All content below is 18+ and not intended for minors.
Please do not copy, translate, edit, distribute or print my work, in whole or in part. Not for use with AI. My fiction is my own original interpretation and transformation of the source material.
Please read warnings at the beginning of each fic!
I do not use AI, I do not approve of AI, and I block accounts that do.
magpiepills on ao3
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batmacumbaoba on discord
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SMUT BELOW
Joel Miller
Only Teasing
An age gap fic with Joel getting a bit rough with the neighbors daughter. My very first fic ever!
Got It Wrong
My second fic ever, featuring reader, Joel, and Tess in a slightly dark threesome. Reader is being manipulated! I don’t think she cares!
Taurus
Joel smokes beside a pool and fingers you, you gring on his shoulder. Javi G faceclaim but just use your imagination!
En El Mar
My attempt at something a little romantic? A little bit From Here to Eternity, where Joel fucks you on the beach after you both survive a shipwreck. Nothing scary here!
Into The Deep End
Joel is your best friend’s boyfriend’s friend who lets you use his pool and you have a spontaneous hookup on his couch.
Put It In Coach
You’re an 18 year old high school senior and cheerleader and Joel is the school football coach. You’re both bad people for different reasons.
Homecoming
Part 2 of Put It In Coach! Cheerleader and Coach Joel meet again!
Made Me Love You (The Bangfest) complete
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3 Pit Stop extra
You’re Tommy’s girlfriend and he shares you with his jealous brother.
Plow Downward Dog Butterfly
A 3 part fic with Peeping Tom Joel watching his neighbor do yoga.
Another Kind of Hunger
Crack fic with very horny Joel
Airtight
A Joel for every hole!
Austin, Texas On A Rainy November Saturday, 2002
Austin, Texas On A Cloudy January Sunday, 2003
Kinda romancey, indulgent fic just because.
Doin’ Time
Reader is an inmate and Joel is a prison guard.
Like A Boy Does
Tess seduces reader and then introduces her to Joel. FFM bi Tess bi reader!
Take It Easy
Sarah’s bff loses her virginity to Joel.
The Paleolith
Cavewoman reader and caveman Joel
Wayfarer
Implied criminal Joel and reader are joked up in a run down motel and Joel gets fed up with her and figures out how to shut her up.
Clint (Freaky Tales)
Got Your Money
Lackey Clint comes to collect money from hooker reader but decides an alternate payment plan is acceptable
Javier Peña
En La Calle
Reader of unspecified gender sucks Javi’s cock in an alley
Escritorio
After making a careless mistake, embassy employee reader is punished by her coworker, Pena.
Hard At Work
Reader needs attention from her boss Javi.
Aquarius
Javi takes a long lunch with the secretary
I’m Not Really A Waitress
Foot fetish Javi likes taking reader to get pedicures.
DIY
Lazy Javi makes you to all the work while he smokes.
Sweet Tooth
Javi is your mom’s boyfriend and you do all you can to get his attention.
Promises, Promises
Promises Broken
Javi mpreg
The File Room
A quickie with Javi
Frankie Morales
Honor And Obey
When frankie fake on hard times, Santi and his wife, reader, allow him to move in with them. Reader decides how she wants the rent paid.
Say It
Just a quick little drunken facefucking fic with Frankie
The Run
Movie night on the couch between your roommates Frankie and Santi after they welcome you back from your run.
Once and Future
Long live the king!
The Layover
Reader and her friend meet Frankie and Santos during a long layover and decide to pass the time at a motel near the airport.
Submission
Frankie is your boy toy and he lives to serve you, reader.
Santiago Garcia
The Pope's Blessing
Ezra
Sagittarius
When Ezra boards your craft you fight back. Helmet riding.
Kill Shot
(My favorite of all my fics and also my longest. This one is my baby.) Reader seeks her fortune on The Green, but she is met by a dangerous stranger. They team up. All is not as it seems.
Not For Nothing
While Ezra is away, your photos keep him satisfied.
Code Duello
When Ezra meets Marcus Moreno and a tense standoff ensues.
Dieter Bravo
No links cause I’m not sure I like my Dieter fics. If you want them, let me know.
Here Today
For Her Pleasure
Lucky In Kentucky
But Baby, It’s Art
The Oasis
Marcus Pike
Misunderstood
Sweet, gentle Marcus comes home after a hard day at work and shows you he’s not all fluff.
