How to Behave...
In this series of “how to behave”, we are seeking to clarify what it means, looks like, feels like and how to be a good friend. Know that it is safe for us to explore our inner beings and ask ourselves some of the hard questions about friendship.
This post also welcomes anyone to add advice or to pose questions. This community represents a safe place to share our deepest desires and greatest fears (which dissolve once we face them).
My prayer is that this page be an informative and safe space for a loving community to build itself based on integrity, compassion and acceptance (of course lots of love and support). May this page be a positive interactive space to facilitate the healing of ourselves and those around us.
It seems as if most of us have been thrown to the wolves. Failing to know how to behave in many situations; learning about most social interactions through watching others behave badly. Asking questions to elders and being told “I don’t know” or “you ask to many questions”. For example, how many can raise their hands and say they were given step by step instructions on how to behave with friends?
My parents did not sit me down and teach me about positive friendship behavior. Although they were great examples and had a lot of friends, they were too busy providing for me, teaching me other very important things and navigating their own lives and experiences. I did not come with a manual so I forgive them and know they are not to blame for my social missteps. If it is possible for you, please take a moment to forgive your parents for anything they may have failed to tell you about creating positive friendships.
I discovered that the foundation of a good friendship began with me knowing myself. For example, I use to be super sensitive. I stayed in a constant state of fight or flight even in my down time. I did not recognize this behavioral response in me and others could not articulate it to me in a way I understood. All I knew is that it was hard for people to be around me. I was too serious. Too nervous and anxious to just relax, be myself and let things flow.
Before I became aware, I went through my days without critically thinking about my life, my actions or honoring my true feelings. I felt feelings like jealousy, guilt, shame and I worried myself to death because I only saw my flaws. What a waste of time.
When/how did I realize this? By falling flat on my face in 99 out of 100 social situations; some sense was finally knocked into me. Instead of judging myself, I set out to change. Through healing I have gained a sense of clarity about myself. I figured out what questions to ask. What behaviors to look for. It is about me paying attention to my inner emotions with neutrality. Going on a path of self-discovery, with energy medicine by my side. made it safe for me to let go of denial and face the fact that I had no idea how to be a good friend. This neutral self-exploration assisted me in releasing the trauma from past experiences where I failed to know how to be a friend. I learned quite a few positive lessons as well.
As friends, one of my jobs is to cultivate myself and find my excellence in order to bring something to the table of the friendship. It also my responsibility to feel good about myself. I do this by observing my reactions with neutrality. Failing to put labels, titles or critiques on my so-called bad behaviors. When I treat myself with kindness and acceptance, it translates into my relationships. Once I realized this, it became safe for me to establish and enforce personal boundaries through affirming conversations
As friends, we silently agree to mostly make each other feel good. If I find myself in a funk or stuck in a rut, maybe some time alone is in order.
A good friend is loyal. The trust is mutual and secrets remain safe.
If friendship were broken down into a pie chart “shoulder crying” should only takes up approximately 15% depending on the situation.
Being a good friend also means giving friends the space to live their own lives with support and acceptance. If your friends are engaging in behavior you do not agree with, speak your peace and move on.
These are just a few thoughts and behaviors to think about on the path to becoming a good friend. Relationships are an important part of life and how we treat ourselves determines the character of our friendships. So in these coming days, lets ask ourselves ‘what does a good friend look like or act like? What are the universal friendship codes? And if we have been burned by friends, how do we get over it? More importantly, how do we apologize, forgive ourselves and move on when we have violated a boundary?’ Remember to apply these questions to ‘self’ first.
Look for the youtube video follow up....coming soon <3
Blessings & beyond....