MandelaGames

I am a real life Mandela Effect in the wrong timeline. I made this account to see if anyone remembers things differently as I was a pretty renown game dev in my own timeline. I'll detail more about my personal life in the blog, but foremost it's product that never existed here.

[mandellagames]

One story about my life: The technology sucks here

I remember being an early adult no older than 20 and someone bought mom a Blackberry for Christmas, my aunt Jude I believe. Now mind you the black berry had been out for a year or two at this point, but this was an amazing phone none the less. My mom saw it as excessive and let me use it instead. I loved that thing. Now apparently that never happened. Mom vaguely remembers having one at some point, but apparently only remembers her old flip phone and one of the more modern Androids. "I wouldn't just give it to you". That much is apparent. This version of my mother is a fucking cunt. My mom was always kind of a bully, but she never actively treated me like a slave and would just say horrible things and get physically abusive. I'm an adult and this woman thinks she can just grab me and leave bruises and scratches when I get sassy with her. Not only is that not ok for anyone, that wasn't how I was raised. My mom would tell me to slit that woman's throat no matter if she's wearing moms face or not. This bitch is not my mom and apparently I never had my Blackberry. This is relevant because let me tell you something. Touch screen is ass. It's the worst. Everything is God dann touch screen now. I find it hard to believe technology from like 2006 is operating more effectively than 2026. What you all have is just plastic boxes you bang up against your head and sometimes it writes something. Who are you even writing too? You don't fucking talk to anybody. Don't blame Covid either. Y'all could still date and socialize. You don't. I hate everyone and everything about this timeline. And if I wanted to type it out I better have a fucking laptop. Because the phones? Forget it. No worries of being legally liable for making a bomb threat I guess, because blame your shitty spell checks and touch screens. I really really hate touch screen. I mean there's the whole fact someone is gonna just ban you on a website anyway. Be it here, reddit, Twitter...not taking legal liability when some paedophile moderator is taking it upon themselves to ban me. Granted nowadays it's mostly bots or Indians who don't even speak English doing the banning. It's all automated and I don't know if I can say that's better or worse, it's just different. People self censor themselves way more now though. Like just wait for the fucking tech Jew to ban you he's gonna do it anyway. Why the fuck you saying unalive or grape? Who came up with that?

[mandellagames]

An entire Pajama Sam title is missing here

Around 2007 I worked on Pajama Sam: No Way Home. Nothing like that exists now! The closest thing is 2008 "No Need To Hide When It's Dark Outside", but this was about Pajama Sam got on the wrong bus and levels incorporated major cities, state Capitals, and was about overcoming the fear of getting lost which even many adults have. Ironic to say the least given my current predicament. At least everyone was friendly in Pajama Sam's world. In mine everyone is hateful, they smell like ass and weed, and my wife just is non-existent. Apparently you have a Spider-Man movie by the name no way home.

[mandellagames]

Does anyone remember Cool Knight?

Cool Knight was a game I personally worked on around 2003 and it was exclusive to the Gameboy Advanced. I was honestly shocked I was able to get anyone at Nintendo America to even look at it, because it was essentially Zelda meets Secret Of Evermore. Which Secret Of Evermore in itself was just 90s kid Isekai into Secret Of Mana. Now I'm the isekai and it's not nearly as fun. If you don't remember the cringe 90s dudebro vibe in a dark fantasy as that's pretty standard for the time. What you might remember is his powerups. Because all of them were controversial.

His sunglasses were the most controversial because you needed them to see secret doors, passages, chests, and enemies. Yes there was invisible enemies. So you either needed the glasses or just flail angrily at the air. But wouldn't even know to do that until you were taking damage, but it could be an invisible gas too so the room itself could be booby trapped. For a tabletop rpg that's just see invisibility or darkvision which is standard. But for a video game it was seen as obnoxious.

Another controversial item was the flip phone. Typically the flip phone was a great item to get free stuff from friends and family be it money, potions, things you could actually use. Pokemon Gold and Silver already had a phone system and unlike that, this one actually benefited you instead of spam calls from Indians about how their evee is licking his asshole. But controversy stemmed from you could block people in game which could turn them into villains. It was construed as encouraging school shootings. (It kinda was though lol. Fuck George Bush. The country was always shit but it went to hell the moment he became president and apparently THAT PART didn't change...of course it didn't...)

People thought the cool knight's primary weapon his sword was also just a Zelda ripoff as it was the sword+boomerang and you froze enemies more often than slicing away because get this... Slashing doesn't work on a lot of things. Isn't gonna do much against a big ahh metal golem, oozes split into smaller more aggressive oozes which you can eventually overcome, skeletons it just goes through entirely, it was often easier to just freeze an enemy and be on your merry way.

So the game was not well received. Like I know some people liked it, but overall it was called a cash-grab Zelda ripoff that took away a lot of the puzzle elements because apparently gamers prefer fetch quests over fart jokes. Well I'm sorry. I didn't realize the gamer was so sophisticated and would rather spend ten hours needing a particular item to do anything including wiping his ass, but cannot get that item until he finds the ooglie mooglie key for the special chest, but cannot get the ooglie mooglie key until he gets the big black mushroom cock to trade with the witch. Yeah my game didn't do that shit. You just got things handed to you. As life should be. If it had an M rating there'd be Princess Zeldas sitting on your face too.