INTRO &DISCLAIMERNow what I am going to tell you is obviously just how I see the situationpersonally. This might not be the representation of reality whatsoever, eventhough I’d like to think I’m a good judge of character. I don’t know thesepeople. They are, by all means, strangers to me as I am to them. But I DIDhappen to grow up with them, observe them through years of footage, and seemany of their quirks in real life as well whenever I had a fortunateopportunity. Saying that, I feel like even though their stage personas (orwhatever you might call them) are “built strong” sometimes, you can still peekright through them if you have enough of a “people sense”.Look, most folks probably realize that Tom isn’t all that he gives out to be,but they don’t really think about it all TOO much. And honestly, I don’t either- it just comes naturally for me to psychologically evaluate people. And myevaluation of him is that he is full of unresolved issues.I don’t even mean that in a bad way, I really don’t. I just want all the bestfor him. But let’s just say that seeing how his life was up until now, thereare multiple factors that play out in his current “out of character” behavior. Toa certain extent, I can also relate to him in some regard. Similarly to him forexample, I too use a weird sort of humor to hide behind, almost as though it’smy shield, so none of what I’m saying is said in a judgmental manner. We all haveour own issues after all, and that doesn’t make us any lesser.BUT FIRST THING’S FIRSTTalking about humor, let’s just get straight into it, because we have to startsomewhere… Humor is a stress relief weapon by its poetic definition. In Tom’scase, it isn’t any different – only maybe he takes that a few steps further,still. More than just as a casual thing, his jokes are also being used to takethe edge away from what he considers to be serious and/or emotionally intangiblesituations. Why? Because Tom doesn’t appear to be someone who would like to“show his real self” to people in a situation he can’t properly evaluate,unless he knew for SURE they are to be trusted. In other words – he doesn’twant “the emotion that would be shown from him” to be used as a weapon againsthim later on, especially if he doesn’t know what kind of a reaction to expect from thecounterpart. “If you appear vulnerable, this same vulnerability is going to beused against you” is the mentality here – that’s a lesson of sorts that he’s probably learned how to incorporatein his daily life at a very young age already. So deflecting a lot of shit withhumor is basically an act of protecting himself. Same with his manly-manboasting, and all the confident penis commentary, which many people look at justsuperficially, saying that it’s trashy and/or annoying – even though what itreally turns out to be, in my opinion, is a (not all that uncommon) copingmechanism. So the next thing you’d ask would probably be “but what on earth is he copingwith then?” I guess it would be probably safer to ask what he isn’t coping withat this point, because we’re talking about a bunch of things here, all muddledtogether in one big ball of anxiety. Main things to highlight probably include a)fear of abandonment, b) some art of repressed self-consciousness, c) some weird(intrigue by and a fear having lack of?) dominance issue and etc. all the wayto the last letter of the alphabet.I’d say it all started in childhood with his father leaving and being, as faras we know, generally problematic (because honestly, that fucks us divorceekids all up, and it’s so internalized that we don’t even really realize ituntil it hits us in the face as adults, when we are suddenly facing multipledaddy issues all at once lol). Maybe even beforehand, depends on what sort of anupbringing the twins’ parents decided to give them. Then we have the general yearsof complete hell, also generally known as the school days, full of bullies and nasty youngadults with too much time on their hands. We all know the baseball bat stories –need I go into further detail? Then comes the growing up under the spotlight,of course – the unusual puberty they had to go through, as Gustav so nicely putit in the documentary – and being pushed into a harsh ass business at such ayoung age… just basically dealing with a bunch of stuff that kids usually haveno place dealing with, and maybe learning some lessons that normal people onlyget to really learn in their 20s or 30s. Namely how it is to be working with allthe wrong people, and probably having at least some sort of taste of a betrayalon a professional, working level etc.If there is one thing, one lesson that ties all of these separate life erastogether to make a nice whole, it’s one of how you have to be careful aroundpeople, and how forming trusting relationships isn’t a very simple task,whatsoever. Between parents leaving, peers bullying you, media shitting on youand the industry silently pulling their own strings behind your back – oh, andhave I mentioned stalkers and the literal walls they had to build around theirhouse in order to keep them at bay? which didn’t work anyway because their private space WAS invaded by gross people? – I guess you pretty damn quicklystart losing your naïveté. Or well, if not that, at least your trust in prettymuch anyone that hasn’t been with you since the very, very beginning.And then comes, obviously, the relationship he had with Ria.Now, again, everything I’m saying