one of the hardest parts about the disconnect that happened between the pair of them was the fact that dustin could see both sides so clearly. he could understand why malakai would be upset, why he’d feel left behind, why he’d envy dustin and his ability to get out of the slump malakai was seemingly still in. dustin had felt malakai’s pain before; he had seen people who struggled pull themselves out of that strife when dustin was far from making the same change, and it was one of the most difficult things to go through. seeing something so desirable be obtainable for someone else but seemingly not for him, it hurt. it hurt bad. it was really difficult for dustin to know that he played a part in inflicting that pain on his friend, but while he could see malakai’s point of view as clearly as someone who wasn’t malakai could, he of course first and foremost saw his own situation clearly. he couldn’t let himself continue to suffer just because his friend wasn’t ready for his own development to happen alongside of him. that wouldn’t have been right, and while neither option was perfect, dustin knew that making changes had been the right one for him.
while dustin had pulled the metaphorical plug and gotten himself out of his bad situation, he never planned on leaving malakai behind. malakai’s friendship meant so much to him, and he couldn’t deny that their life experiences had bonded them for life - at least, that’s how dustin felt about it. there wasn’t much he could do in order to assist the man, knowing that those who weren’t ready to receive help would never react healthily to a large or ruthless attempt at being given help, but regardless, dustin had been there for malakai as much as the situation allowed. even if dustin couldn’t actively do anything, from the very beginning he had been ready to be patient with malakai. he hoped that the other man would catch up to him, he hoped that one day he could find himself in a better situation, too, but he would wait for as long as he needed to in order for that to happen.
“hey, there’s no need for it.” dustin told him gently as he apologised. while the gesture and the word was appreciated, it was unnecessary. malakai’s feelings and his actions were hardly his fault, not these ones, not in the way they manifested. instead, it was a result of his situation, a result of circumstances, and dustin - having been in a similar situation - could understand that personally. the mood shifted drastically as malakai began saying more, as he began speaking so vulnerably, and dustin was sure to listen to every single word as closely as possible. “i can understand that, kai.” he nodded his head, trying to make his friend felt heard and understood. “you’re allowed to be serious.” he reassured him. dustin was eager to reach his apartment, eager to be able to look away from the road and to malakai instead so that he could address what was being said properly, and he was glad that they were almost there already - understandably, as shrike heights wasn’t a very big place. “no matter how much changes, kai, i’m always going to be here. everyone changes, they do, but not everything. i’m still here.”
in retrospect, it was difficult to believe. everything felt like a change. the situations, the people, both dustin and himself. and kai couldn’t fucking stand it. not one thing in his life seemed to have an ounce of stability. in fact, dustin had been in his life longer than his sister had at this point. unfortunately, their relationship was more turbulent with no one to thank but himself. it was sickening. dizzying. the blonde wished he didn’t cook up any energy to give a fuck. but admittedly so, even he cared at times. dustin, at least, was very much so an exception. more than he’d ever like to admit.
maybe it was the comfort of his presence or the smoothness of dustin’s voice, but there was always just something that seemed to settle the nerves within kai. if anyone could talk the irate, curly-haired blonde, it was dustin. so he did his best to listen too. take every word in. and take it to heart. sometimes he needed to store the words in his brain and pluck them out in times of need. a dreaded sigh left kai’s lips rather than words. maybe he didn’t know what to say or maybe if he did speak, it’d just be something he’d regret. so he quietly nodded and opened back up his novel, fumbling with the bookmark in hand.
