Maladaptive Dreamer Safe Space

welcome home. // if you're looking for answers or advice, search "daydreaming help."

[maladaptive-dreamer]

An Important Update

Today marks the anniversary of this blog. Honestly, I can’t remember if this blog is three or four years old...either way, this space, and the community I’ve built around it, has been years in the making. I’ve watched the online maladaptive community grow from a few blogs here and there to an international group of people, both on and offline, who know about or have the condition.

That’s why it’s going to be so hard to write this.

For years, I have shared my personal struggles with this site and helped you with your own. However, as some long-time followers might remember, in early 2020, I realized I had, over the course of many months, stopped struggling with maladaptive daydreaming. I was in a much better place in my life: I moved to a new home a thousand miles away, found myself involved with several amazing groups, built a supportive group of friends, and started practicing spirituality. Most importantly, I routinely attended therapy and started taking medication.

The change to my blog as a result of all of this might be noticeable. I’ve been posting fewer memes and personal reflections, and for a while, the only activity on this blog has been me answering asks. While I love helping all of you, after a while, the questions get repetitive and I don’t have new advice to give. (For those of you who don’t know, I have gathered together all of my advice into a hashtag on my profile: “#daydreaming help.” Go there if you want answers to your questions.)

Again, I never mind helping people. It brings me joy to walk people through such a scary and difficult part of their lives. However, I know that the longer I am relatively MaDD-free, the less helpful I’m going to be.

I emotionally detatched from this community months ago, as much as that pains me to admit, and I think it’s time that I formally leave it as well. Like I said, this blog was years in the making, and I’ve had so much fun forming connections and making friendships during my time on this site.

(Tumblr itself, I will admit, has a bit to do with this decision. It’s simply not a social media service that makes me happy anymore. People are constantly attacking each other in bitter, vitriolic ways. There’s no room for intelligent or fair discussion. Not to mention that, at my lowest points, I turned to several communities on here that pushed me to the edge in various ways. I don’t think it’s smart for me, since I’m mentally the healthiest I’ve ever been, to stay here when I know how and where to find triggering content.)

But I don’t believe I have anything left to offer the maladaptive daydreaming community. As of today, this blog will no longer be active.

I want to end this by making a few things crystal clear: maladaptive daydreaming is real. It’s terrible. And it’s going to ebb and flow throughout my consciousness for the rest of my life. I don’t know how to solve your MaDD because I’ve just recently started to understand the complex intertwining of factors that made it possible for me to get better. But please, don’t let anyone convince you that it can’t get better, and don’t let anyone make you think your struggles aren’t real. It sucks, I know, but improvement is possible. You just have to find what works for you. I truly wish you all the best in your personal journeys.

I’m going to be turning off asks and messages. I hope you all understand and thank you again for some amazing years.

[maladaptive-dreamer]

Hi there! I’m going to cut to the chase here and say that I’m obsessed with my daydreams, and I feel like it’s starting to get uncomfortable. I mostly daydream to music, and listen to music all the time in general, and this can obviously be a distraction from real world activities I need to focus on, and I’m worried that all this music blasting will mess with my hearing in the future. Also, something that frequently happens in my daydreams is feeling like I’m presenting myself, or even the stories of the daydreams themselves, to an audience in my head, and this can make me uncomfortable because it makes me feel like I’m pretending or performing inside my own head. I tend to slip into this really easily, and while it used to be more extreme, I would like to cut back on it even more. Do you have any advice? Thanks for reading this and I hope you have a good day!

I would reccomend checking the tag on my blog, #daydreaming help. It sounds like you're experiencing some pretty common problems and I've shared a lot of useful tips and tricks in there! I just don't want to leave out any recs if I happen to forget them but they're hidden in that tag.

[maladaptive-dreamer]

I feel like everything tiggers it. I join a different fandom every other week and spend quality time with it to add more content to my dreaming. Whether it’s a book, a band, song, movie, celebrity and read more fanfic about it. I get so attached to 30 different things every two months to have daydreaming content. I zone out of class to watch/read more content. I’ve been neglecting myself, people, and schoolwork. Also I keep mouthing and jumping around (which I do in front of ppl sometimes). Help

I would try to limit your screen time -- maybe take a break from social media so you're not fueled by the fandom, or even go so far as to temporarily block your favorite celebrities on social media so you're not constantly checking their socials to find new daydreaming material. It's tricky to limit your triggers, but I always suggest doing what needs to be done, even if it feels harsh!

And, as always, make sure to work on your overall mental health instead of focusing on MaDD as its own, independent thing. Feel free to search the #daydreaming help tag on my blog for more tips, tricks, and advice!

[maladaptive-dreamer]

hi, a lot of the time i choose to daydream but a lot of the time i feel like i have to. i'm daydreaming almost constantly for hours straight. i've read about madd and it's deeply resonating with me. is it bad to self-diagnose?

No! In fact, the only way to get a diagnosis is to self-diagnose. MaDD isn't a recognized mental disorder at the moment, so just do the best you can with the information you have. Let me know if you need any help.

