busy ass mama, tryin’ to make a damn living @mandalynneeller - Tumblr Blog

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✨ we continue to work towards a goal so that we can have it all ✨ we recover from what we can, when we can, and grow in ways we never imagine we could. the dream that is created within us by searching IG or pinterest or by seeing someone be something we want or need or desire is not always who we are supposed to be or who we really are. we work so hard to be something we’re not because we feel that some how, some way, if we want it it will happen and when it does happen, we will feel whole. we don’t look at where we are, enjoy the good things, fight through the bad, and look for our next opportunity offered through fate or experience. we see what we want and we take the proper steps to become that thing or that person with that house and those children and that career and that husband. we are meant for what we are meant for, and not one person is the same. i struggle with this every single day. i write down my goals, my action plan, and i pray and pray and pray for the patience and the strength to get where i WANT to be and to work hard enough to get there. we don’t know who we are supposed to be until we take each day with great loyalty & faith. one day we are happier than the other but we do not realize how each day, the last year, months, days, etc. has continue to grow and create a happy life for us that we didn’t know we NEEDED. life is not meant to be planned and directed. experience life every single day. do what you want and don’t think about tomorrow. buy the shorts, dye your hair, move to the other state, go to college and change your degree half way through- do whatever you want and do not listen to anyone or anything other than the smile on your face and maybe your PA 💖 (at Peoria, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/CQQ80KkHGms/?utm_medium=tumblr

family has always been so pure to me. these are the people you love unconditionally, care for regardless, and do the best you can for yourself- and them. it wasn’t ever a question in my mind, ya know? this is my army, this is my family. i have had a wild life because of the choices i choose to make and the mistakes i make over and over again, and i still have my army behind me. i struggle to get better through this disease and i struggle to be a better mother, daughter, sister, cousin, granddaughter, niece, and friend- but when i think about doing it for them, the struggle disappears. i have ruined my relationships with my family time and time again and things are not the same and most likely never will be again, but i know that i am loved. i know that i am not alone. i know that i am better than i once was but i know i can do so, so, S O much better. i push and i push every single day, for myself & all of those around me. i love my family more than anything this world could give me and taking advantage, up until a couple of months ago, was something i had a lot of experience with & did without even noticing. believe that those who are distancing themselves from you, are doing so for their own good. know that what you did wrong, will not be forgiven just because you are family. work hard to fix what you think is unpleasant about yourself and those who love you will not cross their boundaries or put their walls down until they feel safe and that is okay. that is your own fault and you need to accept that in order to move on. i love you. (at Folsom, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CQL0F3VH_d4/?utm_medium=tumblr

at San Clemente, California https://www.instagram.com/p/CQJPZ1lHRrL/?utm_medium=tumblr

at Norwich, Connecticut https://www.instagram.com/p/CQJPLN6n_FL/?utm_medium=tumblr

look at me in high school, i was so beautiful. i was young, i was talented, i knew what i wanted to do and i was DOING it. this makes me want to do more today and for the rest of my life. i am not that much older, but i have set myself back. looking at this photo reminds me that i am CAPABLE. I am worthy, i am able, i am beautiful. (at Peoria, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/CQEVE43H_sN/?utm_medium=tumblr

say it out loud, as many times as you need to, to overcome your unwelcome anxiety. (at Preston, Connecticut) https://www.instagram.com/p/CQEUqvxHsWg/?utm_medium=tumblr

w/ out you, there’s be no me ⚡️ (at Preston, Connecticut) https://www.instagram.com/p/CP9RCxFHSAs/?utm_medium=tumblr

trusting in god has been something that i have been working very hard on but struggling with. i can say i trust him over and over again, but i know that deep down i am still afraid of putting all my trust into him. he made me, his love for me in unconditional regardless of my sins, and i still have an issue trusting him- there’s something wrong with that, right? (at Preston, Connecticut) https://www.instagram.com/p/CP9Pz91nZml/?utm_medium=tumblr

⚡️ you have the choice to change anything that you are unhappy with, and not changing is a choice, too. (at Preston, Connecticut) https://www.instagram.com/p/CP5ulpPHCiu/?utm_medium=tumblr

I met this man in R E H A B. Seven years ago, I met you & you tried so hard to get my attention. You commented on how great I looked, texted me every day & tried everything you could to let me know how badly you wanted to love me. I didn’t even notice for a week, I thought you were just trying to be nice. We started face timing every waking moment & you even flew back to CT just to get another ticket to come back to CA four days later. We have been through the ringer more times than i can count and life has not been easy but you are the man of my dreams and the love of my life. i know life isn’t fair sometimes & you are loosing so many family members, but you are still the best lover, father, brother, and son to all of those around you. God blessed me, my kids, and all those lucky enough to know you & I am so happy in knowing that i found my soul mate. 💖 (at Preston, Connecticut) https://www.instagram.com/p/CPqI2xpn4K3/?utm_medium=tumblr

