gentle heart

The Way I Feel

madzuoka:

As soon as the door closed, Rin leaned against i and let out a sigh. He felt bad for being relieved to have a break from Makoto; he was his best friend after all. Usually, Rin felt comfortable around him, he could tell him everything that bothered him and he’d just listen to him, not minding it if Rin had to cry in order to calm down. He couldn’t quite understand how it could have gotten to a point where he no longer was able to stand Makoto’s presence while at the same time, he was longing for him. Maybe his mind messed with him because he was still hungover. At least Rin hoped for this to be the reason why he felt like this.

Because a sober Rin would never wish for it again, right?

Stubbornly pushing these thoughts to the back of his mind, Rin took off his clothes and stepped into the shower, waiting for the water to become warmer until he started to wash his hair and his body. His head still hurt, but the shower was definitely helping – at least he imagined that it would.

But not even under the shower was he save from his thoughts. Now that he was alone he seemed to overthink everything more intensely, and Rin couldn’t believe that he really had to think about how much he had liked the way Makoto kissed him last night. It felt as if he could still feel where his lips and hands had touched him, and even if he tried hard to keep those thoughts out of his mind, Rin had to admit that he actually just wanted this to happen again. Not with just anyone, but with Makoto. Maybe Rin was just lonely and Makoto had turned out to be the perfect person to comfort him, but that barely explained anything.

Slightly angered with himself, Rin eventually stepped out of the shower. It hadn’t been as relaxing as he thought it would be when he first stepped inside. Once he dried himself off, Rin got dressed again. Jeans, tank top and a jacket, seeing as it wasn’t overly warm. Yet, he was too lazy and hungry to dry his hair completely, so when he stepped out of the bathroom, his hair was still wet.

Rin could already smell what Makoto had made them for breakfast. And he appreciated it, seeing as he was extremely hungry by now. And despite his angered mood, he tried not to be so pissed in front of his best friend – he didn’t deserve that.

“Mh… Smells great,” he said and even managed a small smile when he sat down at the table. Rin looked over at his friend again, raising an eyebrow when he saw him unpacking. “We can just do this after we’ve had breakfast.”

Makoto was too distracted by the task at hand to hear Rin open the bathroom door and come back, but as soon as he spoke up, he jolted slightly, head whipping up. “Ah- it was just to keep myself busy until you're done.”, he replied with a small smile. He put away the bowls he'd just unpacked and then sat down across from him, reaching for a piece of toast to spread some butter on. A simple meal, easy on the stomach after a night of drinking, but it would do.

Silence fell between them and he inwardly wished he'd found the small radio they had gotten for the kitchen or that he had at least remembered to turn on the tv for some background noise. It was odd, unusual, to feel so awkward and out of place when spending time with his best friend, but Makoto also figured it was to be expected after a night like that. He couldn't even look him in the eye for too long without remembering what it had felt like to hold him. Just a second too long and he could feel some of that heat he'd felt the night before come back. No, it was best to be cautious until he had himself back under control. Preferably after a long and cold shower.

“I think I'll unpack in my room first.”, he finally broke the silence for a lack of anything else to say. “I don't even remember where I put clean underwear in..” A small laugh followed his words but it seemed a bit strained, even to his own ears. It was a miracle he didn't cringe at himself.

Hungriges Herz

haruka-nanase-chan:

「遙」- Once outside, Haru finally allowed himself to breathe, working hard to lose the colour Makoto had brought to his cheeks. His feelings towards his roommate had really started becoming a problem, and even though he was still denying them, he couldn’t help but want to act upon them. Whenever Makoto entered the room he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Whenever they sat opposite each other at the cafe, chatting quietly amongst themselves, he wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch the brunet’s hand. To gently brush his finger’s against Makoto’s, only to then tangle their fingers together. Whenever he talked, it was hard to focus on anything but his lips and how much he wanted to close the space between them. Yes, his crush on Makoto had really blown out of proportions, but there was no way he’d ever admit it to himself.

Making his way to the cafeteria, Haru made sure to take his time. He desperately needed some space to calm down a bit after their talk and because he didn’t live alone, there was nowhere but outside he could do this.

It wasn’t before he arrived that he realized he didn’t actually need anything. He’d only just eaten breakfast and he wasn’t particularly thirsty either, so his little outing had been pretty pointless. Although now that he’d told Makoto he’d be going to the cafeteria, it would be weird to return empty-handed so with a sigh, Haru grabbed a few pieces of fruit and two water bottles before making his way back.

Returning to their room, Haru was back to his normal self, kicking off his shoes before plopping down in his desk chair and placing down the water and fruit.

By the time that Haruka returned, Makoto had gotten himself back under control. There was still that nagging feeling that he didn’t quite want to leave for home, but he honestly missed his family and spending time with his friends there. It was a different kind of longing, wanting to spend more time with Haru, which only confirmed that the feelings behind it were entirely different. He was already in too deep and perhaps a time off was exactly what he needed. Some distraction away from his daily routine of being around the man who had slowly but certainly found a way inside his heart.

The rest of the week passed by unspectacularly. They didn’t even try working on Haru’s art project, something the brunet had looked forward to. But he did get a glimpse of sketches and colour schemes on the raven’s drawing pad, so the project wasn’t abandoned altogether, Haruka probably just wanted to practise some more before he wanted to try again. In the meantime, Makoto focused on his own work, spending most of the time reading and writing essays.

