Mama 5eva @mama-tiff - Tumblr Blog

*Jubilee watching Ms. Rachel. She had a doll baby and was pretending the baby was crying.*

Jubilee: Stop it, baby! Stop it! Hush!

Me: 😳

Any day now.

I still feel like he’s going to be a Christmas baby, but I could be wrong.

It’s an odd feeling knowing that at any moment, contractions could start. And it’s a complete mystery how quickly I’ll progress in my labor.

My husband showed me something that said statistically speaking, I’m more likely to go into labor at night than during the day. And every night when I go to bed, I wonder, “Will tonight be the night?” But then I wake up the next morning still very pregnant.

Each time I hold my Jubilee, I’m reminded to savor the time we have together. He’s not going anywhere, and I certainly don’t plan to (Lord willing), but things will just be different. He won’t remember, but I will.

🩵

Bye-bye, 36 weeks.

Hello full term!

I just found out today that 37 weeks is early term. Blah blah.

Swollen ankles.

Extreme fatigue.

Extreme hunger.

Nausea.

Pelvic pain.

Carpal tunnel.

Dropping baby.

Other annoying and gross pregnancy symptoms.

I’m not rushing him, but I am looking forward to a bit less discomfort.

I stayed up too late and missed the hour to post that it was my last day of my 8th month of pregnancy.

Bye-bye week 35 and hello contractions??

Yes, because I just had one (or a couple?) around 12:48 am. Nothing major, though. I didn’t even time them, really, because I wasn’t sure that’s what they were.

I was actually kind of excited because I didn’t get to experience them this way with Jubilee.

It’s almost 1am. Time for some rest. More to share tomorrow.

“Hi there, Joe-Joe!”

- Jubilee

Jubilee’s favorite two favorite phrases:

“Sure!”

“Of course!”

Bye bye, 31 weeks.

A 4-and-a-half-pound baby resting his head on my bladder makes for quite the memorable third trimester.

Grow, baby, grow!

Jubilee and I went out for ice cream today.

He asked as soon as he woke up this morning.

It’s wild to think that in 67 days or less, his baby brother — my second son — will be here.

We will no longer be a family of 3, but a family of 4.

I’ve been intentional about soaking up as much time with my first boy while it’s just us.

He won’t remember, but I will. 🩵

Bye bye 30 weeks!

Today I felt my first Braxton Hicks contraction. It was kind of exciting because I never got to experience them with Jubilee.

Who knows how soon Deuce will be here. My guess is still Christmas or NYE.

Bye, bye 28 weeks.

People think I’m due soon.

I’m definitely closer so being due now, but even four and five weeks ago, people thought I was due soon. My bump is bigger than it was when I was pregnant with Jubilee. This is either a big baby or the way I’m carrying this time makes it seem like I’m farther along. I’d like to think it’s a combination of both, but does it really matter?

I’m much more uncomfortable now, which is to be expected. I can’t lie in the same position too long or my hips or back start to hurt. So I toss and turn a lot, which means I’m awake often. Turning over in bed at 28 weeks is some kind of sport. Eventually, I just sleep sitting up. 😮‍💨

I also can’t stand for long without being exhausted or uncomfortable. The belly band hardly helps anymore. My best bet is to just avoid standing for longer than five minutes, but that’s nearly impossible with an active toddler and several humans to feed multiple times a day.

I’m not sure if the people around me feel this way, but maybe my emotions are changing too. Maybe I’m more sensitive lately. I don’t know.

I have many decisions to make about how and when I want to labor and deliver, where I’ll stay, and where Jubilee will stay and be throughout the day. I also think about how and when I’ll go see Deuce and where Jubilee will be when I do that, but those things are a little up in the air until Deuce is born.

I know the Lord can heal Deuce, but I also know that doesn’t mean He will. Most people we’ve shared the news with believe he will be healed, but I think that comes from being raised to believe that every sick person gets healed on this side of glory. I’m not sure that it’s actual faith that some of them have, but rather an automatic response to sad news. In other words, their response is an unintentionally dismissive reflex.