is based purely on my speculation from mereobservation. I don’t actually know any of the people they associate with either.But the vibe I got from his relationship with Ria was honestly… not that bad inthe beginning. I think that, at least at the start, she was really, really goodfor him. And that he got even more attached to her eventually, because she wasthere when he emotionally needed her most (read: the big move to the USA,stalker problems and lack of motivation to keep being in a band from all thepressure…). I also think that he kind of thought this relationship was really“it”, you know? As years went on though, just as any other relationship, theirsseemed to have become this sort of “routine” as well. And we all know that feeling, don’twe? If not from our own experience, then from some of our friends’ experiencesat least? The feeling when the stomach butterflies die down, and the initialeuphoria just settles into a still?My take on it is that he really, REALLY tried a LOT to make it work, even afterit sort of started “crumbing down” for whatever reason. I feel like he feltsuper comfortable with her BECAUSE they’ve been together for so long. Maybe itbecame a sort of a routine for him too, but it was one he definitely sought toupkeep. Tom didn’t want to let go of her. Because ruining what he had with herwould mean “having to find someone new”. And “having to find someone new” wouldmean “having to open up to someone again” – something that isn’t all that easyfor him to do, for the already before mentioned reasons.Pretty sure we all know about some infidelity speculations being rumored tohave been going down between them as well, especially from her side. Andhonestly, that would explain a thing or two about how his behavior has changedin the time ever since they’ve officially broken up. I obviously do not knowthe specifics, but I’ll be damned if I don’t realize it takes two in order toa) form a relationship, but also b) in order to not fix it if it goes south.Doubtlessly, none of the two was a complete saint. And doubtlessly they bothhave their own character flaws. But though dubious in its legitimacy, hersupposed infidelity really ties well with what’s happening right now, in thismoment. Just think about it… Yet another massive betrayal. Another one of themassive disappointments he experienced along his life’s journey. This onecoming from someone he perhaps even considered to be his (other) life partner.Only now that we got the mere basics down can I finally start bringing upShermine, and the point of this entire conversation anyway: his “change” asbrought up with his dynamic with Heidi. Because I really think that in order toproperly understand why I think this Klum relationship is toxic, you firstneeded my quick review of “the entire story”.BACK TO THE POINT AT HAND NOW I don’t think the Shermine relationship was honestly all that different fromthe one Tom has with Heidi now. I can’t claim to know the reasons why itprobably “didn’t all work out with Sher” (besides the obvious fact that thiswas never a relationship in its full meaning of the word, but rather just whatpeople usually call “an affair”), but it might have been them just beingseparated by where they lived and what not – or maybe also Shermine seeing howmuch of a “child” Tom really was in certain regards. It’s not like she was thisperfect example of maturity either, mind you, having to constantly post hintsabout how she’s together with him and what not, but at the end of the day, Isort of feel she got more tired of HIS bullshit than vice versa. And by “hisbullshit” (again, not meant to be judging) I mean this strange passivity that has been surrounding him recently (examples and explanations coming up). If someone on twitter now points out how “unlikeTom it is to let Heidi post on social media about him,” another person then instantlyyells out saying “why do you care, if he apparently doesn’t care anymoreeither!”And to me, it is exactly THAT that is the concerning factor anyway.People are, in a strange way, right when they shout “Tom doesn’t care aboutbeing public anymore!” but they don’t look deep enough into it to see theproblem behind it. Yes, it’s true – if Tom wouldn’t want to be posted on socialmedia, then his old enough, almost 29 year old ass could’ve just told Heidi to NOTfucking do it. So yeah, you know what? Most probably, he’s NOT stopping her.But him “not being bothered to go against it” doesn’t mean he’s automaticallyokay with it. Those two are not mutually exclusive. What I see in his behavior right now - that is also something that’s seemingly been there forever since he’s been hooking up with Shermine too - is mindlessness, carelessnessand a complete disregard for what he used to stand for in regards to his “morals”.May I note that I can also see he has this sort of complete disregard abouthimself floating around as well? He appears to be very passive, and seems asthough he really just isn’t putting any thought into… well, pretty muchanything he’s doing… like ANYTHING, whatsoever. And yes, I realize that “people can change,” and that Tom too could’ve just aseasily had a spiritual awakening, and was suddenly like “you know what, I’m NOTgonna stress about being on social media that much anymore, and I’m NOT goingto stress about being in the press…”. But the thing is – these sorts of thingsdon’t just happen overnight. Especially not with the life he’s been