backed against the wall, his larger frame towering over you. “Do you still want me?” “What?” you gasped and he shrugged, “The way you’ve been with Lewis since this bet started. You’ve been all over him while I’ve been losing my fucking mind. I haven’t been with any woman but Olivia and you. Baby I love you, I can’t stop thinking about you and fuck I don’t care about no damn imprint, I don’t care if me and him are good. I can’t lose you. I’m good with sharing but baby please don’t forget about me”
“John, I love you both. I was focusing on him because I knew that would make you break faster than focusing on you” his face shifted from the twinge of sadness to something darker. “What?” you nodded and he shook his head “That was fucking mean” he dipped his head down and when his tongue lapped out over your pulse you gasped, “So, what are you gonna do about it?” he growled before biting down hard, causing a whimper to leave you.
The next thing you knew he was picking you up, giving you no choice but to wrap your legs around his waist. He dragged you down over his clothed bulge letting you feel just what you’d done to him and you moaned his name. He grinned into the kiss, “Good girl. Let me hear it more”
______________
Lewis got to missing you and couldn’t find John either. That could only mean one thing. One of you had broken. He headed up to the quarters the three of you shared and before he ever got in the door all the way the sounds of your pretty moans hit his ears mixed with the rhythmic sound of skin hitting skin and John’s low grunts and groans.
He pushed open the door and you were under John, your legs on his shoulders, head lulled over to the side, looking wrecked. His cock got so hard his jeans hurt. Your eyes opened like you could feel his presence and the prettiest, albeit a bit cockdrunk smile slipped onto your face as you held out your hand. He stepped into the room, closing and locking the door, already stripping his shirt off.
John lifted his head from where he’d been suckling between your breasts, leaving dark marks behind and grinned when he saw Lewis, he shifted, pulling out of you, his cock dripping with your juices. He nodded to the nightstand “Grab the lube. We can both have her” he leaned down to nip at your neck “Aint that right baby”
You nodded, grabbing for Lewis’ jeans “Please” who was he to say no to such a request? He slid a hand in the drawer, passing the lube to John who rolled over onto his back, dragging you over on top of him so your back was to his chest.
Lewis slipped his jeans off, palming himself as he watched John lube himself up along with your tight hole. Your eyes nearly rolled back when he pushed in, your body all but melting against the other man for a moment before John nipped at your neck, your eyes opened and you reached for Lewis “You too?” he nodded, climbing onto the bed, “Me too beautiful” his lips crashed against yours, tongue tangling with yours as your legs wrapped around his waist, welcoming him into you. He groaned low, feeling your tight warmth wrapped around him. He pushed in a little further, bottoming out and could feel the outline of John from just how full you were, a tremor ran through your body as you giggled almost drunkenly “I won”
Him and John both laughed, each moving to claim a side a of your throat “Damn right you did”
John Walker x Vampire! Thunderbolts Reader (part 2 to Bite)
After John nearly dies on a mission you agree to finally turn him
Mention of death and sex?
“It’s a big decision John” you were laying across his chest, your legs tangled together underneath the blanket. His fingertips brushed his bitemark on your neck, it was now a pale pink tinted scar, same as the one you’d left on him. Mating bond marks healed differently than other bites. They stayed, proof of the commitment you’d made to each other.
“So was this” he murmured and you sighed, knowing you weren’t getting anywhere with him. He was so damn stubborn when his mind got set on something. “John, I never asked to be a vampire, it just happened. You’re asking for everything to change, even down to your eating habits. I can’t do that to you”
“This makes it where I feel when you’re hungry, we feel when the other is hurt. Mor, what happens if a mission goes south?” he’d questioned that more than once. You’d side stepped it because if he knew the answer he would probably push even harder for you to turn him. “Nothing good” you murmured and he raised an eyebrow, sitting up and dragging you with him.
“Tell me, please” you tucked the sheet around yourself, too tired to have this same argument again. You loved this man with every bit of your soul but you couldn’t condemn him to watching everyone he’d ever cared about age and die while he stayed the same, to having to always make sure to have rations on him, to practice smiling and laughing in public so his fangs didn’t pop out, to control the hunger, not to mention the initial turning period where your entire body is resetting and it feels like you’re burning from the inside out.
“You’re asking what happens to me if you die” you whispered and he nodded. You looked across the room, focusing on his shield that was leaned against the wall, you took a deep breath before saying, “There’s a damn good chance with the bond that I’d die too”
“Then why not turn me? Do you not want me for good? Is that it? Are you worried you’re gonna get sick of me?” your eyes flew to his face so fast had you been human you probably would’ve injured your neck “Don’t you dare! You can feel my emotions through the bond John! You know for a fact just how much I fucking love you!”
He nodded, reaching to pull you into his arms. Once he had you tucked against his chest, he pressed a kiss to the top of your head and whispered “I know baby, that’s why it doesn’t make sense to not turn me” you shook your head, turning to kiss the scar from your bite that was right over his pulse. “Just let it go for now John. We’ll talk more later. I promise”
You sat on the side of the bed, holding a ration in your hands, turning it over. John was in the shower. You just wished you could get it through his head that this wasn’t something he wanted to take on so easily. You heard the shower turn off and looked up, nearly dropping the bag. He stood in the doorway, just a towel wrapped around his waist, water droplets running down his chest, highlighting that trail of ginger colored hair that started on his chest and disappeared below the towel. He had a smaller towel in his hand, drying his hair and every movement made his bicep more pronounced, you felt your mouth run dry. The ration was forgotten, a completely different hunger awoken. John cleared his throat, looking down where he was half hard, “You know I can feel when you get turned on too don’t you?”
