art? why not @marigold-memory - Tumblr Blog

Feb 19

touch by touch (you're my all time lover) (4462 words)

written for swordartlovers as part of @ryominaexchange 2026 :D

i am SOOOOO LATE but i really hope my exchange partner hanabi enjoys this! a bit more notes on ao3 cause i am tired and don't want to copy the notes over, but !!! it is here and i am so glad i got it done :D

(as always you'll need an account to see it on ao3!)

His new friend Junpei hits his back with a friendly slap, and Ryoji Mochizuki jumps.

They meet each others' wide-eyed stares in an awkward, are-we-going-to-acknowledge-that silence, before Ryoji laughs, getting him on the back in return. Junpei lets out 'oof', rubbing his back.

"Dude, can you hit any harder?" He says, smile leaning somewhat into a wince.

"Oh, sorry…" Ryoji looks at his own hand. It's innocuously pale, his palm unchanged even after the force of the strike. "How much harder should I hit, then?"

Junpei's eyes widen, and he quickly brings his hands up in a placating gesture. "Woah, woah, woah! Figure of speech!"

Ryoji feels his eyes widen to match, and he immediately clenches his hand tight into a fist to prevent any temptation of hitting so hard again.

Junpei casts a look at his fist, and his face relaxes into amusement. "We've gotta work on your, uh, metaphors and shit. You take things way too literally, y'know that?"

"Is that bad?" Ryoji wonders, a thread of fear thrumming in his heart.

"Nah," Junpei snorts. "I've got another friend just like that. Just chill out!"

"Of course," Ryoji says. He hurriedly files the new phrase into his vocabulary.

"Oh- hey!" Recognizing something Ryoji didn't, Junpei raises his voice suddenly, waving a hand in the air. Ryoji scans the crowd to try and spot whatever it was, but his eyes only catch on a head of blue hair. It's not the only shock of colorful hair in the crowd, but he finds the shade to be extremely familiar. "HEY! Makoto! Makotoooo!"

The blue-haired student drifts through the crowd, not even registering Junpei's shout like the other students, some of whom turn to look at the noise. Oh, perhaps that was his classmate, the boy sitting next to the pretty foreigner? Ryoji watches him disappear up the stairs.

Junpei sighs, and readjusts his cap with the hand he'd tried to flag 'Makoto' with. "Well, it was worth a shot anyway…"

Ryoji takes the opportunity to ask, "Makoto? Is that the name of your friend?"

"Friend? I mean, probably, yeah," Junpei's eyes wander away from his. "He's… I dunno, kinda been going through it lately? I was hoping to introduce you guys, maybe grab lunch, but seems he's just not up for it."

"Oh, I hope he feels better soon," Ryoji says, frowning in sympathy.

Junpei sighs. It's exasperated and sad all at once. "Me too, Ryoji. Me too."

The sound strikes a chord in Ryoji, and he doesn't quite like how melancholy it makes him feel. So, he pats Junpei on the back, far weaker than the last, and hopes it'll make him feel better.

Judging from the grin the other shoots him, it worked. Ryoji smiles to match. A guy could really get used to this!

—

Ryoji doesn't actually realize that Junpei's friend Makoto and his blue-haired classmate are the same person until after school, when Ms. Toriumi sends them to deliver papers to the music room. And he only realizes it because someone had said his name in the hallway! What a strange coincidence.

"You're stronger than you look, huh?" Ryoji says, impressed. Makoto- no, maybe he should be Yuki?- had barely even broken a sweat. "Do you work out, or something?"

Yuki just looks at him, a blank stare on his face.

"Oh- where are my manners. I'm Mochizuki, but call me Ryoji," he beams, holding out a hand. "Though, you probably already knew that."

Beneath that curtain of hair, Ryoji can see Yuki's eyebrows furrow slightly. He keeps standing there, eyes trained on Ryoji's hand, but he made no move to shake it.

"You're… Yuki-kun, right?" Ryoji tries. Maybe if he wiggles his hand, Yuki will shake it? "Makoto Yuki? I heard your name from Junpei."

