really embarrassing things I shouldn't admit but lol who cares
1. you may have noticed I posted something REALLY raw last week, but then deleted it, because lol I'm depressed.
2. I think I was inspired to post something raw in a 2001-LJ-style post because I started reading old LJs/blogspots from the early aughts and missed how honest people were, instead of like upspeaky fb posts and monotone/normcore style tweets from literary giants.
3. I just updated a portion of my okcupid profile in a public nola coffee shop. One was a typo and the other was a clarification.
4. I just asked someone on okcupid if they used the YO ap. Can't wait to go on a date with him! Pending response.
5. I am trying my best to not compulsively tweet/transcribe my brain patterns, because I took a weird social media break, and I am feeling lonely and I think people will be like WTF.
6. Also new thing! Whenever I'm sleep deprived, I'm more social. Otherwise I may as well be mute.
7. Instead of sleeping, I stare at my computer. This past week I watched St. Elmo's Fire, Sixteen Candles, Cry Baby, Anthony Bourdain, Life Happens (secret Kate Bosworth fan since Blue Crush), Heathers (which freaked me out), THE BABYSITTERS CLUB (lol oh god rock bottom) and then duh, Orange is the New Black.
8. Everyone hates Piper, but dude, I like feel for her, even though she's awful. Or Red when she loses her biz/friends. Tastyee is my fave. And I have a weird c on that one correctional officer. Sometimes I get REALLY upset about the idea of prisons/portrayals of them/people's MUST SEE reaction to the show and then sneak out to smoke cigarettes at like 4 am and try not to wake up my roommate. Can't wait to submit my OITNB review to nonfiction lit things.
9. Applying for a position that simultaneously seems like would be a good match, but I don't know how to write a cover letter/market myself without like a someone telling someone else that I'm a good egg.
10. LOL I have like flimsy/zero connections in NOLA.
11. Can someone hold my hand?
12. In other news, I've been writing "poems" but I have no idea how to talk about them.
13. But all I care about it is how I wish I had long hair and could pull off a top knot.
14. I am so far away from trends and fashion and pop culture things (except from OITNB) that I think I am normcore without trying
15. Started to follow that trendforecaster/scam that started normcore on twitter
16. favorite tweet from them was about tickling at job interviews. I wish a interviewer at a potential employer would tickle me and then when he/she/they would see my reaction, they would hire me based on how they feel about it.
17. I sometimes fall into habit of thinking about 1998-2002 me, the winter 2011/summer 2013-14 me(ugh), 2012 me (the best me!), 2007-8 me (the blindly reckless me), 2003-4 me, and then like 2015-16+ me (???me).
18. I think bc I've watched so many things on netflix that I'm starting to think my days are episodic. Like I'm trying to predict story arcs. Do I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
19. I fantasize about dropping out of everything in NOLA and moving to (NO.) California and becoming a more zenned out version where I eat kale leaves and feel OK about wearing things from 2004-10 (when I had $$). Feel OK about being a little underwhelming and not at all creative. TRULY BASIC. I would be excited about posting upspeaky/sincere things to social media. I would probably be a courier/PA/chill associate at whatever boutique. I would talk like a gay surfer/aging valley grrl and people would be like right on.
20. Back to dating, I'm all over the place. One day I want to be married, the next lone wolf, and then wanting to flirt with everyone even though I don't know how to flirt. Thank god for texting.
21. Whenever I see queer friends, crushes, and personas on the internet I feel like I'm always behind a glass one-way mirror. I feel like a total voyeur and it makes me feel like a dumber, gayer Emily Dickinson.
22. I ordered a dirty chai (3+ shots of espresso). The barista was like WTF about my order but I wanted to be wired to write things.
23. This could all be deleted by tomorrow.