should've been here

malia ricci. twenty two. penned by ash for thelakeshq!

[crowley-anthony]

[maliaricci]

@hvndstied !

[maliaricci]

SAVANNAH:

it’s like time stands still in the moment that she first lays eyes on in malia. it’s the first time in years but this moment has replayed in her head so many times she’s lost count. it’s like she’s seeing her for the first time all over again, and just like that, she’s in high school again and butterflies are fluttering through her chest. it’s been so long that sav thought maybe it still wouldn’t feel that way, but as she moves towards malia, she realizes just how stupid that notion was. they meet in the middle and lithe arms are wrapping around her first love. “ it’s me, ” she whispers into dark hair, a familiar shampoo flooding her senses. “ i’ve missed you so much. ” savannah pulls back only enough to be able to look into warm eyes, moving to tuck a stray curl behind malia’s ear. “ gosh, you’re as beautiful as i remembered. ”

with savannah’s arms around her, the rest of the world falls away. the life that malia had led the past four years felt so far away the second she was in the arms of her first love. she was astounded at the fact that the blonde still managed to make her heart skip at beat, that she still took so much comfort in the perfume that used to find its way permanently into her clothes, mixing in with the scent of her own. it all felt like a dream and malia had to resist the urge to pinch herself. once pulled away slightly, malia couldn’t help but feel herself light up as she stared into savannah’s eyes, something she didn’t know she had missed until she was looking into them again after all this time. she leaned into slightly to savannah’s touch, moving her own hands to cup the blonde’s cheeks, thumbing her skin delicately. “ so are you, “ she whispered back. “ i’m sorry i didn’t reach out. i didn’t expect you to still be here, honestly. “

[maliaricci]

AUGUST:

august hated people asking her why she was back in lake wisteria. since she had mostly hid away whenever she visited for the past four years, most people thought it was her first time back at all. so when she ran into people like malia, she did everything in her power to keep the conversation as far away from lake wisteria and sad returns as she could. “sounds cool. how was the food over there?” she asked. dublin was nowhere near the top of her list of places to go, but anywhere but lake wisteria was high in her books. “oh, so you still dance? that’s pretty cool.” august chuckled humorlessly. “well, lake wisteria is definitely the opposite of too big.”

“ the pub food is pretty decent. the irish really like their beer and chips -- well, french fries. sorry, still reverting back to american terms, i guess, “ malia responded with a chuckle. she wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her palms against her bare skin, trying to keep warm. despite it being the middle of summer, mornings always seemed to have a bite to them this far north. it almost made her miss dublin. “ yeah. i’m teaching a few classes at the studio in town, actually. i’ve missed the small town atmosphere. -- what about you? what have you been up to lately? “

[maliaricci]

CARMEN:

“i bet. i was gone for less than a year and they switched the vegetable section on me, i can’t imagine what it is like for you. what do you miss most about ireland so far?” she asked kindly. malia was nice, carmen could use more nice friends. carmen smiled as the other girl placed a hand on her arm, reassured. but her relief was short lived and she had to do everything in her power to not run away on the spot after she heard victor’s name. instead, carmen retreated to her usual armor––raised chin, unreadable eyes, pursed lips. and yet malia disarmed her again at her chuckle. “wait…” carmen shook her head, the conversation was not going the way she expected at all. “you were engaged? in ireland? is that why you left?” carmen took a deep breath, holding up her hands. “i’m sorry, my mind is going like… so fast right now,” she apologized with a sheepish chuckle. “first of all, thank you. i appreciate it,” carmen said sincerely. she would never unveil the reasoning behind her running to malia, but they sure could bond about everything else. wedding dresses gone to waste, the shame of returning the bridal shower gifts…. “second, do you want to get out of here and talk somewhere more private?” she asked, pointing across the aisle, where two old ladies pretended not to be eavesdropping.  