Yuki still hasn't moved, so Ryoji reaches out, clasps his hand from where it's in his pocket, and brings it up for a proper shake. At this, Yuki stares with wide eyes, but otherwise doesn't try to stop it from happening.

Dropping their hands, Ryoji smiles. Maybe friendship wouldn't be so difficult, but a little more wouldn't hurt…

He walks over to the piano. "Here, how about this? Your headphones are really nice, are you into music? I'll play you a song to break the ice…"

Well, that meeting went a lot differently than what Ryoji was expecting, but at least he'd had Yuki with him! And he'd learned something new regarding the implications of inviting someone to dinner. That would be useful in the future, he bets.

As he pushes open the roof doors, he snags Yuki's wrist to gently tug him along, only to pause as the other tenses up briefly. He stares at their hands. Maybe Yuki isn't comfortable with this hold?

That's easy to fix, Ryoji thinks, and immediately wraps his hand around Yuki's hand instead. He makes it down a few steps, Yuki in tow, before the other manages to say something.

"Mochizuki, wait-"

At the sound of Yuki's voice, Ryoji stops and turns bodily to look at him. With every word, he was finding that he enjoyed listening to it, and he squeezes the other's hand in acknowledgement. "Yes? You can call me Ryoji, you know."

Yuki is still on a higher stair, enough that Ryoji has to crane his neck to meet his gaze, and the light through the roof door catches on the strands of his hair elegantly. Unfortunately, this lighting also makes his expression difficult to see, and Ryoji resists the urge to squint at the other in an effort to show his attentiveness.

"Why…" Yuki's eyes dart away, then back, then away again. "You could get anyone in school to show you around."

"Oh," Ryoji says. "I suppose that's true."

He's not sure why the other is bringing it up, but the corner of Yuki's mouth tips down, and Ryoji starts sweating.

For another moment they continue staring at each other, time slowing to a crawl as Ryoji awaits his judgment. Dust motes swirl, illuminated by sunlight. But the energy drains out of Makoto's eyes, and he looks away.

"…forget it," he mumbles, and Ryoji blinks.

"Okay then!" Ryoji figures that Yuki… isn't being entirely truthful, and wants nothing more than to ask. But he'd just learned he was apparently asking people out on dates, and he didn't want another misunderstanding like that, especially now that Yuki had clammed up. "Let's go! Can I call you Makoto, by the way?"

"Wh-" Makoto's protest is lost to the wind as Ryoji tugs him forward.

The name feels better in his mouth, anyway.

—

Their next interaction comes on a perfectly ordinary morning. As Ryoji enters the somewhat-deserted train, he sees an open seat right next to a familiar head of blue hair.

"Makoto! Good morning!" Ryoji slides right next to the other, bumping their shoulders together in greeting. Makoto barely moves, making a single noise of acknowledgment and not even opening his eyes.

Frowning, Ryoji looks him up and down. His well-loved headphones are in his ears, and he looks a bit like a zombie, slouched in his seat with heavy bags under his eyes. "Makoto? Are you okay?"

Makoto just makes another noise and finally, blearily, peels his only visible eye open to stare up at Ryoji. "…Late night," he finally mutters, after a few seconds of silence.

Ryoji instantly feels bad for disturbing him. "Ah, I understand! I went to the mall last night and stayed a bit too long…"

Breaking into a quiet ramble- they're still in the subway, after all- Ryoji stealthily reaches into his bag for the rice ball he'd purchased on his way to the station. Looking left and right, he carefully announces, "The ocean is still so wonderful this time of day!" and quickly presses the rice ball into Makoto's hand.

Makoto starts, jolted from his position to face Ryoji. On his part, Ryoji is carefully not turned toward him, but his eyes are trained on the other, and he winks.

"Mochizuki…"

Out of the corner of his eye, Ryoji watches Makoto's hand close around the rice ball, concealing it from view. He can't see the other's eyes anymore. "Why are you here?"

Ryoji blinks. "Pardon me?"

"It's not worth it. Being here," Makoto utters softly.

