Marcy Noir Sneak Peak #1: Literal Gumshoe
I stared at her from underneath my round rimmed hat, the bubbles from my bubble pipe blowing quite nicely into the air.
"Listen, doll, it's simple: You're one cork short of a screw, you've traded reason for air and common sense for stolen cents. Mush would be a compliment, and the funny farm should be busting down the door any minute."
Jeez louise, am I the only cultured person around here?
I consider T-Posing to assert my dominance, but that only really works with Sasha (who's her? Well, that comes later, my only friends)
So instead, I tip my hat and look at her from my desk with a chesire Cat smile and say "...Maggie, You're an idiot."
Maggie harumphs and leaves, and all that remains of her is the lingering wetness of the kiss she left on my cheek a few minutes ago.
Thankfully, I'm not idle for long: After trying to glue a spoon onto my face for 8 whole minutes, my BFF comes by, the prettiest picture you ever did see this side of Valley Girl Valley: Sasha.
I don't need to even say her last name (though it doesn't help that I couldn't find it on the wiki): Sasha is all I need to say.
From her blonde pony tail immediately seizing the attention of my eyes to her dominating screen presence, Sasha is the ultimate speciman: A beaut if I ever did see.
She is the everything and the nothing, the sound and fury I long for.
She's the light in this grey detective's eyes.
I lean back on my chair and do what I do best: I pretend to be a detective.
Because I actually feel alive when I do so.
And it's also really fun!
"I knew the skirt would be trouble the second she stepped into my office."
I continue to narrate, my bubble pipe working overtime.
"But I just can't say no to a dame in need."
Close up. Make it dramatic! Make it meaningful!
"And if I can make some coin, so much the better..."
The room is silent for a moment, but then Sasha speaks, and the color comes back, as my fantasy crashes down.
"Why are you like that?", she says in the most done with me voice. "You don't even have a voice."
I stick out my tongue, like the mature adult type person I am. "Spoilsport!"
Sash closed the door behind us, and it was just me and her and her and me and me and her…
AND YOUR FRIEND STEVE! (DO DOT DO DOT DO DO DO STEVE!)
Wait, you guys have never heard of this? Whippersnappers today…
“Marcy, you’re a whipperwhatever. Also, Garfunkel and Oats is SOOOOOOO 2009.”, Sasha complained, and I silently cursed her lack of respect for Kate Miccuci.
I just hope that when St. Peter opens them pearly gates, the bouncer doesn’t kick me out for associating with her.
Eh, he probably would. I’m as bad as a hood! I’m as dark as a Johnson Brother, you hear? I may be the law, but this sleuth, this snoop? I’m nothin’ but trouble!
“Marc, you cry at the end of Big Hero 6 every time.”
“HIRO IS MY SMOL BOI AND MY TUMBLR FRIENDS AGREE!”
I decided to stop bumping gums.
“You and I both know that a dame like you only comes round my parts when she’s in dutch. What’s cookin’, toots?”
Sasha sighed as she always does around me (must be my smoldering good looks) and she sat down on the chair in front of my desk, filing her nails like the goddess that she is.
“I thought you were Sasha.”
I then high fived myself.
Sasha then did what she always did to keep me in line: She growled like a dog.
Yiping (like a dog. Odd.) I returned to my seat. If there was one thing that scared me more than anything, it was my kitten roaring.
“THIS. IS. SERIOUS. END. OF. DISCUSSION.”
Whoop. There were the words I always feared.
But Sash only said them when she was serious. I better curl my ears towards her direction.
Removing my pipe and exiting my cool fantasy world for just a moment, I leaned in.
Sasha, now with an actual concerned look (though I could “detect” some impatience there. Ha!)
(This material is wasted on you people)
Anyhow, Sasha told me the bad news.
“It’s Anne, Marcy. She’s gone.”
MARCY NOIR! An Amphibia AU Blog made by @kaminos-hangout-corner and @spongeguyandlelouchvibridankia!
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