[maknaeswrld]

| Rori | Christian | ‘02 liner | enfp-t |

masterlists by group

new releases:

fight or flight | s.mg

memories | k.ys

disaster | c.jh

astronomy | j.yh

the exit | c.s

wips:

Ateez ft. Conan Gray

emergency contact | b.c

a mafia au mayhaps🫣

reblogs and comments are the best way to interact, likes are appreciated but truly don’t do anything so if you genuinely enjoy my work considering sharing your thoughts and/or reblogging🫶

thank you so so much for visiting my silly little blog

[maknaeswrld]

fight or flight | s.mg

synopsis: Well, fight or flight, I'd rather die than have to cry in front of you, fight or flight, I'd rather lie than tell you I'm in love with you, my eyes are welling up as you admit there's someone new, it's my move, fight or flight

genre: fwb; idiots in love; angst

wc: 4.1k

cw: fem!reader; suggestive but fade to black; they’re messy (bc when is fwb not messy?); illusions to cheating?? but not really cause they aren’t a couple???; jealousy, jealousy; dealing with a broken heart; avoidance!; like complete ghosting pretty much; sasaeng and sasaeng activities; these two have the communication skills of jellyfish

Fight or Flight by Conan Gray

Something's gotten into you, you don't really look at me the way you used to

Breathing heavily, you stared at the ceiling of Mingi’s room with his duvet pulled up to cover your chest. You watched as his ceiling fan spun in circles, the only noises in the room being your shared panting.

It was normal, the silence after. You’d never over thought it before, found comfort in it even. But then he sat up, and he started to get dressed without even looking your way, and suddenly that silence was more suffocating than it had ever been.

“Hey, are you alright?” You asked, your voice still a little husky.

“Yeah. Just gonna go get some water.”

“Okay.”

You watched as he left his room, never having rushed to get re-dressed but feeling like whatever conversation may be had wasn’t one you wanted to be naked for.

Song Mingi was your friend, one of your closest. And at some point in college, he’d become the person you went to when you were stressed and needed a carnal release, and vice versa. It’d been established early on it was strictly physical, the both of you agreeing that your friendship wasn’t to be affected.

But if you were being honest with yourself, it was already affected long before the first time you slept with him.

You were already fully dressed and halfway into a rabbit hole when he returned, two glasses of water in hand. He raised a brow at your clothed figure but made no mention of it as he offered you a glass of water and joined you on his bed.

The rest of the evening went on in familiar comfort, but you had to be pulled back to reality a few times as your mind kept straying to his odd behavior.

And I'm hoping it ain't true, every single rumor that I've heard of you

“Mingi of Ateez seen with mystery girl. Could he possibly be fixing on to settle down?”

You rolled your eyes at the headline, but you read the whole post. And then the next three.

Before you knew it you were deep in the social media tags. Reading through Atiny’s thoughts, sifting through photos of the two, and wanting to crawl into a hole the more time spent reading about it.

A part of your mind was trying to remind yourself that, fuck buddy or not, you and Mingi were friends. That if he truly was in a relationship, you would've possibly been the first to hear about it. He would’ve already distanced himself from you to respect her.

Wouldn’t he?

Say you were off with someone that I don't know, calling other people on your telephone

“Hey boys!” You smiled, pulling Wooyoung into a hug as you walked through their kitchen.

“Y/n! It’s so nice to see your face!” Wooyoung kissed your forehead dramatically as he hugged you closer to him, “I’d say it’s nice to hear your voice, but we hear that plenty.” He giggles as you elbowed him and swatted him away from you.

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t stave off the blush creeping up your neck.

“Where is Mingi anyway?” You mumbled.

“Don’t know, thought he went out with you.”

You looked at Jongho, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Why would you think that?”

“Cause he took a call, sounded like a woman’s voice, and then rushed out of here. I’m suddenly sensing I was wrong.”

You couldn’t stand the pitying looks being passed around the room. It wasn’t like the two of you were a couple.

Shrugging, you simply stole a piece of chicken off San’s plate, trying to act completely unbothered.

“Good for him. I mean I wasn’t gonna be around forever. ‘Bout time he meets a girl.” You tried to say it jokingly but the pitying looks only turned to deep concern.

Kinda wish I didn't know.

Despite your attempts to avoid Song Mingi, you found yourself once again catching your breath, staring at his ceiling fan.

He was an addiction you couldn’t quite break.

Rolling over, you propped your head up on your hand, smiling when his eyes met yours.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you a whole lot recently.”

He rolled onto his side, mirroring your position.

“Yeah, sorry about that. Our schedules have been really full with the upcoming comeback.”

You fake pouted. “So you just ignore me now?”

He growled, leaning forward to steal a kiss. “You know I could never do that.” He said as he rolled you back onto your back, peppering your face and neck in kisses.

You squealed, giggles filling the room and quickly turning to moans as you struggled to force away the thought of not being the only girl seeing this side of him.

You tell me it ain't what it seems but baby, this is looking like a crime scene

“Have you seen the rumors?”

You tensed up. There you were, lying in his arms, his hand playing with your hair, and he wants to talk about his alleged relationship.

You just nodded.

He squeezed you gently, releasing a breath. “I want you to ignore everything you see.”

There were a million thoughts and questions floating through your head, but you settled on, “Why?”

“It’s not what they think it is.”

You stiffened, “Okay, then what is it?”

He stilled, “You don’t need to worry about that.”

Turning, you laid your head on his chest so you could look at him.

“You’re sounding suspicious there, Mingi.”

He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.

“Not suspicious, just really tired of nosey people who don’t know anything.” He grumbled.

You rolled your eyes, smiling at him as you pecked his lips once before getting up to get dressed.

“Can I steal a shirt?” You were already heading to his closet before he hummed his approval.

You’d stolen his clothes numerous times before, but never before had you walked into his closet to see a woman’s entire outfit, lingerie and all, folded up on a shelf. Your heart dropped.

Quickly backpedaling out, you started grabbing up your clothes and putting them on, ignoring the alarm in Mingi’s voice as he asked what’s going on.

“I just remembered I have plans. I gotta go.”

There's clothes thrown on the balcony and you smell like perfume out a magazine

You were halfway to the front door, intent on not even looking at Mingi’s bandmates in lieu of escaping before your heart could be seen on the floor.

“Y/n, wait!”

His hand clasped around your wrist, far gentler than most times it’d been there. He pulled so that you’d turn to look at him.

“I don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours right now, but I’d really appreciate it if you’d talk to me.”

“Mingi, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“This isn’t like you.”

Your breath caught in your throat, tears trying to well up against your every attempt to remain neutral.

No. It wasn’t like you. Not at all. You were rational, the calming one in times of stress or confusion. You didn’t like jumping to conclusions, always being the one ready to offer alternative explanations.

But what alternative explanation could there be? There’s some woman’s lingerie sitting in his closet. You’re assuming it belongs to the same woman that has been spotted outside venues, in restaurants, and on walks.

The woman you could only imagine being his girlfriend.

Which makes you the other woman if he hasn’t told her about your relationship.

“I love you,” you ignored the shine of excitement in his eyes, “You’re literally one of my best friends ever,” and you ignored the immediate dull, “But friends with benefits always end with the beginning of real relationships. I’m just saving you some trouble. I do have somewhere to be so I have to scoot.”

You smiled, slipping your hand out of his grasp, ignoring the confusion written all over his face, and all but running for the front door, ignoring him trying to call out to you.

I'm throwing all your shit out of my window telling you I wish that we had never spoke

Heartbreak isn't something you’d ever expected out of a friends with benefits situation. It’s actually exactly why you and Mingi chose this path. So there would never have to be heartbreak.

Funny how the heart works.

You didn’t know who to call, you wanted to talk about how you were feeling but it wasn’t like you were dating. Did you even have the right to be this upset?

You didn’t want to think at the moment. A part of you just wanted to pretend Mingi has been your boyfriend the whole time. Pretend that the future was planned out, pretend that he cheated, so that your heart shattering into a million bits and pieces was a rightful reaction.

Your music could probably be heard from the hallway and by your neighbors as you blared songs that sounded nothing like Ateez, drank some wine, and waltzed around your apartment collecting anything of his, from him, or for him and throwing it into a box.

Cleaning out your living room, you froze as you picked up a framed picture of you and Mingi. It was one of the only pictures the two of you have alone and San’s girlfriend had gotten it printed and framed for you. She was always talking about how cute the two of you were, and while you’d always denied being Mingi’s girlfriend to her, you couldn’t bring yourself to reject the gift.

“I wish we’d never strayed from just being friends.”

Baby, I already know

The next time you ended up at the boys dorms, you tried to grab as much of your stuff as you possibly could.

You now knew from personal experience how much it hurt to see another girl's stuff mixed in with the belongings of the guy you’re seeing. You didn’t want to put Mingi’s girlfriend through that kind of confusion and pain.

Personal feelings aside entirely, Mingi was your friend, and you’d hoped to befriend his girl whenever he decided to finally introduce her. If and when you could handle seeing him again.

“What are you doing?” Wooyoung, always the meddler, leaned against the doorframe of Mingi’s room, watching you pick pieces up out of the perfectly orchestrated mess.

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“It looks like you’re trying to get your stuff and get out when you know Mingi isn’t here. You do know he wants to talk to you, right?”

“Keep missing his calls.”

It was less you were missing his calls and more avoiding them, and the unimpressed look Wooyoung gave you told you he knew it too.

“Sure. And why do you keep missing his calls?”

You pinned him with a glare, to which he simply held his hands up in surrender. “I’m probably on your side, Y/n, but you gotta give me something to work with.”

“I don’t want to meet his new girlfriend yet. I already know about her, and I just don’t think I’m ready to be normal around him again.”

“You caught feelings?”

You know the face you made was one that screamed ‘duh’ and the fact that he didn’t deny Mingi’s girlfriend did not go unnoticed, but only further confirmed your suspicions.

“You should tell him.”

“Are you crazy? Wooyoung, he has a girlfriend and we were no strings attached. Even if I did tell him, it was meaningless sex to him and now it’s nothing. Null and void.”

“I don’t know about this ‘girlfriend’ you keep talking about, but I highly doubt anything between you two can be genuinely called meaningless.”

Now there's someone at my door, someone I've not met before

The sound of knocking had you groaning to yourself. After your earlier conversation with Wooyoung, you were done with people for the day.

Opening your door, you were greeted by a girl you’d never seen before.

“Can I help you?”

She smiled gently. “No. You’re Y/n, right?”

You just nodded and the girls smile faded into something sad.

“I’m afraid I have something I need to tell you.”

“And who are you exactly?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Areum, may I come inside? This might take a little while.”

“What is this about?”

“Song Mingi.”

You felt your heart plummet.

They've got eyes like mine, a pretty smile and they've been crying for a while

“Can I get you anything?”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you.” Areum looked around your apartment before finally taking a seat on your couch. You gave her a glass of water and curled up on the other half of the couch.

“So what did you need to tell me?”

Taking a deep breath, she looked straight at you. You took in her soft eyes, and the slight exhaustion in them.

“Mingi has been cheating on you. With me.”

You felt your mouth try to quirk up into a smile but had to keep your face neutral.

“Could you explain?”

“Oh yes! Of course. Mingi and I have been seeing each other for quite a while now, and I thought we were happy together. I thought he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. But then he started canceling dates, and not responding to texts as frequently. Then I found some of your stuff at his apartment. I had assumed he was cheating on me, but then I heard some of the other boys talking and realized I was the other woman.”

'Cause they also didn't know that our lover loved us both

“Are you the one the tabloids are going crazy over?”

Her eyes widened in shock. “That wasn’t you?”

“No.” You said dryly.

Your heart was screaming at you that Mingi had more lovers than you thought. That you weren’t special and never had been. But your brain was suspicious of her story.

“Then who was it? I’d only heard about you.”

Areum looked like she was spiraling. Like her heart and her brain had come to a conclusion she wasn’t ready to accept. Your heart went out for her, but after having already come to terms with not being Mingi’s, this was a surprisingly easy conversation for you.

You just shifted so that you could pat her back as she went through all the stages of grief on your couch.

This girl seemed to be so hurt by a man you thought of as the gentlest and sweetest human being to exist. You’d mourn the Mingi that was yours eventually, but in that moment you just offered her company as she mourned hers.

Well, fight or flight, I'd rather die than have to cry in front of you

You hadn’t checked your phone in days, scared to see the bombard of texts and calls from Mingi and maybe even some of the others. You weren’t trying to lose them all as friends, you just needed some time to get over Mingi.

You went about your days as normal, deciding it’d be the best way to move on. The only new things being Areum dropping by to hang out, and you not dropping by Mingi’s.

A knock at your door in the middle of the day had become a frequent occurrence.

“It’s open!” You shouted, not bothering to move away from your lunch on the stove.

Silence following the front door opening was not a part of your new normal.

“I’m in the kitchen!”

“I know.” A deep, very much not Areum, voice said from the doorway. You jumped, whipping around with your spoon in hand, ready to fling it or swat the intruder with it.

“Holy shit, Mingi. You scared me.”

“You invited me in?”

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath to slow down your heart rate and will down the tears at seeing him, before turning back to your pot.

“I thought you were someone else.”

You heard him moving behind you and getting comfortable at your table.

“So, I no longer have an open invitation?”

“You know you’re always welcome here. I was just expecting someone else.”

“Another man?”

You scoffed before you could hold it in. You could feel his eyes on you but refused to turn and look at him.

“What’s it to you?”

“A lot actually. The last time I saw you, you ran out pretty abruptly, saying you were saving me the trouble of ending things? I think. You’ve been avoiding me since; don’t try to deny it,” he rushed out as your mouth opened, causing you to shut it. “You haven’t picked up the phone or texted me back in days. What happened, Y/n?”

You got into a relationship. Didn’t tell me. Kept our situation exactly the same despite seeing someone else. Let me believe there was more to our story.

“I’ve just been dealing with some personal stuff.”

“You usually tell me about that kind of thing.”

“Not this time, Mingi. I have to deal with this alone.”

You felt his hands grab your shoulders, gently spinning you to look at him.

“Talk to me, Y/n. Please.”

“You don’t want to hear what I have to say to you right now, Mingi.”

“Whatever it is, it’ll be better than silence.”

Fight or flight, I'd rather lie than tell you I'm in love with you

Taking a deep breath, you turned off your stove and moved your pan off the heat. Your heart was in your throat, but you knew you had to talk to him if you wanted to move on.

Meeting his eyes, you reminded yourself of the facts. He isn’t yours. He never was. What you had was never meant to be permanent.

“In case I haven’t made it clear enough, I’m ending things between us. I still want to be friends, but I don’t want to be anything else anymore, Mingi.”

“Will you tell me why?”

You laughed, slightly incredulously, to which he just raised a brow at you.

“It was never meant to last, Mingi. What we had was no strings attached sex to fight the stress of life. I don’t want that anymore, so we’re done.”

“That’s what you think of us?”

No. “Yes.”

Mingi raked a hand through his hair, words forming in his mouth but being left unspoken. You watched as he seemed to reach for ways to say what he was thinking, but failed every time.

“It’s okay Mingi. I’m not mad. What we had was great, trust me it’s not you.”

“Then what is it?”

“What?”

“If it’s not me then what is it?”

“Oh for the love of- I’m done. It’s that simple.”

“But it’s not.”

“If it’s not that simple, Mingi, then please, enlighten me.”

“If it was that simple, Y/n, it wouldn’t feel like I have to fight for every inch to just get an explanation. The Y/n I know has always been completely open with me. So, please, just tell me what’s really going on.”

“I’m just not interested anymore-”

“Stop lying to me! Please, just, stop lying. If there’s ever been any trust between us, I need you to be truthful with me right now.”

His eyes were wide with desperation. And though he never reached out to you, or made a move to get closer to you, he couldn’t stop fidgeting. Like every ounce of him wanted to reach out for even a sliver of you.

“Fine.” Because if there’s one thing you both deserve from this, it’s to end it off without bad blood. “The truth is our situation isn’t fair to the girl who has your heart. I’m not going to pretend I don’t know about her. I’m not going to pretend I’m not mad that you kept seeing me. For whatever reason you may have, you didn’t end things with me so now I’m doing it because what we’re doing isn’t fair to her, or you, or me.”

My eyes are welling up as you admit there's someone new

“You’re right. Our situation is not fair to her.”

You had to ignore the stab in your heart.

“It’s not fair to the most incredible woman I know that she might be confused. That she doesn’t see that she is the best thing to have happened to me, because what we’ve been doing makes it all seem fake.

“That when I’ve had a stressful day, seeing her smile is all it takes to make it better. That her kiss is like breathing for the first time. That she might feel like she doesn’t matter because of how we got here. So you’re right, our situation as it stands needs to change. We can’t keep doing this. It’s not fair to us.”

You knew your eyes were probably shining, everything in you screaming to let the tears flow.