Ryoji can hear something past the dullness of his his voice- resignation. Fear, maybe. But Ryoji knows, deep in his bones, that Makoto is the best kind of person to know. To stand beside. So there's only one way he can respond to this.

"I think you're wrong," Ryoji says, pivoting in his seat to look Makoto in the eye. That soft gray is exactly how he remembers, glasslike but wide with incredulity. "Being here is exactly where I want to be."

Makoto's eyes slide away. "You don't know me."

"But I could," Ryoji says. He hadn't even verbalized the desire before, but he knows he wants it. "I know you like music. I know your friends think very highly of you, and want you to be okay.

"And I know you're kind," his voice goes even quieter, and he reaches over to take Makoto's hand. "You helped me carry those papers. And you stood up for me against those guys. You didn't even know me and you still stood up for me."

Makoto's face is still almost eerily blank, but there's a spark in his eye that hadn't been there for all of the time Ryoji had known him. He was actually listening, now.

"So that's why," Ryoji concludes. "I'm not going anywhere."

"…Hm." Makoto closes his eyes, and when he opens them, there's a hint of something like fondness in them. "Don't follow me to the bathroom."

Ryoji laughs at that, nudging him again with his shoulder. Makoto rolls his eyes, but doesn't do anything else, and that's when Ryoji realizes.

Ah, Ryoji thinks, heart pattering in his chest. He didn't flinch away that time.

—

The class trip to Kyoto was a few weeks into Ryoji's tenure at Gekkoukan, and he thinks he's really gotten into the swing of his new life.

Not only does he get to enjoy the gorgeous scenery and the throngs of interesting people, but Ryoji also gets to enjoy the wonders of friendly touch. He soaks up the now-customary back slaps from Junpei and fist-bumps with Kenji. And while a lecture from Yukari on boundaries had turned him away from employing these tactics on veritable strangers, his friends usually let him get away with shoulder bumps and high fives and arms slung over shoulders. They even did it back to him, too.

He… can't really remember having so much physical contact with other people. All the more reason that he obtain what he'd been missing out on!

But out of all those people, he can confidently say that Makoto is his favorite. That's not to say that he doesn't like other things, but there's just something about Makoto. And now he gets to explore a whole new city with Makoto, too!

That being said, he was a little at a loss for how to handle Aigis. The third member of the transfer student trio, as Ryoji called it, could not be convinced to tolerate him. Predictably, Aigis also did not like being referred to as part of a trio with Ryoji in it, no matter who else was there.

He can't blame her for being protective of Makoto, of course. Despite his unassuming nature, Makoto drew people in like moths to a flame. Everyone liked him, and Ryoji could hardly go two steps with him in Iwatodai before bumping into someone who called out his name, hoping to get his attention. And without fail, Makoto would stop and listen to them, before going on his way.

Ryoji is just grateful that Makoto chooses to spend some of his precious time with him. And he's always looking to make sure Makoto enjoys when they hang out. But a part of him wonders if that's really enough, when Makoto still lapses into silence every now and again. If his meager offerings of company can actually, someday, put a smile on Makoto's face.

So when he overhears Fuuka reading out from her itinerary that they were to make a stop at Kiyomizu-deru, he perks up.

"Hey, I think I've heard of that place!" He says, turning to Makoto and Junpei. The girls from their dorm had thankfully taken pity on him and steered Aigis in a different direction, so he, Makoto, and Junpei could hang out. "It's the one where a lot of people have fallen to their deaths, right?"

Junpei snorts, looking at Ryoji with exasperated fondness. "Uh, dude? That's what you remember? Of all things?"

"I think it's a pretty normal thing to remember!" Ryoji protests. "It was so their wishes could be granted! And a lot of people survived, for sure..!"

Makoto rolls his eyes, but all he does is brush past Ryoji, knocking the backs of their hands together. "Come on. We're getting left behind."

The conversation moves on, friendly teasing for Ryoji's trivia choice, but Ryoji is still turning that idea over in his head. A wish… and it wasn't too far a drop. Several people had survived it.

