Choose Your Own Richard Feynman Adventure
Page One Two students enter your office. They challenge you to solve a fiendish math problem in your head in under thirty seconds. If you decide to differentiate under the integral sign, turn to Page Two. If you decide to ignore the students and play the bongos, turn to Page Three. Page Two You differentiate under the integral sign and solve the problem within ten seconds. It turns out that these 'students' are in fact President Dwight Eisenhower and Albert Einstein and that by solving the problem you have prevented the outbreak of global nuclear war. The President offers you many medals and prizes in recognition of your achievement but you refuse them, having no time for trinkets. Einstein and the President leave. "Hey," you think to yourself, "this could make for a pretty good anecdote." If you decide to go tell Murray Gell-Mann the good news, turn to Page Four. If you decide to go to a bar to celebrate, turn to Page Five. Page Three You ignore the students and begin playing the bongos. A record executive passes by your window and, on hearing your incredible percussive skill, rushes in and begs you to sign a record deal. You modestly refuse the offer and continue playing. The record executive secretly records you and the subsequent single tops the charts in over fifty countries. "Hey," you think to yourself, "this could make for a pretty good anecdote." If you decide to go tell Murray Gell-Mann the good news, turn to Page Four. If you decide to go to a bar to celebrate, turn to Page Five. Page Four You enter Gell-Mann's office. He is out. There is a safe in the corner of the room. There are some ants by the window. If you decide to crack the safe, turn to Page Six. If you decide to play with the ants, turn to Page Seven. Page Five You are standing at the bar of a hotel. A woman is sitting in the corner of the room. There are some ants by the window. If you decide to play with the ants, turn to Page Seven. If you decide to chat to the woman, turn to Page Eight. Page Six It takes you less than a minute to crack the safe. You climb inside and shut the door. You wait patiently for what seems like several days. When Gell-Mann returns you leap out. Gell-Mann clutches his chest, curses you and drops to the floor. "Hey," you think to yourself, "this could make for a pretty good anecdote." You go to a bar to celebrate. Turn to Page Five. Page Seven You teach the ants a more efficient method of transporting food. The ants worship you as their messiah. Your ant disciples carry you away to their underground lair where you reign over them until the end of time as Dick Feynman: President of Ants. (They originally offered you the title 'Lord of Ants' but you refused it, having little time for airs and graces.) "Hey," you think to yourself, "this could make for a pretty good anecdote." Page Eight
You approach the woman. She finds you charming but warns that she is married to the eighth richest and third most reckless man in the country. The woman's husband springs up from behind the bar, wielding a musket and flanked by two dozen samurai swordsmen. He challenges you to a musket-and-swordsmen duel. You disarm the husband and his henchmen by differentiating under the integral sign. You then defuse the tension with some light bongo. The husband angrily declares his intention to sell his business and spend the proceeds on the construction of a fifty foot tall gold statue of you. He spends the rest of his days in quiet contemplation of your brilliance. “Hey,” you think to yourself, “this could make for a pretty good anecdote.” The End