[manicmadnessred]

I found myself again. That little boy.

The striving teenager.

Literally. I’m back. Pavelka. The ginger

All of me is here.

[manicmadnessred]

I weighted myself tonight. 160. I haven’t been this low since.. 14? I’m now 30.. and scared. 123456. You got this ;) momma pony.

[manicmadnessred]

FUCKING STOP. IM IN LOVE WOTH YOU. YOU STUPID OLD FUCK.

I loved you from the moment I saw you. Your smile. I loved you.

Man’s this is just nonsense.

You know. Why you scared? You’re hung as fuck physically but mentally you’re a fucking bitch. Like my god. I like you.

Yes you aren’t perfect. Yes I learned it for myself. But let me love you dude. You dumbass. Let. Love. Happen.

[2menkissing]

[manicmadnessred]

Let’s Fucking do this. Let me feel this. You. Smell you. Taste you. All of you. Head. Toe. Low. Blow. Let me. All of it. The bad. Good. Evil. Devils.

I want it now. Hard. Rough.

I can’t think. Speak. Write. I only want it. Whatever it is. What you are? I need. I breathe it. I feel it. I can taste it. I’m hooked. Have been, always will be.

Make me yours. Let me make you mine. Let me swallow you whole. Let my love change you. Let my love, love you.

Five years, you were it. And I never knew it.

I love you. I’ve loved you. Only you. Everything else. Everyone one. Zeroed. You’re my hero.

[manicmadnessred]

I just want to die. The past 10 months. It’s been to much. I feel like death would give me peace. Freedom. Death would be my prosperity. I don’t wanna be a member of the 27 club. But I can see it. Feel it. It’s calling for me. I’ve made it this far. I’ve impacted enough lives. But now I just wanna die. I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I feel so unloved. Yet I know I’m special. But to whom.

[manicmadnessred]

And I’ve detached. Why? Why do I always emotionally detach. I had a plan. I had this. That. The other. And you didn’t think I did. I can’t blame you. I can’t. But I am. And I’m hating myself for it. And I don’t know what to do. But I don’t wanna do this. I can’t. Not again. Not fucking again.

I feel so fucking stupid.

[manicmadnessred]

Welp. My ex fiancé texted me back. And I relapsed. Fuck.

[feministism]

[ivyquinzel]

[moonlite-sunshine]

BLACK LIVES MATTER

Black Lives Matter: Urgent Donation Needed

Fuel campaigns to end State-sanctioned violence, liberate Black people, and end white supremacy forever.

[ivyquinzel]

This has been getting a lot of notes but if you can reblog the version with the link to donate that would be appreciated!

[manicmadnessred]

It was a twister. Devastating blows. Water submerges your face. It all matted into one moment. The sun. The clarity. Brought us to be. Made us known. We didn’t hike. We flowed. In the darkness we wept. We bruised. Bled. But In all known is all fair it’s all truth. It’s all bright. We saw the light. -CRO

[gracelesstars]

2020 calendar so far..

[hiimcutelol]

“I’ve been needing to get this off my chest so here it is… When you break up with someone, it’s not really the end till it’s the end. The end is when you both talk (not one talk and the other just listen) but both talk about either how you could’ve handled the situation differently or where you went wrong. Many people say this drift’s them apart but in my views if it only drift’s you apart it’s either two reasons; one- both of you never really loved eachother if you start bickering over a small thing that could’ve been fixed.. Or two- things were meant to happen that way between you two and don’t want to give in the effort. Yes I’m not gonna lie, relationships aren’t just fun and games but when the hardships come you gotta stick together. Yes there will be break ups, there will be separation, there will be people you go out with and you’ll realize you don’t want them because they’re not the person who you really love. But if it takes weeks, 2 girlfriends, getting cheated on, hurt after your true love to realize want you want then.. Go back to them. You need to tell them how you feel.. And if they say it’s too late- it’s probably not.. They loved you once.. They probably still love you. Love. It just doesn’t go hopping around from girl to girl or boy to boy you meet. Love is something magical between two people who have a connection. A deep emotional and physical connection. This is what people don’t understand. And I hope you think about the things you’ve done once you read this because I don’t know about you but I am. Fight for the one you love, always. There will be periods at a time where it’ll be a nasty break up and one will try to forget you and date others but he’ll try to forget and replace you but he’ll just keep thinking and saying things to that girl pretending to be you. He’ll realize it. And then it’s your turn to make a move. But hey guys/ girls… Do me a favor- if you ever break up with anyone that you really loved.. Doesn’t matter how bad they hurt you (except for cheating, lied to, and abused) try picking up the pieces. Just try give it one last shot and I can guarantee that it’ll work and you’ll be happier than ever. But if there comes a place to where you both decide that after giving it another shot you don’t feel happy you both decide what’s best for you. Everyone deserves happiness the right way.”

— 15 year old’s head.

[manicmadnessred]

"As a tear runs down my cheek in a moment of solitude. A kiss presses against my lips. A laugh invigorates my mouth. Your soul is visible to my eyes. Your skin is tightly pressed lightly against me. Your mind is aligned with mine. You are mine. All mine. I’ve felt hurt. I’ve felt horror. I’ve felt denial. I’ve felt love. But I’ve never felt this before."

[sparklejamesysparkle]

From The Judy Garland Show, originally aired by CBS on January 12th, 1964.

[manicmadnessred]

First of all pavelka, you don’t have a soul. Secondly, I’ve told you 50 million times you’ve gotta quit searching for someone. Let it come naturally or else it’s forced and winds up in situations like this. You’re also far more attractive than him anyways so his loss. You’re at a time in your life where you really need to focus on yourself. You can build some serious positive momentum for yourself if you let it happen. You need to come correct with your own being before even considering donating your time to a significant other. Get your head right. Get your real estate growing. Get your mind growing. The guys that you find right now are going to be far different than when you’re a career man. You’ll be established and have a stronger mental game which in turn provides better for sharing your life with someone. In this time of “loneliness” (I went through this stage as well) surround yourself with the people that care. I tell you to come over all the time. You know the door is always open. Those people will build you up and help mold you into the man you will ultimately become. When you’re at the end of your rope, hang on for dear life, cuz you only get one. I’ll be at work 15 minutes before you. Head up, positive thoughts. And oh yeah: under 60 hours until the vacation of your life begins BITCH

[manicmadnessred]

He felt as though this was real. But was it? Was it the fire his souls been craving? Or is it the darkness his hearts been yearning for. Or is it the mental trench he’s been viing for. Could be the emotionally galaxy he’s been dying for. Or is it everything encompassed into one.