“Then that’s the end of that.” You said, trying to smile. Trying to pretend you didn’t want to cry, or throw up, or maybe even both simultaneously.

“I guess it is.” His voice was strained, as if he were in pain.

“In that case, you should go tell her what she means to you.”

“I guess I should.”

And before you knew what was happening, his hands were on your waist, your feet were off the ground. Your butt was planted firmly on your counter and his lips were on yours as if they held the key to all the answers in life. He kissed you like he’d been drowning, and you were oxygen.

His hands were holding you so tightly you were confident it’d leave marks, but yours were in his hair, and you were clinging to him just as desperately. He kissed you as if he never had before and never would again, as if every emotion he’d ever felt could be shared through that one kiss.

Mingi didn’t pull away until his head was fuzzy with the need to breathe.

The room was filled with your shared gasps for breath, foreheads and noses pressed together, his hand gently cupping your neck as if he were afraid you’d pull away.

“Please don’t ever ignore me for this long again.” He finally said.

“I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand, gorgeous?”

“What about Areum?”

Mingi stiffened in your arms, the energy of the whole room shifting from soft to anxious almost immediately.

“How do you know about Areum?”

It's my move,

You pulled away, as if his touch burned you. Pushing him to create distance.

“You’ve got to be joking.”

“Y/n, how do you know about Areum?” He asked again, pleading, grabbing for your hand as if he needed it to center himself.

You debated, but you didn’t want to be wrapped up in lies anymore.

“She came by, told me everything. We’ve kind of become friends.”

“What did she tell you?”

“Why does it matter, Mingi?”

“Because she lied. Whatever she told you was as far from the truth as possible, because I know you and you wouldn’t be friends with someone like her.”

You scoffed a laugh. “Oh okay, so I can’t be friends with her but you can date her while fucking me?”

“Date her? What- no. Y/n, Areum is a sasaeng. She’s been following me for weeks, taking pictures, sending them to media outlets with fraudulent stories. Are you telling me she’s been to your place?”

You just stared at him. Every conversation, hang out, moment that seemed like a blossoming friendship, running on repeat in your head.

“Y/n, has she been to your home?”

“She’s been in it.”

“Okay.” And while your mind was still reeling, Mingi ducked out of your kitchen and returned shortly with a packed duffel bag.

“What are you doing?”

“You’re gonna come stay at the dorm.” He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “She knows where you live, she probably knows your schedule, and she’s been inside of this apartment. She could have cameras planted, who knows.”

“Mingi, I’m not scared of Areum.”

“I am. And I want to keep you safe. Please let me.”

You hesitated, but deep down you already knew your answer.

“Fine. But we have a lot to talk about.”

“Can’t wait.” He gave you a quick kiss on your cheek before moving to grab a container. “Pack up dinner, we’ll eat and talk.” Mingi gave your butt a light tap before leaving the kitchen to finish packing you up.

You knew it was going to be a long night and probably a tiring few weeks as the two of you worked through this, but your heart was soaring at the prospect of every imagined future with him finally becoming reality.

Fight or flight.

Ateez ft. Conan Gray Songfics Masterlist

[yunhotteoks]

WEB OF DESIRES.

synopsis. it's the middle of the night and yunho stumbles (yet again) through your window, wounded, sheepish, irresistably adorable.

[ (ateez) jeong yunho x female reader ] spiderman!yunho, fluff, best friends to possible lovers | warning/s: minor injuries, blood, language, shameless flirting, spideryunho

you don’t look up when you hear the thud.

it’s followed by a sharp metallic creak on the fire escape and a muffled ow, which means jeong yunho has once again flung himself into your life — bruised, dramatic, and ten seconds from bleeding out on your floor like it’s part of his nightly routine.

you flip a page in your book.

“i’m dying,” comes his voice through the window screen. he sounds like a victorian ghost. it’s kind of impressive.

“you said that last week,” you call back, still not looking.

“this time it’s for real,” he groans. “i think i got shot. or stabbed. possibly both.”

you sigh and slide open the window. yunho slumps through it with the grace of a wounded cat, mask pushed up, suit half-ripped, curls wild, and an actual trail of blood following him like glitter.

“my carpet,” you say flatly.

“hi to you too.” he grins, teeth and all. there’s a cut on his lip. he looks like trouble. he always looks like trouble. and god does it make you feel something.

“let me guess,” you say, grabbing the first-aid kit. “drug bust gone wrong? gang of mutant pigeons? you finally picked a fight with someone taller than you?”

“bold of you to assume anyone is taller than me when i’m upside down,” he mutters, flopping onto your bed without asking.

you ignore the chaos, kneel next to him, and dab at the gash on his temple.

“stop moving. i don’t want your blood on my comforter. it’s expensive.”

“i’m expensive,” he mumbles. “limited edition. real collector’s item.”

“more like ‘slightly used with minor damage.’”

he laughs — a warm, boyish sound that makes your hand freeze for half a second. you pretend it didn’t happen.

“you know,” yunho says, eyes flicking up to yours, “most people would be flattered spider-man keeps showing up at their window.”

“you’re not spider-man,” you say. “you’re yunho in spandex who can’t stay upright for more than fifteen minutes.”

“i got pushed, thank you very much.”

you snort. “by what? a toddler?”

“i’ll have you know she was twelve and vicious.”

you press a bandage to his forehead a little harder than necessary.

he hisses. “ow. i’m telling your mom you abuse superheroes.”

“she already thinks you’re my boyfriend.”

yunho blinks. “wait, what?”

you shrug. “you come over injured. you sleep here sometimes. you call me at 2 a.m. like we’re in a situationship.”

“that’s slander,” he says, looking far too smug for someone who might be concussed. “i only call you after midnight if I’m emotionally stable.”

“that has never happened.”

“okay, true.”

you roll your eyes, dropping the bloody gauze in the trash. “why do you even come here? don’t you have, like, a nurse sidekick or a secret spider cave or something?”

“i have all that,” he says, hand flapping mid-hair like he's all that. “but none of them smell like your vanilla shampoo.”

you blink. “you are literally injured and flirting with me.”

“multitasking. i’m gifted.”

“you’re gonna bleed out.”

“then kiss me before i go.”

you stare at him.

he stares back, shameless, like this is normal behavior. like he didn’t just crawl through your window half-dead and immediately start being a menace.

god, he’s cute. unfortunately.

“not tonight, web boy.”

“so you’re saying there will be a night?”

you pause. blink. your brain reboots.

“no. nope. totally not what i said.” but your speech is a little too fast. it’s giving it away, and yunho saw it a million miles back.

“you paused. that was a pause.”

you shove the ice pack into his hand. “shut up and hold this.”

he grins and does what he’s told.

you lean back against your desk chair, arms crossed, trying not to look at the way his jaw flexes or how his shirt is riding up slightly, revealing the tiniest sliver of abs. you’re not looking. you’re definitely not looking.

“thanks for patching me up,” he says after a beat.

you glance at him. he’s watching you again — but this time it’s not loud or teasing. just kind of soft. the kind of soft that makes your stomach do something it shouldn’t.

you flick your eyes away.

“yeah, well. don’t die. i’d have to clean up your body and that sounds annoying.”

he smiles like that was the most romantic thing he’s ever heard.

he ends up staying.

which, of course, he always does.

you sit cross-legged on the floor beside your bed, sipping from a lukewarm energy drink and pretending not to care that jeong yunho is currently stretched across your pillows like he pays rent here. he doesn’t. but you’re pretty sure he has a toothbrush in your bathroom.

he’s in his undersuit now — black and sleeveless and clinging in ways you absolutely do not think about. his arm’s bandaged, his curls are still damp from the wet cloth you made him use, and there’s a tiny smudge of blood drying at the corner of his mouth. he looks like a mess.

an unfairly hot mess.

“so,” you say, gaze fixed on a chipped spot of polish on your thumb nail, “what happened out there?”

yunho lets out a breath and stares up at the ceiling like it personally offended him. “some idiot tried to rob a tech truck three blocks from oscorp. had, like, actual alien weapons. not even subtle.”

your eyes flick to him despite yourself. “alien-alien or just suspiciously shiny?”

“alien-alien. chitauri plasma rifles. the one with the glowy blue veins? you know the type.”

you hum, casually. as if you don’t know. as if you haven’t watched every avengers briefing leaked online.

“they really let just anyone steal those now, huh?”

“apparently,” he mutters. “anyway, i swing in — like, mid-getaway — and try to web the tires. but these guys had shields. and a drone. a full drone, y/n. like, stark-level ai.”

“that explains the new hole in your suit.”

he groans. “do not remind me. this one was limited edition.”

you rest your chin on your knees, quietly watching him. he talks with his hands a lot when he gets going, all excited energy and half-formed gestures. it’s like he forgets how tired he is. or how much he’s bleeding. or that it’s 2:37 in the morning and you’re literally just some girl he keeps crashing into.

still. you could listen to him forever.

“you should call for help more,” you mutter. “you’re not invincible.”

he glances at you. and for a moment, something flickers behind his eyes. he grins lazily. “you worried about me or something?”

“i just don’t want alien blood staining my sheets,” you shoot back. “we both have standards.”

before he can respond with something equally stupid and flirty, his watch makes a sharp beep. he groans again — louder, more dramatic.

“ugh, nooo. not now.”

“what is it?”

he presses the face of the watch and a pixelated message glows to life:

DISTRESS CALL AVENGERS TOWER — LEVEL 4 SECURITY THREAT

your breath hitches. “avengers?”

“yeah. i, uh... i help out sometimes.”

you blink up at him. “you never said you worked with them.”

yunho shrugs like it’s no big deal. like tony stark didn’t probably give him that suit. “it’s casual. i swing by. save a cat. fight a god. eat snacks.”

you scoff, but your stomach flips a little. he’s joking — but not really. he’s one of them. you’ve always known he was more than the “neighborhood” part of spider-man, but still. hearing it out loud makes something sharp and weird twist behind your ribs.

yunho slides off your bed and stands, tugging his top layer back on. his movements are quick now, practiced, but he’s still limping slightly.

you stay seated on the floor, staring up at him. you don’t say it, but your jaw tenses.

he glances at you, then smiles — that annoying, infuriatingly charming smile that makes your heart stutter when you’re not careful.

“hey,” he says lightly. “don’t i even get a good luck kiss?”

you blink.

“excuse me?”

he leans down a little, eyes glinting. “what if i don’t make it back? this could be our last moment. don’t you want to make it cinematic?”

you raise an eyebrow. “you’re gonna guilt-trip me into kissing you before fighting an alien or whatever?”

he pouts. “you’re literally my emotional support girl. this is part of the job.”

“then you should’ve unionized.”

he laughs. full-on, head-thrown-back giggle. and it does something catastrophic to your insides.

you roll your eyes and stand, slowly. “fine.”

“wait, really?”

“yeah. close your eyes.”

yunho lights up, immediately obedient.

you lean in close.

...and flick his forehead.

“ow!” he yelps, stumbling back. “rude!”

you smirk. “that’s for bleeding on my floor.”

he presses a hand to his chest like he’s wounded. “cold. so cold.”

you cross your arms and shrug, even as your heart thrums traitorously. “now go save the world or whatever. i’ve got a chem test tomorrow.”

yunho backs toward the window, already lifting his mask into place. his hair is wild again, his eyes bright with adrenaline.

but before he climbs out, he pauses — just long enough to glance back at you, one hand resting on the sill.

“you know,” he says, voice muffled through the fabric, “i’m gonna get that kiss one day.”

you roll your eyes. “you keep saying that.”

“and you keep letting me in.”

with that, he winks — actually winks — and dives out the window like gravity is just a suggestion.

you stand there for a second too long.

then you sigh, turn off the light, and climb into your bed, pulling the blankets over the spot where he left his warmth behind.

[maknaeswrld]

memories | k.ys

synopsis: But please, don't ruin this for me, please, don't make it harder than it already is, I'm trying to get over this

genre: fem!reader; exes who just don’t act like it sometimes; angst

wc: 4.5k

cw: breakup!; dealing with breakup; are they toxic or are they just dumb?; he just can’t stay away; will they won’t they; reader is a coffee drinker; Yeosang is drunk at one point; drunken confessions

Memories by Conan Gray

It's been a couple months, that’s just about enough time for me to stop crying when I look at all the pictures,

When your boyfriend of over a year ended things without giving any good explanation, you handled it pretty well in your opinion.

“I’m sorry.”

“Just go, Kang.”

Yeosang moved as if he were about to reach out to you, but you flinched away. You didn’t wait around to see his reaction, just made your way to your room, trusting him to see himself out of your apartment.

Shutting your bedroom door gently behind you, you didn’t hesitate in grabbing the closest framed photo of the two of you and launching it across the room. As the frame hit the wall, and its pieces fell to the floor, your body dropped with it. You laid curled on the floor, sobbing body wracking cries for a few hours before eventually getting yourself into your bed where you slept the rest of the day away.

It took a while for you to snap back, you thought Yeosang was your forever. You didn’t have it in you to take the pictures down right away, to change your lockscreen or box up his stuff. You weren’t ready to give him up, but every reminder of him was fresh tears streaming down your face until you finally decided you’d had enough.

You took down the pictures, boxed up his things, and furiously rubbed away every tear shed in the process.

Kang Yeosang was a lot of things, but that day you’d decided you weren’t going to let him be the reason you cried everyday anymore.

Now I kinda smile, I haven't felt that in a while.

“Who’s this?”

You turned at your friends question, eyes landing on a picture of you and Yeosang that must’ve been on the side of your fridge. You felt your lips trying to smile, and your eyes didn’t burn with the usual tears.

“He’s in the past, I probably should’ve taken that down a while ago.” You reached your hand out for the picture, which your friend quickly handed to you.

Excusing yourself, you made your way to your room, into your closet where your box of all things him now resided. You opened the lid, ready to just toss the picture in with everything else and go on about your day.

But taking a quick glance at the picture, you recognize it as your first date. You both looked so young, neither of you had any idea how much you’d inevitably mean to one another.

Your heart panged with longing for what once was, but you just smiled, shook your head, laid the photo in the box, and went on about your day.

It's late, I hear the doorbell ringin' and it's pouring,

You stared at the clock, counting down the seconds until you’d be allowed to leave work. You didn’t mind your job, enjoyed it even, but you enjoyed a quiet cosy night in with a book and cup of tea even more when it was raining as hard as it had been all day.

You could even hardly focus properly on what you were supposed to be working on, too busy daydreaming about the novel you’d been working your way through, your favorite blanket and pair of fluffy socks. The more you thought up your evening, the more you were ready to go home. You even had half a mind of spoiling yourself and ordering Chinese.

Nights like these had been your and Yeosang’s favorites. Both of you enjoying the peace that covers the world when the skies open up. You tried not to let your thoughts stray to him too often, but every now and again you couldn’t help it.

Kang Yeosang had been a huge part of your life for a long time. As much as you tried to bury the memories, physical reminders of him were still in everything around you.

When the clock hit five, you shot out of your chair, grabbed your stuff, and made for the door. You were home, changed, and cozy with your book, tea, sesame chicken, and lo mein in record time.

It didn’t take long for the rain and adventure written out before you to lull you into a world of your own, time no longer relevant as it passed in the real world.

Until you were rudely ripped back into reality by the high pitched ring of your doorbell.

I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance, you just wanna talk, and I can't turn away a wet dog.

You were planning on ignoring whoever was at your doorstep, checking the time to see it was way too late to be mail or a package. Assuming it was a friend of a neighbor at the wrong door, you went back to reading. But the doorbell just rang again, and then two more times before you got out of your cocoon with a huff, intent on telling them off for interrupting you at such an hour.

Swinging your door open, the first thing you noticed was the hand lifted in the air as if in preparation to knock. The second thing you noticed was how much longer Yeosang’s hair was than what he usually kept it at. The wet strands adding even more length.

Your eyes met his from across the threshold of your home, and you could already feel the headache coming on.

You moved to shut the door but his hand stopped it, and when you looked at him again his eyes were pleading.

“I just want to talk.” His voice was hoarse, as if he’d been crying or screaming.

“It’s been months, Yeosang. Don’t you think you’ve lost that opportunity already?”

“Please, Y/n.”

And as much as you wanted to slam the door in his face, you just opened it wider, inviting him in.

But, please, don't ruin this for me, please don't make it harder than it already is, I'm trying to get over this.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.”

“No, Y/n it’s true. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t do that.”

You wanted to smack yourself for allowing him into your home. You didn’t know what you were expecting him to want to say but you should’ve been smarter.

“Kang, you’re the one who ended things. I’m trying to move on, you should be too.”

But were you really? Existing peacefully isn’t always the same as moving on.

“Y/n, I don’t want to move on. And I don’t want you to either.”

“Well you should have thought of that before breaking up with me!”

He flinched, and a part of you was glad to see it.

