discourse sideblog

let's all keep things civil, please | @mr-dirtboy

[positive-transmed]

This person is a proud truscum and have never sent death threats or anon hate / doesn’t support this

[magnum-transmed]

hey uhhh can we.... talk about that big issue with DNIs on TOTALLY UNRELATED POSTS please? especially those that lump transmeds and truscum in with terfs?

this is a problem, ESPECIALLY with stim board blogs. I promise you nobody's going to be ranting about gender dysphoria on your hello kitty stimboard. most of the people who stimboards are targeted towards are neurodivergent and there's absolutely ZERO reason to slap a big fat DNI on there? how do someone's political views matter in that area, it's totally unrelated?

examples:

none of these are related in any way to discourse, politics or the lgbt community. I'm ESPECIALLY angry at the DNI that lumps transmeds and terfs together; the majority of transmeds ARE TRANS. frankly, it's insensitive to compare us to terfs.

my point here is that I'm so tired of going to reblog a nice post and seeing a DNI at the bottom that's totally unrelated to the content. I understand DNIs if you're worried about discourse in the notes, but that really isn't an issue in these cases. chill, guys.

[the-sapphic-raven]

if you want to be more positive about your trans friends and followers yall really should be getting the Shinigami Eyes extension.

bc posts abt women you normally wouldnt think twice about reblogging have a very different tune

when you know what that person thinks defines a woman to be

not only that itll highlight things that are trans positive too

please get this extension and use it to flag people spreading transphobic content 

[magnum-transmed]

just a warning for everyone who does get it though, stay critical about what th extension marks as anti-trans! since shinigami eyes is largely curated by individual users, it's notorious for labelling a lot of transmeds' accounts as transphobic.

[not-ur-femme-deactivated2020062]

What Aces/Aros *Think* Exclusionists Are Upset About:

Aces/aros lack of attraction

Aces lack of interest in sex

Aros lack of interest in romantic relationships

People not wanting to have sex 24/7

pLaToNiC rElAtIoNsHiPs

LGBT aces/aros not "actually" being LGBT solely because they're ace/aro

Cake vs dragons

What Exclusionists Are **Actually** Upset About:

Making LGBT seem like a community for **anyone** who doesn't follow the societal norms in their relationships

Non-autistic aces/aros using autistic terminology

Non-lesbian aces/aros using historically lesbian terminology and experiences and claiming them as their own

Comparing their experiences to that of POC and their experiences

Trivializing the experience of trans and nb people

Forcing the intersex community into the LGBT+ community without their consent

Infantilizing each other

Calling all lesbians terfs

Calling trans and nb exclusionists terfs

Throwing around the usage of "terf rhetoric"

Sexualizing allo LGBT people

The rampant lesbophobia, homophobia, transphobia, and biphobia

[yorksilk]

the discussion of older lgbtq people using queer as a personal descriptor is such a messy conversation because at the same presentation I heard a 60-ish year old woman say queer was an empowering word that most lgbtq people of her age used, while a 79 year old man said he would never call himself queer because of the bad associations he had from having it used towards him as a slur, and you know what? they accepted and respected each others’ preferences and moved the hell on. it turns out older lgbtq people are not a monolith and have individual feelings on the word queer, yet can still act maturely and respectfully about it. where did we go wrong?

respect peoples’ decision to use or not use queer. it’s that simple.

[countdavidandtheholograms]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but there’s nothing wrong with having dating preferences

I used to be on the boat of ‘genital preference is transphobic’ and I’m still genuinely ashamed of that, because it’s a gross, rapey belief system that often villainzes monosexual people.

I used to be on the boat of believing it was discriminatory to not want to date an acr/aro person, and I hate that I ever believed that. I used to genuinely believe that I was a bad person because I did not feel comfortable dating an aro person. Because why would I date someone who didn’t love me? I thought it was shitty of me to want my partner to love me. 