For months, I prayed that the Lord would perform a miracle on Deuce’s heart. But in the last week or so, my prayers have shifted to asking Him to continue to hold his heart, His will be done, and to help me accept and submit to it. It’s very possible that Deuce’s heart won’t be healed, that he will go through surgeries, and that he will have a functioning heart that allows him to live a healthy life. I’ve mostly processed that well, but that’s while he’s perfectly fine in the womb. What will I think when he’s born and reality changes?

I really thought I had more time. At least a week longer. But it’s here. The third trimester.

As far as physical discomfort goes, I’m glad the end is near. Baby grows the most this trimester, though, so my discomfort and pain are likely to increase exponentially.

As far as laboring, I’m not rushing to get to the end.

As far as finally getting clarity on all the uncertainty around my son’s medical condition and care, I could hold off a bit longer.

Earlier this week when I realized I would soon be in my third trimester, I was overwhelmed with fear and sadness. I’m at peace again, though. Maybe not as much, but I’m okay for now.

Yesterday night, Jordon and I felt Baby’s hands or feet or something. He was so active and engaging with us. Jordon prayed for him too. 🥹

It’s the closest thing to holding him for now. ❤️

I’m starting to hate tumblr.

“Minor hiccup, try again.”

Like, try writing everything that just took me 10 minutes to put together?

No.

This is what the people are getting:

• I’m 25 weeks pregnant.

• I nested tonight.

• My body hurts and I don’t usually sleep well, but I’m grateful to be carrying a healthy baby.

mama-tiff

244 days.

That’s how long my first baby and I have left until he shares his mama with his sibling.

And that’s 244 days max…

I’m savoring the moments with him.

He will always be my first baby.

And I’ll only love him more and more.

I hope he never feels like second best.

I hope he never feels that I’m too busy for him or there’s not enough love for him.

I’ll always be his mama.

mama-tiff

I don’t have a word to describe how it feels to think about how I could have been holding a newborn baby right now. My newborn baby.

Would it have been a girl? A boy? Multiples?

I can’t believe it’s been over nine months since the loss.

I’m okay. But I still wish I had a word.

Today is my last day of 22 weeks.

I’m tired. I don’t sleep well. I move more slowly. I’m irritable.

Baby is great. 🩵

21 weeks. More than halfway there.

Not that I’m rushing it.

I’m tired. All the time. I can get 8-9 hours of sleep and I’m still tired and want more rest and sleep.

I could nap during my breaks, but I like to sit and snack and watch tv because otherwise, I won’t get another chance to do it. I sleep when it’s bedtime.

I’m experiencing more discomfort as the weeks go by. That’s part of the journey, though.

My back hurts. My belly feels heavy. My pelvis feels like it’s about to split in two, at times. This is also part of the journey.

But my baby is so active and growing. And besides the heart defect the doctors keep telling me about, he’s a healthy boy.

That sounds weird to say and it feels weird it type. It’s like, “besides this entirely health-altering issue, you’re perfectly fine.” How does that make sense?

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Last week, we got to see him. He’s got all 10 toes and all 10 fingers. He has two kidneys, and all his other organs and bones are just as they should be.

It’s always fun to watch him flip around.

The doctor advised us not to travel more than 90 minutes from either hospital. We didn’t have any plans to, but it feels like he canceled our plans by advising us to do so.

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Baby boy is really active between 8:30 and 9:30 every night. His movements get stronger and stronger.

I can’t remember if Jubilee’s most active nighttime hours en utero were at all indicative of his nighttime activity after he was born.

Jordon has felt him move a couple times. It’s best for him to try to feel the movements when Jubilee isn’t around. When he is, he tries to move Jordon’s hand. He’s very protective of his mother. They say boys are.

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I’m still very much at peace about his heart defect, the one the doctors say he has, anyway.

I saw it for myself. I see what they see.

They’ve told us that scientifically, a left ventricle won’t appear and the left atrium won’t start growing in a way they it will recover.

It would be a complete miracle if his heart were restored.

I know God can do it.

But will He?

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