“Don’t ruin this again, Kang. You’re welcome to stay if you have a reason to talk to me that isn’t sharing how stupid you are. I already know that. Otherwise please just get out so that I can go back to getting over you without you making it harder.”

His shoulders drooped some, and you expected him to find his way out. But instead, he picked up the book you were reading, and asked if it was any good.

Now I can't say "Goodbye" if you stay here the whole night

It should scare you, or at the very least upset you how seamlessly he still fits into your domestic life.

The minutes turned to hours, and before you knew it you were offering him to sleep on the couch because of how late it had gotten. You knew you should’ve said goodbye, you should’ve booted him out the door and not thought twice. But it was late, it was still pouring rain, and a tiny part of you felt more alive than you had in months by having him so close.

You knew it was a lapse of judgment, but you couldn’t fully bring yourself to care.

Tomorrow, you’d overthink every part of the night, beat yourself up for letting him get to you, and steel yourself against his further attempts, should there be any. But tonight you offered him a blanket that had probably been his previously, and a pillow that definitely was, you pulled out an old pair of his pajama bottoms and a shirt that was still mixed in with your clothes and let him sleep on your couch.

You see, it's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning over and over again.

You let yourself believe he’d be gone. That he’d wake up, realize where he was and what he’d done in a lapse of judgment, and be off before you could wake up.

Instead, you woke to the smell of fresh coffee and bacon permeating the air of your apartment.

As you found your way to your kitchen, following the aroma and soft music, you couldn’t help but stand in the doorway in awe. Kang Yeosang was dancing around your kitchen, still in his pajamas, hair tussled from sleep. He was as beautiful as the day he left you, and it was easy to forget the months you’d spent apart, as if this moment was completely separate from the heartache.

Logically, you knew you should kick him out. That this isn’t healthy, or normal. That he was your ex, of his choice, and that you should be keeping the boundary firm.

But as he offered you a cup of coffee, exactly how you like it, and placed a plate down for you, you knew if he asked to be in your life again you wouldn’t be able to turn him down.

As if those months of mourning your relationship and finding the balance of being single again didn’t matter, so long as he kept coming back to you.

I promise that the ending always stays the same, so, there's no good reason in make believing that we could ever exist again,

You and Yeosang fell into a bit of a routine. It wasn’t that you were back together, more like just happy to exist in each others presence again.

You tried not to get your hopes up. Your relationship had already broken once, for a reason you still remain in the dark about. But Yeosang was your weakness, and even though you knew it wasn’t a good idea, it was easy to pretend you could be normal again. Live in blissful ignorance of your situation and go back to how things had been.

“Your boyfriends here to pick you up again.” Your coworker sing-songed.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Has anyone told him that?”

That was the wake up call you needed to realize you and Yeosang had only ever been romantic, and likely only ever would be. Your heart had been stomped on by him once before, and you knew if you kept down the path you were on it’d happen again.

I can't be your friend, can't be your lover,

“I’m done.”

Yeosang was already shaking his head in disagreement before you could get the words out.

“No, I mean it, Kang. Whatever this is, it’s done.”

With every step he took forward, you took one back. His voice was tight and soft when he finally stopped and spoke.

“I don’t want it to be. Can’t we just talk? Please?”

You choked out a laugh, trying to stomp down the emotions building in your throat.

“You’re the one who ended it in the first place. I get you’re bored, or maybe you’re just cruel, but I can’t do this anymore Kang. I can’t. We’re not friends, and we’re no longer lovers. It’d be best if we just became strangers.”

“I don’t want to be a stranger. Not to you.”

“Okay then what do you want Kang?”

You felt the tears burning your eyes, hoping they wouldn’t fall as he failed to come up with an answer.

Can’t be the reason we hold back each other from falling in love, with somebody other than me.

You smiled at your reflection, your stomach in knots. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been nervous while getting ready for a date.

Yeosang was always easy to be around, you couldn’t help but feel giddy at the prospect of seeing him. But now, with the potential of someone new, you felt like you couldn’t sit still, the energy inside you roiling like a storm.

Looking in the mirror one last time, you took a deep breath, squared your shoulders, and plastered a smile onto your lips.

Ignoring the small, annoying voice reminding you that you felt like a cheater, you grabbed your bag and made your way to your door. Despite the array of emotions at play in your mind, you were excited to try your hand at dating again.

But as you opened your door, your carefully curated smile dropped the moment your eyes laid on him.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Kang Yeosang’s big, beautiful brown eyes met yours before raking down and back up, taking you in slowly, meticulously. As if he were committing you to his memory.

“I came to pick up a few things. Where are you going?”

“That’s none of your business, Kang. Make it quick.” You left your door opened as you walked away from him.

“You look beautiful.” He said as he followed you into your kitchen instead of to wherever his stuff he needed was.

“Don’t do that.”

“What? Compliment the most beautiful girl in the world?”

“Exactly. Kang, what part of ‘strangers’ do you not understand?”

He lifted his hands in defense. “If I walked by you outside on the street, total stranger, I’d still be thinking it.”

“That doesn’t mean you say it.”

Since you came, I guess I'll let you stay for as long as it takes to grab your books and your coat and that one good cologne that you bought when we were fighting.

Kang Yeosang followed you around your home, ignoring the not so subtle glares you kept sending him as he failed to start collecting whatever items he’s failed to grab the past month he’d been spending hanging around you and your apartment.

You grumbled, already moving to start grabbing items you knew to be his. The sooner he got his stuff the sooner he’d be out of your life for good.

You’d already placed most of his things into boxes, so pulling them out of your closet and leaving them for him to grab was easy. The hard part was the things that had become shared.

You watched as he grabbed your favorite sweatshirt, tried not to flinch when we pulled your favorite sleep shirt out of your drawer, and had to leave the room when he found his cologne. You didn’t want to admit to him that you still found comfort in things of his.

That his sweatshirt was the closest you could get to feeling his arms around you again. His t-shirt still spending many mornings with you, brewing coffee and making breakfast. His cologne something you’d use sparsely, but on occasion you could be found wearing it, flourishing in just being surrounded by him, in any way.

You sat on your couch, ignoring the sounds of him rummaging around in the room that was once also his. Refusing to let the tears form for him again. This was an important step for both of you, and you knew you’d never truly move on with his ghost still haunting your home.

'Cause it's still on my clothes, everything that I own and it makes me feel like dying, I was barely just surviving.

When he walked into the living room, you were expecting him to say goodbye. Instead, he stood in front of you with the one box you hadn’t pulled out of your closet. Sitting it down on the coffee table, he pulled out the picture from your first date.

“Can I keep this?”

Shock was one word you could use. Confused probably a better choice. Why did the man who ended your relationship want a memento from the very beginning of it?

Opening your mouth to respond, you were interrupted as your doorbell rang again. You ignored the way your stomach pitted knowing it couldn’t possibly be him.

“I’m heading out, you know where the spare key is. Get your stuff and leave, Yeosang.”

Opening your door again, you struggled as you forced a smile at your date for the evening, watching as his dropped while he looked over your shoulder.

“Hey man, nice to meet you. I’m Kang Yeosang.”

You were gonna kill him.

I wish that you would stay in my memories, but you show up today, just to ruin things,

“I can’t believe you!”

“I can’t believe you were gonna go on a date with a guy like that.”

“He’s a good guy, Kang. It’s not his fault that you insinuated we were some sort of swinger couple!”

“We’re both hot. That’s his loss, really.”

“I cannot believe you. Get out, Kang Yeosang. Get out of my apartment, get out of my life, and keep it that way.”

You couldn’t even look at him. Couldn’t bear to see his stupid face, and his stupid sad eyes. You knew you were hurting him, but he hurt you first.

“Get your stuff and leave.”

“Y/n, please. Can we please just talk?”

“There’s nothing to talk about anymore, Kang. Take your stuff, grab anything you just want. I don’t care what you take, just take it and get out of my life.”

“Why won’t you just talk to me, Y/n?”

“You’re the one who broke up with me. Do you not remember that?”

I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized, but you're not lettin' me do that,

“No reasoning, no signs leading up to it, not even an excuse. Just an ‘I’m sorry’ and then you were gone. You didn’t wanna talk then, so why do you want to so badly now?”

“Because I love you!”

You stared at him in disbelief.

“You’ve got a funny way of showing it.”

He closed his eyes, face scrunched as if he were in pain, photo clenched in his hand.

“I’ve already lost you. At least let me have this.”

You scoffed, biting your lip to keep from saying something you’d regret.

“I’ll leave you alone. Just like you want. All I ask is that you let me have this one memory of us.”

“So that you can what? Laugh at the girl you wasted a year with?”

His eyes flashed. “It wasn’t a waste.”

“Again I say, you’ve got a funny way of showing it.”

He wanted to argue, you could tell, so you cut him off, sighing as your shoulders slumped in defeat.

“Just take it. Take the photo, and everything else. I can’t keep pretending you being here isn’t hurting me so if that’s what it takes to get you to leave me alone so I can finally heal from you, then take it and go.”

‘Cause tonight, you’re all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position

Kang Yeosang disappeared from your life. And a part of you died all over again.

He’d been so persistent to talk about the breakup, or just to you in general, that you hadn’t expected him to just up and go for real. Maybe for a week or so but not entirely.

You’d gotten what you’d asked of him, and you were already struggling to accept that.

The first time he’d disappeared from your life had been with not even so much as an explaination. This time, without so much as a goodbye.

One year with him, a number of months without him, one month with him again, and now three weeks and four days without him.

You wished you hadn’t kept count.

Sleep was hard to come by, the relentless thoughts of your relationship, why he left you, why he found you again only to leave again. The all consuming, wondrous, why? But just as you were finally letting gracious exhaustion take you into its grasp, a loud thud came from your kitchen.

Cursing under your breath, you dragged yourself out of bed, armed yourself with a bat Yeosang had always kept for you, and slowly made your way to investigate the noise.

A loud groan came from your kitchen as you inched towards it, hurrying your steps into the dull glow of you stove light.

“You’ve got to be shitting me.”

There, curled up on your kitchen floor, was none other than Kang Yeosang. And suddenly your count restarted. Again.

Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say

“What the hell are you doing here, and how did you get in?”

Yeosang just groaned, putting one hand over his ear and waving you off with the other.

“Shhhh. Gonna wake Y/n/n.”

“Yeosang, I am Y/n/n.”

He shook his head no, refusing to look at you.

“Y/n/n doesn’t need to hear.”

Sighing, you filled a cup with some water, grabbed some medication, and made yourself comfortable on the floor next to him.

“And what exactly does she not need to hear?”

“That ‘m here. Don’t wanna hurt her anymore. She thinks I don’t love her.” He shot up, eyes wide, startling you enough to make you jump, head knocking the counter. “Y/n doesn’t love me anymore.”

“That is not worth the dramatics.” You mumbled bitterly, rubbing your head to soothe the dull pain.

You watched as his puppy dog eyes welled with tears. “You agree? That she doesn’t love me anymore? I messed everything up!”

He was sprawled back on your floor, head in his arms before you could respond.

“I just didn’t think she was as happy as she deserved to be, y’know? There’s people out there that could make her so much happier than me. ‘m busy, like all the time, and not even home most nights. I couldn’t talk about her, I could hardly talk to her, she deserves the world and I gave her loneliness and isolation.

“Shoulda never even asked her out. But she was so pretty, and our first date, so perfect. I should’ve left her alone, and now she’s been sad and it’s all my fault. And then she finally feels happy, and I ruin that too.”

You heart aches as you listened to his drunk ramblings. Failing to decipher if he regretted your relationship or leaving it. As he kept talking to himself about your relationship, you shifted to play with his hair in a way that used to calm him down after stressful days at work.

“If you’re still here in the morning, you’re going to have a lot of explaining to do, Kang Yeosang.”

You whispered as his breathing steadied.

I wish that you would stay in my memories

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Every muscle in your body was screaming at you, you groaned as you tried to stretch from your cramped position half sitting, half laying down on your kitchen floor. A floorboard squeaked as weight was shifted, and you peeled your eyes open to see Kang Yeosang halfway to your front door but frozen like a deer in headlights.

“I’m sorry.” Was all he said, though he didn’t move from his position.

“I’m getting so tired of hearing that come out of your mouth.”

“I’m sorry?”

He shrunk under the glare you shot him before moving to help you off the floor.

“I’m,” clearing his throat he straightened his shoulders, “I shouldn’t have come here last night. It won’t happen again.”

Your heart splintered a little bit more, surprising you only a little that there were any shards left for him to harm.

“I’ll go grab you some pain killers, and then I’ll get out of your life.”

As he started to walk out of the kitchen, you groaned in frustration.

“Kang Yeosang, if you don’t sit your ass down for a cup of coffee right now,” you let the warning linger as he hovered at the doorway, weighing his options.

Slowly, he moved towards the pot, and you both sat in silence as your kitchen was filled with the warm scent of coffee beans.

You sat in amicable silence until you were both facing each other, mugs that had seen many similar mornings before clutched in your hands. The image was something that had once been routine in your lives, the comfort at the familiarity warming you more than the beverage.

It took you some time, and a cup and a half of coffee, before you finally built up the courage to start the conversation.

“Let’s talk.”

In my memories,

“Why did you break up with me?”

His eyes widened, shooting up to meet yours before dropping his gaze back to his mug.

“I thought you didn’t want to hear excuses?”

“Then don’t give me excuses.” You watched as his thumbs fidgeted around his mug, ignoring every cell in your body screaming at you to reach out and soothe him, “I want an explanation, Yeosang. I want the truth.”

His eyes squeezed shut, and you knew he was pondering his options.

“I ended things between us because I couldn’t give you the life you deserve.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make.”

“I know.”

“And you’re kind of shit at sticking to your guns.”

He laughed, though it was dry and humorless, “I know.”

“Why did you keep coming back after breaking us apart?”

His eyes met yours, those eyes you loved with all your heart filled with so much emotion it made you want to reach out to him. “Because I made the wrong choice, and I don’t know how to fix it but I want to.”

“Breaking into my house drunk is not the way to go about that.”

He chuckled again, “It got me this far.”

Slowly, he slid one hand across the table, palm facing the ceiling, reaching out to you but leaving you with the choice.

“I made a huge mistake. I don’t want to be haunted by the memories, I want to keep making them with you. I was feeling insecure and I took it out on you in the worst way possible, and if you never want to see me again after this I would completely understand. But know that if you gave me a chance, I would spend every day of my life making it up to you and proving to you that you’re the best thing in my life.”

His words hung between you, a thread pulling tighter by the second.

“I’m going to make you work for this.” You warned.

“I’m prepared for that.”

“It’s going to be different.”

“I understand.”

“You’re never allowed to do this to me again.”

He grinned, “I’d never dream of it.”

Rolling your eyes, but being unable to keep the smile off your face, you slid your hand into his.

“Let’s make some new memories then.”

Stay in my memories.

Ateez ft. Conan Gray Songfics Masterlist

a/n: thank you so much for reading!

[maknaeswrld]

disaster | c.jh

synopsis: This could be a disaster, there's so many factors, like, what if you freak out and then we're losin' it all, at the critical chapter where I say, "I love you", and you don't say it after

genre: fem!producer!reader; best friends to lovers; idiots in love; angst; fluff

wc: 4.4k

cw: Jongho is the biggest idiot; alcohol; reader gets drunk; mutual pining in the worst possible way; Wooyoung does Wooyoung shit; possibly the most cursing I’ve ever written out, I don’t even really curse personally but reader deserved to have her crashout; reader crashes tf out; the song is a mess and they’re a mess and I love everything about it actually

Disaster by Conan Gray

Let me just set the scene, I'd just left the party at Blake's and it's Halloween,

“I can’t do it.”

“Jongho. It’s not like I dressed her up in a slutty nurse costume. It’s just a Halloween party.” Wooyoung tried to reason.

“She just got here. If you leave now she’s going to start to have a conundrum. You can’t keep avoiding her.” San agreed.

“I’m not avoiding her. I just don’t like parties. And she knows that!”

Jongho had been avoiding you. For almost a week.

It was unusual behavior as the two of you were typically inseparable at best. The boys could all feel the separation. You were downright irritable with how frustrated it was making you and Jongho felt as if he were an imaginary friend with how often he’d vanish. No one knew the reasoning behind the sudden change in behavior.

You were Jongho’s best friend. A producer brought in once upon a time to help Hongjoong out on a composition and the rest was history. You fit in almost seamlessly as a whole, but you and Jongho had just clicked from the moment you met.

Yeosang spotted you from across the room and waved you over. Your eyes lit up as you saw Jongho, but by the time you’d made it to the group he was gone. Yeosang, San, and Wooyoung didn’t even see him leave.

“I have no idea what’s going on with him.” Yeosang muttered as he pulled you into a hug. You rolled your eyes so aggressively it was almost comical.

“The second I get my hands on him, I’m gonna wring his pretty little neck for this.”