Oh, how fucking incorrect I was. 

If you don’t want to date a trans person because their genetalia doesn’t correspond with their gender identity, that’s fine. I am a trans man but I have female genetalia, if someone does not want to date me because I do not have a mans body, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Genitals aren’t the only part of attraction, obviously, and sure there’s some people that would be okay with me and my body how it is now, but there are plenty that wouldn’t. And there is nothing wrong with that. It is not transphobic of a gay man to not want to date a trans man that does not have a male body. It is not transphobic of a lesbian to not want to date a trans woman that does not have a female body. 

If you don’t want to date an ace or aro person because sex and/or romance is important to you, that’s fine. Sex and romance are both important to me in relationships, thus why on earth would I date someone that did not desire things that are important to me? 

Nobody is obligated to include ANYONE in their dating pool. It’s astonishing that some people don’t agree with that, but it’s fucking true. You are not obligated to be attracted to, or date/be intimate with anybody at all. If you disagree with anything I’ve said here please do me a favor and just block me. This shit is important, and it means a lot to me. I spent years of my life hating myself because I don’t want to date somebody who would not love me, and quite frankly if you agree with my past dumbass self, I think you’re a fucking asshole. 

[davebayleymovedlol-deactivated2]

half of the stupid fucking lgbt vs ace discourse that exists online does not apply at all irl. half of yall live in a bubble on the internet and youd shit your pants if you actually faced violent lgbt oppression. half of us live in a closet because we fear everyday for our fucking lives that if we express ourselves, come out, or are outed in cold blood, we'd be the victim of a violent crime. i am a white trans bi man, and even i'm considered lucky compared to a white transgender woman, and even more lucky compared to someone who is lgbt and non white because i have a lesser chance of being the victim of a disgusting hate crime, but the point is, none of you who are a fucking cishet ace or cis acearo have the possibility of being the victim of an lgbt hate crime. get it through your thick skulls. you arent queer and you'll never be fucking queer.

[kittleimp]

I don't care to post the messages that brought this up, but let me be clear:

I support legalization of sex work, as well as the oversight, regulation, transparency, and responsibility that would require. One cannot exist without the other.

Any system in which sex workers have less protection than retail employees is a failed system.

[hazardouscourse]

tw this post contains a lot of uncensored qu//r

so i dont get why theres such a huge fight over the word queer?? like. if someone is offended by the word due to it having been used as a slur in the past (and present), then dont refer to them as queer. its not hard. that doesnt mean you arent allowed to identify with it. i identify as queer, and can it be a bit disheartening to see my identity censored? yes. but i understand that it can be triggering or offensive to others

if someone doesnt like the word queer, respect them. if they dont want to be included in the queer lable, respect them. if they would like a warning that their trigger word will be mentioned or uncensored in a post, respect them

alternatively, if someone identifies as queer, dont tell them they arent allowed to because its a slur. just because it offends you doesnt mean it offends everyone. some people feel comforted and included by the label. if it hurts you that much to refer to them as queer, sit down and talk to them about why and work out a compromise for the two of you

also, “queer community” should only refer to those who use or are okay with the queer label. queer should not be an umbrella term for all lgbt+ people. if someone is uncomfortable with being called queer, they are not part of ghe queer community. please stop insisting that people need to be okay with being considered queer. it does more harm than good

[countdavidandtheholograms]

Hot take on Qu**r, it’s absolutely fine to use the word if you are LGBT, if you reclaim it yourself that is great. More power to you. BUT, it is also just fucking rude to use it for other LGBT people who are not comfortable with it. 

I’m fine with calling myself words like Qu**r, F*gg*t and Tr*nny, but I’m never going to call another LGBT person by any of those words, unless they tell me themselves that it’s fine to do so. 

Qu**r is important to some people, and that’s fine. But it’s also just rude to force it on people who do not want it. 