Dave York
Strange Currencies
Dave gets got.
Gemini
Reader and her best friend set their sights on a man at the bar and her more than they bargained for.
Din Djarin
A Rite
Marcus Moreno
Girl Lunch
Marcus comes home to you on his lunch break and you’re the one who gets full.
Same Time Next Week
My entry for the Peg That Middle Aged Man Campaign! Marcus visits a spa for a special sort of service to help him let go of his stress.
Lucien DeLeon
Watercolor
Accidentally lost this fic. RIP.
Make Me
Your ex surprises you during a party.
Ted Garcia
Vote For Ted
Another lost fic. Very sad.
Good Behavior (With Tim Rockford!)
You’re an inmate at Tim’s prison and he owes the mayor a favor.
Silva
Divining Rod
Reader is Silva’s long suffering wife and when he goes to town to visit his old friend Jake, she is angry with him when he returns. He lashes out. Bi Silva, historical context SWOL is one of my favorites and I’ll fight about it.
Tim Rockford
God Speed
Sort of soft fic with sleeping reader.
The Late Shift
Tim has a busy night at work.
Overtime
Tim makes his rounds and checks in on his favorite inmate, reader.
Good Behavior (With Ted Garcia!)
You’re an inmate at Tim’s prison and he owes the mayor a favor.
Mario (snl)
Game Over
Crack. Reader is Princess Peach. She and Mario make a friendly wager and when reader wins she collects. Another Peg That Middle Aged Man entry.
Jack “Whiskey” Daniels
Rope & Ride
Dom That Middle Aged Man! Jack is tailing a mysterious woman (reader) but he’s not as careful as he thinks he is.
Bonus thots
Javier Pena
Marcus Acacius + Lucius & Dieter
Under The Weather HCs
Manus Aureum
Girl Scout Cookie HCs
Getting High With Frankie
Miniature Smut
A collection of one paragraphish smut based on various porn gifs.
“You know what’s happened recently? Maybe it’s in melancholic fashion, but I’ve been starting to miss characters, wondering ‘where are they now?’ And the one I miss most is called Julio Zapata from Y tu mamá también. I wonder what he’s up to. Because he’s perhaps the character that I have related the most to in terms of upbringing and you know..." —Gael Garcia Bernal, 2015
Incredibly violent take of mine but I actually don’t think you need to relate to a story in any way to enjoy it. You can enjoy a story even if you can’t point at a character and insert some aspect of your personality or identity into them. In fact I would argue the need for a character like that to be present in every single story you experience is a sign of stunted growth.
Not a violent take at all and I totally agree with it. If you cannot read something and enjoy it without it being about you, there’s some introspection needed.
I’m sure I’ve said this before on this site but I’m going to keep saying it.
The whole point of reading is to experience someone else’s perspective. To be in someone else’s brain. That’s why we do it. That character isn’t you. They’re not from where you’re from, they don’t think like you think, and they don’t respond to stimuli the same way you would. You’re supposed to read and say “I wouldn’t do that, why did this person do it?” And then, lucky you, there’s another 200 pages of why that character did that.
Reading is the closest we get to telepathy. And if you do it enough it will bleed into your life and you’ll look around at the people who do the things you wouldn’t do and you’ll start to understand why.
people who learned about greek mythology due reasons that DONT involve having read percy jackson at 12 freak me out, like what the FUCK was going on in your life that you found out that zeus turned into a pigeon to woo his wife like HOW
the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.
Longtime readers may be aware of how much I relish an excuse to bully a company, so I'm sharing the wealth;
Clothing company Patagonia is currently sueing drag queen Pattie Gonia for "irreparable” harm to their brand.
To be clear; Pattie named herself after the region in South America.
So Pattie is asking people to politely ask Patagonia to drop the lawsuit.
I'm extending the invitation to all of you, because sueing a drag queen for 'infringement' in the current political cultural landscape is vile.
Especially a drag queen who has raised millions of dollars for non-profits, uses her platform to raise awareness for climate activism, and fully aligns with Patagonia's apparent climate-conscious mission statement.
They're claiming they're sueing for $1. They're actually asking her to stop using her name, and pay over $1 million in legal fees. They're straight up harassing her.
In contrast, drag queen Jan Sport has a Jansport bag line. It's that easy to just... work with a queen.
Anyway. Be respectful(ish), but feel free to be annoying on Patagnoia's socials, asking them to 'DROP THE LAWSUIT'