“We never have to wonder if the other is in the mood, now do we?” you teased and he grinned, tossing the smaller towel in the hamper and nodded to the ration, “Why haven’t you eaten?” you shrugged, “Not that hungry” he raised an eyebrow “Bullshit” you sighed. “Ok, I don’t want us to go on this mission while an argument rests in the air between us. John I love you with all my fucking heart. I’d love nothing more than to spend forever with you” he sighed and sat down next to you, reaching for your hand and when you let him take it you saw him visibly relax “I never should’ve tried to push you. We’ll take it one step at a time. Ok”
You let out a sigh of relief. He pulled you into a kiss then tapped the ration bag, “Now eat!”
The mission was spread over a city. Multiple combatants, multiple civilians to evacuate. You’d gotten paired with Ava, John with Yelena. It was going fine, the tide was well turned in your favor when you felt a searing pain go through your chest. You fell to your knees, Ava immediately phased to your side but you knew it wasn’t your injury. You looked up at her with tears in your eyes “John, where’s John?”
The moment the words came out of your mouth Yelena’s voice hit the comms “WE NEED EVAC NOW! WALKER IS DOWN! IT’S BAD! I REPEAT IT IS BAD!”
You ran towards her location, ignoring the searing pain that shot through you with every step. The bond felt like it was tearing you in half. The moment you got almost to Yelena you felt Bucky’s vibranium arm slip around your waist “Mor, it’s bad” you thrashed wildly against him “LET ME GO!” you saw John on the ground, Yelena working to patch up the wound, a med team already moving in, could smell the puddle of blood growing.
Bucky finally let you go and when you got to John’s side your knees would’ve gone out from under you had he not followed you. The entire front of John’s suit was wet with blood, shredded with bullets. “How?” your voice broke when you looked at Yelena. She had tears streaking down her face, for John, that’s how you knew you may very well lose him. “There were kids” she whispered. One of the medics shook their head “If we don’t get him to a surgeon soon he won’t make it”
“THEN GET HIM ON THE FUCKING JET!” Bucky growled, you couldn’t even form words, just stare at your mate's lifeless body. That’s what he was, your mate. It’d take you that long to realize. John wasn’t just a human who chose to take on the bond that he had. He was your mate. You’d chosen each other time and again. Another pain ripped through your body and you knew, you wouldn’t survive if he didn’t. You’d seen it before. It wasn’t pretty.
“Please save him” your voice was so broken. You could barely stand without Bucky’s help. He muttered low in your ear “They’re gonna do their best”
The last thing John remembered was trying to get the kids out of the line of fire, then a searing pain. The last thought he had before darkness washed over him was you. He hoped if he died that somehow you would survive.
He hated regaining consciousness. It felt like drowning in reverse. Everything ached, he forced his eyes open, cursing the sharp overhead lights of the medical wing. He glanced around, taking in the monitors hooked up to him, the bandages covering his chest then his eyes landed on your sleeping form, curled up in a chair next to his bed. Your hand was holding his, two of your fingers over his pulse.
You looked as weak as he felt. He turned his hand over, just enough to jostle you and your eyes flew open. You nearly fell getting out of the chair. “John”
He’d never seen you downright clumsy. You managed to catch yourself on the side of the bed, leaning over to gently press your forehead against his. “I thought I lost you” you whispered weakly. He huffed, “I thought you did too”
He pulled back, looking over your face. “Why are you so weak?” “The bond..” he cut you off before you could try to lie, “No, it’s more” you sighed, bringing your eyes up to meet his. “I’ve been funneling most of my strength to you. I had to help you heal”
“Baby” he murmured and you shushed him with a kiss “Hush” he laughed weakly, shifting just enough that you could fit on the bed next to him “Come here” you laid down next to him, laying your head over on him. You were quiet, which meant you were thinking. “Talk to me” he whispered and you let out a soft sob, “I’ll turn you if that’s what you still want”
“Why the change of heart?” he asked and you turned to face him, eyes full of tears, “I faced the reality of losing you. I can’t live that” he pulled you into a kiss, “You don’t have to” you shook your head “I want to, you want to. We’ll do this together after you get discharged, we’ll take a couple weeks off and go somewhere off the beaten path. One of the well stocked safehouses up in the mountains and I’ll do it then”
You sat in John’s lap in the bed. You were shaking. You knew how to turn someone but doing it to him was a different story. “I have to nearly drain you, then give you my blood then…” you trailed, tears hitting his shoulder. “Then what baby?” he asked.
You sobbed “I have to finish draining you and wait until you come back” he looked up, blue eyes full of nothing but love, “I trust you” you kissed him then, messy with tears streaming down your face but neither of you cared. Every tear was proof of how much you loved him. You pulled away and rested your head against his, “It’ll be over soon, I promise” he nodded, “I know” and tilted his head.
______________
John woke up slowly, you were laying on your side, cradling him to your chest, softly sobbing. Every one of his senses was in overdrive. When you felt him shift you glanced down, bottom lip actually quivering “John?” he nodded, grinning widely and felt his fangs pop out “More or less” you laughed and drug him into a kiss.