these words- this message- it literally flowed out of me like someone came into my body & typed it all out xox mindset, support, & hard word • who you surround yourself with has such an impact on your day-to-day life. always remembering that people are not who they say they are & keeping that boundary strong is something i was never fond of or good at. having a big, close family & a circle of understanding & envious friends was always something i was willing to do whatever it takes to have. i was continuously getting stabbed in the back or let down & that is a kind of hurt that i was unable to explain with an explanation i was unaware of. over the many, many years of being taken advantage of or used, i naturally began to reflect the same features to everyone around me. i would only keep those close that would help me when i needed it and push those away that couldn’t be any use for me. i believe that being treated poorly taught me to treat others the same way, which let to a very confused and lonely life. it took me so much reflecting & experience to soon understand the true meaning of family & friendship and that created an image of life that i wanted so badly for myself. this time around i knew what to look for, how to act, and what the word ‘boundaries’ truly meant. judgement played a huge part in this emotional rollercoaster because being through what most human beings going through when trying to figure out who is real and who is fake- who is true and who is not- you start building a wall. don’t push away every single person you have ever had problems with- try to remember that they are learning, too. we aren’t born liars and cheaters and back stabbers- we learn how to be those things with the help of experience, just like becoming genuinely good on the inside and out. life is a learning curve, you use the tools you have to create the best life possible. along the way, you gain more knowledge, more tools, and a better understanding of how to be the best version of yourself. we never stop learning, experiencing, or failing- don’t ever stop living. (at Preston, Connecticut) https://www.instagram.com/p/CPa0ei4nh7n/?utm_medium=tumblr

Legos all over the floor, currently holding my third cup of cold coffee for the day, and my patience has peaked before noon- but every day i am grateful for those surrounding me, my ability to start over at any moment, & our Heavenly Father. ✝️ (at Preston, Connecticut) https://www.instagram.com/p/CPB-aT0nxz8/?utm_medium=tumblr

whattan amazing life we have created • i am no where near where i want to be but i am so much better than the dark place i once was. 🤍 https://www.instagram.com/p/COs-GHWnKOf/?igshid=vk9ii7q5ht6e

✨I was granted the tools to further my self acceptance in a way I never believed was possible. The choice I made to join this company & start my own business as a Market Partner for Monat has sprung so many opportunities for myself & my team- #epicfam. Joining this f a m included a group of badass woman, support through the struggles, & knowledge from those who have made it to the top. Trust me, I had the same questions: •But you can’t ever make it to the top being where you are, right? •Don’t you have to know people to sell? •What if I don’t know how to use these products properly? •How much time do I really have to put into this? I don’t have the time. •$199 is too much for me! It probably won’t turn into anything for me because I can’t sell and never have. Aren’t you asking me only to make money? Unfortunately, all of you that thought the same things as I did, are W R O N G- on so many levels! But, this ONE TIME, it is SUCH a beautiful thing to be wrong! All of your questions will be answered by me and my team of successful, incredible woman who have been through what you’re going through. You can make more money than the woman who got my upline to start! The only rule: work hard & make money. Work harder, make more money. Work little, make little money. Don’t sit around like I did, trust the process & start today. I am so sure that your life is going to completely change, that you can even return the products within 30 days if you don’t find it to be a fit for you (which i can almost guarantee it will be!). S T O P watching me create an extraordinary life for my family and myself- join me. (at Norwich, Connecticut) https://www.instagram.com/p/COI-GJeH3ag/?igshid=iquevj8ykjab

#epicfam

weather warm enough to put on our new summer clothes calls for a mini photoshoot 📸 https://www.instagram.com/p/COEN4QKH6bO/?igshid=1jrwelbax8fyr

It wasn’t just the hair and skin care products I use and stay consistent with, or the fact that I continue to feed my body what it actually needs every single day- it wasn’t even God. It was my body, helping my mind see, that if I do what I can, when I can, I will succeed. Don’t focus on what’s wrong, focus on what’s going right. Look closely at what you can control, even if it is something simple and little that, at that moment, seems like it won't make a difference. I can confidently tell you, time doesn’t stop. What has happened, cannot be taken back. Stop wasting your time on trying to be someone your not or trying to change yourself into someone else. You are you, and that itself, is incredible. We were all made for greatness, we just need to slow down our behaviors when it comes to becoming someone or something new, and speed up our completion on being enough. You are enough, even if today you did nothing but laid in bed because you and your body needed that- you are doing what you can, and that makes you so worthy. The world that we live in today, even the way the world was when we were first born or even before we were born- it is not okay to not have all of the cars, and the perfectly behaved children, and the big, perfectly decorated house. Growing up with these feelings,it can turn into a disease with no known cure because it creates a want and a need within the brain that is almost impossible without taking the correct steps AND, something that no one ever takes a second to truly think about- Is that the kind of life that you want to live? Just because a life like that makes people look happy, does not mean that, one, it will look like that for you, or two, that those people living that life really are happy behind the scenes. You are worthy as you, who you are. I have been so lost for such a long time trying to find myself. I numbed my own feelings because I had no idea what I wanted, how to get better, what better looked like, or what I was supposed to do or be. The amount of pressure placed on a single human being to be picture perfect, sets us all up for failure. All I want is to help others realize how amazing they are sooner than I did. (at Norwich, Connecticut) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNfvgt1Hy4R/?igshid=8bjwy2xu71od

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busy ass mama, tryin’ to make a damn living