malia lets out a breathless laugh as she watches the changing expressions on carmen’s face. she’s about to say something in response, take a second to explain herself, when carmen’s words stop her. she looks over her shoulder and lo and behold, there’s two women so obviously stealing glances at the pair. their eyes quickly go back to the shelf behind them when they noticing malia glaring at them. “ yeah, that sounds good, “ she agreed, plucking a random box of allergy medicine from the shelf and leading the way out of the aisle. she checks out and meets carmen by the front door. looping her arm through carmen’s, malia starts down the sidewalk. “ so to answer your questions. yes, i was engaged in ireland. almost two years, i guess? and that is why i’m back here, yeah. i wasn’t happy. and i broke it off. “ she paused for a beat before continuing. “ it’s a long story. but like i said, you’re not alone. “

[maliaricci]

DIANNA:

when her mother passed away, it had been writing to malia that kept her sane. dianna was never good with words, she was all about actions and acts of love. your friend is sad? give them a hug, bake them a cake. so many years pouring her feelings into music had led her to struggle picking the right words when the time came to it. but malia had insisted they stayed pen pals, so words were all they had. dianna wondered if malia could see a difference from her first letters to the more recent ones, if she could see what a change she had elicited from her. dealing with the loss of her mother had only been possible because malia invited her to talk about it, her feelings. the letters had paused for a couple months when she had found out she was pregnant, but dianna had found her way back. and now malia was home, and she could finally melt into her friend’s embrace as she comforted her. the sobs didn’t come as they had the night julian came over, but dianna felt tears fall as she hugged her back. “you’re right,” dianna said, wiping her tears quickly, afraid zac would walk in on them. “we do deserve better. both of us.” dianna smiled warmly, running her hand over malia’s hair. “thank you, mal.” she took a deep breath before smiling and taking a bite of her apple pie. “do you want to talk about you?”

to be able to stand here, hugging dianna, it all felt like a dream to malia. it felt like years of being so far away from each other were tucked into the hug with them and malia didn’t want to let go. the letters that her and dianna had shared throughout the years, especially in recent times, had meant so much to malia. she cherished them, organized by years and wrapped up in bows, tucked away in a shoe box under her bed for safe keeping. the letters had been her beacon of hope in the darkest days of her former relationship. she was so grateful for the kind words that dianna always seemed to pen onto the pages. so much so, that they were sometimes all she needed to get through her worst days. and maybe the thought of being so close to her best friend again was something that had made leaving ireland and moving back to lake wisteria so much easier for malia. “ you got it, di, “ she whispered back, letting go of dianna so that they could each go back to their pies. malia scrunched up her nose, recounting the past few months in her mind before she felt ready enough to go through them out loud. “ well, i guess i haven’t really written you since december, and i guess i owe you an explanation for it. “ she took a deep breath, setting her fork down on the table. “ i had known something was off with thomas for a while, i guess, so it was only a matter of time -- like i explained in my letters. he didn’t ... he didn’t show up for my birthday because he was with another girl. and i just recently found out who it was and she’s here. in lake wisteria. i don’t know whether i should hate her for what she did ... or thank her for giving me a reason to leave. “

[maliaricci]

CARMEN:

carmen looked up in hopes that the person she had just bumped into was a stranger and she could simply just walk away. but that was wishful thinking on such a small town. at least, it was a friendly face. “oh, hi malia,” she said, returning the hug with one arm as the other held the grocery basket. carmen and malia had never been close friends in high school, but at least carmen’s friends had never chosen her as a target, which means they were in good terms. in all truth, she had always thought malia was kind of sweet and admired her for her hard work at school. “it has, hasn’t it?” she said with a nod. “how are you? i was kind of worried the other day on the groupchat when you said you’ve been meaning to reach out to me.” carmen had been struggling to find a reason why malia would ever want anything from her. what could she possibly have to offer?

the breathless laugh came easily from malia’s lips as she offered a warm smile to carmen. in high school, their circles never really coincided as malia didn’t really fit into the popular crowd, but she knew enough about carmen to know she was one of the good ones. “ i’m okay. being back is kinda’ a whirlwind for me, after so many years, “ she replied, chuckling softly at the fact that she was just agonizing over the right brand of medicine to get for her allergies. she quickly rested a hand on carmen’s arm, a habit she had picked up from her friends in ireland. “ oh, no, i’m sorry to have worried you! i just, um -- i heard about what happened. with you and victor. and believe it or not, you’re not the only runaway bride in this town. “ malia felt a force chuckle leave her throat and she quickly retracted her hand, moving it to pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “ though, i guess i never even made it to the actual wedding ... but anyway. if you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to, i got you. “