He groaned, rolling both of you over so he was on top of you. You moaned lightly, legs wrapping around his waist and quickly realized everything was heightened. His hunger for you was even worse than it already was. He needed you like air. His cock was painfully hard, you shook your head “You need blood” he growled “I need you”
You tilted your head while you shoved your panties off, “Then take both” he rocked back on his heels, realizing what you meant. He shook his head, “I really get to spend forever with you?” you grinned “Unless you change your mind” “Never” he promised, burying himself into you with one deep thrust before lowering his mouth to your neck. You always smelled amazing but now? You smelled downright delicious. He licked a strip across your neck and you shivered “Don’t play with your food”
He sank his fangs in just under your pulse and the moment your blood ran into his mouth he felt heat roll through his stomach and realized too late he was cumming. He gave a few pathetic thrusts, riding out his orgasm as he fed from you. Once he was sure he’d taken just enough he pulled back, licking the wound like you had his. He dropped his head, face on fire. “I’m sorry sweetheart… I didn’t mean too… fuck you just tasted so good.. I couldn’t help”
You shushed him quickly, “It’s ok John, hell I nearly came the first time I tasted you” he raised his head, an almost boyish grin on his face despite you being able to see his fangs now “Really?” you nodded, “Really, besides… not like you can’t go multiple rounds anyways” you bucked your hips up and he moaned feeling his body react to you, quickly hardening again. He grunted low, leaning down to catch your lips with his “Gonna make you feel good. I promise”
You nipped at his lip, laughing when he growled, “You make me feel good every damn day John. You’re here with me” he gave a deep roll of his hips and your head fell back, he pressed a kiss to the hollow of your throat “Plan to be here as long as you’ll have me” “That’s gonna be a very long time” you moaned back when he angled his hips so the tip of his cock kissed that place deep inside of you. “Good” he laughed, bringing your legs up higher on his sides, “Very good”
Prompt “I’d burn the whole world down before I let it take you.”
He saved you that day, you ended you saving him
a smidge of sex
You had no idea what was happening. One moment you were going about your day as normal, you were headed home. The next the streets were in absolute chaos. People were running into each other, cars crashing, a helicopter went down. You saw the man? At least you thought it was a man floating in the air that was causing all this but you didn’t have time to react. You saw Ms. Gloria, the lady that owned the bakery a few blocks down from your apartment. She was sweet, had two kids and four grandkids.
She tripped, a few people knocked into her and she couldn’t get back in. You were running, helping her up and shoving her towards safety then the next thing you felt concrete hit the back of your leg, knocking you down to the ground. You looked up in horror to see a slab coming down on you. It was off the old Avengers’ tower. It had to weigh at least a ton. You struggled against the concrete but it had stabbed through your jeans, effectively pinning you. You balled yourself up, eyes closing so at least you wouldn’t see your impending death. The world darkened even more then suddenly the slab was no longer falling. You opened your eyes, looked back and John Walker was there, supporting the entire thing on his shoulders. You locked eyes with him and he gave a tense nod, like to say “You’re safe”
The rest of them ran over, Yelena Belova, Ava Starr, Bucky Barnes, the other guy. You watched as they flipped the slab. Everyone around you cheered. John leaned down and pulled the concrete loose that had stabbed through your jeans then was offering you his hand. He tugged you to your feet like you didn’t weigh anything then directed you towards a nearby building “Get inside. I’ll find you later to check on you further” you nodded a bit numbly, following his direction and the crowd of people. You looked over your shoulder as you stumbled into the building to see John look back at you one more time before him and the rest of the team trying to save everyone else turned their attention to the void quickly swallowing the street.
It was over. The void was gone, everything was back to normal. You were among the first group of people to make your way out onto the street. You weren’t sure what you were looking for but your eyes immediately landed on John where he stood, Valentina De’Fontaine announcing them all as the “new avengers”
Cleanup was happening. John helped to move wrecked cars out of the street until tow trucks could come. He kept glancing around, looking for you, thinking about how he’d told you he’d check on you after but wasn’t sure if you’d want him to. You probably had time to register who he actually was now, the things he’d done. He just got through righting a few bus benches when he heard your voice and turned to you standing there. You smiled shyly “Hi” and introduced yourself. He nodded, “Hey”
“Can I hug you?” you asked and his eyes widened “Huh?” a light flush graced your neck, “I mean.. For saving my life? I’d like to buy you a coffee or something also if you’d let me” he chuckled nervously, “A hug is fine”
You stepped closer, arms snaking around his waist and after a moment he let himself relax. You felt safe with him. That was the biggest shock. “Thank you John” you murmured low and he felt his heart flip. “That coffee sounds good too, even though you don’t owe me anything. I’d do the same a thousand times over”
You looked up at him, a small pout on your face then shrugged “I want to though. It’s the least I can do” the startling realization hit him that he hated seeing that pout on your face. He’d do damn near anything to replace it with a smile. “I’d love to then sweetheart. Just name the time and place”
“You look nervous” John looked up and Yelena was leaning against the wall, eating a bag of chips. “Bite me Belova” she chuckled, “I think it’s sweet, almost” then walked away.
The truth was he was definitely nervous. He’d taken his wedding ring off and tucked it away now that the team knew the truth. He was dressed in casual clothes, just jeans and a light sweater. You’d picked the place but was this a date or just a thank you from a beautiful woman?