[maladaptive-dreamer]

Thank you for your help! I'm a practicing witch, so I try to meditate often, but I usually end up getting distracted or daydreaming. I'll try to improve, and I'll try to work on my overall mental health. I don't really have anybody to talk to, so I really appreciate this :)

- 🪐

You've got an entire community of people here willing to support you who understand what you're going through. Getting distracted while meditating is something I still have to work on myself, but it will be so worth it in the end!

[maladaptive-dreamer]

Same anon from before, I'm gonna start labelling my asks with 🪐, assuming it appears on your phone. Lmk if not. It's not that my daydreams don't cause problems for me in my real life, it's just that I don't really care enough to bother? I'd much rather daydream, even if the scenarios are more upsetting/traumatic than real life, because somehow it's still better. Like I said, it's pretty much my only source of happiness, other than my friends. I don't know what I'd do without it and I'm scared to even consider it.

(Side note, that emoji appears on my phone and my computer! You can use it!)

I totally understand this. Maladaptive daydreaming is, after all, a coping mechanism. Our brains develop it for a reason. If you don't feel you are in a good enough space right now to treat your maladaptive daydreaming or your overall mental health, then I would honestly suggest to just hunker down and weather out the storm.

I think, though, that it could be good for you to focus on bettering your overall mental health. That way, your daydreams won't be maladaptive but will instead just be immersive! It's like the best of both worlds.

Again, though, sometimes you'll find yourself in a rough spot where all you can do is stay in place and survive. Do what you need to do -- you're a better judge of your current situation than I could ever be.

[maladaptive-dreamer]

I'm scared. My dreaming and the amount of time I'm wasting while doing it is negatively affecting me both mentally and physically because the repetitive movement I have to do to dream hurts my back. I have the usual triggers (books, movies ect.), dreaming of idealized versions of myself. I'm ashamed of telling anyone, and if I got a therapist my parents would find out. Do you know of anyone who has managed to stop on their own? I've been trying so hard and its not working, I just want to stop.

I was able to curb my daydreaming but it was through the process of therapy and also my own personal mental health development. My biggest piece of advice is to really focus on your overall mental health. Practice the healthiest habits you can! Take up meditation, try some breath work, gather some coping mechanisms. If you take care of you entire mind, the specifics of your daydreaming issue will get better as well.

[maladaptive-dreamer]

Is it okay if I don't want to stop? Or if I genuinely enjoy this? A lot of people don't but other than my friends, daydreaming is my primary source of happiness. I don't know what I'd do without it. I'm improving enough to get my work done, or trying to at least, but I still want to be able to daydream as much as possible when I'm not with friends or don't need to be working

A common misconception is that getting better from MaDD means no more daydreaming. That’s absolutely not the case! Instead, the goal should be to get rid of daydreaming’s negative influence on your life.

Once you’ve done that, you’ll be an immersive daydreamer rather than a maladaptive one. You’ll be able to daydream just as often and just as vividly, but it won’t consume you the way maladaptive daydreams were. Remember, it’s totally normal to daydream, but the goal is to do it in a controlled, healthy way.

[maladaptive-dreamer]

Thank you so much for creating this space!

Thank you so much for supporting me in doing so! :)

[maladaptive-dreamer]

I probably have Maladaptive daydreaming and it just distracts me. As much as i love my dreams, my feet hurt and i cannot make my studies anymore right... I have it since i can think and it hurts me because idk what to do.. do you have tips how to deal with it?? thank you for this safe space btw.

I would suggest really exploring the online community surrounding MaDD and also exploring the “#daydreaming help” tag on my blog. There should be lots of helpful tips there! Just know that you are not alone and that a lot of other people are struggling with this as well. You can get better!

[maladaptive-dreamer]

Hi! I daydream mostly about people I know in real life, usually my crushes, and the setting and people I associate with those crushes. This causes my brain to conflate the real life version with the imaginary version of someone and I start treating them differently, sometimes even subconsciously behaving as though my crush is my boyfriend. This has caused a lot of awkwardness. How do I deal with it? Is there any way to stop? Because it feels like literally every second of my life is spent daydreaming.

It’s important to know that you are not alone in doing this! Lots of people use real-life people in their maladaptive daydreams and it can cause a lot of discomfort and awkwardness. If you focus on treating your maladaptive daydreaming in general, this problem will probably get a lot better. It might also help to try to incorporate more fictional characters into your daydreams -- are there any pieces of media that you’re a big fan of, that you could take characters from?

As always, I recommend trying to take care of your overarching mental health first. This will help every aspect of your life, including maladaptive daydreaming! For more information, insights, and helpful tips, you can explore the #daydreaming help tag here on my blog :)

[maladaptive-dreamer]

hey!!! quick q. what's ID?

Immersive daydreaming :)

[maladaptive-dreamer]

i hate being a madd;(

its ok to have it ? i mean, should i just hate myself for it?