Eventually, Friday came and Makoto packed the last items he would need in his time away. Most had been packed the night before because he had intended to leave right after the last course, but now that he was done, he found was reluctant to actually leave. If he didn’t have a train to catch, he might have delayed his departure and realizing this, he inwardly shook his head at his own behaviour.

“Alright, I’m good to go.”, he said into the quiet of the room and threw a glance at Haruka. It would be the first time they’d be separate for a longer time, so he was unsure what the appropriate way of saying goodbye was.

#;hungriges herz

A Little Lie

rossosqualus:

As it had been for the past few weeks, being alone with Makoto felt good. It made Rin cheerful which seemed natural for spending time with friends, but there was something different. Makoto was refreshing. He wasn’t the same as any of the people that Rin spent most of his time with, and he liked it. He found himself smiling more around Makoto, liking the way the brunet seemed so interested in the things Rin had to say. He was so gentle with Rin in responses, causing Rin to want to say more and more to him with little of Makoto’s effort.

Makoto seemed to like the café and Rin was glad about that. Even after they finished their meal the pair lingered, Rin in no hurry to leave the restaurant, and relieved when he saw that Makoto felt the same. But suddenly in mid-conversation, Makoto’s fingers wrapped around Rin’s. It surprised the redhead, not pulling away but still feeling heat rise in his face from the seemingly out of no where action.

It was a quick realization that Makoto was doing it because he saw Samezuka High students nearby, and with a glance over Rin knew he recognized at least one of them. They weren’t on his swim team but they were a classmate, and Rin knew Makoto was making the right call. Still, even knowing that didn’t make Rin relax and he couldn’t even place why. He was just thankful for the dim lighting in the café, and he hoped that meant Makoto wouldn’t notice anything.

Even so, Rin responded by gently holding Makoto’s hand back. He liked the way he was being touched, and somehow it managed to speed Rin’s heart rate up just a little. He gave Makoto’s hand a little squeeze, before leaning over the table a little to bring his face closer to the taller’s.

“Hey, good job noticin’.” He whispered, a smile widening on his face. “You’re good at this.” Rin wasn’t pretending as he spoke; he was talking about their plan, after all. But the close proximity of their faces wasn’t helping to calm the redhead down and he needed to slowly sit himself back down as the blush on his face grew. Why these things were embarrassing now all of a sudden was beyond Rin’s acknowledgement, and he needed to tell himself that it was only because he didn’t expect Makoto to touch him. Yes, that had to be it– Rin was taken off guard, so it had to be natural to react to that.

The thing was that Makoto actually enjoyed the little things like that. Spending time with Rin, being close to him and holding his hand. It didn’t immediately cross his mind that he wasn’t proud and relieved that he’d done the right thing and that it would help with their plan, but he was actually happy that Rin hadn’t reacted disapprovingly. Which, in hindsight, was ridiculous – why would he? This was all about his benefits after all, so there was no point in worrying. Of course Rin had approved.

“Thanks.”, the brunet murmured as he returned the smile, albeit a little shyly. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that Rin was blushing, but it was hard to say in the dim light. Besides, even if he was, it was probably nothing but a natural reaction to being treated that way. Rin was equally inexperienced with the whole dating deal and it didn’t take much to get under his skin, so why would touching him be any different?

“I just-”, he continued as he gave a small laugh, eyes falling to the table, to their joined hands. “-I don’t know, I just do what I’d do on a date, I guess.” Perhaps he should have left it at that, should have accepted the compliment and move on, but he didn’t. “It felt like the right thing to do.” Makoto was talking quietly, both because he didn’t want anyone to pick up on their conversation, but also because embarrassment made him meek. Eventually he fell silent and cleared his throat, glancing up to meet Rin’s eyes, only to give him another smile.

“Hey, since this is a date, I’m going to pay, alright?” Smile widening into a cheeky grin, he brushed off the awkward feeling as he shook a nagging feeling from his mind at the same time. There was no point in making it any more awkward for either of them, so without accepting a no, he called over the waitress and insisted on paying for both their meals. He was still grinning by the time they left the café, even though he wondered if the woman would still have smiled amusedly at them if she had known that they weren’t actually a couple.

#;a little lie

The Way I Feel

madzuoka:

Of course Rin knew that they had to talk about this in the near future, that they couldn’t just brush it off with saying how stupid this had been. It didn’t work like this, not even in a friendship that was like theirs. If they could just pull themselves together, everything would be fine in the end, wouldn’t it? Rin’s biggest fear has always been losing Makoto, his best friend, and it still was. It felt even stronger after last night, but fortunately, the brunet wasn’t someone to just leave after something like this.

The situation was just unfamiliar to them, that was all. And Rin just had to clear his head, then everything would be fine again. They would have breakfast together, laughing about silly things like they always did, chatting and just… getting along. Everything would go back to normal, and soon enough, they would laugh about it – or maybe act like it never happened.

A small frown showed up on Rin’s face when he herd Makoto’s words, and finally managed to turn his head towards him. He looked wasted, just what Rin had expected, but there was something else… Something Rin could hardly describe, no matter how hard he tried to find words for what was going on in his head when looking at Makoto like that. For a short time, they even made eye contact, but the sting in Rin’s chest made him look away again. “I guess it was pretty stupid, yes. I’m sorry. It was probably my fault that things got out of hand.”