_________________
John noticed the place was further from the public, off the beaten path a little and when he walked in you were tucked into a corner table. You smiled when he walked over and stood to hug him. “I got us a corner table and saved you the place facing the door” He felt his heart flip yet again at the thoughtfulness.
____________________
You and John were talking, enjoying your drinks. You had thanked him again for saving you, he’d told you he was just glad he was there.
You got quiet and John cut his eyes up, realizing you were staring at him. He ducked his head, “Something on my face honey?” you shook your head, laughing. “No! It’s just.. You’re just so handsome and sweet! I don’t know why the media tears you up like they do for a mistake. It was bad, I get that but you’re trying. You and your team saved so many people, myself included just because it was the right thing to do”
“You don’t hate me for what I did?” he asked, voice so light it surprised himself. You shook your head, “Honestly? If it was my best friend? I would’ve done worse” he swore to himself if you’d give him half a chance he wouldn’t fuck this up.
____________________
Hours later (and enough drinks and tips none of the baristas complained about the two of you being there) you and John finally had to call it. When you asked about another date he thanked whatever god there was. He grabbed a box of pastries for the team and walked you to your car. Right before you climbed in you kissed his cheek, “Can’t wait till next time” he felt a smile slip onto his face. Neither could he.
You and John had been dating a while. He was keeping up with dates at least once or twice a week, whenever missions allowed. You always picked more secluded spots. He thought it was because he didn’t like crowds, it was really because you just wanted him to yourself during those days.
Hell your first kiss was when you kissed him. He’d had a cut on his cheek half healed, a black eye but still showed up with flowers for you. You couldn’t resist. When you apologized, worried you’d moved too fast, he’d assured you that you could “Do that whenever you wanted”
A week mission was a week too fucking long. John barely took the time to shower before he was making his way to your place. The moment he knocked because he didn’t want to use the key you’d given him and scare the shit out of you, you cracked the door open, a sound between a gasp and a yelp left you and you were throwing yourself into his arms.
He grunted low, catching you, lifting you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist. “Are you ok?” you asked softly, lips crashing into his. He nodded, mumbling into the kiss “Am now”
The two of you hadn’t slept together yet, he’d been wanting to take it slow but this felt different. The mission had been rough, he hadn’t been able to contact you. He wanted to tell you he was in love with you and god the way you were kissing him, clinging to him. You pulled back to look up at him after he closed the door and locked it. “I love you” he froze, eyes wide. “What?” you nodded, fingers grazing the hair at the nape of his neck. “I’m in love with you John. I needed you to know, it’s ok if you don’t feel the same..”
He cut you off with a kiss that you moaned into you, he pulled back just far enough to say “Of course I love you” you grinned against his lips, “Take me to bed then” he swallowed hard, eyes searching your face, “You’re sure?” you nodded, “Please”
_____________________
John’s hands moved across your body like you were made of glass, tracing the dips and curves. Your thighs bracketed his hips, his larger frame pinning you to the bed. Every roll of his hips had the head of his cock kissing your cervix, his pubic bone adding a delicious amount of pressure to your clit. You’d never felt pleasure like this.
He buried his face in your neck, teeth grazing the pulse. You could feel another orgasm building, was right on the edge and needed him to fall over with you. “I’m covered John” you breathed softly and he groaned, hips rolling even deeper into.
Your release hit you like fire flickering across your skin in the most pleasant way. Your back arched, nails digging into his shoulders. He gave a few more deep thrusts before he came with a low groan of your name, his release thick and hot as he filled you, fucking you both through the aftershocks.
____________________
“I’m terrified of the media coming after you” John spoke softly in the quiet of your bedroom, “It’ll be ok John” you were laying across his bare chest, head laying right over his heart. He kissed the top of your head, swallowing hard. “Yelena has been trailing you the last week”
You sat up quickly, blanket falling down your body. “What?” he nodded. “I trust her with you. I was stuck on the other side of the world. I couldn’t get home. I needed to know you were ok to keep my head on straight” “Oh baby” you cooed, moving to slip your leg over his waist so you could fully drape yourself over his body. He spread one hand wide across your lower back, the other on your neck to tug you into a kiss. “They want to meet you.. officially” you hadn’t met the team because John didn’t want lines getting blurred but now you guessed it was becoming more and more apparent they were truly blurred. “Are you sure? What about the worries you’ve had?”
You rolled your bottom lip between your teeth, not wanting to voice your worries that maybe he’d been keeping you on the corners of his life. Something in your expression must have given you away. He kissed your forehead then your nose then your lips, “I’d burn the whole world down before I let it take you. I was worried about Val targeting you, enemies hurting you. I was never unsure about them meeting you because of us lasting or not. I love you”
“I love you too John. I’d be good with having them over. How about tomorrow night?” he smiled softly, “Sounds good to me”
John sat on the corner of your sofa with you curled up in his lap. You were happily chatting away with Yelena and Ava, Bob throwing in a few words here and there. Alexei was chomping away on pizza and commending your pick of movies. He glanced over where Bucky sat in the recliner and froze because Bucky was staring at him. He raised an eyebrow but Bucky just shook his head and turned his eyes back to the movie.