[heavensghost]

[maliaricci]

DIANNA:

dianna nodded, letting malia enjoy her apple pie as she poured out her thoughts. it was only fair. and she knew they would have plenty of time to talk about malia. truth be told, dianna was over the moon about finally getting to physically be there for her friend. letters were great, but hugs were just better. dianna bit back the urge to ask what ezra had been like in high school and just took a sip of wine. “after zac’s father… i’d only ever been with levi. but that was different, we both knew it was casual. it was good, painless. but with ezra… i really did think, for the first time in five years, about falling in love with someone.” dianna looked up at malia, swallowing. “i thought he was flirting with me too. but he was sleeping with someone else so maybe i read that wrong. but then we got into a fight through text and i asked him one thing, just one, so we could be friends. i asked if he could stand up for me whenever i was being treated unfairly by his girlfriend, and he just didn’t answer. he just sent me an automated message cancelling a tattoo appointment i had with him.” dianna pursed her lips. “i’m so tired, mal. i’m so tired of being used by men, wanted around as long as i’m fun and flirty and sexy, but they just leave when i ask for anything in return. i’m sick of it.”

malia chewed on bits of apple pie silently as she listened to dianna talk. there was so much of her friend’s life that she knew, all of the heartbreak and the hook-ups, but those had always just been words on a page. she couldn’t exactly picture the emotions that were clouding dianna’s face as she was writing the letters to send across the pond -- all she had were words. but now, she could see the emotion, the evident hurt that crossed dianna’s face as she talked about recent events with ezra and just as the blonde finished speaking, malia was setting down her fork and rushing to throw her arms around her friend. she holds her for a long time, rubbing her back as she does, before she speaks. “ i’m so sorry, dianna, “ she started, pulling back from the hug to look into her friend’s eyes. “ you have every right to be pissed, you know. that’s extremely shitty what he did and you deserve more than that. you deserve more than someone so ... so ... so shitty. -- we both do. “ she paused, taking a deep and shaky breath before continuing. “ say the word and i’ll call him out, okay? i got your back. “

[maliaricci]

AUGUST:

“right, you were in ireland right? dublin?” august asked malia, making sure to leave the jealousy out of her voice. malia had seen the world, something august had always wanted to do. she returned the hug awkwardly, she had never been a hugger. “that sounds very, uhm, zen. i could never get into yoga, i did a couple free classes in college but my thoughts are too loud for yoga,” she shrugged. “just taking a walk, i like lake wisteria better when there’s less people awake. present company excluded, of course. i didn’t know you were back.”

“ yeah, dublin. at trinity there. “ malia could tell she was being short with her words, but it wasn’t intentional, wasn’t malicious in a sense. but she had a nagging feeling that the more people asked about ireland, the more people would start to ask about her engagement, about why she was back in the states, why she wasn’t still there. “ i get that, “ she said with a nod. “ it helps my balance with dancing, that’s why i do it. but it’s not something a lot of people can pull themselves into. “ she offered august a half-hearted smile as she spoke. “ yeah, i got back a little bit ago. ireland just ... it felt too big, i guess. “

[maliaricci]

AMBROSE:

life worked in mysterious ways, so damn mysterious that sometimes ambrose doesn’t understand how things still happen. distance had brought them closer than when they were in school, a few interactions on social media on his last year of college between them eventually led to taking a flight to europe just to see her and though it was almost short-lived, ambrose sometimes held onto those days for dear life simply because neither of them had ever worried about hurting each other or about not being enough. that visit to dublin, fillied with laughter, soft whispers in bed and conversations that he still can barely remember after so many bottles of beers; it’s like time had almost stopped for him. perhaps that’s why when it was time to say goodbye, instead of coming back home, ambrose switched his direction to paris, joining a friend’s band in what would become an almost two-year-long tour of the world for ambrose. it’s destiny that puts them in the same place again; this time it’s home though, where everyone knows them, where ambrose feels nervous just about every single step that he takes even if he hides it. but as he parks his pink jeep gladiator at her new place, ambrose is giddy. so giddy he almost forgets the six pack of blue moon in the backseat of his truck and he has to walk back to get it before he rings the doorbell. there’s a smile at the sight of her alone and he immediately leans in to hug her tightly, a kiss placed on her cheek. “dude, i can’t believe you’re really here. it’s so good to see you.”