Rin didn’t want to blame Makoto for it, simply because he didn’t deserve his anger. Whenever the redhead was angry, he tended to treat everyone unfair, so it was the best to just blame himself. And knowing that Makoto would disagree anyway, he quickly stood up and nodded. “Thanks,” he mumbled, and without looking back, Rin rummaged through one of the boxes for clean clothes before he quickly went to the bathroom where he locked the door.

He just needed a few minutes alone. That was it, for sure.

Of course Rin would blame himself.

Makoto wasn’t even surprised, which was why he didn’t want to make a huge deal out of the incident. Sure, it had been Rin’s idea to start the drinking and he’d acted like a huge baby the night before, but it wasn’t as if he’d asked Makoto to kiss the living daylights out of him and climb him like he’d never touched another human being before. No, they were in this together and they were both at fault, so it was both of their jobs to make it right again. And being hungover and absolutely miserable wouldn’t help the matter, so it was best to brush it off. At least for now.

At least until he had his own thoughts and feelings a little better under control.

Waiting until he could hear the door click shut, Makoto finally took a deep breath and huffed a quiet groan once the coast was clear. He was beyond frustrated, but it was hard to tell at what in particular. The situation, himself, the memory of what had happened or knowing that it wouldn’t happen again. Wondering why it bothered him in the first place that the kiss wouldn’t repeat itself. It was all so very confusing.

In the end, he busied himself by making breakfast for the two of them. Even if he wasn’t a master chief, he still managed to make scrambled eggs, silently thanking his mother for providing them with a full fridge to live off of for a while. He wasn’t in the mood to go out and buy food. In fact, all he wanted was to eat and then lock himself away in his room to brood and unpack. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be around Rin, but more like he felt a burden to the other if he wasn’t in his right mind. It would make everything even more complicated than it already was. Besides, he’d never been in a situation like this before, so there wasn’t any experience he could draw a solution from.

Rummaging through the boxes, he found plates and set up their breakfast on the small table they had in the kitchen. He was tempted to eat before Rin returned, but figured it would be rude and he didn’t want to spend their first breakfast in the new flat alone. Instead he busied himself by unpacking some more boxes and putting away the cutlery.

#;the way i feel

A Little Lie

rossosqualus:

Since they started this, Rin hadn’t thought about their “breakup” at all. Originally they assumed when it would happen and Rin thought it would be easy to do since their relationship wasn’t real in the first place. But now that they were doing this the thought nearly escaped his mind. Rin couldn’t even tell if he was avoiding the thought or just not putting any effort into planning it; breaking up just wasn’t on his radar. Dating Makoto was more comfortable and normal than expected, so breaking up didn’t seem to be necessary for now. There were many parts of this setup that Rin was really enjoying, so he couldn’t say he wanted this to end very soon.

“You know, when you put it like that, you’re right. They’re actually happy for us. It feels good.” Rin expected it to be annoying and embarrassing to hear his friends shout about these things so loudly, and while the embarrassment was there Rin could see what Makoto was saying, too. No one saw either of the males any differently, and they were endlessly supportive about them being together. Rin wondered if perhaps they saw this relationship as normal as well, and he wondered if the pair really looked that real as a couple. Still, to think their friends would act the same way if Makoto and Rin’s relationship had been real was a very comforting thought.

Rin blinked as his hair was touched, quickly realizing what was going on the moment he saw Makoto’s face. With spending so much time with Makoto, Rin was getting good at reading him. “Sorry, I know you wanted me to dry it properly but I was already late. I’ll be fine.” Makoto had always been easily worried about his friends so this wasn’t anything new, but lately Rin had noticed the brunet’s concern towards him had somewhat increased. Rin attributed it to the pair seeing each other more often and nothing else, but either way it was a sort of comforting feeling. Makoto was so kind and so caring, and it nearly made Rin feel protected; a feeling Rin couldn’t say he was especially used to.

“I was thinkin’ we could get dinner together. There’s a cafe near by that’s good, and I know you don’t get to explore around my school very often.”

“Sounds good to me.”, Makoto agreed softly and motioned for the redhead to lead the way. It didn't take them long to reach the café, despite walking slowly so Makoto could take a proper look around. He'd been to the school before, but mostly it involved their team going straight for the indoor pool. Even during the school's festival he hadn't seen as much of the nearby area as he should have, too distracted by the festival and all the people. Now it was so much easier to pay attention to where they were going and properly keep note of their surroundings; if they ever agreed on meeting by the café he'd at least know where to go to.

The walk was a comfortable one as Rin told him stories of things that had happened around the area, but even as they fell silent, it didn't feel odd. In fact, it only proved why they got along so well in the first place. It was a different kind of friendship than he had with Haruka, hard to compare because the two of them were complete opposites, but he still valued them both. Makoto briefly wondered if they'd be this close if it weren't for the fake dating, but it was a thought he quickly shook off again. Of course they'd be, eventually, it might have simply taken them some more time to realize how well they got along in order to hang out more often again. With a plan in head, it had just happened faster.

Once they had arrived at the café and taken a seat, Makoto could see why it was popular. The waitress was exceptionally nice, the place seemed clean and the food he'd eyed on other people's tables looked delicious. Even if it had felt odd not to go home with the rest of his team, he was more than happy to have stayed. Food and drinks were ordered and luckily didn't take long to arrive; Makoto was usually starving after practise.

