Day Dreamer

A weird, crazy, naughty, moves-like-a-dude 19 yrs old lass. Taurus. Old soul. BS- Pharmacy student of Centro Escolar University (CEU) x transferred & currently studying at Liceo De Cagayan University (LDCU). Adventuresome. Food-monster. Don't need that sugar quoting words to heal the bitterness in life.

[maidemoisellebizarre]

Bittersweet

It is really sad that you are both the reason of every laugh and cry of her.

[maidemoisellebizarre]

"Will it be worth it?" "It will be. He is a good man. He love me the most. He've done so much for me. And he won't change, especially his love for me." -----

"Are you happy now? Was it worth it? Is he worthy of all your sacrifices" "Yes... Maybe. Hmm, I love him so deeply. But hmm, I don't know anymore"

:(

[maidemoisellebizarre]

Am I expecting that much? Or maybe I just didn't see things coming? Little by little, things are changing; And I don't like it. I am frightened that things might not last as what I thought would be; Idk if this is just overthinking or what, but I don't like this :(

Something is wrong! Things are becoming toxic!

[maidemoisellebizarre]

3 am thoughts.

Crying over the things that is already behind, things that didn’t happened and things that I wish to happen. I thought I was finally healed, or at least okay at some point. I thought I am finally happy, genuinely happy, but I was wrong. I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY. I WILL NEVER BE OKAY. 

I need to stop expecting things from people. I must stop thinking that they will understand me. And that there will be a time that no one will be there beside you, comforting you. It will be just you and yourself at the end of the day. I need to stop, for me not to trigger pain from the past. 

I’ve been suffering 3 days straight with these 3 am painful thoughts. And it’s killing me. I thought I was finally over with this 3 am disorder last week but it keep coming back. 

MAYBE I’M STUCK.... FOREVER. 

[maidemoisellebizarre]

It's always so hard to conceal and hide all the pain that this world is giving me. I'm tired.

AAB 

[maidemoisellebizarre]

I didn’t make it. 

Where did I go wrong? 

Why are bad things keep on happening? 

[maidemoisellebizarre]

“Saving your picture in his gallery is sure romantic but keeping one in his wallet is love“

[maidemoisellebizarre]

Dos

8 Aug 2020

[maidemoisellebizarre]

Everything seems so fresh. The pain it caused me before, during and even after it. The fear of those footsteps I heard near my door, the hate I gave to all the people behind it, overthinking, suicidal thoughts, what-ifs, depression, anxiety, loneliness. EVERYTHING! 😭

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of me.

[maidemoisellebizarre]

I thought I was okay.

I thought I was totally okay.

I thought I was healed by you.

But after years, it came back again.

You healed me for awhile,

and triggered it to came back again at the same time.

[maidemoisellebizarre]

Strength = Weakness

[maidemoisellebizarre]

I think, my heart will burst anytime...

When I was in the womb of my mom, the physicians discovered that my other kidney isn't fully developed. Close monitoring, ultra sounds, follow up check-ups/monitoring. And soon, it was found out that I only have one— and it is called renal agenesis. While growing up and m learned and understand about it, I already accepted my fate. that maybe this will sooner or later be the cause of my death.

But I think I was wrong...

Heart attack. Heart disease. HEART.. Something about my heart. This fragile heart will kill me. This will be the cause of my death.

It's funny how a doctor kwak-kwak who knew my history, once told us that if all the hatred, fear and pain inside me wont be healed, this will end me anytime soon. Cause she knew how heavy it is that I am carrying.

[maidemoisellebizarre]

To my favorite person—

my love,

I know how difficult I am to handle, but thank you for not giving up on me.

Thank you for holding on, though I pushed you away so many times.

You amaze me by how you always see the good things in me even I think I'm being the worst version of me at times.

You always understands me even I myself don't. That's one thing I like about you. You don't judge, but instead you try to understand everything in every possible ways.

You bring me so much happiness from the moment you came into my life; You're my happy pill in this sad world.

You're this selfless man I know who loves to surprise me with random presents and even small cute gestures.

You always bring the best in me. You supported me in everything since day one. You would tell me I can do this and that. And that with prayers, everything is possible.

I told you my story but you still stayed. You would remind me that it was a decision you made, that you will never regret.

There was once a time when you told me (that you've prayed to God to give you someone you can relay to. And He gave you, me.) That I'm your answered prayer. And that I was your missing piece and now, I complete you.

You told me I amazed you for so many reasons but NO, love. YOU AMAZE ME MORE.

You're a good man with such a beautiful soul. There's so many good beautiful things about you, my love.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ❤️

28 July 2019

—AAB

[maidemoisellebizarre]

You dont know how cute you are when you call me early in the morning when I have my hospital duty; when you call me when I'm on the way to the hospital for my night shift, just to make sure I arrive safely; And when you wake up and call me on my 3am break to just ask how I'm doing. Oh man! You made me feel so special in every way.

—AAB

[maidemoisellebizarre]

It's so cute when you talk about the planets, the universe and whole galaxy. You fed me up with lots of trivia.

You know how much I love the moon, and when you saw it in its beautiful phase, you would text me and would tell me about it; As I would tell you to wait up cause I'm gonna go and take a look. But you're this overprotective guy that would stop me and would tell me it isn't actually that beautiful for me to stay at my room cause you dont want me passing by on guys at the lobby.

— AAB

[maidemoisellebizarre]

Today, he's coming home for his friend's wedding on 13th. He called me when he's about to leave the barracks around 4 am. Idk but it's just so nice to hear this guy first thing in the morning. He simply made me laugh over random things. 1.12

[maidemoisellebizarre]