leading andhow much it’s been fucking him up along the way at times. You don’t go fromwanting complete privacy because of your own very legitimate paranoia, to goingto an Amfar Whatever Gala event in front of millions of press to out yourrelationship, just like he did. You don’t go from avoiding cameras as much ashumanly possible to vacantly stare at a paparazzi’s Canon in the distance inorder to see if it’s getting the right shot of you and your new so calledgirlfriend. This sort of mental change CAN obviously happen. But overtime, and usually– dare I suggest? – with therapy (which we are bringing back up later). By myinterpretation of how he is as a person though, I don’t think this “transition”was something that happened in an exactly healthy way. More than seeing Tom as “careless but happy,” (as people paint him out to be), Iright now see him as being “careless and confused”. Numb, even. Out of placeAnd “out of place” is a phrase to describe him best when it comes to how helooks like as soon as Heidi’s around.VAGUELY EXPLAINED CAMP EXPERIENCE INSERTI’ve been there on this Camp, and the way he reacted to literally everything –people, his surroundings, most everything you can imagine – changed bizarrelyas soon as he knew she was around. It’s almost like he was being nearbypetrified. I have no idea why either. One would think that if you’re datingHeidi Klum, you’d want to show her off or something. Or at least be ascomfortable with her as on (play pretend or not) all those paparazzi photos that keep popping up. Especiallywhen literally NONE of the campers really cared for her presence there, so it wasn’t like he was afraid for her wellbeing or whatever. So no, no psycho had the intention to attack her, literally no one cared, but Tom still just turned into this… anxious little mess?Mind you, when I saw her arrive, my mind was also still open. I was like, “ya knowwhat, all of their other family and friends are being so lovely – Georg’s gf who justjoined in on the activities, and Gustav’s wife too, just supporting her hubbyand speaking to the fans… maybe Heidi’s going to prove everyone wrong and bereally lovely”. But honestly, from the moment she entered the Camping grounds, you couldFEEL the atmosphere drop.Never mind the fact that she was having a stare-down with many fans (includingmyself) for no apparent reason, which I still do not understand… From where Iwas sitting, she was making it very damn obvious she wanted to just “geteveryone’s attention”. Her glares were basically daring us “to go spread theword that she arrived”, and when we wouldn’t care (because surprise surprise,we weren’t there for her, so obviously no one really cared?) she would stare atus even weirder. But as I said, that in itself isn’t all that important. What Ineed to convey is how insanely uncomfortable TOM appeared to be when she wasaround.(As a side note, I also feel like we all kinda expected a huge ass party to godown on the last day of Camp, seeing how on the previous few days, the guyswould kinda leave at latest 2 in the morning – which made sense, becauseeveryone knew they were gonna have responsibilities the next day. But literallynothing was planned for Monday morning, and I felt like everyone was superpumped about the guys finally having an opportunity to party with us reallylong and really proper. Only, you know, that never really happened. And I daresay it was mainly because of Klum.)I digress, at some point of the evening after the firework finale, the twins actually came tothe counter in order to hang out with people (after they’ve left to refresh first, leaving people confused as to if they were even returning), and I thought “Yay, maybe they’ve actually joined us again to party like everyone kinda expected, so that’s great!”. But no suchluck. It was there exactly - at the counter - where the difference of how Tomis without her around VS when she IS around became so prominent. Only a nightearlier, the guys would stay behind the counter for AGES, just interacting,taking pictures, drinking, having a good time… on Sunday, they weren’t therefor even 10 minutes, before leaving towards a backstage area of sorts. I sawher being at the counter for a while as well, with literally no one botheringher whatsoever, but she eventually disappeared, initially making me think “Oh, maybeshe’ll just mingle with people, go chat up Georg’s GF or something… maybe thisevening is actually gonna be bomb!”. But her leaving simply resulted in Tom REPEATEDLYpressing Bill into “going to the backstage area”.Tom looked NOTHING like the night before. He was TRYING to interact with somefans, but was mostly just looking really out of place. It happened on at least3 separate occasions in those short ten minutes, that he would poke Bill atevery opportunity he got, just to press him into going to the stage area. Hekept on elbowing Bill whenever the other would turn around to get somethingfrom the fridge, pointing to the stage, looking vaguely lost, not really payingproper attention to his surroundings. Bill was visibly giving hints that he “wantedto just stay for a while longer,” even going as far as showing Tom his drink asthough he were to say “lemme at least finish this first?” until Tom eventuallyprevailed and they actually decided to move to where she was – to the infamousbackstage area. Again, I thought that maybe they had plans on going on stage to the DJs again(seeing how they did