For my birthday I went to Jamaica!! I was hype! I left my house a few hours after recording CHURCH🙏🏾🎶 which followed my Birthday Bash on Twitch!! THANK 🫵🏾 to everyone who came thru & celebrated with me. Happy heavenly birthday LeeSah Pitts!! 💜🙏🏾🕊️💐 I left NYC early on her birthday; 4:20am to be exact.
Took a cab to Pennstation. Caught New Jersey Transit within 5 minutes of getting there and I was on my way to Newark Liberty International Airport. When I go to catch the AirTrain from the stop to the actual airport, there’s a problem with the air train. From 5:35am til 6:40, I transferred to 4 air trains to get from the NJT stop to the actual airport itself.
There was a disgruntled older gentlemen beefing about people having manners but what he didn’t notice was that he almost knocked me down while entering the 4th air train. I just watched him bitch about courtesy & respect while shaking my head. It was too early for all of that. My flight was at 8am, thank goodness. Met my sister & we boarded the plane on time.
We get to the airport in Montego Bay & our ride to our hotel is $100. I get it. It’s in Westmoreland Negril & we’re in Montego Bay. Thats the actual cost No subways out here. 🤣 & They don’t stamp passports in Jamaica anymore at that airport & maybe it was best. From here on, I stopped enjoying myself. I knew from the airtrain fiasco, I was in for a bumpy ride, literally & figuratively.
After going to ScotiaBank to get some cash, (didn’t know $1 USD = $157+ JM), so I was straight but the ride was in USD. No problem. Before I booked this trip, I saw the pics on Expedia for SAMSARA CLIFF RESORT in Negril, so I was confident that a good time would be had… All the greenery & plushness.. I was ready!
As soon as we arrived and got our room key, I was informed by Jennifer, at the front desk, that we had a King sized bed. I said, why? I made these reservations January 6th & specifically requested 2 Queen sized bed in a no smoking room. She said that was up to the person that makes the reservations Huh? What the..? Ok Wooosah.. When we get to the room, it’s literally raggedy; from the broken down armoire, rusted safe, tiny refrigerator & 40 inch TV & compact shower with no washcloths. We go out to the balcony & there’s an ashtray full of cigarette butts. The room smelled like wack ass air freshener & stale cigarettes. I was angry but I was even more hungry.
Yall know how I get down when I leave NYC. Even if it’s just to AC. But this was not for me. There was a buffet dinner, so you know I’m amped. I’m in Jamaica and I’m about to get this authentic Jamaican food. The buffet had plantain, jerk chicken, coconut rice & beans, pumpkin soup, escovitch snapper, callalloo, meat lasagne, fried dumplins & rum cake. YES!
I don’t do meat so I’m super particular about my fish. Hmmm Nah, son. I NEVER had BREADED escovitch snapper before. 🤦🏾♀️ And for the record, it was cod, not snapper & the seasoning was way off. The pumpkin soup was watery & tasted watered down, as if to thin it out. There was no coconut or salt or seasoning in the coconut rice & peas & the callalloo tasted like frozen collard greens with all the stems and no seasoning. The Rum cake looked it was from Costco I was pissed. We paid the $76 for the mediocre food. We went downstairs to the bar for drinks. THANKS, TINA. She hooked us up the whole stay with tasty strong drinks. The Super Bowl was on but I had enough. Went to my room to do puzzles on my phone.
Next morning, we get up and decide breakfast has to be the bomb, right? Got dressed, went to the dining area and ordered ackee, saltfish & callalloo. Can’t mess up a traditional Jamaican dish in Negril, right? We both ate maybe 3 forkfuls, and bounced It wasnt saltfish. I know what all of that tastes like because I live in NYC. We have dope Caribbean eateries, (Jamaican, Guysnrse, Trinidadian, Haitian, etc) & they all cook their style of food spiced up and made to taste extraordinary, to me at least. We could not eat another bite. My sister is a diabetic & they had no sugar alternatives. They searched a box of whatever & found one Splenda packet. The kicker? No refills on the 6oz cup of coffee. They wanted an extra $2.50 for the second cup. We paid, bounced, & found a cabbie across the street. He took us to Patsy’s on West End Road. Thank you, Popsi!!
Came back to the hotel to get a tan. I dont see it. We sat out on the “I guess you can call it” deck & chilled in the sun for at least 3 hours. How do you have holes in the beach chairs? Watched the lobsters cook at the pool yet I have no bikini lines as far as I can see. My anger kept me from getting tipsy because I was drinking rum like water.
We knew we weren’t paying another dime to eat at the hotel, so our rider, Popsi told us about a few nice restaurants and we had dinner at the Rock House Restaurant and it was beautiful!! The food was excellent!! We stuffed our faces, they had Moscato, the view was amazing, and they sang “Happy Birthday” to me and presented me with the dopest chocolate rum cake I ever tasted. Squaddy/Jason hooked us up. Love me some pepper pot soup!! Blue Mountain Coffee is the bomb!! Yes, Iyah!!
When we returned to the room our fresh linens were wrapped in a plastic bag & sitting on the bed. When I opened it, I saw dingy white washcloths with the word Samsara written in faded magic marker. Are they claiming their washcloths? Why were there holes in the towels? Why was the bug I asked the housekeeper to remove still in the tub dead where I left it? Why wasn’t the pull out bed removed? I was finally done.
Got up to leave for good, a day early, and there’s no water in the little sink or the little shower. We waited. The pressure was low when it did finally come on and then went off again. Luckily we got up as early as we did. Waited almost another hour for the water to come back on for my sister to shower I had enough. Popsi took us to the airport to go back to the US.
I must say Samsara Cliff Resort will never see me again & if you know better you do better. I should’ve checked ALL of their ratings in Expedia. Those pics on the site showing all that plushness & greenery everywhere was false. Some of the workers were sweet. Some gave me a dirty look & never spoke. The best experience was the Rock House Restaurant!! I’m grateful for my sister, Melody joining me & being there with me thru it all. We had as much fun as we could with those views. But Samsara will never see me again. And Jennifer refused to give me a refund, even for the day I didnt stay. Its cool. Learn from your mistakes and act accordingly. Since I couldn’t do a review on Expedia, now everybody can see & know exactly what this place offers. ✌🏾
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