Yeosang and Wooyoung shared a concerned look, both wondering what the heck was going on.

Had the keys to my car in my hand, but I didn't leave,

Jongho wanted to hit himself with his own car. This whole thing was so stupid and he knew it, but as he saw you talking to his members through the window of the house, he couldn’t bring himself to start the car and leave.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone this long without hearing your voice. It was driving him mad, but he couldn’t face you, not after what he’d done.

Laying his head against the steering wheel, Jongho groaned. He missed you in every sense of the word and every way possible, but that just made him want to keep his distance even more.

He just sat in his car, thinking back a week ago when he’d drunkenly kissed you. It was perfect, more incredible than he could’ve dreamed, until you pushed him away. He’d been so embarrassed that he’d just left.

He just got up, and walked out. He’d been avoiding you ever since.

For good reason, at least he thought so. If he didn’t face you, he wouldn’t have to face your spoken rejection of him. He understood you pushing him away loud and clear, but he didn’t think his heart could handle actually hearing the words.

He knew you hadn’t told the rest of the guys about what had happened, because none of them had tried to fight him on your behalf yet, but it was likely coming. Until then, he could pretend everything was fine so long as you weren’t in the room with him.

Jongho wasn’t planning on avoiding you forever, just until he could handle you telling him you never wanted to see him again.

Cause the potential of us, it was keeping me up all night long. I left a text you won't read all night long.

“Answer the phone damn it!” You yelled at the automated voice, getting really tired of hearing it instead of your best friend.

You laid out on your bed, staring at the ceiling and willing your blood pressure to drop back into safe and normal levels. You were exhausted, had been for a week, but every time you closed your eyes, you felt his lips pressed to yours and it spiked your heart rate all over again.

You felt like you were going insane. The man kissed you, and then just walked away and became a ghost. You didn’t know if you wanted to strangle him or make out with him once you finally got your hands on him again.

You had always known the two of you would make a perfect couple, you were just waiting for him to wake up and realize it. Then, once it seems like he finally does, he does this.

You sigh, reaching for your phone once more. As you clicked on his contact again and watched your phone dial his once more, you were convinced that at this point if someone looked up the definition of insanity, they'd find a picture of you holding that damn phone.

Let me just lose my mind, is it purely platonic to call me, like, every night?

Jongho wanted to throw his phone out a window or off the nearest skyscraper. He couldn’t understand why you kept calling him.

There were a few times his finger had hovered over the answer button. A few times he’d considered hearing what you so desperately wanted to tell him. But the memory of your last rejection kept him from finding out.

But he couldn’t understand why. He wouldn’t call someone multiple times every night if he never wanted to see them again.

Jongho figured he was being dramatic. He was looking too much into everything and letting his mind wander away. You wouldn’t abandon him entirely because of one drunken mistake.

You probably just want to talk it out and get your best friend back. He could understand that.

Except, he couldn’t be your best friend again. Not in a perfectly platonic and normal person way. And, as much trouble as it was causing him now, he could never treat the kiss like a mistake.

So Jongho decided to do what anyone in his predicament would do, and turned his phone on silent and buried it in a box of rice he put in the pantry.

You know, Ashley believes that there's something between you and I.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you and Y/n were having a lovers quarrel.” Hongjoong said into the almost empty studio.

Jongho had decided to take the last recording session of the day, knowing you always went home right at seven so you could feed your cats, and you would work on the leftover recordings the next morning.

Jongho bristled at his Captains words. “What do you mean by that?”

Hongjoong raised an eyebrow at his tone.

“I mean you’re acting like she put shit in your cereal bowl instead of giving you cocoa pebbles. And she’s so tense that she actually snapped at Yeosang today. So, what are my favorite lovers quarreling about?”

“We’re not lovers.” Jongho grumbled.

Hongjoong made a noise of understanding that put Jongho even more on edge.

“I see.”

“You see what?”

“You two finally did something about your feelings. I’m sorry it didn’t go well, I really thought it would.”

“What are you talking about? We don’t have feelings of any sort.”

Hongjoong actually laughed at that. “Yeah, and I’m tall. The two of you have been dancing around your feelings for each other about as long as Y/n’s been working with us.”

“You’re wrong. There’s nothing going on between us.”

Hongjoong stared at Jongho for a good long while, long enough that Jongho actually started to feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny. Then he just sighed.

“Okay. I’m gonna need you to sing the last line again.”

Jongho didn’t know if he should be thrilled or completely disappointed that Hongjoong was so willing to believe that there was nothing between you and him.

But if I'm readin' it wrong, then it'd be better off if I died, oh

Jongho couldn’t stop thinking about Hongjoong’s words for the next couple of days. The two of you have been dancing around your feelings for each other about as long as Y/n’s been working with us. What did he mean by that? Jongho hadn’t even realized he’d had feelings for you until fairly recently.

Did everyone else know? Have you known all this time even when he didn’t?

He tried to keep from panicking at the prospect.

What if you’d spent all this time constantly hoping he wasn’t going to ruin your friendship by announcing the crush you could already see he had on you, and then he went and did exactly that?

Hongjoong suggested that it was mutual though, that you also had feelings for him. But Jongho knew that wasn’t true. It couldn’t have been. You’d pushed him away. You’d set that boundary. Jongho knew you didn’t feel the same way as he did because you’d made that painfully clear.

Hongjoong was wrong. It was that simple.

But if so, why did he even suggest that?

Jongho didn’t want to think too much into it. He was better off pretending none of it happened. He’d get back to normal soon, he just needed a little more time.

And if you're reading the text all night long.

You were getting to the point where you were no longer frustrated. You were getting downright pissed off.

Jongho wasn’t answering his calls, he wasn’t answering his texts. He wasn’t at home, but he also was never at the studio. You knew he was still coming into the studio, you had received a number of recordings to work into various pieces despite never once laying eyes on the man to prove as much.

You had a suspicion that he was purposefully choosing times to come in and record that he knew you wouldn’t be able to. His avoidance of you could be considered impressive if it wasn’t so aggravating.

Scrolling up past the dozens of messages you’d left him over the past two weeks he’d been missing from your life, you let yourself settle in for a quiet night of reading old texts to pretend everything was okay.

It was sad, you could admit that. What grown woman that worked in the music industry was spending her Saturday nights reading old texts and acting like she’s going through a divorce just because her best friend was actively treating her like a plague? You, apparently.

You almost found yourself wishing you could go back in time and change it. If you knew Jongho was going to get this freaked out, you would have never let him kiss you in the first place.

You missed your best friend. You missed receiving complaints about his members and what they’re doing throughout the day, you missed being able to reach out and randomly discuss super deep topics before cracking a joke and moving on into something more lighthearted. You missed Jongho.

And as elated as the kiss had made you, you’d rather get a random out of context tmi text again.

At least then you knew Jongho wanted you in his life.

This could be a disaster there’s so many factors, like, what if you freak out and then we're losing it all,

Wooyoung was getting real sick of this shit.

One of his dearest friends was a ghost and the other would probably snap someone’s head off if they breathed too loudly.

It was getting out of hand and he’d had enough, so he did the only logical thing a person could think to do. He invited them both over to his house without telling them that the other would also be there.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

Wooyoung wasn’t pleased with the lack of enthusiasm from the rest of the team. You and Jongho went from inseparable to unbearable so fast it’d give a normal person whiplash. But Wooyoung wasn’t a normal person, and this was exactly what he thought you’d need. He was going to get to the bottom of why his two friends were acting so weird if it was the last thing he did.

Wooyoung had it all figured out. He knew neither of you would be very happy with the intervention, that’s why he had your favorite snack and Jongho’s favorite drink to help calm the storm that he will most definitely have to deal with.

You arrived first and you knew almost immediately that Wooyoung was up to something. You didn’t have time to question him about how suspicious he was acting before the door opened again.

You felt your heart leap into your throat as Jongho quietly hung his jacket up next to Wooyoung’s door. He shook out his hair, which you noted had gotten slightly longer, before finally looking up and seeing you.

Jongho froze like a deer in headlights, his breath catching in his throat as his eyes met yours.

“Hi.” He sounded breathless, a little scared, and looked like he was itching to turn and run the opposite direction.

“Hi.” You responded, feeling like you wanted to throw up or throw yourself at him.

“So um, why don’t we all take a seat?”

And just like that, the spell was broken. The tension turned almost palpable as both parties turned on Wooyoung who, to his credit, shrunk into himself some.

“Hey hey, we’re not here to talk to me.”

“That’s literally why probably both of us showed up.” You deadpanned.

“Okay well, surprise! That’s not why we’re here. We’re here to get to the bottom of why you guys have been so weird the past few weeks.”

“I haven’t been weird at all.” Jongho defended.

You scoffed.

Jongho’s eyes narrowed on you. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“No, not nothing. What? Why’d you scoff?”

“Maybe because you’re just going around spreading lies now.”

“I am not.”

“You just did. ‘I haven’t been weird at all’. Jognho you’ve been nothing but weird since we kissed!”

Wooyoung gasped, but his mouth was almost immediately covered by San’s hand. You didn’t even notice that the entire group was present, your sole focus was pinned on Jongho.

“Well maybe I wouldn’t have been weird if we hadn't kissed.”

Wooyoung was glad to see the two of you talking things through, though he was beginning to wish he’d had the foresight to make popcorn for it. What Wooyoung hadn’t accounted for, however, was your fathers temper shining through and bringing out Jongho’s.

“You, ugh! I can’t stand you! You kissed me, Jongho! And then you just left! Just got up and walked right on out the door! And you’ve been ignoring me ever since as if I’m the one that kissed you!”

“No, you’re not the one that kissed me. You’re just the one that pushed me away!”

“Pushed you away? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I kissed you. I’m man enough to admit to that. But you’re the one that pushed me back. You drew that line and I’ve been trying to respect it, Y/n. But damn, if I knew it was going to bother you this much I wouldn’t have done it!”

At the critical chapter where I say, "I love you" and you don't say it after?

“It didn’t bother me and I didn’t push you away. I’m literally in love with you!”

You hear another gasp from the group watching off to the side, but you couldn’t care enough to see who it came from. Your chest was rising and falling shakily. Your eyes were pinned to Jongho’s and you couldn’t look away if you wanted to.

The room fell deathly silent.

You waited. You weren’t sure for what, but you stood in that silence until you couldn’t take it anymore.

“I have to go.”

You were at the door, dodging Jongho’s hand as he reached out for you before slamming the door shut behind you.

You weren’t sure what you’d expected to happen, but you could feel your heart as it shattered into tiny pieces. You felt each individual shard pierce through your soul.

You didn’t want to let yourself have hope, but for a moment while you were arguing, he’d seemed so passionate about that night that you’d thought, just maybe…

But now you felt like the worlds biggest idiot. How were you supposed to face any of them after announcing you loved him and getting rejected like that?

Sure, they were your friends. But they were his friends first, and if he makes them pick sides you’ll not only be losing your best friend, but seven of the dearest people to your heart. And your favorite job.

This could be a disaster, I'm pedaling backwards by sayin' that "I'm drunk I really shouldn't have called,"

“Y/n pick up the phone, I just want to make sure you’re safe.” Yeosang looked up at the group and shook his head no.

Jongho felt about ready to punch every surface he could reach, and just keep going until his hands went numb or the skin was completely scraped from his knuckles. Whichever came first.

He felt like an idiot. He was an idiot. He had spent weeks avoiding you from fear of rejection, only to shut down and say nothing when you told him you loved him.

As he remembered the look on your face just before you bolted out the door, he felt like he was going to be sick. He knew that image would be burned into his memory for many years to come.

It was almost ironic, how fast the script had been flipped on him. Jongho spent weeks dodging your calls, and in one afternoon he became the one unable to get an answer.

He didn’t know where to even start to look for you. If you didn’t want to be found, you wouldn’t have gone home or to the studio, those were the first places Jongho would look for you.

Jongho and the rest of the boys spent hours looking for you, calling you, texting you. Everyone was getting worried, Wooyoung even went to your place to make sure your cats were fed on their proper schedule.

Jongho was ready to pull his hair out from frustration when his phone lit up with his favorite picture of you. He dropped his phone in his rush to answer, but answered before it went to voicemail.

“Y/n.”

“You’re a dick, you know that? Like honestly I don’t even know why I love you. You lead me on for like, years, and then you kiss me, and then you ignore me, and then we finally talk and I tell you I love you and you like, just look stupid. Standing there like a, I don’t fucking know, you looked like a fish or something.”

“Y/n, where are you?”

“Fuck off, you don’t get to sound worried about me.”

“How much have you had to drink, love?”

“Don’t love me asshole. Ah fuck. Did I call you? Damn I’m stupid. I gotta go, Jongho. I shouldn’t have called you.”

“No! Y/n, baby don’t hang up on me. Tell me where you are and I’ll come get you. Or one of the other boys can if you don’t want to see me right now.”

The quiet on the other end of the line had him nibbling on his lip nervously. Then his phone dinged with a message saying you shared your location with him.

“I’m on my way baby, okay? Ask for some water and stay put. I’ll be there soon.”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

I'm a little bit plastered, you call me a liar, now I'm fallin' in faster, this could be a disaster.

“Hey baby.” Your head snapped up off the counter of the bar at the sound of his voice, the cadence slicing through every other overwhelming sound in the building.

“The fuck are you doing here?” You mumbled, reaching out for him.

You watched blearily as he gave his card over to the bartender, paying out your tab before gently looping your arms around his neck and scooping you up like you weighed nothing.

“You called me to come get you.”

“Did I? Shit, how much did I drink?”

“Hopefully enough that you forget this whole day and we can try talking again tomorrow.”

Your eyes widened. “Oh yeah! I told Jongho I loved him today. Damn, rejection fuckin sucks.”

“I didn’t reject you.”

“Lies. Totally did. Like, who just stares at someone after they told you they loved you?”

Jongho wanted to argue it, wanted to be upset by you calling him a liar. But you were too damn cute to be upset with, and you had a point. He did just stand there like a fool staring at you.

“Let’s just get you home, okay? We can talk about this tomorrow.”

“Don’t wanna talk about it. Loving you has just been one disaster after another. ‘M tired, Jongho.”

“I know, Y/n. I know.”

You were asleep in his arms before he even got out of the bar. He held you a little tighter as you curled into him, hoping he hadn’t messed everything up entirely.

When he got you back to your apartment, he helped you as you sleepily did a limited version of your night routine. He tucked you into bed before turning to leave you alone.

“Jongho,” turning to look at you, he took note of how beautiful you looked curled up in the sheets and looking at him. “I don’t want you to leave me.”

He walked back over to you, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“Never again, baby. I promise.”

Maybe I'm mistaken, you’re not mine for taking.

When you woke up the next morning, it was to your head pounding. You sat up sluggishly to find a glass of water and some medication on your nightstand.

Slowly, you gulped down the medicine and water before attempting to get out of bed as the day before started resurfacing in your memories. You immediately looked to the other side of the bed, hoping to find your best friend tangled up in your bed. But instead you found completely untouched sheets.

Trying to stave down the pang of hurt blossoming in your chest, you went about your morning routine while mentally preparing boundaries you were now going to have to set with your best friend. Jongho may be your favorite person, but you weren’t dumb enough to break your own heart to keep him around now knowing there was no chance there. Things were going to have to change between the two of you if any friendship was going to stay intact.

But then you heard rustling from somewhere outside of your bedroom, immediately putting you on edge. You grabbed the closest possible weapon, your flat iron, and made your way towards the door, ready to investigate like some sort of horror movie heroine. Times like this are when you’re going to miss Jongho the most going forward, seeing as you’d usually hide in your closet and call him in this kind of scenario.

As the shuffling outside your door got closer, you took a deep breath, sent up a prayer for safety, and then opened your door and swung.

“Ow! What the- Y/n?”

You dropped your weapon with a gasp.

“Jongho? What are you doing here?” You hissed.

“I’m bringing you something to eat, what are you doing?” he asked incredulously.

“Someone was in my house.” You shrugged.

“Yeah, me.”

“Well how was I supposed to know that?”

Jongho just stared at you blankly.

“Because you asked me to stay.”

He said it as if it were the clearest answer to any question ever asked. Your heart fluttered slightly, but you just straightened your shoulders and looked him in the eye.

“I was drunk.”

“And I wasn’t going to leave you in that state alone.”

He stared right back, and a part of you wanted to just break down and run to him.

“I’m not now, so what’s your excuse?”

“I already told you, I’m bringing you something to eat. Your stomach will thank me later.”

The air was thick with tension as he gently grabbed your hand to pull you down the stairs toward your kitchen. You found a delicious looking breakfast spread out beautifully across your dining table, and your stomach grumbled loudly at the aroma filling your living space.

He pulled out a chair for you and you thanked him quietly as you sat. He joined you for your breakfast, making sure your plate was filled first before touching the food himself.