[stfudiscoinfernoed-archive]

It shouldn’t be controversial to say “don’t call someone queer who does not want or would not have wanted to be called queer, this includes not lumping them into ‘queer historical figures,’ ‘queer idols,’ ‘queer role models,’ etc.”

[chad-bian]

It makes me sad to see the increased use of the word queer in writing. For the reason that it’s a slur but also because it’s being used to erase specific identities. Like instead of saying “this character is a lesbian” you can now say “this character is queer” this leaves it open to interpretation in a way. From this second phrase it erases the rich history of that identity and it’s unique experiences.

[tomcats-and-tophats]

like this is just me but growing up everyone in my community just said “the gay community” or whatever when the context was positive. but when a group of guys a couple grades ahead of me ganged up and dragged a kid to the woods behind the school to take turns beating the shit out of him because he might be gay, they sure as shit screamed “queer” at him while they did it. and it’s disgusting how people here like to pretend that shit like that just… doesn’t happen. or that acknowledging that it does happen means we’re invalidating their identity or personally coming to their uni and cancelling their queer studies classes. 

no dude… just maybe stop treating traumatized lgbt people like they’re just oversensitive special snowflakes ‘cause bigots didn’t consult the most recent edition of the slur dictionary before enacting homophobic and transphobic violence on them. 

sensitivity towards the needs of our siblings is far more important to me than the bizarre fear some of you seem to have in that someone’s gonna come to your house to delete “proud queer” out of your tumblr bio. like half of you guys ask for trigger warnings for cartoon characters you don’t like, so you think you’d understand that a word typically intended to do harm has in fact been associated with harm for some vulnerable people and that they deserve to be cared for by those in their community.

[deergirlegodeath]

imagine saying this about gay people holding hands/kissing at pride, and thinking this is even a remotely acceptable thing to say, ever, in any situation. imagine thinking youre in the right here. imagine being this person. holy shit go  home.

[achillescourse]

LGBT NOT Q*EER

a violent, trauma based slur, while powerful for INDIVIDUAL RECLAIMATION, is not appropriate and should not be used to describe the collective

1. denial that its a slur is homophobia and transphobia. period

2. a community can never fully form around a slur because the trauma tied to it will always alienate people, thereby making it the least inclusive

3. allowing cishets / the general populace to call us a slur thats association with us is brutality to freaks is bad for so many fuck reasons

4. stop strawmanning shit like ' you dont want anyone yo use the q slur ever ' and 'but thAt person has another slur in their url ' just fucking tag it and dont use it as a collective term. no q slur history, no q slur community, no q*eers, or q slur people . be mindful of your useage of it around people you dont know, who knows what they have been through - THE EXACT SAME THINGS YOU DO WITH OTHER SLURS

4. idk why people decided the q slur was better and tried to seperate themselves from """"" assimilationist gays """"" but thats fucking dumb. dont rebrand you cowards, take pride in being lgbt and tell the whiter / richer bootlickers within our community that that shit isnt tolerated !!!!

5. lesbian, gay, bi and trans were words people fought so hard for, words WE CHOSE for ourselves, and idk why youse are so keen to ditch them. they sre beautiful, not slurs, and inherently include the massive variety of people that exist within our rainbow community.

[milesmoraleshateshomophobes]

friendly reminder

reclaiming a SLUR

doesnt mean

it's not a SLUR

ANYMORE

[dadvenom]

which do ya'll think sounds more likely:

every single LGBT person on planet earth decided to reclaim the word queer in the 1980s, along with every single cishet bigot agreeing to never use it as a slur again. everything goes great for a couple decades until trans exclusionary radical feminists start telling people queer is a slur because queer is too inclusive of a word and they don't like that

OR

queer was always a slur and individual LGBT people across the world choose to reclaim it for themselves. queer starts to pick up steam as an acceptable alternative to 'LGBT' while still actively being a slur. because of this fact, some LGBT people start to push back against the word's widespread use.