there was no specific word that malia could use to describe her relationship with ambrose. fleeting, maybe? incredibly short-lived, but it had meant so much to malia at the time, a breath of fresh air in her complicated relationship with thomas. she had never imagined herself as someone who would cheat on her significant other and she would admit that it was something she regretted, but not in the way that most people would think. she regretted not breaking things off with thomas sooner, not choosing real happiness over something that felt familiar, something that terrified her to leave. sometimes she wonders about what might’ve happened if she’d ever asked ambrose to say in dublin with her, if she had peered her green eyes into his and whispered stay as they hid under covers from the rising irish sun. but now she was standing in front of him again, grin spreading across her own features to match ambrose’s, and she’s grateful that somehow the universe had brought them back to each other. maybe her world hadn’t completely fallen apart. she leaned into the hug, feeling a blush rise to her cheeks. “ it’s really good to see you, too, “ she offers in return, pulling away and moving out of the doorway so that ambrose can come inside. she closes the door and leads him towards the living room, where a bright yellow couch sits in front of a somewhat small television. “ i’ve missed you, “ she offers, sitting down and patting the spot on the couch next to her. “ not to sound creepy, but i’ve been keeping up with you on instagram. you have to tell me all about this tour you went on. “

[anna-kendrick]

Victoria Pedretti as Dani Clayton → THE HAUNTING OF BLY MANOR: The Great Good Place

[maliaricci]

DIANNA:

zac giggled, happy about his new friend, and scurried off to play with his toys somewhere in the house. dianna grinned at malia, leaning into her as she guided her to the kitch so they could pour their wine and cut themselves big slices of apple pie. they deserved them. “i will,” dianna said with a smile, only letting go of her when it was time to open the wine bottle. “and you need to catch me up too.” dianna ran a hand through her hair before turning around to grab the wine glasses she had already set apart for them. “basically what you missed since i broke things off with levi is that i haven’t been with anyone else. but i started flirting with ezra and after a couple days that came to a screeching stop, so i left the groupchat to avoid reading his name,” she said with a shrug.

as dianna moved to cut slices of the pie, malia leaned her elbows on the kitchen counter. there was so many things that she needed to tell dianna after her last letter, where she attempted to recount the events of her birthday party and her discovery of where thomas had really been that night. “ you first, “ she mused, taking one of the slices of pie and digging in right away. she listened intently as dianna spoke, moving to take the glasses from her friend and fill them with the wine that she’d brought. “ ezra? jesus, he’s back in town too? i haven’t heard that name since high school, “ she said, pushing the one glass towards dianna and taking the other for herself. “ okay, leaving the group chat to avoid reading his name seems like a bit of a stretch if things didn’t work out, so something else had to have happened. what did he do? “

[maliaricci]

CARMEN:

ˏˋ open starter ˎˊ

carmen didn’t roll her eyes in front of her parents but she did as soon as she walked out of her house to buy the groceries they asked for. with her trusted grocery list scribbled in her palm, she threw the desired items in the basket along with some of her favorite snacks. finally she made it to the medicine aisle. like vick’s vaporub will cure heart disease, she thought to herself, but she threw it in the basket too. she was not about to question her puerto rican mother. she checked her list, trying to ignore the whispers behind her. she expected nothing different, but she had hoped lake wisteria to give her at least 24 hours to settle back in before bringing up her almost wedding. she turned around abruptly, realizing she had forgotten the cereal and bumped into someone else. “oh, damn, sorry,” she mumbled. 

in retrospect, malia should have anticipated the way the dust in town hall would cause her to sneeze uncontrollably. she’d spent years suppressing her allergies when she was combing through the archives at trinity, even the smallest amount of dust sending her into a sneezing frenzy. now, she found herself standing in the medicine aisle at the grocery store, struggling to find a brand that was similar to the one she would use in ireland. god, she hated how different things were in the two countries. she was just about to reach for a box of claritin when she felt someone bump into her. she quickly whirled around, ready to apologize for being in the other person’s way when she realized who it was. “ carmen? hey! jeez, it’s been a long time, “ she said, pulling the other girl into a hug.