_________________
“She’s really sweet” Ava was the first to say something when everyone got back to the tower. “I like her, she’s spunky too” “She makes him a lot more.. Human” Bob added. Alexei nodded, “She’s a good woman”
Bucky just pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to John “We’ll keep her safe. You keep her from being hurt”
_________________
John’s phone dinged with a text, you were asleep in his lap so he adjusted to pull it out and read what Bucky sent. A smile slipped onto his face but he replied with just a simple thumbs up. It made him feel better knowing the team would help protect you, you deserved the entire damn world even if for some reason you chose to love him.
You shifted in your sleep, face nuzzling into the bend of his neck, barely mumbling out “I love you” and he smiled, he may not understand why you chose him but damn he was grateful.
Prompt "i swore i'd never fall again, but this don't even feel like falling"
When Will showed up with a letter from your sister's late boyfriend, he didn't expect to meet his future
You hadn’t left Ruby’s side since Henry’s parents got the news. He was killed, he wasn’t coming home. She cried for two days, barely making it out of bed. You took care of her, made sure she ate a little something at least, cleaned up the small apartment you shared with her. You just wanted her to be ok. You knew she loved him, you could only imagine the pain she was going through.
You had just made it home from work, a shift at the post office which in itself was hard enough, shuffling through letters from young men, many of whom you wondered if they were even still alive, if the letters were just memories of them at this point. Ruby was doing better. She ventured out, she was working again. Small steps but you would take it. The nights were hard. She never got closure. Never got that part of Henry she desperately needed.
You walked in the door, hanging your coat on the hook. You could hear her pittering around in the kitchen. “Ruby?” you called softly and she hummed your name in response. You were about to walk in there when there was a light but firm knock at the door. You weren’t exactly expecting anyone. “Ruby? Was someone coming over?” you asked as she walked around the corner, drying her hands on a kitchen towel. “No”
You cautiously opened the door and there stood the single most handsome man you’d ever laid your eyes on. He was around your age, short dark blonde hair, the bluest eyes. The posture he held, mixed with the dogtags around his neck told you he was a soldier. “Excuse me ma’am, are you Ms. Ruby Bennet?” you shook your head, looking back at your sister. “That would be my sister”
He dropped his gaze, reaching into the pocket of the bag that was thrown over his shoulder, he pulled out a stack of letters, carefully going through them until he got to the right one. He finally raised his eyes, focusing on Ruby. “I don’t want to open old wounds but, Henry Ferguson gave me this before he died”
You bit back your gasp when Ruby stepped forward, gingerly taking the letter from the soldier. She held it close to her chest. “Were you.. Were you with him?” he nodded, “His wounds were too bad, he didn’t last till the medics got there. I’m sorry”
Ruby started crying and the soldier looked so damn sad, full of guilt for being alive no doubt, you’d seen it too much since men started coming home. That mixed with him favoring his shoulder told you he’d been injured. “What’s your name, soldier?” you asked and he looked at you, “William, Will…Will Hart ma’am”
You nodded, waving a hand inside “Come inside Will, please” he looked to Ruby who nodded, “Please” he hesitantly stepped inside. Ruby was already opening the letter from Henry. Her hand covered her mouth. You watched her carefully, your heart pounding in your ears but you saw something happen in her eyes. She wasn’t going back to that broken woman, it was like Henry was at her side, whispering those words into her ear.
You blinked back tears, looking at Will. “Thank you” he nodded, “It’s the least I could, I made it home” you rolled your bottom lip between your teeth, looking between him and Ruby. “I um.. I work at the post office. I could help you get letters out, if you’d like”
“You don’t have to do that” you looked at Ruby again and shook your head “Yeah, I do” you turned and told Will your name, extending your hand. He smiled slightly, “Yes ma’am. I appreciate the help then”
Over the next few weeks you helped Will to track down girlfriends, parents, numerous loved ones. He didn’t want acknowledgement, he wanted these men to be able to say their final goodbyes.
You sat next to him in your small office. A stack of letters was between you. You’d offered to help him write the small notes to include which simply read “His final words deserved to be read”
You looked at him, the way he concentrated on the task, the way so many men wouldn’t have worried about something like this considering he made it home. “Did you have one of these written?” he nodded, hand stopping mid motion, “Had two. One for my ma. One for my sweetheart”
Your heart dropped because whether you wanted to admit it or not you’d started developing some sort of feelings for him. He was kind and protective and so damn handsome. He actually listened when you spoke, made you look forward to going to work. “How’s she feel about you doing this?”
He shrugged “My ma found it to be a good idea” “And your sweetheart?” you asked softly. He raised his eyes to look at you and your heart dropped further because you saw the hurt in his eyes, “Considering she was pregnant when I got back and I had been gone for a few years, I don’t think she has much say on what I do. Turned out she was planning on marrying him, I just happened to get hurt and sent home a week before it”
“Oh Will” you wanted to hug him but didn’t know if that was too much. He shrugged, “Better men had worse fates” you shook your head, reaching a hand out to lay it on his arm, “Worst fates, yeah. Better men? I seriously doubt that”
Will found himself being almost disappointed that the letters were all mailed out. He’d enjoyed spending the time with you, you’d given up your breaks, your lunches. You were amazing really.