The silence that hovered over that table was unlike anything you’d ever experienced by Jongho’s side. It was awkward, tension-filled, and made you want to cry at times. As if you were both mourning the end of your friendship, as if you both knew nothing would be the same between you two again after this meal. You ate slowly, hoping that you could prolong your time with your best friend, even if only for a few minutes.

Once he finished his plate, Jongho watched in silence for a few moments before finally clearing his throat.

“I’m not sure there’s going to be a good time to say this, so I’m just gonna do it. And it’s okay if you want me to leave after, I’ll understand.” Jongho took a deep breath, suddenly unable to meet your gaze, but gently took one of your hands from across the table.

“Y/n, I love you. So much it makes me stupid. Which is why I avoided you after the kiss, and why I was silent yesterday. I know it’s not really a good reasoning, but it’s the truth. I was so terrified that I’d made a mistake, that I messed everything up, that I ruined what we had, that when you — yesterday I mean — I don’t know, it’s like my brain refused to let me believe it was true.”

You squeezed his hand firmly, sensing he was getting close to full on rambling. You’d seen that side of him before, but rarely. It was a side of himself that shined when he was really nervous and emotional.

When he finally looked up at you, you just smiled and squeezed his hand again.

“You’re such a disaster, Choi Jongho. But I love you so much it makes that fact endearing.”

Maybe I'm mistaken. Maybe I just made it up, messed it up. (He didn’t.)

Ateez ft. Conan Gray Songfics Masterlist

[maknaeswrld]

me: why is Mingi’s story getting no love? :(((

also me: *is reading it in my drafts*

[maknaeswrld]

astronomy | j.yh

synopsis: We've traveled the seas, we've ridden the stars, we've seen everything from Saturn to Mars, as much as it seems like you own my heart, it's astronomy, we're two worlds apart

genre: fem!reader; childhood lovers; exes in love; angst; fluff if you wait til sunrise

wc: 3.8k

cw: broken homes; mentions of food; reader makes decisions for Yunho; mentions of engagement/marriage; Yunho’s ‘mom’; happy ending everyone say ‘thank you hongjoong’

Astronomy by Conan Gray

We drive through the woods, rich neighborhoods to watch, we joked as we looked, that they were too good for us.

“Look at that one! I bet they slow dance in their kitchen while cooking pasta shipped in from Italy and drink wine from Bordeaux.”

“Could you imagine having that much money?”

“Oh, absolutely! I could drive a Rolls-Royce and pay someone to take care of my purebred pup. Maybe even take my yacht out for the weekends.”

Yunho laughed, and you couldn’t help but giggle along with him. Neither of you were anywhere near Bordeaux wine, Rolls-Royce cars, or even purebred dogs. You were both more boxed wine, limping Toyota Corolla’s, and strays if any pet.

Your lives just weren’t fanciful like the houses you enjoyed making up stories for. And as fun as it was imagining dancing around a marble kitchen in expensive heels with Yunho, you couldn’t actually see that life for yourself.

'Cause socially speaking, we were the same, with runaway fathers and mothers who drank.

“You’re being selfish!”

“Oh that’s rich, coming from you!”

The door to your childhood home was slammed shut behind you as you took off down the street, heading right to Yunho.

He opened his door, took one look at you, and grabbed his keys.

The both of you had your fair share of home struggles, driving aimlessly quickly became your primary escape from your lives. You’d been driving around to clear your heads far longer than either of you actually had a drivers license.

It wasn’t the most cost effective, which had gotten the both of you in trouble more often than not, but it was yours. It brought peace to both of you, and the idea that you could just keep driving and not return was your escape from the cards life had dealt you.

A tale old as time, young love don't last for life

You screamed at the top of your lungs when Yunho appeared on the screens. As loud as his fans in the stadium, but more proud than any one of them could understand.

He looked like he was born to be on that stage.

As soon as the show was over, you were making your way against the crowd toward backstage.

You rushed to Yunho, throwing your arms around his neck as he easily spun you.

“You did so amazing out there, bubs!” You said as he set you down. He grinned as he planted a kiss on your lips, and then two more before finally releasing you and grabbing your hand to walk with you the rest of the way backstage.

“That was probably our best show yet! I just know we’re going to do something great together. I really love performing with these guys, Y/n. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us.”

“With stage presence like that, the future holds nothing but success. I have no doubt in my mind.”

And now I know, now I know, it’s time to go, it's time to go.

“Y/n, come on. Let’s talk about this.”

“There’s nothing left to talk about Yunnie.”

You turned to face the man you loved more than anything and anyone in the world, the man that had been by your side when even your own family wasn’t. He was your whole world, and you knew it was for that reason you had to do this.

“We’ve come as far together as we could, now you’re going to go continue doing incredible things with the boys and I’m going to go the opposite way. We both knew this was bound to happen.”

“No, we didn’t know that. You know I don’t think that. Y/n, everything I do is for you. So we can have a good life together.”

“You need to stop living for me and start living for yourself, bub. I’m going to be okay. Don’t worry about me.”

His large hands cupped your face so gently you thought you’d melt right there.

“You’re so stupid if you can’t understand that I am always going to worry about you.”

You gently took one of his hands into your own, turning your face to press a chaste kiss to his palm. You took a deep breath, relishing these last few moments of closeness with him.

“I have to go now, Yunho.”

“Don’t leave,”

“I have to.”

Turning, you grabbed your bag, set the key to his apartment on the kitchen table, and you left.

From far away, I wish I'd stayed with you,

“I knew I raised a brat but I didn’t think I’d raised a dumb brat.” Your mother grumbled as she watched the TV.

You rolled your eyes, smiling and shaking your head at her.

“Why am I dumb?” You asked playfully.

“Because I never thought you’d have chosen to give him up.” She said, tone completely serious.

Your eyes followed hers, training on the screen where Yunho could be seen alongside the rest of Ateez. You couldn’t help but let your eyes linger on him, recalling every curve of his body as if it were your own. Except he’d grown up some since you last saw him. He looked more muscular, and his jawline sharpened up some.

You couldn’t argue with her. Sometimes you thought you were dumb for the decision you had made as well. You hadn’t even given Yunho a choice or a chance to talk you out of it. You’d made the choice for the both of you and, while you’d never once believed it was necessarily the wrong choice, you’d regretted not letting him make a choice for himself.

Sometimes, especially days like these as you spend endless hours in front of the television screens while your mother had to get chemo, you’d let yourself imagine what your life would look like had you still been with Yunho.

Some days you could let yourself fall into the daydream of being an idols girlfriend. You could let yourself think up scenarios on where you and Yunho would be right now. Would he have proposed yet? Could the two of you have had a child by now?

It was easy to think about your life being intertwined with his. Easy to wish you’d stayed and let yourself have a chance at those possible futures.

Easy to wish he’d gone after you instead of letting you walk away.

But here, face to face, a stranger that I once knew.

“Oh, I am so sorry about that. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

One moment, you were on the phone with your mother, balancing lunch and coffee for you and your co-workers. The next moment, half of it was on the ground and an arm around your waist was the only thing keeping you steady.

“Y/n?”

Your head shot up at the sound of his voice.

“I gotta go mom, I’ll see you later.”

You watched as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Pushing yourself away to create some distance, he let you as he crouched to try and salvage what had hit the ground.

“You talk to your mom again?” He seemed hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if it was even his place to ask but he had to.

“Yeah. She got diagnosed with cancer and I guess it put her whole life in check. We had a few heart to hearts, and have been okay ever since. What about you?”

He scoffed. “Yeah she reached out. Demanding I use all my ‘fancy new money from selling my body’ to pay her back for the years she spent keeping me alive.”

“Wow I can’t stand that woman.” You said, looking at your phone screen to check the time.

“Yeah, me neither. Hey would want to-”

“Shit! Sorry Yunho, I’m like really late for a meeting, I gotta go. It was nice seeing you again. I hope you’re doing well.”

“Yeah. Yeah of course, I didn’t mean to hold you up. Goodbye, Y/n.”

You tried to walk away as confidently as possible, but it felt like a mirror image of the last time you had. His eyes were burning into your back, you knew he was waiting to see if you’d turn around, if you’d look at him one last time.

But you just couldn’t bring yourself to. He had to be a stranger to you if you were going to keep things as they were. And everything was better this way.

Wasn’t it?

I thought if I wandered, I'd fall back in love, you said distance brings fondness, but guess not with us.

Yunho watched as you walked away from him again. He let you walk away again.

He didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know if he was hoping that you’d change your mind with the distance. That maybe you’d fall in love with him again. But as he just sat there watching you walk away from him, not even glancing back to see if he was still there, he knew you had moved on.

Slowly rubbing his chest in hopes to ease the burden on his heart, he finally kept moving. He knew his head was going to be out of whack for the rest of the day, so he pulled out his phone and called the one person that had any semblance of understanding of the situation.

“Hello Puppy! I thought you were wandering for our day off, what’s up?”

“Hey Mingi, I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Yunho could hear movement and then a door opening and shutting moments after the words were out of his mouth.

“Stay put. I’m on my way.”

The only mistake that we didn't make was run. Now look what we've done.

Mingi stared at Yunho for a long moment after he finished updating him.

“She’s probably just trying to protect herself.” He finally said.

Yunho blanched at that. “Protect herself from what? Me?” The thought alone hurt more than Yunho could’ve imagined non-physical pain to.

Mingi sighed. “Look, I was always the odd man out growing up. We all know it, so don’t try to say otherwise, and that was okay because I saw how crazy the two of you were about each other. You always have been. But you’ve both always had this insane need to do what you think is best for each other. You’re not always right, but you always follow through.”

“You’re saying she’s doing what she thinks is right for me?” Yunho felt even more confused.

“I think when she broke up with you, she was thinking of your career and your future. The one the two of you had planned up of running far away from here and creating a life together completely separate from the memories of how you grew up could no longer be achieved, she knew it, you knew it. She likely figured she would inevitably just be holding you back or causing you issues. You know better than most how the industry handles idols with partners. She was protecting you from that.”

“So when she ran off today, it was for the same reason?”

“No, I think today it was likely if she stuck around she’d be pulled right back in. Her resolve would crumble and everything she’s sacrificed so far, and every decision she’s made on your behalf and hers, would be voided. Like I said earlier, you’ve always been crazy about each other.”

“When the fuck did you get so smart about these things?”

Mingi just shrugged, a shy smile gracing his face.

Stop tryna keep us alive, you’re pointing at stars in the sky that already died.

“Woah, someone is so lucky. Ugh, where do you even find a man like that anymore.”

You rolled your eyes playfully at your co-worker. She was always watching videos of perfect couples online and talking about how hard it is to find a relationship like them.

“I wonder who he’s here for.” Another co-worker piped in, officially garnering your interest.

“What are you two talking about?”

“There’s a guy outside with like, a huge bouquet of flowers and a coffee. He’s just been sitting there for a while now. Aw he’s probably waiting for her to get off work! So sweet.”

You peaked over one of your co-workers shoulder to see the man they were gushing about. And there sitting outside of your place of work in a pair of sunglasses, likely trying to look as normal as possible, was none other than Jeong Yunho.

Your eyes widened and, before you could consider the crowd you were definitely going to have, you were already making your way downstairs.

Bursting through the front door of your office, you watched Yunho look up from his phone and right at you. Before you could say anything he was already up, coffee extended towards you.

“What are you doing here?” You hissed, trying to put some venom behind your words but likely failing from how soft and familiar the whole image in front of you was.

“I uh, I wanted to apologize. For bumping into you yesterday and knocking over your coffees. So I, brought you a coffee.”

“How did you even find me?”

You wanted to reach out to him, to accept the coffee, the flowers, him. But none of it made any sense.

“Employment records are public information, I just looked you up.”

You laughed. A genuine, honest laugh.

“What are you actually doing here, Yunho?” You asked softly, accepting the drink he was still offering to you.

He hesitated, but only for half a breath. “I miss you. I miss us. Y/n, we’ve always been so good together. I just want to understand when that changed for you.”

Stop tryna keep us alive, you can't force the stars to align when they've already died.

“Y/n! Your boyfriends waiting for you again!”

“Oh my gosh, you’re so lucky!”

Your co-workers had been gushing over Yunho for the past week since he’d first arrived at your place of work. You were counting your lucky stars neither of them had realized who he actually is yet.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You muttered, not for the first time that week, as you packed up your desk and ignored the traitorous leap of your heart.

Yunho had spent the last week showing up after work every day. Sometimes with flowers, sometimes with coffee or food he knows you like. Always with his beautiful smile and an attempt to get you to talk to him.

You asked him the same question every day, he gave you the same answer. You were easily falling into a pattern you couldn’t find it in yourself to be mad about, but you still brushed off his question everyday, not having the heart to give him the true answer.

Walking outside of your office, you tried to keep the carefully trained look of indifference on your face as he spun on you with his signature puppy grin. Everything in you melted at the sight, but you tried to not let it show.

“What are you doing here?”

“I thought you’d might want to go for a drive with me.”

Your breath hitched in your throat as he strayed from the practiced, safe routine. You were nodding before you could stop yourself, never having before declined a drive.

It was never an option.

We've traveled the seas, we've ridden the stars, we’ve seen everything from Saturn to Mars.

Music was blaring, the wind was blowing through your hair. Yunho couldn’t keep the smile off his face as your hand followed the motion of the wind whipping around the vehicle.

The air was humid but not hot, the perfect weather for a windows down drive with no destination in mind.

It had been a long time since you’d last done this.

Yunho drove around for about an hour before he finally pulled to a stop on some back road. You recognized the area almost immediately as you gasped and hopped out of the car, running across the road to look down at the pond.

You and Yunho had once broken down right there, and the pond had become one of your favorite places to visit after. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d even been there.

Turning, you found Yunho on one knee beside his car in the middle of the road. The smile fell from your face almost immediately.

“What are you doing?” You whispered.

He took a deep breath before lifting the ring in between his fingers.

“Y/n, for as long as I have memories, I’ve had you. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what I did to push you so far away. I don’t know what I can do to bring you back to me but I want a chance to try.

“I’m not proposing right now, that would probably be considered insane, but I do want you to know that this scene right here is what was supposed to play out just a few weeks after that day when you left me. This ring is yours and I wanted to give it to you the way you were meant to receive it.

“We’ve done everything together since we were kids and I can’t imagine choosing anyone else to live the rest of my memories out with. Every trip I take without you feels like I’ve left behind the most important thing. We’ve seen so much together, and now we’ve seen a lot without each other. And I don’t know what I can possibly do to get you to take me back, but I don’t want to see another day without you being in it.”

“Yunho we haven’t even properly talked since I left that day.”

“Okay then let’s talk properly. Start with answering my question. What changed for you?”

He didn’t flinch from his position on one knee, not for one moment.

“Yunho, I can’t answer that.”

“Because nothing ever changed for you?”

“Everything changed!”

“What’s everything? Please, Y/n I need to know.”

“You! Your life, the way you view the world, your goals. Everything changed for you when you left our neighborhood, and I was still there. And I’m not blaming you for it, you’re beautiful. The life you’ve built is more than we could’ve ever possibly dreamed the last time we were here together.

“It’s because of that that I had to go. I didn’t want to hold you back from the new life you were building for yourself, far away from the shell of childhood we raised ourselves and each other in. You and Mingi both deserved to grow as the people you were becoming without having to look at that life every time I visited you guys.”

As he finally stood, the two of you gravitated towards each other as if it was the most natural pull in the universe.

“There is nothing about you that makes me think of that life. You were always my light then, and you’re just as stunning now.” He cupped your cheek in one hand, “l know you think that our lives are too different now for us to work, but I think that’s why we would. It takes multiple stars to build a constellation.”

You giggled, shaking your head. “That’s cheesy, even for you.”

He pulled your hand up, fastening the ring into its rightful place.

“Maybe. But now that I’ve found you, the last thing I want to do is lose you again.”

As much as it seems like you own my heart,

You did know why you felt nervous, these guys were your friends once upon a time, but as you stepped into KQ headquarters for the first time in a long time, you had the sudden urge to turn and bolt. Yunho, seeming to sense that, grabbed your hand and pulled you along behind him, his hold firm but still gentle.

“They’re excited to see you.”

“They should all hate me for what I’ve put you through.”

“Why should they? I don’t even hate you for it.”

“Yeah well, I’m questioning your sanity for that still.”

You thought you’d get a little chuckle or some sort of witty retort. Instead you were greeted with the most serious face you had ever seen on Yunho.

“I will keep reminding you, for the rest of my life if I have to, that you are the most precious thing in this world to me. I couldn’t hate you if I tried. The boys never hated you for leaving me, they’re the ones that helped me understand all the possible reasons for it.” He finally let a smile grace his lips. “Besides, Mingi’s really missed you.”

Before you could respond, you were being tackled from the side. You felt the air escape from your lungs as your body was lifted easily from the ground.