[maliaricci]

LENNON:

an active mind keeps lennon from sleeping through nights. it’s been this way since she was a child as she scribbled little scripts and stories in her purple notebooks knowing she had to wake up for school not just a few hours later. maybe that tendency contributed to her short fuse, maybe that relationship with the still of night unlocked her ingenuity for sin. whatever the reason, it led to early mornings as lennon, reluctantly back in her hometown, slipped nikes on her feet and set out for a run. her airpods blare the music that will supersede rhode island’s leafy trees and her wheeling, overworked thoughts. she plans to pass the stranger on the lip of the lake when she hears, just barely, a voice that breaks over her music. tearing it from her ears, she stops, winded, irritated. “what?” she presses, eyebrows arched. and it’s a split second, when she can’t blame her breathlessness on her run, that lennon realizes who she’s speaking to. blurs of an irish man in secreted hotel rooms. she wavers for a moment, crown off kilter, stunned to find that some ghosts can’t be outrun. 

the voice causes malia to whirl around and she’s met with the face that she’s had burned into her memory since leaving ireland. the texts, the photos, they all come rushing back to her in that moment and she’s not sure what emotion wants to consumes her so fully -- anger? sadness? jealousy? happiness? each of them seemed to fight to the surface, but she wouldn’t let any of them win. no, lennon wilde would not get the satisfaction of an emotionally charged malia ricci. deep down, a part of her wanted to thank lennon for giving her a real reason to leave thomas, a reason to escape, but the feeling was so far buried underneath all of her pain that she didn’t even realize it was a feeling she had. her toes dug deeper into the sand and malia plastered the most stoic look on her face that she could muster. “ oh. it’s you, “ she mumbled, waving it off with her hand like a bothersome gnat. “ morning. “ the leaving off of good was intentional. nothing good surrounded malia’s feelings towards lennon.

[taliasburns]

#dani clayton being a mood

[maliaricci]

✘ closed starter for @ambrcsc​

the little home that malia had picked out for herself near the lake wasn’t all that special, but she’d spent the majority of her time since being back in town trying to make it feel special. now, she was frantically trying to push all of the unpacked boxes into her spare room when her phone buzzed with a text from ambrose. he’d be here any minute, she was sure of it, so she quickly shut the door to conceal all of the unpacking she has yet to do. she wasn’t exactly sure why she was nervous to see ambrose again after all this time. they’d had their time together in ireland and that should be enough, right? but even so, she felt her heart skip a beat when she heard the doorbell ring. she scrambled to her feet and swung open the door. “ hey, “ she said, breathlessly, hoping things wouldn’t be too weird between them.

[maliaricci]

DIANNA:

“it has been too long. it is so good to seee you.” dianna’s tone waas sincere, and she kissed malia’s cheek as she frowned. they’d get to it. they always got to it. zac’s chest puffed with pride as malia called him big, and just like that, he was wrapped around her finger. malia had that effect on people. “it’s the water in lake wisteria, i swear!” dianna said with a chuckle, taking the wine from malia so she could say hi to zac properly. zac giggled at the accent, shaking her hand happily. “nice to meet you!” he said cheerfully. “we are going to be watching movies zac, so let us know if you need anything alright?” dianna told him before looking at malia. “i made apple pie to go with our ice cream, interested?”

malia chuckled along as zac took her hand. she had really only seen the kid through the pictures that dianna had sent with her letters, meeting him in person also felt like it was too far off for malia, like he’d be a lot more grown by the time she’d come around to lake wisteria again. standing up straight, malia glanced back over at dianna with a smile before turning back to zac. “ be good, “ she said sternly, but winked to let the young boy know she wasn’t all that serious. she moved closer to dianna and threw her arm around the woman’s shoulders. “ you know i love apple pie. and i’ve been craving yours for years, so i’m in. -- and you need to catch me up on everything, okay? “