What is your earliest memory?
There was night and darkness and then everything was twisted. Up was white and black was left. Nothing was as it should be, yet everything was perfect in the eyes of madness herself. Instead of crying, I laughed and watched as entire lives met their downfalls.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Van Gough. He was truly a masterpiece in himself, though Handel is a close second. It is truly amazing what one can do with a mind once it has given up on its ties to reality and the disgusting doldrums of sanity.
What is the most evil thing you have ever done?
Nothing I do is evil, nor is it good. There is a balance and without madness, the balance is tipped. I am not evil. Life is evil. Existence is to blame for that which goes against what we wish. What I do is only natural.
What is your worst memory?
There have been times when Iâve restrained myself. Times when Iâve ignored my instincts. When this happens, I see the worst of the world. I see what it is that I show those at the other end of my touch. The first time I experienced this, I realized what I lie it all is and that I am the only one who can show them the truth.
Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances?
I refuse to change who I am for anyone. I have already tried this and I simply cannot.Â
Why do you refuse to do it?
It is impossible to truly go against oneâs nature. Then, I would only be adding to the imbalance that lies within a sane world.
Who is the person you despise the most, and why?
Zeus. For he frowns upon me and what I am. He is the reason other gods see me as a lesser simply because they do not want to see what is real and that havoc is normalcy.Â
What is your greatest weakness?
The fact that, despite what I say, I truly enjoy the humans and what they are. I hate that I have to hurt them to make them greater, to help them reach their true potential. And I hate what happens to me when I do not.
If you could choose, how would you want to die?
I would want to die in a way that was truly poetic at the hands of someone who believes they are getting revenge, but they are only giving in to what reality I have brought to them. There would be fire and ice and neither would cause the otherâs end.
I am the bane of many who exist yet the pride of others. Some wish for me so they can create with more honesty while others fear me because I show them what they do not wish to see. I act quickly, giving thought only to how much I will be entertained while, at other times, I am hesitant, inhibited by the things I have shown myself. I am Maniae and none are safe from my welcoming embrace.
What are you most afraid of?
The fact that I cannot control myself. I must do what I do and the fact that I cannot stop scares me more than anything.
Tell me your 3 biggest secrets.
I, sometimes, wonder what it would truly be like to fit the universeâs definition of good.Â
I fear what I see when I cannot spread my gift to others.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Self-hatred. For other things can be escaped, but you can never leave yourself. I have tried, but different vessels still hold the same spirit.
Describe your worst nightmare â the one that brings you instantly out of a deep sleep, sweating, eyes rolling, gasping for breath.
The site of myself in front of everyone I know, screaming for mercy as another version of me stands tall, madness pulsing between the two of us. I yell for it to stop, but it never does. I see horrid things happening, to me, to my family. It is all around us. The worst part is, that when I wake up, I know it is still there, just between the world of sleep and wake.Â
When do you consider it wrong to kill (under what circumstances)?
When you are not enjoying it or when it is certain to bring you misery later.
What do you consider to be the worst crime someone could commit and why?
The worst crime is truly to be something that you are not. For if you do not fill that role, no one else will and the universe no longer has its intended balance.
Describe a typical dream you might have.
My dreams, when they are pleasant, often have little context. There is no story, only shapes, colors, and music. Everything seems to swirl around like a blotchy wave of stars that one could easy drown in if they are not careful.Â
Do you have any feelings in general that you are disturbed by? What are they? Why do they disturb you?
I am disturbed by the feeling that I am out of control. It disturbs me because then I wonder who is in control if not myself? Who is it and what do they want with me?
Do you think redemption is possible? If so, can anyone be redeemed, or are there only certain circumstances that can be? If not, why do you think nothing can redeem itself?
No one can be redeemed because wrong and right are the same thing. They appear differently to different individuals. Redemption is only the idea that one can do something that makes up for what their own morals deem wrong. But true right and wrong are merely ideas and ideas are never set in stone.
Do you have any bad habits? If so, what are they, and do you plan to get rid of them?
I bite my nails, twirl my hair, and tap my foot when Iâm thinking or Iâm impatient. I also steal things, mostly marbles, but make people think that theyâve gone and lost them all by their selves. I have no intentions of ridding the world of any of these beautiful things. Instead I will only aim to practice them more regularly.
What is the most frightening potential handicap or disfigurement you can conceive of? What makes it so frightening?
To lose any sense would be terrible, for I would no longer be able to hear the screams, the music, see the art or the faces of those that I touch with my gifts.
In what situation would you become violent?
Waking up usually does it. Or boredom.
How do you want to be perceived by others?
I want them to see me as I am, chaotic and out of their hands.
If you were to die after this, what would your last words be?
