Hello All!
I'm a queer lady in my late thirties, and I've recently learned about consanguinamory, and with some soul-searching...decided not only it is a cause worth supporting, but realized my own consanguinamorous feelings.
FAQ under the jump!
What's consanguinamory?
Consanguinamory (or consang for short) is specifically consensual adult romantic (and sexual) relationships between related individuals. The term has quite a history online, I understand, but I am not the one to educate on the history, as I'm just learning it myself.
So it's incest?
Basically yes, but I find that consang is more useful of a term, because 1) it specifies that the relationships are between fully consenting adults, not a product of abuse or rape, 2) incest tends to be viewed in a purely sexual context; which I find secondary in my personal experience to romantic feelings, and 3) that sexual context leads to a lot of fetishization, which I find a bit...bothersome.
So are you saying you are against the incest kink?
I believe that whatever consenting adults want to do is up to them, and media censorship is a dangerous road to travel. I do not disparage any who approach incest kink, especially if this is how they express their consanguinamory, or to cope with trauma. But I believe that the kink helps to cement the topic as a purely sexual one in many minds, which allows nonsangs to dismiss us as "perverts".
What made you inspired to fight for consang rights?
Well, an acquaintance (now a great friend) approached me a bit ago, revealing they were consang. I had come across fetishists before, and had no interest (but wished them no ill), but this was the first time coming across the term consanguinamory. I had countless questions, tried to poke holes in the arguments in its favor...only to realize that there really was no argument against it worth keeping. A little further exploration, and I did discover my own consanguinamorous feelings.
So wait, you're...like that?
I have those feelings, and I have no shame in it. I have not acted on them in any way, I may never! But I do have feelings for at least three people I am related to, and I do not see any reason to hide it. In particular, you'll see my post about my older sister here, whose relationship with me is much like that of the Graves siblings. I may never act on it, but I think it helps me to love her more even as a sibling, so I do embrace these feelings.
But what about inbreeding?
Not only are the odds of "defects" from inbreeding a LOT lower than you have been led to believe, AND there's really no increase of odds until you've been inbreeding for multiple generations, there are plenty of other forms of sex which have a higher rate of birth "defects". Having a child when the woman is older has a high rate of birth "defects", as does having a child when you yourself are disabled.
Ultimately, I believe that the argument that inbreeding causes "defects" to be essentially no different from eugenics. This is why I put "defects" in quotes here--Who are we to say those lives which are born differently are worth less? That to bring them into this world is dangerous? Where do we draw the line, should we demand the disabled be sterilized?? Ask yourself these questions with an open mind you will come to a similar conclusion that it isn't an argument worth pursuing.
Furthermore, I am sterile myself. So it really doesn't apply to me.
Okay, but what about power dynamics between relatives?
I often hear these days, the idea that power dynamics in a couple are just outright akin to abuse. And I am not saying that they do not have their pitfalls! But with solid barriers upfront, and open communication, these pitfalls can become so tiny you step right over them. I speak from experience here, I have dated a manager at work, and had one relationship with an age gap of 5 years (both cases, adults, not related to me). I have seen stories from consang couples who have been together for ages, happily! But they always stress how crucial ground rules and communication have been toward that success.
Additionally, it should be noted that there is no such thing as a couple without a power dynamic. Even if you strip away all the social constructs of the patriarchy, even if you're the exact same age, maybe one of you makes more money, maybe one of you can drive and the other can't. And what of the disabled, are they prohibited from dating the able-bodied? Ultimately there will always be SOME power dynamics at play, and the best you can do is try to deal with them with maturity and understanding.
Most incest cases are sexual assault, often with children, you sick fuck!
Not a question. But let me clear here: I do not, nor will I ever, defend or condone sexual assault of any kind, let alone child sexual assault, whether it is with a relative or not. I am a CSA victim myself, and I know precisely how traumatizing it is. But would it be fair for me to look at consenting adult relationships that are in any way similar to my case and demand they answer for that? It would be absurd to project that onto them. That is why I find consanguinamory so compelling. It specifies that it is NOT that, presents only cases that don't have these factors, and...well, I don't see any reason in prohibiting that because of unrelated cases.
It goes against nature!
How so? Most animals have no concept of incest. And in fact, literally all animals, all humans included, have inbreeding in their pasts if you go far enough back! What, did you think when we evolved from our common ancestor with bonobos that there was a wide variety of individuals with similar mutations to reproduce? Odds are it was a small group, and no doubt didn't have a lot of options around.
Ha! Joke's on you, I don't believe in evolution for I am...A CHRISTIAN!
Well the Bible doesn't provide much better, does it? All of humanity came from one man and one woman in your lore, yes? And that woman actually came from the man's rib, so like. They HAD to be sharing DNA! And even if you consider Adam and Eve to be non-consang, what about their children? Christianity presents a genetic chokepoint with that family. There is no world where Christianity can be conceptualized without accepting us all as the products of inbreeding. Also I am against forcing a national populace to follow morality from any religion.
I still think you're a freak/creep/sicko.
You are free to think that, but if disgust alone was valid support for political stances, would that not justify all the bigots' of the world? Would policies like "I think transgender people are disgusting, and should not be allowed in bathrooms!", or "I think anal sex is gross, and should be banned!", or even "I think people of a certain race smell bad, and they should be treated as subhuman!" not be justified by that same mentality? I ask you to look past your disgust, and really ask yourself if there's any material harm being done by these couples.
Is there any way I can convince you to stop supporting consang?
I sincerely doubt it, but you are welcome to try! I am not unreasonable, I understand there is a chance in this that there is some aspect I have not thought of yet. But as you can see by this FAQ, I've thought through a lot already! Not only that, but there's statistics I have seen which I find compelling. I may add those to this post later, frankly I'm too tired right now. But if you come at me in private, and in good faith (meaning, you are as willing to accept you are wrong as much as you are willing to accept you are right, and not about to bite my head off for simply making counterarguments), I would love to chat! Who knows, maybe you will end up like me, and discover it isn't the scary thing you were told for nearly four decades, and come to embrace a new aspect of yourself!
So...what's this blog even for?
Oh, right. So it has become a combination of explorations of consang media (Reviews of which you can find in the hashtag consang reviews), as well as short writing about consang (Which you can find in the hashtag consang writing), the occasional consang art, complaining about consanguiphobia, and fair bits of pining about my family (Hey, I gotta pine somewhere, and I ain't got a forest)!
Are you a freak in other ways...?
Well yes! In general I am accepting of a lot of paraphilias and other weirdness. I'm exploring radqueerness slowly, and I admit I still have some...misgivings about it. But as for myself, I am a little (middle agere), which you can see me post about at @da-lil-leagues, and I'm also discovering I have kinks for: Breeding, smell, CNC (unrelated to my consang feels, as far as I can tell), and blood. You won't really see me allude to any of that here, though, this is just a consang blog!