NO, you shouldn’t hate yourself for it!! So many people struggle with it -- good, kind people who just drew the short straw in life, so to speak. It is terrible, yes, and this disorder can ruin people’s lives, but that does not make the people with those disorders bad people.

It’s okay to feel frustrated at having this disorder. I’m pretty sure we all struggle with those feelings. What’s important is to remember that this excessive daydreaming does not define you as a person.

Anyone who feels guilty for having MaDD, or feels like they’re broken in some way, I really want you to read this message and internalize it: YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING WORTHY OF LOVE, HAPPINESS, AND KINDNESS. You deserve to get better. You deserve to regain control of your life. Being addicted to your daydreams does NOT make you a bad person, nor does it make your life meaningless. You have a rich creativity and your mind is using it to defend you, albeit in a less-than-helpful way.

You can recover. You can get better. There’s a huge community willing to support you and stand beside you throughout your mental health journey. My inbox is always open.

[maladaptive-dreamer]

hey ♡

i really need help. i wish i could stop pacing around. i always do this when im daydreaming.

do you have any advices?

also... do you have any advices to stop daydreaming too much? im doing this all the time and ive been losing all my time and my day:(

sorry if thats too much. my english sucks im brazilian ^^

(Your English is great, you don’t need to feel self-conscious about it at all!!)

I always suggest that you take care of your mental health overall. This will help you with daydreaming. If you have access to any sort of mental health provider (like a therapist) please utilize it!! If you are doing better mentally, you will probably daydream less.

I don’t pace very often while daydreaming so I’m not the best person to give advice on this, but I would suggest buying a fidget toy or finding something that is sort of mindless to do with your hands. That way, you have some repetitive movement to focus on that isn’t pacing and could even be done in public. I know this helps me, but again, I don’t often pace. (If any of my followers have advice, please let us know!!)

You can explore the “#daydreaming help” tag on my blog to get tips, tricks, and advice for dealing with MaDD. If you have any other questions, though, please feel free to reach back out.

[maladaptive-dreamer]

Sometimes it;s really confusing because sometime I think I experience both ID and MaDD. and I mean like I can control it, it's just sometimes I forget that it's all in my head, and that I making it up. And sometimes I'm okay with that, like it doesn't bother me since it's something that plays in the back of my head. But sometimes I use it to escape, and feel better. It's confusing. I wonder if I even have ID or MaDD, and I feel bad for saying I do. You know? But I'm fine right now, don't worry.

I totally get that that can be confusing, and I think in times like these it’s important to remember that MaDD and ID exist on a spectrum. You can have MaDD and have good days where it doesn’t affect your life at all. Or you can have ID and have bad mental health days where you use your daydreams to escape when you really shouldn’t. I would say, if you can, keep a written log of your experiences daydreaming, such as how long you daydream or how many other things get pushed to the sidelines/neglected because of it. This might give you a better idea of just how much MaDD is affecting your life!

[maladaptive-dreamer]

is there any important terminology one should know when discussing/looking into MaDD?

Here’s a very basic rundown of a lot of terms you’ll encounter during your research:

Para: the original character you daydream about. Paras get their own term because of how lifelike they seem to the people who created them -- calling them a character doesn’t do them justice.

Paracosm: the imaginary world (either totally made up or based on real-life places) that your para(s) inhabit(s)

Pacing: the act of repetitively walking back and forth as a sort of stim. Most people do this while they can daydream and can pace back and forth for hours while lost in a daydream. If someone is pacing, it usually means they are deeper in a daydream than they would be otherwise.

MaDD/MDD: some people use these acronyms interchangeably, but MDD stands for Major Depressive Disorder, so don’t use that one for MaDD. If you are searching outside of Tumblr, spell out “maladaptive daydreaming” or else you will only get results related to “mothers against drunk driving.”

Really, we don’t have a ton of weird terms. Those should get you started!

[maladaptive-dreamer]

First of all thankyou for creating this space! So I wanted to tell that I am doing this daydreaming for like a long time.First it was the story of a boy and a girl madly in love with each other. Then it became the story of mother and daughter for a short time and now it is the story of two girlfriends who love each other a looooooot like madly in love. (One of them has powers other is a sexy strong commander) they support each other and are surrounded by supportive friends,thy accept each other's flaws. Usually one of them gets in trouble and we get to see the other caring for that person. I watch it in third person. I mean what is this??!! Am I gay or sth. Why are these in my daydreams????

This could be hinting that you are gay or some variation of it, yes, but not necessarily. I daydream about all sorts of couples even though I myself am aromantic bisexual! You don’t have to be gay to have daydreams with gay paras (characters) but daydreams are a good way to understand yourself more and sort of unlock those hidden or ignored parts of yourself. I would suggest really doing some soul-searching outside of your daydreaming to see if you maybe do identify with the LGBTQ+ community. In the meantime, though, daydream without stress -- lots of people daydream about couples whose situation is different from that which they would want in real life :)

Thanks for reaching out -- I know this might be a stressful situation -- and I hope this was at least a little bit helpful!