that on the nights before), maybe give one last propergoodbye to people before mingling in the crowd some further. But that neverhappened. Honestly, thinking back on it, it was kind of bizarre to think theyjust huddled up in the little space behind the stage. They wouldn’t even pull acurtain to have some sort of privacy – if you went behind the stage, you couldliterally just see them interact there, being all secluded from the rest of thepeople. More secluded than on the previous day when it was raining cats anddogs but they STILL made the effort to just hang around with all of us! The situation lefta bitter taste in my mouth, because at that point I KNEW that if she wasn’tthere, the party would have been so insanely different, so insanely cool. Ifelt bad for Bill, who was just longingly looking onto the stage, taking videosof it – he gave off the vibe that we wanted to go party, but (for some bizarrereason) “couldn’t”. It felt as though hedecided he would rather stick to the out-of-place-looking Tom, which Ihonestly, at the end of the day, can’t really blame him for.Not even half an hour later, the golf carts arrived to pick them up, and that washonestly so strange to observe too. Not even once in the whole entire weekend did Ihave a feeling of them rushing anywhere. Whenever the boys would arrive orleave with the carts, whenever they’d change locations, they would always honkand scream around, letting everyone know what they were up to, shooting people with water pistols if in range even. But suddenly then, the golf cart had topark backwards towards the stage in order for them to “have a clear and quickstart”. There was no honking, no proper goodbyes we were used to from theearlier days. They just kinda… drove off. And I know for a damn FACT that itwouldn’t have been like that if it wouldn’t be for her. I wish this would just be me – that this would just be a plot of my own damnimagination. Because I WISH she wasn’t a cunt, for Tom’s sake obviously. But Ihave talked to a bunch of people, and they have all had their separateexperiences, most of which only furthermore confirmed how I see the situation. Factsare these: 1. Heidi was there for the obvious reason of getting our (thefans’), as well as the media’s attention. 2. She was acting all high andmighty, as well as really possessive (even jealous at some moments, which is sosuper bizarre to think about), and it wasn’t a good look. 3. And I don’t knowwhy EXACTLY, but as soon as she was around, Tom ALWAYS sort of froze on spot.Look, I don’t know, maybe he’s just intrigued by that sort of dynamic and getsoff on it, and just doesn’t want to publically admit that he “likes herdemanding demeanor”. But yo, even if that was the case – at the end of the day thatdoesn’t make the whole relationship any less toxic. OKAY, TO THE CORE NOWShe has subtle manipulation tactics down to the T. I can tell, because I knowhow to use those in my advantage as well. And you’ve probably had this happento you too, mostly without even realizing it. It comes to the surface in a waywhere some parents make their kids feel bad for “not cleaning up the dishes”for example. Instead of demanding “it gets done because otherwise they’ll beconsequences”, some choose the more toxic approach of emotional manipulation,saying things like “don’t worry, it’s fine, what’s another hour more to my nineto five working schedule anyway?” It’s in the way that one friend of yours says“oh okay” without a smiley face when you cancel on going out with them. It’swhen something comes out of people’s mouths, and the meaning is dubious.Something that is meant to make you walk the line between “but is it reallyokay?” and “I feel uncomfortable that you feel uncomfortable, so let me help”. Her entire presence just screams that demeanor,and I don’t doubt I’m right in this. She probably even pulled something like that in that counter scenario I was talking about too, going like “oh you go hang out with fans, I’ll just be there… having my drink…” The question now remains if Tom is oblivious to these attitudes or not.Honestly, both yes and no seem like a legitimate answer to me in this case.Neither of the twins seem to really be capable of a good “evaluation” when itcomes to perception in regards to human character. They’re not short inadmitting that themselves either, and said it numerous times that this is whysongs like “Never let you down” happened to exist in the first place. But italso makes sense if we again tie it with the fact that they had a puberty muchunlike ours is. Meeting people was always sort of arranged in their world, so gettingto know someone spontaneously isn’t really an experience that’s been followingthem ever since they were socially capable of “making their own friends”. Can’tsay that that’s a concept that’s completely alien to them, having lived in theUSA for so long now and what not, but we also can’t say they have as many experiences withit as someone who had a “normal lifestyle” either.I’d say Tom is intelligent enough to realize what’s going on, but simply toonumb to do anything about it. What’s more, maybe he even enjoys this sort ofdynamic.