The more he thinks about it, the more determined he becomes. So when their little group meanders toward the terrace, he breaks into a running start.

Dimly, he registers his friends' voices, but it's too late. He runs the last few steps to launch himself over the railing, his wish beating in his chest like a heart.

For the barest moment Ryoji experiences weightlessness, and it's exhilarating. It was like seeing the sun gleaming over the open ocean, horizon stretched far and wide and filling his view- a second full of possibility, where anything could happen, where he could be caught up in the sky's embrace.

Then gravity catches up, his leg gets caught on… something, and all of a sudden his body tips all the way backward as his scarf is fully yanked in the opposite direction.

Junpei makes a half-screech, half-exhale as Ryoji lands on top of him, arms sprawling out as Ryoji's leg falls out of his hold. "Dude!" he protests, the near-shout only barely registering in Ryoji's ears. "Why would you do that!?"

Winded, Ryoji too lets out a groan. He's too busy remembering what freefall feels like. "That… was my… wish…"

There's a sharp tug on Ryoji's arm, almost painful as he's hoisted to a standing position. He shakes his head to clear the dizziness, and suddenly Makoto's face comes into view.

"Ah- Makoto, you…" Ryoji is struck by the intensity in his eyes before he's suddenly enveloped in a hug that's almost violent. He wheezes. His ribs are creaking.

"Don't do that ever again," comes a muffled voice, almost a growl. Ryoji realizes then that it's Makoto who's wrapped around him, who's currently crushing him to his chest, whose voice just wavered and almost broke in its unusually low timbre.

The rest of world comes rushing back in all of a sudden, the bustle of tourists and students a backdrop to his pounding, beating heart. Makoto's heart, which he's close enough to hear, beats in tandem, a panic to match Ryoji's elation. And suddenly, Ryoji feels very, very cold.

His arms go up around Makoto, prompting the other to hold on tighter. He can't see the other's face, just that particular shade of blue hair that fills his vision.

He hadn't considered what it might be like, to watch someone fling themself off the pavillion. He thinks he understands.

"I'm sorry, Makoto," Ryoji says, mournfully squeezing him closer. "I won't do that again. I should have thought about it a little more…"

Makoto gives a nod, slumping completely onto Ryoji' shoulder. Ryoji moves to support his weight, but Makoto is still holding onto him.

Junpei gives Ryoji a shoulder clap, and Ryoji looks up at him, hoping his face conveys his apology. The other's smiling, but his face looks a little strained. "Yeahhh, how about we do this the usual way? We can go make an offering. Say our prayers. That kind of thing."

Ryoji nods, eager to put this behind them, and even as he unlatches himself from Makoto, their hands stay stubbornly locked together.

—

"Here we are!" Ryoji announces grandly as they step onto the riverbank. "Oh, watch your step, we're allowed pretty close to the water, huh…"

Ryoji had felt terrible about scaring Makoto so badly the other day, so he'd asked around for suggestions on where he could take Makoto to make up for it. He'd gotten a lot of options, from cute cafes and novelty shops, but Yukari's suggestion had called to him. He'd have to remember to thank her…

He notices Makoto looking around curiously, so he hurries to inform him of the trivia he'd prepared ahead of time. "Did you know that while this riverbank is a popular spot for couples, it used to be an execution site?"

Makoto's face does a quick little spasm, before he stares at Ryoji blankly. Ryoji smiles winningly, sweat collecting on the back of his neck. "I heard it from Mr. Ono. Apparently, there have been many historical records of this happening. I like to think that the flowing water carries their souls to the afterlife, a peaceful rest at the sea…"

He's sure he overstepped, and is about to apologize for bringing down the mood, but Makoto just snorts.

"You've been enjoying the trip, then?" Makoto prompts, stepping back and lowering himself into a relaxed sprawl. Ryoji follows suit, pulling his new treasure out of his pocket.

"It's so different from the school," he sighs happily. "But the sun… still shines on the water the same."

Winding up the music box, he presents it to Makoto, whose eyes follow it with interest. They're both quiet for a moment to hear its melody.

