My Painful Thoughts

Random Ramblings and stuff I may find cool. Warning May be emo at times, but will always be direct and honest even if I am asked questions.... I'm a 33 year old bearded man from NY state going through a bunch of medical issues. Feel free to ask me anything else you'd like to know. Call me Jim. online

[maladesofmee]

Adoseofnice is coming back and I need volunteers on that blog. please share this post if you can so I can bring back the nice.

A Dose of Nice

A Dose of Nice is back and better than ever! {More Coming Soon}

[maladesofmee]

in The E.R. and thinking. I know my self worth is dogshit because I want to see my friends all thrive and be happy, and I know that they deserve better. With me on the other hand I hope for many and deserve nothing in my head. I look for love but in NEARLY all cases they either don't want to get to know me for that because of me and my damage, or they would never date me now because they know me.

I know posting this isn't going to help matters, but if I can't get it out of my head and try to change things then I can't complain for being static. Even if I am forever alone like most of Tumblr claims to be, I just need to try to keep pushing. I have attempted self exits twice in my life and I'm trying to not go there again.

The downside of growing up fat (yes not thick, fluffy, big, etc. I am and was fat since birth.) Do I think I will find someone to be in love with me for who I am? Probably not, but would love to cuddle and give my heart to that person. The entire year of 2023 has been a fucking devastation to my life and mental health between some situations with my bff (caused by me being broken and impulsive) plus losing my mother in Aug and one of my closest friends almost a month to the day later. Not mention mental and physical health trauma. I begin phone therapy next Monday every weekday between 2 shrinks. Both a ptsd specialist I've been with 22 years and a general therapist. I'm very broken and trying to fix myself. Not only for just myself but for the ones I love, and if anyone has low enough standards for me.

Sorry if this barely makes sense but I'm hour 9 of sitting in the e.r. and I'm on IV Dilaudid. Thanks you for reading my brain droppings.

[maladesofmee]

I wish people would stop dying in my life. Fuck I'm almost done.

[maladesofmee]

My Best Friend is an amazing, brave, intelligent, sweet, caring, kind, empathetic af, and my favorite human. I literally wouldn't be here without her and this website is how we met over a decade ago. Just wanted to let everyone know how awesome Dahuntress is and how lucky I am that she puts up with me.

She's Flowers & Fires

— Alex(andra) — Artist • Gamer • Foodie She/Her • 30 • Georgia • indefinite semi-hiatus •

[nyctosaurid]

i may be an ugly and unlovable bastard in human terms but in gargoyle terms? lets just say i’d be at the top of the cathedral 

[nyctosaurid]

hey i’m loosing my  mind over this lad

[bipolarkyloren-deactivated20170]

please respect people who are mentally ill and disabled who cannot work. please respect people who look like they’re just relaxing all day when really they’re waging an internal war just to stay alive or fight their pain. please respect people who could not finish school, people who had big plans and could not see them through because of disability. people who look from the outside like they’ve “given up” or “aren’t doing anything.” people who are hospitalized repeatedly or permanently, and people who are grown adults who are still dependent on others. please respect disabled and mentally ill people. 

this is not a polite suggestion, by the way. it’s an angry demand. we are people, and we deserve the same respect as anyone else.

[maladesofmee]

Sleepy ginger beard can't sleep.... #ginger #beard #ny https://www.instagram.com/p/CD3Ysr-Dg53JqY3EkzKmYfZzB2h3muXz2Smcbw0/?igshid=pxgo8n5xue0s

[bananas-andstuff]

Support Stewart Semple and his quest to keep color in the public domain

[thatdisasterauthor]

New feud! New feud! New Feud!

[scretladyspider]

I am HERE for this

[maladesofmee]

[maladesofmee]

Since everyone is doing first photo/current photo, here is me. https://www.instagram.com/p/BskS7JdhHssW63m4ncTVfTkLsDsQM2jRojUDBo0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9t0r4292fhfr

[maladesofmee]

Face https://www.instagram.com/p/BqqB_vFBhlRUKzrE87cHh8C28ISUG8qrPS-lzI0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ixxbb8orpwfs

[maladesofmee]

Just because. https://www.instagram.com/p/Bppj02SBFwr-btJxSeW_IgbDCfP6cwFA8EafWA0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1sus9yxnk1mw4

[maladesofmee]

[ampervadasz]

[skypig357]

Get your ass on the dance floor

[runwithskizzers]

this is already on my blog like five times and i honestly don’t even care

[kenas00]

This has given me joy I never knew was possible.

[maladesofmee]

So I have been in ORMC since yesterday. The spot where my loop recorder was removed 5 weeks ago still hasn't healed (thanks diabetes) and became infected. Will be here until probably tomorrow or Friday. Just wanted to fill everyone in. https://www.instagram.com/p/BnpLtanFiOXdZg4ltejn-nNt9dhYA9JGmd7w1I0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=uo4h3o6jbicn

[maladesofmee]

Since it is #worldbeardday I figured I would share a picture of mine currently. So here is to all the #pogonophiles https://www.instagram.com/p/BnMCkmAAbHslLhEK1MKQoOkg1N2pGCe6cC8GIE0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=k9nx8064f3z5

[maladesofmee]

Moment when one of your favorite actors starts to work with your favorite internet production company.