You were engulfed into a spine-crushing bearhug and spun around as you heard excited squeals off to the side. As you found your feet again, you looked up into the warm eyes of your best friend, who ruffled your hair before releasing you entirely.

Mingi didn’t get far before you were pulling him into your own tight embrace, rocking his large body back and forth.

“I mean, leaving Yunho I can understand. But abandoning me too?!” He grabbed both your hands in his, bringing them up between the two of you. “Don’t you ever do that to me ag- IS THAT AN ENGAGEMENT RING?!”

“Not exactly. I guess you could call it a promise ring?”

“A promise that you’re not gonna disappear on us again? Ow!”

Yunho pulled Mingi into a side hug as Mingi rubbed the back of his head, presumably from where he’d just been smacked.

“We don’t need to keep bringing that up. It’s all in the past now.”

“Yes Mingi, a promise that I’m not going to disappear again. No matter how different our lives may be.”

“Good, because I don’t know how we’ve managed this long without you.” Wooyoung butted in, shoving the others away from you and pulling you into a hug of his own.

You laughed as the rest of the boys passed you around, getting hugs and catching up. You’d missed all of them, you’d missed being a part of their world. They filled you in on various aspects of their lives, things you wouldn’t be able to read about in tabloids.

As you enjoyed being surrounded by some of your favorite people again, Yunho’s arm keeping you tucked into his side snuggly, his ring already comfortable where it rests on your finger, you couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

You couldn’t help but start to think Yunho was right, you can be from two completely different lives and still fit together like a constellation of stars.

It’s astronomy, we’re two worlds apart.

Ateez ft. Conan Gray Songfics Masterlist

a/n: one of my favorite songs for my favorite boy☺️ I hope you enjoyed this one! let me know if I should do a taglist for this series/if you’d want to be added if I do one🫣 also I’m posting as I finish different ones so I always have one to follow up🫣🤭 5/8 are completed and posted/ready to post (I feel so proud of myself on this guys I don’t think you understand lmao)

[maknaeswrld]

the exit | c.s

synopsis: You love her, it's over, do you even doubt it on your lips? You love her, it's over, you already found someone to miss, while I'm still standin' at the exit.

genre: fem!idol!reader; lovers to exes; exes to ?; angst; fluff if you wait til sunrise

wc: 3.8k

cw: San pov primary; he lowkey self isolates a lot; depression; mentions of/allusions to cheating; mentions of harassment; I mean it’s based of a Conan Grey song so take that as a warning in itself lol

The Exit by Conan Gray

February, and the flowers haven't even wilted, it’s crazy how fast you tilted, the world that we were busy buildin'.

It felt like all the air was suctioned straight out of the room as soon as the words were uttered.

San looked at you, the tears already welling up in your beautiful eyes made him want to reach out and comfort you, or haul off and hit a manager. He didn’t even necessarily care if it was his or yours that would be receiving.

“Now I understand this isn’t the response either of you were hoping for, but it’s what’s going to be the best for both of your bands and our companies. You have to break up.”

Mid-November, and I'm sippin' on a half-cold coffee, staring at a girl who's not me, on your arm, a carbon copy.

San couldn’t believe his eyes. He didn’t want to believe what he was looking at.

Years the two of you had been together, years of planning your future together. Then your companies tell you to split and not even a few months later your face is splashed all over every surface in the arms of another man.

He didn’t know what to think, he just felt angry, sad, numb.

His brain started floating through your last few months together, had you seemed off any? Was it possible you’ve been seeing this other idol for a while now?

He didn’t want to think that way of you, but you’d both been idols for several years before deciding to ask your companies if you could make it public. So surely you wouldn’t have gone public already if it weren’t serious. If it hadn’t been serious for a while.

Would you?

I can't hate you for getting everything we wanted, I just thought that I would be a part of it.

San couldn’t breathe without seeing your smiling face lighting up another man’s world, or hearing rumors about the possibility of an engagement coming up any day now.

He wanted to be happy for you. He wanted to be supportive that you were living the dreams you’d discussed together, but a much bigger part of him just wished it was him by your side. That you were going through these things together.

San knew he was entirely off kilter. He was hardly eating or sleeping properly, let alone his singing and dancing. Everyone could see it. Staff, his band mates, Atiny could probably tell at this point.

But he couldn’t even be bothered to try and pretend he was fine. How could he be? You seemed like you were the happiest you’d ever been, and it wasn’t with him.

His world was crumbling to pieces, and he just let it happen.

I was movin' into your apartment when you met someone, she's from your hometown. I hate the East coast, it's where you live now.

“New up and coming boy group already taking the world by storm with their debut song, and member dating rumors with Y/n of Icarus Flew?”

Having to see you in love with another man was hard enough. San didn’t need or want to learn that your new lover was a trainee of your company. That opens up a whole new can of worms for him to shuffle through and dissect.

Did the two of you get close because you were helping him train? Were the random late nights in the studio you spending time with him? Did your group know and help cover for you? Had you actually been-

San couldn’t even think it. He refused to. Even if that was where the arrows point, even if that’s the best explanation he could possibly reason with, he still loved you. He still respected and trusted you.

You may have agreed to the split mutually, as mutual as a breakup can get with seemingly two separate companies breathing down your necks about it, but the years still happened, the memories still existed, and the love you shared remained in tact. At least for San.

Impossible to understand how you're not comin' back but I can't say it out loud.

The apartment you’d picked together felt hollow without you. Even the kitten you’d adopted seemed to understand something was wrong.

San would sit on the overstuffed couch you’d insisted on getting, waiting for you to walk through the door as if nothing had changed. As if everything was as it was always supposed to be.

But you never did walk through the doors. Not to move your stuff in, not to check on the cat, not to check on San.

He’d been tempted to end the lease, to move back into the dorms with his bandmates, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It probably wasn’t healthy, his only reason for keeping the apartment was so that if you’d decided to come by, for any reason, it’d be there for you.

Everything San ever did was for you.

Feels like we had matching wounds, but mine's still black and bruised

“Would you just leave me alone! I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to be near you. I want nothing to do with you. The faster you get that through your thick skull, the better off we’re all going to be.”

San had only said your name.

Award shows were always a mixture of companies and groups, San knew he would see you tonight, he’d hoped you could at least be cordial with each other. He’d hoped that maybe you’d talk to him, that maybe there’d be some sort of explanation on your tongue for everything that had happened in the past few months. He felt foolish for getting his hopes up.

Your eyes, once meeting his, glazed over with an instant regret that San couldn’t handle. He’d always told you that you didn’t need to sugarcoat anything with him. He was always pushing you to be completely honest, completely open.

You were a people pleaser at heart. You had a habit of saying things you thought people wanted to hear instead of what was on your mind. As much as your words hurt, a part of him was so proud of you for saying them. He couldn’t bear the regret shining in your eyes, he couldn’t be the reason it was there after preaching to you the importance of standing up for yourself and your wants.

So, despite the knife piercing his chest, San bowed politely and walked the opposite direction. Holding back tears when you didn’t even call after him.

And yours is perfectly fine.

The award show continued on without a hitch after that. Everything was perfectly normal the rest of the night.

Your boyfriends band sat directly behind your band, with your boyfriend behind you. The cameras were eating it up, the crowd ‘aww’ing everytime the two of you would appear on the screens.

Hongjoong didn’t know what to think. San had yet to confide in him about anything. He knew his member, he knew he needed to talk, but it was like if he did, that would make everything real.

Despite not knowing the situation, Hongjoong was only more confused by it.

You weren’t happy. You put on a fantastic show, he’d give you that much. But he’d watched you and San together for years. He and the others likely knew the sparkle of pure, sickening love better than maybe even San did. Too also sickeningly in love to recognize it.

To Hongjoong, you looked like you wanted to scratch your own skin off with how uncomfortable you were. And of course, there was the non stop glancing at San anytime the cameras weren’t on you.

Hongjoong felt as though he could go grey just watching. He made eye contact with the leader of your group, raising an eyebrow questioningly. She just rolled her eyes and shook her head. Which told Hongjoong that whatever was going on, she didn’t like it either.

Feels like we buried alive something that never died.

All the groups were called to the stage, San was praying to anyone that would listen that he didn’t have to stand near your group on that stage. That he wouldn’t have to pretend his heart wasn’t actively in shreds, and even worse, act like you were a stranger.

There were no public relations between your groups. You’ve never done challenges together, or worked at the same music festivals. By the worlds view, your groups have never coincided outside of award shows, which would mean by the worlds view, you’re strangers.

Of course, if anything heard his prayers, they didn’t care or had a sense of humor vehemently against San. Because not only did Ateez end up directly next to Icarus Flew, but his arm was brushing yours.

He felt you stiffen at the initial touch, and then it was like you melted. Like the tension in your whole body dissipated from the proximity alone. He tried not to think about it. Tried not to recall the countless memories of you calling him your stress relief, of him being the person you needed every time the world got to be too much.

There at that very public stage, your arm pressing against his, the two of you much closer than you likely needed to be, San felt the most himself he’d been in months. Since the breakup. And if he didn’t know better, if he hadn’t already been snapped at by you once in that very same building that night, he would’ve been able to let himself believe that your smile was just a little bit brighter than it had been in months as well.

Then you looked at him, your eyes shining with a million words you didn’t have time to say, and he didn’t want you to ever look away from him again. Neither his nor your smile faltered once in that moment underneath the stage lights, confetti spraying everywhere, the world silencing like you were in your own bubble.

Then the bubble was broken. Hongjoong grabbed San and pulled him back to his group, your leader doing the same, and the second your eyes were pulled from his, everything rushed back in. The air felt suffocating again, his chest aching, his smile faltering momentarily before he was able to get his mask up. He was still an idol, he was still on a public stage with cameras and fans everywhere, and you were still very much his ex-girlfriend whose current boyfriend was also on this stage somewhere.

The moment the two of you shared on stage was a natural reaction to a person you’d dedicated years of your life to. San knew that. He knew how you felt about him now and he knew it was just the moment.

And as much as he knew it was wishful thinking, he couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t.

So, God, it hurt when I found out, you love her, it's over.

“Rumors of an engagement are circling the internet. The hottest new band on the scene were spotted in a jewelry store. Could everyone’s favorite couple really be discussing tying the knot?”

San hadn’t been to the dorms since moving into the apartment. He just met the guys at the practice room, the studio, or wherever he was needed for that day. He had never before felt like an intruder when standing at the doors, but in that moment he did.

He wasn’t even sure why he was at the dorms in the first place. But when the door swung open, and Wooyoung was tackling him into a tight hug, he didn’t let himself dwell on the emotions or thoughts, he just hugged his friend back, biting back the tears threatening to escape.

San noticed the others behind Wooyoung, all dressed as if they were getting ready to go somewhere. A pang of loneliness flushed through him but he shoved it down as far as he could.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your plans.”

He was ready to go back to his far too empty apartment, sit alone on his way too stuffed couch, and try to finally come to terms with his emotions when Seonghwa lightly flicked his forehead and dragged him into a hug.

“We were on our way to you.”

That was the pebble that broke the dam. San collapsed into Seonghwa’s arms, tears streaming down his face. He held onto his friend as if he was the only thing keeping San from coming entirely unraveled.

“We saw the rumors, figured you could use a cheer up.” Mingi said, getting elbowed almost instantly by Jongho.

Hongjoong ushered everyone back inside, all eight boys piling into the living room, San was placed on the couch and everyone else filled in around him.

He was grateful for his team. His friends that cared about him, not just about his capabilities on stage. His family that was worried about him.

Furiously rubbing his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears, San mumbled a pathetic sounding, “It really is over, isn’t it?”

Do you even doubt it on your lips?

You ran. You didn’t know where you were going, you didn’t have any goal in mind, you just needed to get out of that building. You needed to get away from those people. You needed to put as much distance as physically possible between you and him.

The dating was one thing. Any publicity is good publicity, and all that absolute crap. But when he showed up with a ring and a disgusting smirk on his face, spouting off about how it’d be the best idea because the fans would be thrilled to have an engagement to gossip about, you wanted to throw up or just outright swing on the man.

So you did the only thing that made sense to you, you bolted.

You knew your leader would be panicking any moment if she wasn’t already. You knew your members would inevitably start a search party for you. You couldn’t bring yourself to care as you just pushed your legs to keep moving forward. If you stopped running, if you gave yourself time to breathe and think, you’d likely just end up in a ball sobbing your eyes out.

Tired. You were so tired. Tired of your company, tired of pretending to be okay, tired of him. You were forced to leave the love of your life and weren’t even given a month to mourn the life you’d created and envisioned before you were being pushed into some sort of messed up publicity stunt. When you’d agreed to “date” a member of your company's newest band, you assumed it’d be for a music video, maybe some social media content. You had no idea it would come to this.

Your company was trying to put to rest any potential rumor that had ever existed regarding a relationship between you and San. You hadn’t realized that until the meeting today, with that bastard looking so smug about putting a ring on your finger that was meant to be San’s, with your company breathing down your neck about “image”, with an non disclosure agreement sitting in front of you regarding the nature of your “relationship” and the expectations the company was going to be adding to it.

You weren’t sure where your legs were carrying you, you didn’t pay much attention to your surroundings as you went, you just knew you had to go somewhere. You had to escape the life you’d stuck yourself in.

You love her, it's over, you already found someonе to miss,

There was an insistent knock on the apartment door that jerked San awake from where he’d dozed off on the couch. The cat was already meowing incessantly in response to the knocking, being none too pleased at the rude wake up call.

“I’m coming.” San grumbled out, making his way to the door. “I told you I’m fine Wooyoung, you don’t have to-” The comment died on his tongue immediately as he took in the sight in front of him.

You. You, breathing heavily and sweating, hair all frizzy as if you’d run a marathon before coming here. You, looking every bit the picture of gorgeous he’d always known you to be, even in such a state. You outside of his apartment that was meant to also be yours. The one he hadn’t sold in case of this exact scenario.

San opened his mouth to ask you why you were here, ask if you wanted to come in, if you needed water. But before he could actually formulate any words at all, you were already cutting him off.

“I’m sorry.”

It felt like all of the air was hit right out of his lungs.

“I’m sorry for leaving, I’m sorry for that God-awful relationship that was plastered all over everything. I’m sorry for the pain I know I’ve caused you these past few months. I’m sorry for randomly showing up on your doorstep, though I am relieved it is still yours, I was worried you’d already moved out. But most of all I’m sorry I didn’t tell my company to fuck off when I had the chance. I know you’ve probably already moved on. I understand, I probably would’ve as well if I’d seen you plastered everywhere with another girl before even getting a chance to mourn. No actually, I probably wouldn’t have already moved on because damnit you’re the only person in the world for me, but that’s not what matters right now.

“What I mean is, I’m not here for your forgiveness or to win you back, I just thought you of all people deserved to know the truth. I don’t love him. I don’t even like him. I actually can’t fucking stand to be around him, and he’s who I thought was behind me that night at the award ceremony, not you. But I didn’t come after you because I signed a stupid contract and couldn’t talk to you. But legalities be damned because the only thing in this whole universe that I want right now is for you to know that all of it was bullshit. That the rumors are bullshit and no matter what you hear or see in the next few days, it’s not real. I won’t marry him, San. I don’t think I could marry anyone that wasn’t you.”

San opened his mouth to say something but rustling in the kitchen pulled both of your attentions away from one another. When he turned back to you, you were white as a sheet.

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your evening. I’ll leave you be now. I just, I thought you deserved to hear the truth from me.”

While I'm still standin' at the exit.

San didn’t let himself think anything over as he reached out for your arm, dragged you into his arms, and kissed you like you were the air he was being starved of as he drowned. Your arms were wrapped around his neck, returning the kiss just as desperately. The two of you holding each other, uncaring of the semi public display right in the middle of the hallway, until you were forced to part by the necessity of oxygen.

He leaned his forehead against yours, breathing in your presence the best he can. You clung to him as if your very life depended on it.

“That sound was your stupid cat, not some other girl. Just so you know.”

You couldn’t stop the relieved giggle if you wanted to.

“You’ve always been the only one for me, Y/n. I’m sure I can be offended about you thinking otherwise some other time, but right now I just need to prove it to you and remind you who you belong to. We’ll figure out the rest tomorrow.”

And with that San swept you up bridal style, and finally carried you into the apartment that was always meant for the both of you.

You love her, it's over.

“News spreading like wildfire that Icarus Flew’s very own Y/n was forced into a publicity relationship by her company, who also forced her to end things with long term boyfriend, San of Ateez. KQ Entertainment is helping Icarus Flew file a lawsuit against their now former company for duress and mismanagement. Y/n also reportedly suing fellow idol, her former alleged boyfriend, for harassment and coercion. Keep up to date with all things Y/nSan and the cases right here on-”

“Well, I for one am excited about having Icarus Flew signed to the same company. We finally get to do challenges together!” Wooyoung shouted happily, picking you up and twirling you around.