"It's nice," Makoto says. Ryoji beams, tracing the edge of the wooden lid with a gentle finger.

"One day, I'll hear this melody and remember just as we are now." Ryoji is determined to keep this memento safe for a long time.

They sit together, and like usual, their shoulders end up brushing. Ryoji can't help but lean into Makoto, playfully trying to overbalance the other. Makoto, though, is stronger than he looks, and stoically bears the entire brunt of Ryoji's torso. To date, Ryoji has never managed to become so heavy that Makoto can't still carry him.

"Here," comes Makoto's voice all of a sudden, and Ryoji looks up with a question in his eyes. But he freezes as Makoto cups his face and gently situates an earphone on his other ear.

"Now stop trying to push me over," Makoto orders, turning to face the sunset once more. But he doesn't push Ryoji off, instead tugging his MP3 out to click through the songs listed. Ryoji strains to catch a glimpse of the song names, before Makoto settles on a song that starts off energetic with a thrumming bassline.

"I never felt like… so miserable…"

"You listen to English songs, Makoto?" Ryoji asks, intrigued. He'd been restraining himself from asking about something so personal- he's completely aware of what something like this meant for Makoto, who carried his prized possession everywhere he went. But Makoto had shared with him, which meant that he could obtain the answers he'd been craving…

"Language has nothing to do with it," Makoto shrugs. "The way it makes me feel matters more."

Ryoji smiles. "And they just happen to be in English! I'm glad that you've found ones that you like so much."

Makoto doesn't say anything to this, but he's not looking at Ryoji in the way that means he's embarrassed. With a knowing grin, Ryoji leaves the topic alone, and the song passes before he thinks of something else to say.

"Sometimes, I wonder why we humans make connections," he says in the river's direction. The thought had been weighing on him, but he could trust Makoto with it. "We all die, eventually. Is there really a point, when we'll all inevitably say goodbye? There has to be, right…?"

He can just barely catch the way Makoto's lips press together, deep in thought.

"Isn't it obvious?" The other's voice is barely audible over the track playing in both their ears, but Ryoji hears it as clearly as always. "We don't want to be alone."

"We just can't stand the feeling of being alone…" Ryoji rolls the answer around in his head. He likes what it tells him about Makoto, but on his part… "Maybe. But we also want to be with people we like, don't we?"

"Don't overthink it," Makoto says dryly. He flicks a hair out of his face, turning to face Ryoji properly. "You don't know someone, until you do. But getting to know others… is worth the eventual pain."

"Makoto…"

Ryoji stares at the other, awed. He can see the smile in the other's eyes- both of them, meeting both of Ryoji's for the first time. He feels a rush of emotion, and he lets himself loop an arm around the other's shoulders.

"That was so beautiful," Ryoji says seriously. Makoto rolls his eyes, but they're full of mirth.

Ryoji wants to see that look in his eyes more.

—

The loud sound of a text chime is what wakes Ryoji up, and through the haze of sleepiness he hears rustling from Makoto's futon. Peeking through the bangs he usully keeps slicked back, Ryoji watches Makoto slowly type a response, one eye slit open against the brightness of the screen.

"Makoto," he calls softly as the other puts his phone down. Immediately, that gaze is fixed on him, steel turning soft and seemingly glowing under the sliver of moonlight.

"Ryoji," Makoto says just as quietly. "Did I wake you?"

"It's fine," Ryoji smiles, the action becoming a yawn halfway through. "Everything okay?"

He doesn't entirely know why he's asking; there was no urgency in the other's posture, no alarm as he tapped his message out. But he's rewarded with a firm nod, and the conversation, scant as it was, peters out.

Despite the silence, neither turns to go back to sleep. Ryoji is too caught up simply observing Makoto.

Ryoji shivers.

"You're cold," Makoto says. It's not a question. Ryoji's cheeks flush with meager warmth, and he nods.

"Do you mind…" Ryoji starts, but Makoto is already untucking his blanket. Ryoji gratefully slips under it, as fast as possible.