“But why,” you might ask “would anyone enjoy this sort of manipulative dynamic?”Honestly, I feel what he likes about it is that someone’s taking away hisresponsibilities to himself. It basically feels as though you’re giving the reins to your insides into the possession of someone else - someone who you feel can makethe most out of them when you obviously couldn’t. And even if they couldn’t exactly “makethe best out of it” – Tom’s been steering himself for too long, only torepeatedly be faced with complete disappointment on the roads he’s taken. It’snot like he cares what happens anymore, as long as he gets to feel at leastsomewhat at peace. So why not let someone else “take his life into their ownhands”? Why not be the follower of someone who seems to not be bothered by literallyeverything he usually stands against? Someone who seemingly had more luck inlearning about how to cope with this reality that is “being famous and beingshat on”.My conclusion drawn from what I’ve experienced and heard is that she “keeps himon a short leash,” while simultaneously trying to boost her own importance andego as they go. From what I see, he is being very much so infatuated with her,but I wouldn’t dare calling that love by any means. Yet another heated affair,if anything. I think he really lost himself along the way of people fucking himup in his life (especially since the breakup he had with Ria), so he isn’treally thinking straight anymore at all. He’s just going with the flow, doingwhatever the fuck he wants to, fucking whoever the fuck he wants to, and hasthis little rebellious side of him tell him to “fuck the rest”.Which WOULD be a good thing – fuck the haters, imma do my thing and stuff… Onlyif he wouldn’t be doing it out of all the wrong reasons. Namely what seems tobe a desperate attempt and need to just “change himself for the better” because“he isn’t a weak ass motherfucker”.I feel like he has quite some problems with the concept of vulnerability. He has this sort of a persona built up which he strives to be, but really isn’t– basically a sort of an alpha male persona – and right now, he’s probably sofar off in his head, that he just wants to desperately fit this picture perfectimage of himself, no matter how many broken pieces are waiting for him to berepaired on the inside. He wants to prove that “he’s better and stronger” tohimself, as well as to everyone around him. He’s ignoring his issues, pushingthem aside, thinking that “ignoring” his problems is better than to face them,“because after all, facing them only ever brought him pain and anguish anyway”…But holdingthings inside like that, suppressing all the negatives by all means necessary…I think most people realize how bad this can get – a person turning into aliving ticking time bomb that can be triggered into an explosion at any time. Hemight be feeling happy now, in this moment of bliss he’s created for himself,just ignoring everything that’s been eating away at him from the inside, neverletting it surface. But you can only keep your demons at bay for so long,before they come haunting you again, with even more vigor.Prolonging the inevitable in this way is pretty much the most horrible idea onthe long run you can have. But Tom isn’t thinking on the long run. He’s thinking “peaceof mind, now, or I’m gonna lose it”.I don’t know what it is that triggered this “obsession to be okay”. Maybe hewants to be spiteful to Ria. Maybe he wants to prove to her “how much betteroff he can be without her” and “what a changed and open man he has become”.Maybe it’s not even Ria. Maybe he just can’t deal with being without SOME sortof a sexual partner, because it makes him feel like a failure. Maybe he cravesa sort of intimacy he used to have, but is now gone, so he fills his time withwhat he thinks is “second best”. Who knows. It could be a number of things, andmany more than I can probably never even think of.At the end of the line, my personal perception of what he’s doing is that it’s –and I’ve repeated myself in this wordall too many times now – toxic. No matter the reason why he’s doing it. I thinkhe would be better off alone for a while, and, if not getting therapy, at leastletting himself have some breathing space, and just give himself a second toheal from whatever is gnawling at him. Heal from whatever seems to be “pushinghim” from the inside to be this perfect ideal self he so desperately seems towant to be. AND BEFORE I FINISHLet us just quickly dive into this one last important element of this dynamic –namely where Bill comes in, and how it all comes together at the end of the day. If we assume I am at least vaguely correct in my interpretationof things, it’s obvious that there’s no way in hell that Bill would be blind to somethingnot being entirely as it “should be” with Tom. Clearly if even we as fans can perceiveTom as being out of character, how on earth would then his twin miss it?Doubtlessly, no matter the partnership any of the two had/have with anotherperson, it will always affect BOTH twins in one way or another.So how do we explain this undying enthusiasm Bill seems to be sprouting everytime Heidi posts yet another picture of Tom on her social media.Well, there’s a few rough possibilities I see here.1. First would of course be realizing that social media is meant to feed uscontent that isn’t always the exact representation of how the reality is. Whoknows if Bill’s endless heart emojis really are as heartfelt as we imagine themto be in the first place. But I digress. I sincerely think Bill’s not fakinghis enthusiasm. Most of all because his idolizing when it comes to Heidi reallyseems to know no bounds. Which leads me straight into the more possible optionnumber two.