Some time after he was done and they were still sitting and talking, Makoto reached across the table to intertwine their fingers. Rin had thrown him a startled look, but all it took was a quick nod into the direction of people who were their age. Even if the boys weren't wearing any school uniforms, chances were high that they went to Samezuka High, so that justified his actions. It didn't explain the way he could feel his ears heat up or why he absentmindedly stroked the back of Rin's hand with his thumb.

#;a little lie

The Way I Feel

madzuoka:

It took a while until Rin slowly started to remember more details about what had happened. Actually, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to remember, but his memory and mind seemed to be merciless with him – and he did deserve this kind of punishment. Kissing your best friend may or may not be a big deal if you both were drunk, but the way they both had responded to each other did make him worried. This couldn’t be brushed off as nothing, and even if they might be able to laugh about it after a long time, it would be a big obstacle in the future.

They wanted to live here together, but how? How could Makoto stand living here with Rin from now on? After all, he felt somewhat exposed, as if he had lied to him for his whole life and now, his secrets were no secrets any more. But these were things Rin hadn’t even known himself. Of course, Makoto was an attractive man and he never thought anything else, but yesterday had been the first time Rin acknowledged this properly; never before had he made it so obvious that he might be attracted to his best friend, just a tiny bit…

Unfortunately, there was no blanket Rin could pull over his head right now, no pillow he could use to subtly suffocate himself, nothing he could use to knock himself out. Maybe this was all just a bad dream and all he had to do was to wake up. But life wasn’t that fair.

And Makoto was awake, moving, sitting up. Usually, Rin never really thought about his actions whenever he was alone with the brunet, simply because this was his best friend. He trusted him, and he knew he would never be judged. However, Rin now even thought twice about breathing.

“Obviously,” Rin commented, maybe a bit too snippy. It wasn’t Makoto’s fault, especially because the whole drinking thing was Rin’s idea. He was to blame for all of this and yet, he was snapping at his friend. “Sorry…” A small sigh left his lips, but he still didn’t dare to move and face Makoto.

How could he? This was the most awkward situation he’s ever been in! He didn’t know what was wrong with him, or what Makoto was thinking about all of this. Yesterday, Rin hadn’t been alone with just how much he had enjoyed it. He remembered it now, that they both had restrained themselves – kissing might have been something they could have explained, but sexual arousal was a bit more difficult.

Slowly, Rin sat up as well, but he still didn’t dare to look at his friend. “I doubt you want to talk about… that,” he muttered as he ruffled his hair a bit. “So? Who showers first?”

Gaze fixed on the almost empty bottle of sake on the table, Makoto pondered to himself. He was way too hungover and miserable but that wasn't the worst problem he was struggling with. The longer he thought, the more he became aware of the situation they were in and what they had done the night prior. If Rin thought it to be funny, he would have made his thoughts known by now but instead there was a snapped reply, followed by a soft apology. No, there was nothing remotely funny about the incident.

He'd known Rin for so many years, so even without looking at him, the brunet just knew that Rin felt equally embarrassed and awkward about the situation. Uncertain, on top of that. It was obvious that he wanted to talk about it but didn't know how to, perhaps if only to make it less uncomfortable for the both of them. Makoto's heart skipped a beat at that; the redhead was way too considerate sometimes.

It was also why he decided to turn around and finally look at his friend. Green eyes darted over the other's frame and he found he had to swallow hard around his dry throat. Rin was a sight to behold in the morning, cranky and messy hair and there was absolutely nothing new about that, but as Makoto took in the other's appearance, he became painfully aware that something had changed between them. Something major about the way he saw his best friend had changed for him during the night.

Bracing himself, he managed to shoot him a lopsided smile. “I think we can both agree that we got a little stupid last night.”, he offered. A solution, a way out. One day they would laugh about that night, or so he hoped. “No need to worry about it, alright?” Makoto wanted to reach out and pat his head, smother some of that hair down, but a gesture that had once seemed natural felt odd to him now. Instead, he finally got up and gathered the bottle and glasses.

“Go shower first. I'll make breakfast. We still have to unpack our things.” Which would mean he had a chance to hide away in his bedroom for a couple of hours. The living room and kitchen could wait for the time being, wait until he'd had time to sort through his head and brush the recent memories from his mind.

The Way I Feel

madzuoka:

“Thank you. Hope you sleep well too,” Rin only muttered when he tried to get as close as he possibly could be to his taller friend. They’d probably move and turn in their sleep anyway, but Rin wanted to be close and warm as long as it lasted. Tomorrow, this would all be over, even though he couldn’t really say why it had to be that way. Something was just off and he couldn’t say what it actually was.

Soon enough, Rin was asleep, still being pressed against Makoto’s chest as if he was seeking for safety and comfort. But he had completely forgotten about his homesickness… Then warmth he felt and the scent he smelled just seemed to do him good. Very good, to be precise.

Thank god, Rin had a dreamless night. Who could’ve known what his drunk mind would let him dream?

The next morning wasn’t nearly as good as the night. Rin’s whole body just hurt, especially his head felt like it was going to explode. This was the main thing that woke him up, and thanks to the sunlight, it was impossible to drift off again.

Obviously, Rin’s mind was clouded enough for him to not realize that someone was holding him quite tightly. But when he did, his eyes snapped open with the sudden realization that all he could remember was that he and Makoto had celebrated a bit and… Oh. Oh. Rin suddenly felt even worse. Was this really Makoto whose arms were wrapped around his waist, whose body was so close to Rin’s? Was this really Makoto who smelled so unbelievably great? Why hadn’t he noticed this before? And now, Rin didn’t even dare to move. It was odd, he just wanted to stay like this a little longer, but then again, he wanted an explanation.