Ruby told him later, how you’d been there not only for her but for Henry’s family as well. Shouldering things that weren’t your responsibility just to help those around you. How you’d held her at Henry’s services, the nights you’d gone without sleep. The way you helped other families. You were strong in a way that had so little to do with physical strength. You were sweet, a smile from you would have his heart realizing that it was still in fact beating. You were caring, you brought him ointments for his shoulder even when he never would’ve asked. You were so damn pretty too.
The day the last letter went out, he finally worked up the nerve to ask if you wanted to get a meal with him. “As a thank you for everything you’ve done for me” you stared at him for a moment, the sweetest of smiles on your face “Ok”
As it turned out, Will’s hometown was only about twenty minutes away from you. One meal turned into multiples a week, a couple nights of him stopping in with you and Ruby, you going over to his place every now and then, as it turned out he was a pretty decent cook, and even the rare occurrence of him just stopping by to ask if you’d like to go for a walk.
“You’re falling for him” Ruby whispered, you and her were in the kitchen finishing up food while Will set the small table. You ducked your head, hoping she didn’t read the expression in your eyes. You knew you couldn’t fall for Will. He'd gone through too much, especially with that horrid ex of his but it was hard. He was such a sweetheart, he was a hard working man. He’d gotten a job as soon as he could,, fixed up the place he left him that apparently “hadn’t been good enough” for his ex but you found lovely. You’d fallen asleep at his place before and had woken up covered with a blanket and a pillow under your head.
“There’s no shame in it” she added about the time Will walked into the room, looking between the two of you. “Shame in what?” you smiled, “Nothing” he raised an eyebrow but nodded. “Ok then”
______________________
Dinner was done and cleaned up, Will caught your hand, leaned in to whisper “Wanna take a walk?” you cut your eyes up and Ruby was watching, she nodded with a wink.
You smiled “Of course Will, let me grab my coat” he watched you, holding the door open for you. You looked back at Ruby once before you stepped out.
____________________
Will was being quiet, walking close like he wanted to slip his arm around you. You cut your eyes over at him and smiled “What’s wrong?” he hummed in response “What do you mean?”
You stopped walking and turned to face him, "Something is wrong” he sighed softly, nodding. “Promise not to stop being friends with me if this goes bad?” you laughed nervously, “I’d never stop being friends with you Will. You helped my sister heal, you’re the best man I have ever known”
He nodded, scrubbing a hand down his face. "I swore i'd never fall again, but this don't even feel like falling" your heart flipped in your chest, “What?” he stepped closer, reaching a hand out to gently cup your chin. You leaned into the touch and he smiled. “You, sweetheart. I show up to just deliver a letter and meet the most amazing woman, you healed something so deep inside me and now I can’t imagine life without you and honestly, I’ve fallen for you”
The longer your silence went, the more worried Will became, until you grinned, “Thank god”
He allowed himself a smile. “Why’s that” “Because I feel the same”
His thumb traced a soft circle onto your jaw, “Can I kiss you?” you laughed softly, “You better!” the moment his lips touched yours, you stepped closer, your arms slipping up around his neck, head tilting to deepen the kiss. He groaned low in his throat, his free arm slipping around your waist to drag your body flush against his.
When the need for air pushed the two of you apart, he pressed another softer kiss to your lips before just wrapping you up in a hug, tucking his face into the bend of your neck. “You’re really mine?” he asked soft enough you almost missed it. You nodded, kissing the side of his neck, “All yours”
He made a sound between a sigh and a groan before kissing your neck then leaned up again, eyes locking onto yours. “I’m all yours too” you grinned, “Good to know handsome” and pulled him into another kiss.
Anon wanted Bucky with the prompt “your existence unnerves me.” “aw, i’m flattered.”
You didn’t exactly not get along with Bucky but at the same time you somehow didn’t exactly get along with him either. He was sweet, when he wanted to be. Handsome, even when he annoyed the hell out of you. Protective, even when you could tell he honestly didn’t mean to be.
The thing was, you were a scientist. You spent most of your days in a lab, running tests, wearing a white coat. You understood his hesitance for you. He’d spent how many years getting conditioned to the fact that every time he saw one of those coats he was being tortured. Everyone else on the team got used to you however but him.
You were walking through the tower, heading for the jet because you had a meeting in D.C. you were going in with Sam and Joaquin to discuss the dangers of the serum when it was being given to untested individuals, the effects of more than one dose on someone’s physical and mental well being and to simply give your opinion on the fact that no matter if you adored Bucky, tolerated John and Alexei, you really didn’t think any more super soldiers needed to be made. More super soldiers encouraged more people like Karli. The world didn’t need another group like that, the world didn’t need any nation at all having their hands on that serum. It created too great of a power imbalance.
You stepped onto the elevator when it opened and nearly yelped when you realized you weren’t alone. Bucky stood in the corner of it, leaning against the wall silently. You’d gotten down to the floor you needed and just before you stepped off he asked “Do you really think you can sway the United Nations?" you turned to look at him and shrugged, “With Captain America and the general of the Dora Milaje with me? Possibly. I hope you know my stance has nothing to do with you, not even with Walker and Alexei”
He nodded, eyes flickering from yours down to the bag in your hand and back up. “I back your stance fully” you smiled slightly, “I’ll see you when I get back”
For every good week you had with Bucky, it seemed like you had an equal amount of well weird weeks. You were currently in the lab because you were running over the findings they’d dragged in from multiple compounds they’d shut down that used to belong to Hydra. You were pulling anything of use and destroying anything else.
