Director's cut on anything from the more you think of me the more i'll manifest? 👀
first of all—you know the way to my heart. thank you for asking about this, my babiessss.
second of all—i took a long moment to think about what i wanted to discuss here bc everything that was coming to mind isn’t OUT yet gkdnfkgk. but finally i landed on *drum roll* the last email.
I know my previous email seemed like the end of a chapter, like I closed our book. And I had every intention of leaving it like that, I promise you. But I can’t.
There’s something about us. Some connection that, in my head, goes deeper than our supernatural tether. Maybe it’s because we’re both American and that gives us some shared experiences, or because neither of us have had normal childhoods growing up with odd families. Maybe it’s because of how “warmly” we were welcomed to Anubis in our respective beginnings. Ha.
It’s not that I don’t feel a connection to Fabian, or that I doubt yours to Patricia. This just seems stronger to me, somehow. Like I never have to try too hard to get my point across to you. And that means something to me. YOU mean something to me. Not just because you were my first, but because you being my first felt right. Morally it wasn’t, but in the moment… in the moment I didn’t question anything about it.
This has been gnawing at me ever since the wedding. It won’t go away. And I know this is completely unprofessional and will only serve to muddle things further, but I had to get it off my chest.
I probably won’t even send this, honestly. I can’t do that to you. I can’t do that to myself.
So, in the spirit of typing things I’ll never say, here’s another: I wish we’d met two years ago. I wish I’d seen you before I headed off to Amun, or that you decided to arrive at the same time. I wish Joy had stayed long enough for my attraction to Fabian to die off, or that your thing with Patricia didn’t start. I just… I wish for the start we’ll never know we could’ve had. I wish things weren’t so complicated.
But you’re my Osirian, and I’m your Chosen One, and that has to count for something, doesn’t it?
so the thing w this is nina sent it in a moment of weakness, back when she still thought she wasn’t going to back to anubis. it even directly states that she wasn’t going to send it and then she decided to. she fully intended for this to be the last mode of communication—and it looked like it was, bc eddie didn’t respond to it. but of course, he read it, he was freaking out over it, and nina came back to anubis anyway.
this email is included at the end of part two, but it happened before, meaning every interaction nina and eddie have throughout part two is after this email. every time they’re beside each other, doing sibuna activities, or paired up for school projects, they’re aware of this.
eddie brings it up during the trust fall exercise and nina is absolutely BLIND-SIGHTED bc she assumed they’d never discuss it. she’s still w fabian and everything w eddie happened during that, and despite how intensely they jump back into cheating it’s not something she wants to be doing to fabian. the email represents everything nina can’t let go of in regards to eddie. she can try to put it behind them and keep things in a chosen one/osirian manner, but she still sent that email and she still feels that connection that she detailed in it. it was always going to catch up to her.
the second time eddie brings it up they’re in the tunnels, and it ends with them making out and effectively restarting what they’d begun at the wedding. here it’s nina’s pov again, but we get this interaction:
“If what I said bothered you so much then why didn’t you respond?”
“Because I didn’t have to!”
“Why? Why didn’t you have to?”
for eddie, the email is what pushes him to make that decision, to rationalize that what he feels isn’t one-sided and—morality aside—he can’t just ignore it. so he doesn’t. he doesn’t respond verbally but kisses her instead, and from then on the email is just the catalyst, the straw that broke the camel’s back, and it’s not brought up again bc they addressed it. they’re doing something about it. they’re together, whether they’ll phrase it that way or not.
my favorite part of all of this is throughout 02. out of habit they’re both attempting to stay away from each other and get back to “normal,” but unbeknownst to the audience nina’s already laid everything out for them. eddie says he didn’t respond bc he didn’t think he had to, as in he feels the exact same way. so no matter how they tried to distance themselves and put up a front of JUST the chosen one and osirian, they were always barreling towards more. they only needed to address it.
the more you think of me, the more i’ll manifest
feel free to ask me for the director’s cut on my fics! a specific fic, scene, lines, or just anything at all!
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