He couldn’t believe he was actually doing that, but the first thing Rin did was to check if he was wearing something. Anything. And he was, thankfully, causing him to let out a sigh of relief. Yet, this still didn’t mean that nothing happened, right? Should he ask Makoto about it?

Then, suddenly, he felt Makoto turning away from him and also moving his arms. It felt weird; Rin somehow missed this kind of embrace as soon as he couldn’t feel the warmth of his best friend’s body anymore. “Makoto?,” he asked quietly, not daring to turn his head towards him. “Are you awake? What happened?”

For a brief moment, Makoto felt like falling and part of him wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. And then, as soon as the initial nauseousness faded, embarrassment burned hot from his chest and he could feel the heat crawl across his face. Groaning throatily, he ran both hands across his face and pressed the palms against his eyes hard enough to make him see stars for a moment. Mouth dry and a foreign taste on his tongue, he wanted nothing more than to take a shower and try to drown himself while he was at it. Maybe chug down some of that water beforehand so he wouldn't feel like he'd done his fair share of tracking through a desert in the past 24 hours.

There was a quiet voice to his right, but he ignored him for the moment, as he tried to recollect his thoughts. What had happened?

Makoto hadn't been drunk enough to wake up with some memories lost to the night, but he couldn't quite believe his own actions. They'd been drinking and acted like silly teens – that wasn't news to him. Even without alcohol they would sometimes act like idiots and not their age. But to think that he had actually made out with his best friend.. and enjoyed it on top of that.

A harsh breath left his lips as he eased on the pressure of his eyes. There was only so long that he could hide.

It was one thing to get so drunk that he didn't mind kissing his friend, but it was another whole different matter that he had been so excited about it. Thinking back on it now, he could still remember the way Rin had complied to his advances, had willingly responded to his kiss and just how good the other had tasted. How well his body fit against Makoto's. God.

“I'm awake.”, he groaned, voice raw from dehydration. He coughed and rolled to his side, away from Rin, gathering what strength he had left until he could sit up. It made him dizzy for a moment, but he just couldn't stand lying next to the man he'd known all his life. What he'd done the night before couldn't be laughed off as a joke, not if Rin remembered how well Makoto had reacted to the feel of a body next to his own.

“I'd say we, uh, drank a bit too much.”

The Way I Feel

madzuoka:

It was unclear if Rin was only allowing him – and himself – to go that far just because he was intoxicated. Possibly, yes, but he probably wouldn’t even have kissed him in the first place if he’d been sober. Kissing your best friend was a no-go, regardless of said friend’s gender, especially if you couldn’t say for sure that you’d remember the incident the next morning.

But what was pretty clear to Rin was the fact that he’d never thought of being like this with Makoto. Never. Now that it had happened, he didn’t want to complain, and yet… This was happening, it hadn’t stopped yet. They were still pressed against each other and for a moment Rin obviously thought about teasing Makoto just a little more.

Clearly, this would cross the line though. If he did that, he couldn’t talk himself out of it anymore. The question was… Would he want to talk himself out of it? Not at this rate, but the small part of his mind that still tried to keep him responsible told him that he’d only regret it the morning after. But with Makoto being like that, still working on his neck, Rin found it pretty hard not to press their bodies together again – this time, including their lower halves. In the end, he only stopped himself from doing it when Makoto rolled off of him. The sound Rin made was disappointed nonetheless.

Even if Makoto was now laying next to him, Rin still had an iron-like grip on him, becoming the clingy kind of drunk again. “Very okay…” That was all he mumbled untie he buried his face in the crook of Makoto’s neck. Now that the energy – and therefore, the passion – had drained from his body, Rin showed another kind of affection. He placed soft, tender kisses onto his friend’s skin, wearing a smile. “I think I can sleep now,” Rin whispered as he nuzzled into Makoto’s chest, deciding to sleep as close to him as he possibly could.

Torn between disappointment and relief, the brunet wrapped his arms around the other and moved Rin until he was settled more comfortably against him. One arm back under his neck and the other over his hip, he held the redhead close and let his eyes slide shut. He wasn't as sleepy as he had been before, mostly due to adrenaline and arousal running through his veins, but it was only a matter of time until he'd manage to calm down. Even though he could still taste the other on his tongue and being this close to him did nothing to get his scent out of his nose.

Instead he buried his face face in the mop of red hair, pressing a light kiss to the top of Rin's head. “Good.”, he quietly said, smiling to himself. For now, he was still giddy about what had happened, even though he couldn't say how it started and it wouldn't be until the next morning that he'd realize his mistake. “Sleep well.”

It didn't take long for him to fall asleep after that. One moment he was wondering if Rin had always smelled this heavenly and the next he was drifting off, passing out from exhaustion and the waning alcohol in his blood.

xxx

A couple of hours had passed when Makoto awoke with a start. They had not closed the blinds and the sun was up already, lighting up the entire room. With a small groan, the brunet buried his face in the next best thing, which happened to be the neck of another person. The absurdity of the situation didn't hit him right away, for now he was just content hiding away from the light and tightening his grip on the person whose back he had wrapped himself around. During their sleep, the boys had moved until Makoto's chest was pressed against Rin's back, holding him tightly.