You skipped over most of the stuff marked with soldat. You didn’t want to see or read of him being tortured. You looked over some blood tests, that was about it. You were currently talking to the computer when the door on the far side of the room slid open. “You know at times, you’re a bit unnerving”
Bucky’s voice hit your ears and you popped up, an eyebrow raised. “Aww I’m flattered but what did I do this time Barnes?” he shook his head “The fact that you can walk into a room full of government blow hards and not blink but I’m fairly certain I just heard your voice crack when you were asking your computer to behave”
You shrugged, cheeks warming. “It was being mean” his face softened just for a moment and you could tell he was biting back a smile, “Do I need to kick its ass sweetheart? Is it being mean?”
Did he just call you sweetheart? Why was he down here? You shook your head “I’ll get over it. Do you need something?” he rubbed a hand across the beard he had growing, “Um Walker grilled. For all his faults, the man can cook”
“Ok, thanks” you turned back to work but he still stood there. You turned your attention to him and he half smiled “C’mon. You’ve been working all day. Join us, eat. The lab will wait for its gremlin to return” “Gremlin!” you gasped with a laugh.
He grinned, “Yeah. gremlin”
You pushed away from the computer and when you stood you twisted to get your back to pop and when it did an embarrassing sound that was way too close to a moan slipped out of you. Bucky froze in his tracks, eyes wide “Did you just?” “Shut up” you could feel your face warm as you followed him onto the elevator.
The door slid shut, a few floors ticking by before Bucky spoke, “Was a real pretty sound though” you hid your face in your hands, ready for some other god to decide to bring aliens down on New York around that time. You felt the elevator lurch to a stop and realized Bucky had hit the emergency stop Bucky.
He was leaning against the wall,staring at you. You waved a hand “Go ahead. Tease me” he shook his head, gaze dropping to the floor before he took a deep breath, “I like you. I’ve liked you for a while and I was too nervous to say anything but this team here has been pushing me, Sam told me I may have a chance so I’m doing this here with no chance of witnesses seeing my imploding. Do you want to go out sometime?”
You went through about fifty different emotions but right before he reached for the button to start the elevator again you grabbed his hand “I’d love to” he grinned “Yeah?” “Yeah”
prompt “I hate you!” “as long as you feel something towards me.”
“I fucking hate you at times, you know that?” you spoke through tears, you and True both knowing it was a lie, or at least you hoped he knew it was a lie. He froze mid action where he was mending the fence, shoulders tense. He took a breath that made his entire body shudder before he said “As long as you feel something towards me”
You laughed bitterly, tears making the slow path down your cheeks. “Really? That’s all you have to say?” he threw the hammer across the grass, it disappearing somewhere a few feet away before he turned to face you, “I’m gonna keep disappointing you just like I have disappointed everyone my entire goddamn life. I’m not a good man sweetheart, I don’t hardly have shit to offer you. I’m a hothead, my body is broken, a barely recovered addict. What the fuck should I say here? Beg you to stay? Beg you to ruin your life even more than you already have by continuing to love me?”
He took a step closer and you felt your heart flip, his hat had fallen off, those blonde locks falling freely into his face. “Should I tell you that every damn morning I wake up and you aren’t there, it feels like everything good in me has been ripped out? Should I tell you whenever I let myself think about a future its always with you? Should I tell you when I do sleep, I dream about you? Should I tell you that you are literally the only good thing that’s ever happened to me and I don’t know how the hell to let you in anymore because I am fucking terrifed of hurting you so its so damn much easier to push you away?”
By the time he finished talking he was standing right in front of you, towering over you, chest heaving. You stepped closer, one hand reaching out hesitantly to rest against his chest, palm spread wide. He looked from you down to your hand then back to your eyes. You smiled softly, “Yeah, you should tell me all of that True, let me in. I don’t want to lose you either but I have got to know what’s going on inside that head of yours”
He nodded, calloused hand coming up to cover yours, holding it to his chest. “Wanna know what I’m thinking about right now?” the corner of his lips were ticking up into a smile that made your thighs clench, “What?”
He grinned, other arms slipping around your waist. “I’m thinking of pushing you against the side of that truck and hitting my knees in front of you, shoving up this pretty little dress you’re wearing and burying my face so deep in your pussy that you can’t think about anything but me then taking you home, apologize thoroughly the rest of the night then come tomorrow we’ll spend the day however you want” you whined lightly at his words and he leaned down, lips meeting yours. The kiss started slow, tentative but when one of your hands found its way to his hair, tugging roughly, a groan fell from his lips.
You pulled back from the kiss, staring up at him. “Promise to keep letting me in. I love you True but I can’t go through another few weeks like the last few weeks” he nodded, “I promise baby” you grinned, tugging him back to you, “Good, then come make good on what you’re thinking about”
Anon wanted John with the prompt “Do you truly hate me?” “i wish that was possible.”
John was fairly certain you hated his guts. He couldn’t blame you, wasn’t like he was the most upstanding citizen but dammit he was trying. He was trying to change. He was staying up with child support, with visitation. He always had his teams’ back whether it be on the field or just making sure everyone had food they ate, laundry done.
Yet, he walked into a room and you walked out. Training you avoided him like the plague. On missions you’d work side by side with him beautifully then the moment the work was done, you’d go back to acting like he was invisible.