“I’m just relieved to be out of that company for good. Though I guess the way we got here isn’t exactly ideal.” Your leader cringed, sighing as she got comfortable on your couch.

“Yeah, good riddance to that awful place. Is it too late to add on to the charges, we could probably sue the company for years of neglect, mistreatment, harassment, and a few other things.” One of your other members said, carrying in some of your boxes. She was followed by Yunho and Mingi as they carried in some of your furniture.

The past few weeks since you’d found your way back to San had been a whirlwind of leaving your company, your band following you, starting legal battles left and right, and finally moving into your apartment with San. You were grateful for San’s group and for yours. You weren’t sure you ever would’ve had it in you to break away from your company if it weren’t for all the support you’d received. Even your fans were in full support of you, some of them even offering their legal expertise should you need it.

The biggest shock came in the form of Atiny. You’d always loved and appreciated San’s fanbase. They were loyal and most of them obviously cared abundantly and genuinely. But having a front row seat to them not only accepting you with the widest of arms, but also going to literal war online for you and your group as everything came to light, you knew your band would make it out okay.

If your former company thought a falsified relationship with an unknown newbie would be good for your career, they’re likely losing their minds seeing how much more attention you were garnering now.

You hadn’t been this happy or at peace in a long time, and as San’s arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you back into his chest, surrounded by your bands helping you move into your dream apartment with the man you love more than life, you couldn’t see yourself in any other situation. You didn’t want to be in any other situation ever again.

You weren’t positive of what would come of your bands careers, you didn’t know if you’d be able to successfully relaunch Icarus Flew or if leaving your company meant the death of your band. But you couldn’t bring yourself to fully care at that moment.

You already found someone to miss.

Ateez ft. Conan Gray Songfic Masterlist

a/n: I’m actually super excited for this series and while if you’re not new around here you know me and how I am (I will disappear for extended durations of time) I actually already have 4/8 written🫣🤭 I hope you enjoyed! and I hope you look forward to the rest of the slightly heart wrenching world of reading stories based on Conan Gray songs!!

[maknaeswrld]

Ateez Songfic Playlist ft. Conan Gray

people watching | k.hj

But I wanna feel all that love and еmotion, be that attached to the person I'm holdin', someday I'll be fallin' without caution, but for now, I'm only people-watchin'

crush culture | p.sh

'Cause crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out, I know what you're doin', trying to get me to pursue you

2 | astronomy | j.yh | 3.8k

We've traveled the seas, we've ridden the stars, we've seen everything from Saturn to Mars, as much as it seems like you own my heart, it's astronomy, we're two worlds apart

4 | memories | k.ys | 4.5k

But please, don't ruin this for me, please, don't make it harder than it already is, I'm trying to get over this

1 | the exit | c.s | 3.8k

You love her, it's over, do you even doubt it on your lips? You love her, it's over, you already found someone to miss, while I'm still standin' at the exit

5 | fight or flight | s.mg | 4.1k

Well, fight or flight, I'd rather die than have to cry in front of you, fight or flight, I'd rather lie than tell you I'm in love with you, my eyes are welling up as you admit there's someone new, it's my move, fight or flight

checkmate | j.wy

'Cause I've gotten tired of the games that you play, when you tell me you love me then you throw me away, so cry me a river till you drown in the lake, 'cause you may think you're winning but checkmate

3 | disaster | c.jh | 4.4k

This could be a disaster, there's so many factors, like, what if you freak out and then we're losin' it all, at the critical chapter where I say, "I love you", and you don't say it after

a/n: these are all stand alone stories that do not have to be read in a particular order but may have Easter eggs or glimpses throughout a timeline when read in order of writing

[maknaeswrld]

Ateez In Your Fantasy Tour!!!

Ateez is quite possibly my favorite show ever to see live. they put on a PRODUCTION of a concert and it’s phenomenal every time. this was my second time seeing them and they just don’t disappoint!

tho after being floor for Stray Kids, which was incredible and I wouldn’t give up the experience for anything, it was kind of nice to be in the nosebleeds again haha. there’s so much more room to just party up here lol.

[maknaeswrld]

Ateez Masterlist

k.hj

nothing yet

p.sh

nothing yet

j.yh

astronomy | 3.8k | songfic; childhood sweethearts; exes in love

We've traveled the seas, we've ridden the stars, we've seen everything from Saturn to Mars, as much as it seems like you own my heart, it's astronomy, we're two worlds apart

k.ys

nothing yet

c.s

the exit | 3.8k | songfic; lovers to exes

You love her, it's over, do you even doubt it on your lips? You love her, it's over, you already found someone to miss, while I'm still standin' at the exit.

s.mg

nothing yet

j.wy

nothing yet

c.jh

disaster | 4.4k | producer!reader; idiots in love ~ coming soon

This could be a disaster, there's so many factors, like, what if you freak out and then we're losin' it all, at the critical chapter where I say, "I love you", and you don't say it after

Ot8

Ateez ft. Conan Gray Songfic Series

[maknaeswrld]

a life lived | l.mh, h.js

genre: soulmate au; reincarnation au; fluff; angst; poly!minsung x reader

wc: 3.1k

cw: this one got a little suggestive in a few places; Minho falls; I think that’s pretty much it? please let me know.

a/n: the final part is finally here🥹 I’m sorry it took so long, life hit me like Santa’s toy sack but filled with bricks. I hope you enjoy, as always please leave me your thoughts, I love to hear from you! and if you’re on my tag list for this series, please let me know if you’d like to be tagged an any future content💚

part one: a life forgotten

Soulmates.

Jisung was the first to notice you, his eyes lighting up as he shot up out of his seat. Within seconds, he was across the room and dragging you into a tight hug, his face nuzzled into your neck. Your body didn’t hesitate in wrapping itself around him in response, tucking your own face into his neck.

“Don’t leave us again. Please, don’t do that again.” His voice was shaky, and when you looked up, your eyes were met with Minho’s watery ones.

“I’m not going anywhere.” You held Jisung, maintaining eye contact with Minho. “I promise.”

When Jisung finally let up, Minho pulled you immediately into his own hold.

Your soul had never felt so at peace as it had in that moment, surrounded by the comforting presence of both your lovers at last. You knew you wanted to fight it, the thought of every possible thing that could go wrong weighing you down, but they didn’t let that last. Being around them, being with them, was all you really needed to know for sure that it was going to be okay.

“We went ahead and asked Sage to make you your regular, I hope that’s okay. We haven’t ordered anything but drinks though, we wanted to wait for you.” Jisung couldn’t stop shifting, his eyes looking at just about everything but you.

Reaching out your hand, you grasped his, smiling when he finally looked at you. “Let’s sit down.” You turned your smile on Minho, holding out your other hand for him and leading them both to the table they’d abandoned.

Minho pulled out a chair for you and then he and Jisung sat across from you. You tried not to flinch at the blatant distance.

“I’m L/n Y/n.”

“We know.”

Minho elbowed Jisung.

“I’m Lee Minho, this is Han Jisung.”

Your face brightened as you fiddled with your fingers under the table.

“I know.”

Jisung reached his hand across the table, stretching his fingers in your direction. Slowly, you slid your hand into his, earning a smile.

“Out of curiosity, how long have you known?”

His fingers squeezed around yours, keeping you from pulling away from him as your eyes cast downward. Another hand slid across the table in your peripheral and you slowly linked your other hand with Minho’s too.

Taking a deep breath, you sat up straight and looked at them again.

“I’ve known for a little over a year now.”

Minho’s eyes flashed, Jisung flinched, but neither made any move to pull away from you, and that settled your rapidly beating heart just a little bit.

“You didn’t plan on telling us, did you?” Phrased as a question, but said as a statement, you couldn’t help but squeeze their hands tighter. As if you were keeping them from getting up and walking away.

“No, I didn’t.” Jisungs hand squeezed yours in response. “But, I had my reasons, and good or not, I did what I thought was best for both of you at the time.”

“And now?” Jisung’s voice was scratchy, as if he were holding back tears.

“Now, the decision is yours to make. I’m done choosing our future. If you want me, I’m here and I don’t plan on leaving again. If you don’t, I will respect that and you’ll never have to see me again.”

Jisung pulled his hand away from you as if you’d burned him. You tried not to let the pain of his rejection show on your face.

“You’d really just leave?” He was standing, backed into the bookshelf behind the table, seemingly putting as much of a barrier between you as possible.

“If that’s what you needed from me, I would.” Your heart was aching at the mere thought of it. Running the first time was a spur of the moment panic reaction. Discussing you leaving willingly now had your heart in your throat, feeling like it wanted to break into pieces and throw itself to the floor.

Jisung’s eyes were watery, the tears starting to form. You chanced a glance at Minho, who’d gone eerily quiet but had yet to release your hand.

Jisung’s words were stuttery and small as he hiccuped out a sentence.

“But you, you promised. You said you weren’t going anywhere. You promised!”

“And I’m not, as long as that’s what you both want. I don’t want to get in between you, I don’t want to be some hitch in all of your plans for the future. If it would be easier for you both if I just disappeared, as if none of this ever happened, you can say that. It’s okay. I can take it.”

Looking at Minho, you were shocked to see tears in his eyes, his brow furrowed angrily.

“You’re so stupid.”

“HAN JISUNG! You’re a dead man!”

You couldn’t help the full blown cackle that left your mouth as you heard your soulmate yell at the other. Your laughter only rose as Jisung bounded into the kitchen, sliding behind the island as if he were playing baseball with Seungmin.

Your soulmate held a finger to his lips, begging you to keep your mouth shut only moments before a fuming Minho stormed into the room. He scanned the room, stalking over to you and dropping a gentle kiss on your lips.

“Where’s the menace hiding?” He murmured against your lips.

You let out a noise as if you were thinking before sighing. “I’m afraid I can’t tell you. Sanctity of marriage, and all that.”

“What about the sanctity of our marriage?”

You pat his shoulder, shaking your head in faux sadness and pouting at him. “He got here first.”

His eyes burned with a rage you were certain was playful. “Well in that case, if he wants to keep hiding, I guess I’ll just spend my time with you instead.”

Before you could so much as form a thought, your ass was firmly planted on the island, hips held in his hands as he took up position between your forced open thighs. He placed another kiss on your lips as he pulled your body to meet his.

“This is our kitchen!” Jisung shouted in dismay as he popped his head up over the counter.

You laughed again. Because of course that would get him to come out of hiding.

“You’re one to talk! It’s not like you haven’t made your fair share of messes in here.”

“The kitchen is a place for making delicious meals! Not shenanigannery!”

Minho raised one brow at the younger boy. “You did not just say ‘shenanigannery’.”

“I for one don’t mind some kitchen shenanigannery.” You giggled, playing with the hair at the base of Minho’s neck. You noted it was starting to get a bit longer than he usually kept it.

Minho growled playfully. “I like the way you think.”

“Oh so it’s okay when Y/n says shenanigannery, but when I say it, it’s a problem?”

“I’m mad at you right now!”

“I didn’t know you’d already fed Soonie! He was meowing like he was starved!”

“You’re the reason my cats are getting fat!”

“I am not going to apologize for loving and taking care of our babies.”

“Y/n, deal with your soulmate.” Minho groaned in response, tucking his head into your neck to hide away from your other soulmate, pulling you back into him once again.

You grinned at Jisung, curling your finger to motion for him to come closer. Pulling him into a kiss over Minho’s shoulder, you felt Minho stiffen as he realized he was sandwiched.

It didn’t take long for kisses to be trailed along the expanse of your neck, Jisung releasing you from your kiss to work along Minho’s neck. You tried to hold in your moans as Jisung rocked Minho into you gently, but Minho just sucked at your skin a little harder in response to get you to release the noises he craved.

Finally releasing you, Minho pressed one last kiss to your lips before turning to Jisung and wrapping his arms around his waist, reveling in the way his eyes were already starting to gloss over with want.

“I thought you said the kitchen wasn’t a place for shenanigannery.”

“Hm, did I say that? Doesn’t sound like me.”

One of your favorite parts about dating two international pop stars, was definitely the concerts. And one of your absolute favorite things to do at concerts was wear shirts that say ‘my boyfriend is on stage’ or something along those lines, and revel in knowing nobody took you seriously.

It was like your own little joy of publicly claiming your soulmates without breaking the internet.

Right up until it did break the internet.

You and the other soulmates usually avoided anywhere the boys would actually see you, due to yea, not wanting to publicize your relationships, but mostly because the boys would get extremely distracted and you all agreed to let them focus on Stay.

But when your friend that had initially told you about Stray Kids, and who you had yet to actually introduce your soulmates to, informed you she’d gotten tickets in the pit, you knew you couldn’t tell her no. You also hadn’t thought to inform Jisung or Minho about the plan, deciding on surprising them instead.

Worse idea.

The moment Jisung found you not too long into the very first song, he somewhat gracefully elbowed Minho mid choreography, and nodded in your direction. You couldn’t stifle your laughter when Minho misstepped and actually fell on his face. Which of course not only led to Jisung cackling, but to you getting completely singled out due to everyone else just being concerned.

You’d never truly realized how serious Stay was about the boys safety until that moment.

Jisung couldn’t keep the shiteating grin off his face and Minho couldn’t stop the blush growing across his cheeks if he wanted to. The Stay’s around your were appalled when he rolled his eyes and blew you a kiss before continuing on with the performance.

You enjoyed the show and the random attention your boys would offer throughout. You could tell they were trying really hard to focus on Stay’s but failed when they’d see you.

It wasn’t until you said goodnight to your friend after the concert and made your way to the back of the stadium to greet you boys when you realized you were way more obvious than you thought.

Scrolling through your phone, you were met with countless videos of you. Stays asking who you were, recounting stories of you in the pit, discussing your relation to the boys, who obviously knew you. Some were speculating you were Minho’s soulmate, some Jisung’s. Some were trying to protect you by telling Stay’s it didn’t matter.

There were clips of you laughing at Minho falling and of the kiss he blew you, clips of Jisung spacing out while staring at you. Your face was in almost every video on your for you page, and you knew you were going to get an earful about it from Riley.

The cackling that filled the room could only be described as a rock of noisy seals playing king of the hill.

Minho’s face was firmly hidden in your neck, his arms gripping around your waist for dear life, as Bee and Jisung recounted his face plant in dramatized fashion. You couldn’t fully stifle a giggle yourself every now and again, which would lead to Minho’s face getting even warmer against your skin.

“I thought it was cute bubs.” You tried to ease as you played with his hair.

“You laughed. In the middle of the pit. Surrounded by Stay.”

“Well it sounds bad when you say it like that.”

He just grumbled more and pulled you impossibly closer to him.

All of the laughter disappeared from the room the moment Chan and Riley stepped through the door. Minho refused to look up and acknowledge them, Bee and Jisung both sat like trained puppies that knew they were in trouble, and you just stayed where you were being held.

“Give me the news straight up Doc, how bad is it?”

Chan sighed, eyes fixing on you. “The company is giving you a choice. You all pretend you don’t know each other and it was just circumstance, or you come out as Soulmates to the public.”

You perked up at that. “All three of us?”

Chan and Riley shared a look that would’ve put you on edge if you hadn’t already felt about ready to jump out of your bones from the nights events. The smirk Riley leveled you with just about had you wanting to hide entirely behind Minho.

“They didn’t specify. Just that you admit to being a Soulmate.”

Bee scoffed. “There’s no way the company didn’t specify, why the hell would they not be specific about outing their own members when, oh. I’ve caught up.” Bee just fell right back into position and went back to being quiet.

You, on the other hand, were not at all caught up.

Chan nodded at Riley, who then stepped in front of you, gently taking the hand that wasn’t dutifully massaging Minho’s scalp.

“Chan and I have made the decision that if you want to come out as a Soulmate and make yourself a target of the public, you have every right to claim both of your Soulmates. We’re willing to fight the company on your behalf if it comes to it, but we couldn’t possibly imagine forcing you to choose which one you can love openly, and we especially would never force them to pretend to be something they’re not.

“The decision is entirely up to the three of you in any case. We’ll leave you to discuss and decide. But we want all of you to know that we’re backing you all one hundred percent in any decision you come to.”

“We want to be public!” Jisung spouted off.

Minho’s head shot up in tandem with yours whipping around to look at Jisung, eyes wide in shock.

“They told us to discuss it Jisung-”

“What’s there to discuss? None of us are going anywhere, Stay’s are just going to get more curious if they keep seeing Y/n at shows, and if we move now we have the least likelihood of getting fired because the internet is already gossiping about us.”

Chan stepped forward as if already ready for a fight. “You’re not getting fired in any case Sung.”

“You can’t guarantee Hyung. I appreciate it, I do, but you can’t guarantee it. The company owns us to an extent and they absolutely can do away with us at any point if they decide to.”