Another minute passed and Makoto was close to drifting off again until it suddenly hit him that he didn't remember falling asleep with someone in his bed. On another note, it didn't even feel like his bed. The surface he was sleeping on was harder than what he was used to. The scent that hit his nostrils was a familiar one but he couldn't quite place it, so reluctantly, the brunet moved back and opened his eyes.

Squinting, he took in the muscular back and red hair in front of him, immediately recognizing his best friend. The situation wasn't that extraordinary, they had shared a bed before, but it didn't explain why they had been close enough to cuddle. Makoto sighed and withdrew his arms, rolling over on his back to squint up at the ceiling. His head hurt like hell as he fought to grasp a proper thought and it wasn't until his gaze landed on the glasses on the table next to them that he remembered.

The Way I Feel

#;the way I feel #[ he's trying #good guy makoto #I'm proud of you baby ]

madzuoka:

Now lying on his back, Rin seemed to give in to Makoto even more. He could just let himself sink into the couch, having his arms wrapped around his friends body so tightly, he couldn’t possibly move away. It almost seemed like Rin wanted to be crushed when in truth he just wanted to be as close to the brunet like he’d never been before. And considering what Rin felt right now, he’d never been so close to anyone mentally. Maybe this was the reason as to why relationships had never worked out for him, and he had almost been scared that he wasn’t able to develop feelings for someone that were beyond a simple crush.

This, of course, was nonsense, but someone as romantic as Rin was almost craving for a relationship where he could go on dates, write notes for his partner and prepare surprises. Oddly, this situation he shared with Makoto, even if it was ‘just’ making out, felt more like a relationship to him then the ones he has had. But this was probably just his drunk mind trying to trick him.

Rin gladly let Makoto take the lead. He let him proceed, entering his mouth with his tongue but still responded to the kiss. It felt so good it made Rin wonder why they never did that before; kissing with so much passion. And he enjoyed it while it lasted, gently rubbing his tongue against Makoto’s as he let his hands wander down his back.

Not knowing why the taller male giggled, Rin certainly didn’t care. Instead, he just giggled with him as if this was something that he just imagined. To be fair, he was intoxicated, so he didn’t really know what he was doing anyway.

Only when Makoto pulled back, Rin opened his eyes only to close them again as soon as Makoto’s lips touched his jaw, then proceeding to kiss his neck. His lips parted and he let out a sound that he only could’ve stopped if he’d been sober, but frankly, Rin didn’t care about this now. A shiver ran down his spine, his skin tingled from such a simple touch; until he unintentionally moved his hips against Makoto’s in a rather sudden movement.

“Yeah…,” he mumbled simply, but the smile on his face spoke for itself. Feeling Makoto’s lips so close to his ears made Rin release a sigh that hadn’t been heard from him like that ever before. “You feel good too, mh?”

Quick reflexes had him bite down a moan that threatened to leave his mouth when Rin brushed against him where most of his blood had pooled. Against his deepest wish, Makoto pulled back a little and put some more distance between them – at least when it came to their lower halves. His upper body was still pressed against Rin's, chest to chest. Face hidden in the crook of the redhead's neck, Makoto chuckled, a small puff of air against heated skin.

Rin really didn't have a clue about the effect he had on him, blissfully unaware due to his intoxicated mind. Makoto wasn't any better, after all he wasn't aware of how foolish their actions were, but at least he see that the noises his friend made were downright erotic. Clearly a side to him he hadn't seen before, had never indulged himself in, but it was undoubtedly there.

“Very.”, he whispered, placing another kiss to the soft skin of Rin's neck. He could feel the other's pulse racing under his lips and smiled, letting his tongue dart out just briefly to graze over the throbbing. It was too tempting and easy, Rin wasn't stopping him in any way and - unless he had read all the signs wrong - was enjoying himself quite nicely.

And just for a moment Makoto weighted his options. Contemplated what could and would happen if he didn't stop now, if he sought the other out once more. Would he let him? How far would he let him go until he put a stop to Makoto's actions? Would he even stop him?

And then the brunet sighed loudly and gathered what was left of his willpower to roll off of his friend. He shifted to lie by his side again instead. It was dissatisfying, his body screamed for more, but even if he was too drunk to forget about the consequences of kissing his best friend, he wasn't the kind of person to go that far with another person. Not that he had a quantity of experience to begin with, but Makoto preferred closeness over sexual satisfaction. Thus he was fairly content to lie with the redhead and run a hand through his hair. “We really should be sleeping.”, he murmured, a strain in his voice. “Are you okay over there?”

finelendal-archive-deactivated2

I want to make this known; it’s OKAY to flirt with my muse, it’s okay to say flirty things to them, yes, they may not react to it, they may not respond to it positively, but know as a mun I’m 100% OKAY with it. Especially if my muse is clearly attractive appearance wise, go a head, flirt with them, if my muse is your muse’s type, it’s okay to flirt, we don’t have to be shipping, we don’t ever have to ship to have you flirt with my muse; I WONT think you’re pushing a ship on me either. But I just feel that some people are scared to have their muse be flirty to another because we a muns might take it the wrong way.

I’m not saying this goes for everyone, but I’m letting you know that it doesn’t make me uncomfortable and I’m fine with it.

#psa #;ooc #[ I'm shipping trash tbh #chances are 99% I already ship them after the first interaction ]

moonwavewake:

“Hm, maybe you could help lift me up there then…? I’ve never climbed trees before though…”

He noticed the tall man look at him. Yoko didn’t pay any mind to what the other could have been thinking about him. Yoko just gave a quick glance and then looked right back up at the kitty in peril.