The fact that you were beautiful didn’t help matters. The way you’d shuffle through the common areas half asleep, mumbling to Ava or Bob, knocking into him by accident into the kitchen and he’d see just how annoyed it made you when you couldn’t reach your coffee mug in the cabinet and the small “Thanks John” he’d get out of you that definitely didn’t rattle around his head for days after because you were still too sleepy to register you called him by his first name.
The way you’d try to muffle your laughter on movie nights, or until Alexei would fall off the couch at a jump scare then it would turn into full body laughter, tears forming in your eyes.
Having you tucked against his chest out in the field when he’d be closest to you and see a threat coming so he’d snatch you closer to cover you both with his shield. The way your fingers would dig into his uniform a bit,little grumbles falling under your breath of cursing the agents you were fighting.
The rare moments he’d get to see you, relaxed, in the kitchen in the middle of the night. He’d wander in there looking for coffee and find you sipping a mug of hot cocoa or tea. Your hair would be tousled, a big shirt or tank with boxers. Your eyes would be soft despite everything when you’d ask if he was ok and that would be one of the rare moments he’d have hope that maybe just maybe you didn’t hate him. Then morning would come and things would be back to normal.
Maybe that was why he was so pissed when Bucky assigned you and him to a three day mission. Undercover, going as husband and wife. You’d be in Paris two days of the mission, a safehouse the third and picked up for evac come the fourth. This could only spell disaster. He’d be lucky if he made it out without one of your blades that were beautifully carved with roses and ivy up the handles, an absolute masterpiece that you’d carefully carved yourself, buried in a bodypart.
You were sitting close to John, one of his arms around the back of your chair. The heat from his body was seeping into yours through the thin jacket you wore, his thumb brushed your shoulder every now and then and that alone was a struggle to not react to. You were no damn happy he had no idea the effect he had on you.
You’d wanted to strangle Bucky when he assigned this mission but it did fit you and John perfectly. Even if you hated admitting it. Even if the last two days had been torture. Sharing a luxurious honeymoon suite with John. him walking around with just a towel slung low on his hips after the shower, having to be touching in public to keep up the front. You were looking forward to the safehouse, just to be able to drop this front.
He shifted, hand wrapping around your upper arm and you fought the urge to stiffen. You wanted to lean into his touch, enjoy this but it was fake, he was doing it for the mission. You couldn’t fall into the cover only to have the rug snatched from under your feet. That was literal torture.
John leaned over, his lips nearly brushing your neck when he spoke “Last day in Paris, got all the intel, last meeting, anything you wanna see before we leave?”
You shook your head, regretting telling him you’d never seen Paris. He hummed low, leaned up and pressed a kiss to your temple but before you could react he murmured “Manion’s bodyguards. Showtime”
The final meeting went over without a hitch, the suite was packed up and it was time to tuck tail to the safehouse until you could get picked up for evac. You were curled up in the passenger seat of the suv while John drove. A groan left you when the safehouse came into view, “God I am so fucking happy the play pretend is over. I was losing my fucking mind”
John could feel his jaw tighten at your words. He wasn’t going to let it get to him. He knew already it was bothering you. Just actually hearing you say it was an entirely different feeling.
He buried it, kept his mouth closed and just hummed under his breath. He pulled to a stop in the back of the safehouse and watched you grab your bag. You shot him a small smile, “C’mon Walker. Last one in gets the shower with the least amount of hot water”
John watched you readjust the wall of pillows on the bed for the fourth time and groaned. “I’m not going to touch you sweetheart, hell I’ll sleep on the couch for fuck’s sake. Just lay your ass down already!”
You let out an uncharacteristic sound that was closer to a squeak than anything before finally laying down. You curled up under the blanket and laid still for a moment before mumbling “I know you’re never touch me without my permission”
He laid there, staring up at the ceiling. You weren’t asleep, he knew from your breathing. He finally just asked ““Do you really hate me so bad as to be glad to be away from Paris? To have to pile every pillow in the house and all the extra blankets between us?”
You were silent and at first he thought you weren’t going to answer. Then you took a slow, deep breath “I wish that was possible. I wish I hated you, it would make life so much simpler” he sat straight up at that. You were laying, looking up at the ceiling but when you noticed his eyes were on you, you turned your attention to him, a small smile creeping across your face, tears brimming in your eyes.
“I care about you John, I care about you so damn much. I have for so long” you whispered it like you were afraid that by saying it too loud it may break something. “Really?” he asked and you nodded, reaching for his hand and he let you, watching you trail your fingers across his knuckles as you spoke “From the way you listen when Alexei rambles to how you always make sure everyone has the food they like to how you always make sure you’re around to get my coffee mug down to me. The way you’ve changed so much and you’re working to change more, how protective you are, how sweet you can be, how fucking gorgeous you are, the man you are underneath that exterior. You’re really amazing John and I know you may not feel the same but it was time to tell you”
He sighed, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders “Oh sweetheart” you lifted your eyes to his and he grinned, “I feel the same. I’ve just been worried you hated me” your eyes widened then you laughed, “Throw these damn pillows off the bed then and come here”
He quickly shoved the pile of pillows and blankets off the bed. You grabbed for him, wrapping your arms around his neck. He laid there for a moment, just staring down at you. “You mean it?” you nodded, “I mean it” and dragged him down into a kiss that both of you melted into.