“Sungie, you might be overthinking this-”

“I think you guys are focusing on the wrong part of what I said. I just think like, hey why not? No time better than the present, right?” He made his way to you and Minho, grasping and squeezing a hand in each of his. “I love the both of you more than anything in this world. Even my career, should I get fired for it. I want to share you with the world, so what do you guys say?”

You looked at Minho, watching as a beautiful smile slowly dragged across his lips. You couldn’t hold back your own smile as you grabbed Jisung's phone right out of his pocket, went to his instagram, and wrote up a post with your favorite picture of the three of you. You made sure to include Minho and yourself as collaborators, and hit post before you could even consider your actions.

“Have fun with that, Baby.” You slipped his phone back into his pocket, pressed a kiss to his lips, and gave his chest two love taps before kissing Minho as well and finally freeing yourself from his arm prison. “I’m going to go face the consequences of my actions.” You muttered as your phone immediately started buzzing with your friends name. “Hey Eve-”

The whole room could hear the half yelling, half screeching, entirely rambling happening down the line.

“Lee Know and Han of Stray Kids reportedly Soulmates. An official statement was released by JYP Entertainment following a concert with some interesting footage of a person in the crowd, and later that evening what has been presumed to be the hard launch of the throuple.”

You didn’t know you could get happier. After finally falling into the arms of your Soulmates, moving in with them, getting to love and be loved by them everyday, you didn’t know it could get sweeter. But scrolling through your phone, reading the sweet posts and comments about you, seeing the fanart of you with your boys, all of it just made your smile never want to falter again.

You knew Stay would be accepting, save a few that claimed to be true fans but clearly were not, but you hadn’t expected the immense outpouring of love you and your boys received.

“This was a bad idea.” Jisung pouted, looking at your screen from over your shoulder. “Stay loves you more than us.”

You scoffed out a laugh. “No they don’t.”

Jisung just plucked your phone out of your hands, typing in just your name, and you watched as your feed was flooded with art, sweet messages, thirst tweets, and all sort of other stuff.

“You even have fanfiction about you already!”

That made you choke.

“I have what?!”

“Oh yeah, a lot of it’s really good!”

“Han Jisung, you’ve been reading fanfiction about me?!”

Minho entered the room at that moment, eyebrow raising immediately.

“What?”

“He reads it too!” Jisung outed, pointing at Minho, who just shrugged.

“Some of it’s really well written.”

“This is so embarrassing.”

“Only if you think of it that way.” Minho pressed a kiss to your cheek.

“Maybe we could try out some of it sometime.” Jisung whispered, pressing a kiss to your other cheek.

You two soulmates shared wicked smiles that made you want to bolt. Or throw yourself at them. You couldn’t decide which.

They made the decision for you, Minho scooping you over his shoulder and Jisung grinning like a Cheshire Cat as he followed the two of you out of the room.

He pressed a gentle kiss to your lips over Minho’s shoulder.

“I love you, Y/n.”

“I love you too, Jisung.”

“I love both of you, despite doing all the heavy lifting while you two have all the fun.”

You and Jisung didn’t let Minho feel that way for very long.

Yeah, you were only getting happier and happier in life with your soulmates.

taglist💚 some didn’t work, boo tumblr😔

@starlostastronaut @mariteez @tired-of-life-86 @minsungsthirdwheel @elisiexoxo @httpswilloww @sundownimup-1 @lolareadsimagines @kayleefriedchicken @vivirantshere @luvyev @seungpuppymin @ciellebys @xiaotheworld @jihanniee @leezanetheofficial @felixthemochicat @redkarmakai @flwrs4bin

[maknaeswrld]

I got to see them twice and I still can’t believe it🫶😭🤧

my takeaways:

Stays are some of the sweetest people ever! my seatmate in Orlando was so nice and I had so much fun with her.

Baseball stadiums aren’t it for concerts boys. I’m so sorry Seungmin but dang that track record is rough. (if you don’t know: Atlanta stopped letting people in at 7:30 when the show was supposed to be starting and the Kids delayed show start bc of it, we still didn’t get in until probably six songs after it started. The New York show kept getting evacuated, I wasn’t at that so I can’t speak much more on it. And you’ve probably already heard about DC)

The Kids are ACTUALLY that attractive, it’s not just media magic. it’s like actually crazy.

Chan has the most incredible laugh (which we been knew but hearing it in person?😭)

Being a Lino bias gets you free stuff?? (I’m not a Lino bias I just lost my Quokka on a flight) ((was also told I looked too Sunshine to be a Lino bias - I’m a Han bias))

The freebies go hard a couple hours before doors open, I’ve always been one to arrive right at or around doors opening but in Orlando we got there around 3 which was two and a half hours before doors opened and four and a half hours before the show started and we got so much stuff!! we were also handing out bracelets and they went so fast!!

The show these guys put on is unlike any experience I’ve ever had. I’ve been to concerts that are lowkey more impressive production wise, like they put on a show. but the kids make you feel like you’re part of the show, idk how to explain it. their production is top notch amazing too but idk they’re shows just feel safe? and fun and like you’re hanging out with people that just get you.

my biggest takeaway: I would gladly spend my money to see them repeatedly again bc it’s so worth it.

most of these pictures are from Orlando but one of them is from Atlanta.

[maknaeswrld]

BTS Masterlist

k.nj

nothing yet

k.sj

nothing yet

m.yg

the way I loved you | 2.2k | open ended lovers to exes

based on the song The Way I Loved You (Taylor’s Version) by Taylor Swift

j.hs

nothing yet

p.jm

nothing yet

k.th

nothing yet

j.jk

nothing yet

Ot7

MICO Songfic Series | coming soon

[maknaeswrld]

the way i loved you | m.yg

wc: 2.2k

genre: song fic; lovers to strangers; rebound!bang chan (sorry bby);

cw: rebound!Bang Chan; relationship arguments; it feels a lil toxy but understand I only wrote the tail ends of their relationship and it’s based on a Taylor Swift song; open ending

a/n: just a lil thought that tickled my brain on a roadtrip when I heard The Way I Loved You (Taylor’s Version)

“Here, let me get that for you.” Chan said with that breathtaking smile of his as he pulled the door open for you.

“Thank you.” You smiled back.

“You look absolutely stunning tonight.” 

His hand was placed respectfully on your mid back, guiding you gently through the restaurant.

“You don’t look too bad yourself.”

It didn’t take the two of you long to find your table.

“Y/n!” Lia squealed, rushing to hug you. Giggling, you threw your arms around her.

“It’s been too long!”

“Agreed. We need to work on that.”

Pulling away, Lia turned to your guest, sticking a hand out to introduce herself.

“I’m Lia, the best friend. You must be Chris.”

He accepted her hand, smile lighting up the room.

“I am. Y/n’s told me a lot about you.”

Lia’s eyebrow raised as she looked back over at you.

“All the terrible things, I’m sure.”

He just smiled, taking the joke in stride.

The night went on a little too easily. Conversation flowing easily, the atmosphere comfortable. Chan picked up the bill and offered to order an uber for Lia, to which she rejected, looping her arm through yours instead.

“Well, it’s been a great evening, but if you don’t mind, I’m gonna be taking our girl with me. We have a bit of catching up to do.”

“I don’t mind at all. It really was great to finally meet you.” He smiled at Lia before looking at you. “Call me when you get home?” He asked, you nodded in agreement and he grinned, pressing a gentle kiss on your lips. “You two ladies enjoy the rest of your night then.”

You both watched on as he walked away.

“Damn, he has a great ass.” Lia commented, whistling in appreciation.

You laughed, smacking her shoulder. “Don’t catcall my boyfriend.”

“I’m just callin’ it like I see it love. And that man has a fine ass. But he’s got an even better personality, like damn girl, talk about moving up in the world.”

“I mean I guess you could say that. He does respect my space. And he’s always on time, and he’s charming.”

“He could be charming when he wanted to.” You didn’t need her to clarify who he was.

“And he’s sensible, you know.” You continued, ignoring her attempt at getting you to talk about what was really at the tip of your tongue. “He always has an answer to everything. He’s genuine with me, it’s all perfectly comfortable.”

“But…?”

But.

Because of course there’s a but when it comes to such a seemingly perfect guy. 

The lights were giving you a headache, you thought if you had to talk to one more stranger you’d pour your drink on their head or start crying. 

You’ve dated Yoongi long enough to know this is just how nights like these go, that once it’s been long enough that he won’t get in trouble with his management for leaving, he’ll wrap an arm around you and swish you away.

You just kept smiling, having perfected the show smile early on in your relationship. You stayed close to any of the boys you could find. You sat with Jungkook for a while before he wanted to dance, you’d found a corner with Tae and Jimin, which lasted until Jin called them over for a conversation he’d been having with some snobby looking people. All in all, these events were possibly your least favorite thing that came with dating a member of a world famous group.

You were ready to excuse yourself to the bathroom for the duration when a hand found its home on your lower back. Almost too low to be appropriate.

“What’s a gorgeous thing like you doing all alone?”

Smiling, you turned towards him, looping your arms around his shoulders in a way that you knew seemed dainty.

“I believe that’s the first real smile I’ve seen out of you all night. Is this really that miserable?”

“I just don’t feel very good. I’m ready for my pajamas and maybe a tub of ice cream.”

“And an episode of our show?”

You couldn’t help but grin at that. “Oh absolutely.”

“Perfect. Okay, let me say goodbye to the boys and let my manager know we’re leaving. I’ll be right back. I love you so much.” Placing a gentle kiss on your nose, he squeezed you once before releasing and moving further into the room.

The flash of cameras turned your attention away from him and you waved shyly, keeping a polite smile plastered in place and knowing the media will be eating up such a tender moment of the Suga. You put on a show for them anytime you knew the cameras were turned to you, knowing the tenderness they catch a mere glimpse of is your reality everyday.

“Hey! That door was shut for a reason.” You grumbled.

“Yeah, to keep everyone else out.” Yoongi said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Exactly. Everyone else.”

“That’s what I just said?”

“Everyone includes you, Yoongs.”

He just shrugged before making himself comfortable on your bed.

You rolled your eyes, huffing in annoyance. “You know, girls have boundaries, right?”

“I know. I just don’t see you actually setting them. Do you want me to leave, Y/n?”

“Oh fuck off.” You responded, shoving his shoulder.

“That’s not a yes.”

“I can’t stand you.”

He just laughed, pulling you into his chest and kissing the top of your head.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is.”

“The big deal is that you spend more time cooped up in your studio than you do with me, Yoongi.”

“You knew what you were getting into when we started dating.”

“And I’m not asking you to change, I just,”

“Well damn, Y/n. It kinda feels like you are. I can’t just stop doing my job because you’re feeling needy.”

“I’m not asking you to! I’m not. I am just asking you to act like you give two shits about your girlfriend once in a while and show up when we make dinner plans!”

You watched as his eyes slowly widened in realization. “That was tonight?”

Sighing, you turned and opened the door to his studio, already halfway out. “Yeah, Yoongs. That was tonight.”

You were outside and walking down the cold rainy street when Yoongi caught up to you. 

“You’re gonna catch a cold.”

“Not like you care.”

“Come one, don’t say that. You know I care.”

You stopped and turned on your heel, causing him to almost run into you.

“It doesn’t really feel like it right now Yoongi.”

“I’m sorry I forgot about our dinner plans,” You scoffed, turning to continue walking. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care and it definitely doesn’t mean I’m just gonna let you wander around in the rain and get sick!”

“You wouldn’t even know I was out in the rain if I hadn’t come to your studio.”

He reached out, hand enclosing gently around your wrist and tugged you back into him. 

“You’re absolutely right. Because I would’ve assumed my beautiful girlfriend was safely in our home curled up on our couch or in our bed, all cozy and perfect because you love rain but hate going out in it. But now that I do know you’re out in it, I’m not gonna just let you get yourself sick.”

You didn’t know how to respond, eyes flitting between his hand and his eyes, which were so soft and earnest, your lip stuck between your teeth. Sighing, you finally felt your body begin to relax.

“I’m still mad at you.”

“And you have every right to be.”

You nodded, reaching a hand up to clasp around his, “Do you have an umbrella?”

He blanched. All color draining from his face before he flushed bright red. “No…”

You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you, grinning as you pulled him in closer for a kiss.

His hands quickly found their home around your waist, pulling you closer to him. And you relished in the warmth of his body against yours, at war with the cold rain hitting the rest of your exposed skin and seeping into your clothes. You brushed some wet clumps of hair out of his eyes after pulling away.

“Take me home, Yoongs.”

You stared blankly out the car window as you watched lights from buildings pass by, the air thick with tension but you had no interest in being the one to break the silence. Yoongi’s knuckles were almost white from how tightly he was gripping the steering wheel.

You felt his eyes on you for a moment before you heard his tongue click against the top of his mouth in a tsk.

“Are you gonna say anything?”

You spared him a glance before locking your eyes back on the window.

“Got nothing to say.”

“You and I both know that’s a lie, Y/n.”

“We’re both upset and talking right now will just lead to more arguing.”

“Then let’s argue, Y/n. We’re in a relationship, people in relationships argue. I’d rather have a million arguments with you than have you feel like you can’t talk to me.”

You scoffed a laugh, finally dragging your eyes away from the window. 

“I don’t want to argue, Yoongi. I’m so tired of arguing. I just want to be able to enjoy time with my boyfriend without wondering if there’s going to be something that sets one or both of us off.”

“I’m leaving.”

“What?” His voice was so soft, almost non existent despite the silence of your shared apartment. The place you’d called home for so long.

“I love you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. I just can’t do this anymore, Yoongi.”

Y/n watched as he bit at his lip nervously, brown eyes shiny with tears. He closed them, looking up at the ceiling and taking a deep breath.

When he looked at you again, you felt all the air rip out of your lungs.

“I love you too, Y/n.”

He pulled you closer, kissing you with as much emotion as he could put into it. You looped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him flush against you. You ran your fingers through his soft hair and kissed him until your body was protesting.

“I will always love you.”

When you pulled away, you touched your forehead to his, refusing to open your eyes and see the turmoil in his.

“Goodbye, Yoongi.”

Taking a deep breath, you pulled yourself out of his arms, ignored his voice calling your name, and walked away.

“But he doesn’t know me. He can’t tell when I’m faking a smile. He doesn’t really get my jokes. He doesn’t break my heart.”

“That one doesn’t sound like a bad thing, Y/n.”

“It is though! He doesn’t break my heart because I don’t really feel anything at all. He’s just, fine. He’s quite possibly the kindest, most generous man I’ve ever met. I literally could not ask for a better guy. But he’s not,”

“Yoongi.”

You nodded, shoulders slumped as you admitted to your best friend the thing you’d been struggling to admit to yourself for so long.

“I feel like I’m just stringing him along and wasting his time all because I can’t get over the man that I couldn’t make it through a week without fighting with. I miss him, Lia. I miss how batshit crazy he made me feel, I miss the screaming and fighting and making up, I miss him. I miss the way I loved him. And I don’t even know where he is or what he’s up to. I’m dating the world’s most considerate man, and I feel nothing because I just keep comparing him to Yoongi. And despite the hell he put me through, Yoongi always wins.”

Lia’s eyes were filled with pity, which would drive you crazy in any other situation, but you needed someone to be sympathizing at that moment.

“What if I could tell you where he was?”

Your head shot up at your friends words.

Lia shrugged. “I kept in touch. He was my friend too, y’know?”

Uncertain on if you wanted to cry or squeeze your friend out of joy, you just nodded.

With a raised brow, Lia’s lips quirked into a crooked smile as she pulled out her phone.

It rang a few times before he answered, you held your breath as Lia chatted with him for a moment.

Before you could decide to back out, have her hang up, realize quite how bad of an idea this probably was, especially with Chris waiting on you to text him, Lia turned her phone to you and painfully familiar eyes locked on yours.

You were torn between wanting to reach over and end the call, or curl up and talk for hours, basking in his addictive attention

He looked good. His hair was a little longer than he used to keep it, messy from where he’d probably been running his hands through it while working on a song. You wanted to reach out and smooth it down.

“Y/n.” His voice sounded stuck in his throat. Like he couldn’t fully believe he was saying your name to your face. And you were drawn in, throwing caution and sense to the wind.

“Hi, Yoongi.”

a/n: in my mind, there is no cheating, they just chatted some that night, Y/n called Chan the next day and they sat down together and she told him everything and they very maturely agreed it wasn't going to last much longer anyways and Chan encouraged her to get her mans. I do have somewhat of a sequel in mind if anyone would want that but I also think this is a perfect little short fic in its own right lol.

thanks for reading and as always let me know what you thinks!

[maknaeswrld]

I GOT TICKETS GUYS I GOT TICKETS IM GONNA SEE THE KIDS IN ATLANTA IM SHAKING IM SO EXCITED

[noosayog]

me cranking 6k words in record time at 2am: wow this is the best thing i've ever written

me proofreading at 10am the next day: wow this is the worst thing i've ever written