“Or maybe we could call the fire station? They deal with cats stuck in trees, don’t they?”

Yoko then remembered a time his cat was nowhere to be found. Yoko didn’t think much of it at that time, but then he heard a rustle and his cat was right under the tree looked a bit frazzled. He figured it must have been in the tree when he wasn’t looking and fell. All Yoko could do at that time was laugh, after he checked to see if the cat was alright of course. Yoko wondered that maybe they could wait for this one to fall down on his own, but realized it was young and scared and the ground was pretty hard.

Humming softly, as he thought it over, Makoto weighted their options. The tree wasn't that tall, the branch the cat was stuck on, was just a tad bit too high off the ground for even him to reach. Calling for the fire station had been on his mind as well, but it seemed a bit excessive for such a small incident. Who knew, maybe the kitten would manage to get down while they waited for the firemen. Climbing up wasn't going to work for him; even if he was slender, the brunet knew that he still had quite a weight on him due to all the muscles he had built through swimming.

But the other guy seemed skinny enough to break any branches and hurt everyone in the process.

“I could give you a boost.”, Makoto suggested softly. “You look like I could carry you on my shoulders – do you think you can reach it from there?”

#;unplotted #moonwavewake #[ mhm yes makoto has been fickle on me #sometimes I don't feel him at all on top of being busy #but let's wait and see ]

The Way I Feel

#;the way I feel #[ I'm exploring a whole new side to makoto here tbh ]

The tug at the front of his shirt had him moving with the action. Despite Rin's forward approach, Makoto wasn't overpowering the other, but he still managed to make him roll over on his back with slow movements. There were teeth on his bottom lip, just barely grazing the sensitive skin and it made a shiver run up the brunet's spine as he took the earlier invite with another swipe of his tongue until he could slip it between Rin's lips.

With Rin on his back, Makoto was able to release the arm he had been lying on and put his elbow down next to the redhead's head instead so he wouldn't crush him with his weight. Chests pressed against each other, he licked his way into his friend's mouth. Hesitantly but still curious. He wasn't an expert and it had been a while since he'd last made out with another person, but going by instinct worked wonders for him. Besides, Rin was rather responsive, reciprocating and letting him explore his mouth without protest.

Rin's tongue felt hot against his own and he could still taste the lingering alcohol on it. A small voice in the back of Makoto's mind reminded him that they were both intoxicated, but instead of ringing all alarms, it made him giddy and amused. He giggled into their kiss as if they were sharing a joke, willingly doing something stupid for their own entertainment, no matter the consequences.

Which they were, granted, but he wasn't aware of it now.

Parting with a quiet smack of their lips, Makoto nudged his nose against Rin's cheek to make him turn his head as he started placing small kisses along his jawline. Down to his neck where he finally buried his face and just breathed. He was getting a little too excited for his own liking, but Rin's taste was something he couldn't get enough off. Still, the far more reasonable part of his mind reminded him that they had wanted to sleep and if he didn't stop now, he'd be awake all night.

“Is it better yet?”, he softly panted into his friend's ear.

A Little Lie

#;unplotted #moonwavewake #[ yeah that's what I thought #we could plot sometime later #or maybe when I'm more active on here again #it's an on/off thing for me due to irl stress ]

rossosqualus:

Makoto seemed shy almost, but his reaction hadn’t been a bad one. He returned Rin’s hand holding quickly and it oddly felt so good. His hands were big and warm and there was a secure feeling having Makoto hold onto Rin this way. Rin liked it, as embarrassing and strange to him the thought felt. Rin’s smile grew when he felt Makoto squeeze his hand, even if Rin barely realized what his face was doing. He expected he would be with Makoto a little longer today after practice anyway, but it was nice to hear him confirm it. “Sounds good.” Rin responded, realizing that something about the pink hue on Makoto’s cheeks made the redhead want to keep looking at him.

They let go of each other’s hands, and Rin noticed that his own hand still felt warm. It was nothing he wanted to focus on too much so he decided he’d just ignore it and head back to his team to do his job as captain. He was sure he and Makoto’s little show had done nicely, even if neither of them did anything too extreme. If this was enough to shut everyone up, Rin was happy about that. Nothing was too embarrassing and if anything things were almost enjoyable.

—

It took a while after practice to finally get to be alone with Makoto. Being the captain of such a large team, Rin had other responsibilities to tend to even after the official end of practice came. Not only that, but as Rin’s team members gradually began filing out of the locker room and shower areas, Nagisa finally had the chance to mention Rin and Makoto’s “relationship” to their faces. He had kept his promise to not say anything too inappropriate, but he did congratulate the pair and clasp their hands as this was the most exciting news he had heard in months. This only encouraged Momotaru to join, and before Rin knew it the pair were nosily chirping about their excitement and gaining stares from other people. It was embarrassing but they had gotten through it, and eventually everyone did finally decide to give the pair some space regardless of their detour.

After waving goodbye to the Iwatobi team one last time, Rin gave a little laugh. It was strange to have Makoto stay behind when the others were going home without him, and the redhead told himself that he’d need to thank Makoto for this again later. The two were almost completely alone outside of the swimming facility, aside from a few lingering team members and students. “We handled that well, didn’t we?” He nudged at Makoto’s side, gently. “Guess we couldn’t expect Nagisa and Momo not to say anything about us. At least that wasn’t so bad.”