In no time at all, they're wrapped around each other, Ryoji even lacing a cold hand with Makoto's. Evidently, Makoto's time in the hot spring had done his skin a favor- Ryoji strokes his cheek and marvels at its softness. In turn, Makoto reaches a hand up to brush over Ryoji's bangs, settling on top of his head.

"Mmm…" Ryoji could hear a very faint hum emanating from Makoto, tucked right up against him. He could relate; the other's touch was blissful warmth like nothing else had been.

"You're so warm, Makoto," he whispers into the top of the other's head. He snuggles even closer. It's a futile effort- they're as close as they can possibly get, pressed torso to torso, leg to leg. Ryoji takes a moment to mourn the fact, and then quickly banishes it from his mind in favor of enjoying their proximity.

"I run hot," Makoto mutters into his neck. "How are you always so cold?"

"Maybe we were just meant to be," Ryoji yawns, imagining the hot flash of summer days and the two of them, together. "When it gets warm, I'll keep you cool. Okay…?"

As he drifts off to sleep, content, Ryoji catches a last murmur of assent, and tucks it into his heart for safekeeping.

—

On a bench at Paulownia Mall, Ryoji watches the people go by and tries not to think.

It seemed as though the turning of the season had brought with it a melancholy that seemed to suffuse everything. Something that he couldn't quite place had been worrying him for the last few days. And he wasn't sure of the details, but it was obvious that whatever had happened to Junpei had affected Makoto as well. He hoped they weren't dealing with too much, but he'd been gently brushed off when conferring with Makoto in private.

Speaking of…

"Oh, Makoto!" Ryoji spots the familiar blue hair in a crowd, and immediately feels a rush of fondness. Without even thinking he raises a hand to wave.

The other glances over, and Ryoji can see the way his eyes light up when he spots the waving hand. Makoto drifts through the crowd toward him, reaching to remove one of his earphones as he nears.

"Running errands?" Ryoji prompts, patting the seat next to him. His heart jumps as Makoto obliges, huddling close with their shoulders together. He automatically starts unwinding his scarf to drape it over them both.

Makoto shrugs. "Just looking for something to do." But there's a bag from the pharmacy in his hand, and Ryoji can see how it's full to bursting of various medical supplies.

Ryoji smiles. Makoto is always looking out for people, he thinks. Out loud, he says, "You know, we've known each other for almost a month now!"

Makoto peers up at him through his eyelashes. "Crazy how time flies," he says dryly.

"Ah, I'm so glad to have met you," Ryoji confesses cheerfully. "Maybe it's been short compared to the entire rest of the universe, but… you've really changed my life."

Ryoji's not entirely sure why these feelings resonated so strongly that they had just spilled from his mouth, but he gets to watch Makoto purse his lips in an effort to keep from smiling. It's no use, though- Ryoji fondly looks at his uncovered ear, turning pinker than the cold had made it.

"You're a sap," Makoto grumbles, pressing his other earphone into Ryoji's palm. When Ryoji obligingly hooks it onto his own ear, the upbeat song makes him smile.

"Sun's up, another day goes by, look at the time fly…"

The song plays, Ryoji's mind wanders, and he tips his head to be on top of Makoto's. When he was with Makoto, his mind didn't linger in that melancholy. "Hey, would you mind… if we stayed like this just a little longer?"

The question comes out oddly fragile, and he feels more than sees the other pause. "Of course. Are you cold?"

"Not really." Ryoji squeezes the other's hand instinctively. "You're here, aren't you? That's warm enough for me."

"…Hmph."

Soon, Ryoji thinks, his heart full to bursting. He'll tell Makoto soon. But for now, he closes his eyes and enjoys the afternoon.

#ryominaexchange2026 #ryomina #persona 3 #shmoopy title btw. DONT @ ME REGARDING THIS #also I CAN NOW REBLOG ALL THE ART!!#writing! my writing #persona tag #its a bit funny cause i dont have a twitter and they didnt list a tumblr. so i had to awkwardly email the organizers for their ao3 LOL

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