Distraction came once they started warming up and eventually began their training. It was easy to focus on swimming or paying attention to his team, although Makoto had to admit that talking with Gou about the notes she took in the meanwhile did give him sweaty palms. There was no change in her behaviour towards Makoto, so he figured she was alright with them dating, but he couldn't quite control his thoughts. Did she think that he was a good choice for her brother? Or was she only just accepting his brother's choice because he'd be too stubborn to listen to her anyway?

And why did it even matter? It'd all be over in a not too far future, anyway. They hadn't discussed what was supposed to come after people finally stopped bothering Rin, but that didn't mean that Makoto wasn't thinking about it at all. The best way was to end it on good terms, though the brunet had to admit that he had thought about shouldering the blame, if it meant that people would leave poor heartbroken Rin alone for a little longer.

Eventually they would have to talk about it, but for now Makoto was amazed by his friends and their acceptance. How they didn't make a big deal out of it but also didn't dismiss the news entirely. And while he was slightly embarrassed about Nagisa's and Mikoshiba-kun's behaviour, he was also giddy about it. For a second he even forgot that they weren't really dating.

Chuckling, the brunet shifted the bag he'd thrown over his shoulder and glanced down at the smaller male. “I think it was sort of cute, actually.”, he admitted, smiling bashfully. “I knew there would be support, but it's still-- reassuring. To actually see.” Taking a step forward, he reached out towards a longer strand of red hair, frowning slightly. Rin hadn't taken the time to dry it entirely, obviously because he hadn't wanted to keep Makoto waiting. “We shouldn't stay outside too long. Where do you want to go?”

#;a little lie

moonwavewake:

“Oh no, the poor dear must be terrified! W-what should we do? I could try and climb up there, maybe…”

Yoko realized that the other must have been lost in thought, since when he spoke, the other had a surprised look on his face. Yoko wondered how long this man was staring up at the cat, maybe he just now noticed.

Makoto sighed softly and nodded. Judging by the way the small feline kept mewling at them, it was either scared of them or because of the situation it was in. “I’ve thought about climbing up, but I think I’m too heavy.” The least he wanted was for some branches to snap and for the cat to fall. They usually did land on their feet but there was still a chance it might get hurt anyway.

Turning his head to give the stranger a quick once over, he wondered if he’d seen him around before. They were roughly the same age, so he probably went to Iwatobi High as well, but the brunet wasn’t good enough with faces that he’d recognize every single student.

The Way I Feel

#;the way I feel #[ I'm gonna make this as awkward as possible for Makoto B) heh ]

madzuoka:

The grin stayed on Rin’s face upon hearing Makoto’s answer, but he barely had the time to answer. Not that he would have anything reasonable to say at the moment, it would be nonsense and if he was honest with himself, the idea of kissing him once again was far more inviting. Maybe tomorrow when they woke up there would be more for him to say, which would most likely turn out to be some kind of an apology. But now, Rin didn’t want to waste a thought on this stupid feeling telling him that something was weird. That this could never be right, that he just wasn’t supposed to kiss his best friend, especially when he was male. Hearing about such an incident from someone else would sound rather odd to Rin after all.

And yet, here he was. Letting his eyes fall shut, inviting Makoto to kiss him again by leaning in, parting his lips a tiny bit to be able to feel as much of that kiss as he could. Even his drunk self wanted affection, as much physical contact with someone he was obviously attracted to. This time, he wouldn’t forget to breathe through his nose. This time, Rin certainly didn’t want to break the kiss, especially hearing what kind of noise Makoto had made once the redhead had pulled back earlier.

Other than that, Rin didn’t see a problem with it as long as they both seemed to crave for each other’s kisses so much, to the point where Rin eventually let go of his friend’s hand to hold onto him with both hands, gently sliding them down his back.

But even with his mind being clouded, it would still question this whole scenario, wondering why this happened, why now. Never before had Rin felt such a strong affection towards his best friend, and especially no attraction. But if he had never felt anything towards him that was more than friendship, he wouldn’t be kissing him with so much affection, passion even. And if it wasn’t something that he had always craved for, then why did it feel so good?

But all of this shouldn’t bother Rin now. All that counted at that exact moment was Makoto, and nothing could change that.

The exhaustion still clung to his bones but his sleepy mind was overtaken by the need for more. It had been a while since he'd last been this close with someone, but he hadn't been aware of how he'd been missing it. Or maybe it wasn't that he missed holding another person and sliding their lips together in general, but that he actually did want to do it with Rin.

Thinking – especially logically – was out of the question. While he was usually the more reasonable out of the two of them, he didn't manage to do so now. What was left of logical sense was distracted by Rin circling his arms around him and working on what do do now that his hand was free again. He did the next best thing that came to mind – run his hand over the side of Rin's face and through his hair. Fingers carding through the soft locks, Makoto smiled into their kiss and then sucked the other's bottom lip between his own.

This wasn't about 'kissing it better' anymore. This was about feeding a carnal need he hadn't been aware of before and judging by the way that Rin reached for him, they were on the same page.

Knees bumping into each other with the moving, Makoto intertwined their calves again as he cupped his friend's cheek. They were as close as they could be without actually rubbing their crotches together and the brunet made sure to keep some respectable distance there. The last he wanted was for Rin to figure out how little control he had over his body with an intoxicated mind.

Thumb brushing over the redhead's cheekbone, Makoto shyly liked at his bottom lip.

A Little Lie