Alright so I keep seeing people being obsessed with high-society crap. It's time I contribute a little as someone who was raised in their rules (and felt out-of-place while growing up because of it). Do note that this might be different according to family cultures, and there are new generations of old money people who left some rules already. This is old-old, great-grandparents-old type of old money, and the one I was raised into. This is also helpful in writing, I guess.
How to act like Old Money
The older, non-aesthetic edition cause the internet has already been scrambling for it.
Your brand of clothes won't matter. But you dress and style for the place, function or occasion, according to your skin color and sensitivity, height, body type, and the clothing of the people around you. The goal is to be present, not to dominate. Leave the standing out and being loud to celebrities and influencers, because that's their job. Leave the eccentricity to your peers, you don't need ridicule. Why do you want the public's attention so bad? I also don't care if your lululemon set is worth hundreds or thousands of dollars. If it's for the gym, keep it there. "Making the most out of an outfit's price by wearing it everywhere to the point of being inappropriate to the function" is giving broke. Who does that?
You marvel, but not because the thing is expensive. Marvel on art, on nature, on knowledge and others, but NEVER act so astonished because of the price. Not everything that's expensive is beautiful. A lot of them look ridiculous if you stop thinking of the brand and the tag. But if you will ever marvel, don't act like an astonished tourist. Do it with a silent appreciation. This is not your first time and you'll have more of it or even better than it. Be thoughtful, not giddy.
When someone treats you well, no matter how high on the ladder they look, don't feel small and don't patronize. Just feel that this is just normal, and treat them well in return.
Be careful in both your online and offline affairs. Everything you do is tied to the name of your whole family. Whatever puts you to shame, will put your whole family and even all your relatives to shame. When people talk about you in the circles, it will be your last name that will be referred to, not your first name, so it will drag your whole family down. You will always be tied to your family name unless you run off.
Expect to know it yourself when you make a social blunder or worse, a scandal. You won't be told directly, but your circles will talk behind closed doors.
Read. Write. Engage in words. Being in the circles mean a lot of unspoken rules and insults. Be smart.
Engage in being alive. Take up any hobby. It won't matter which, even though there are ones you can already know from those reels you watch online. But always have one. Because you always have time for one.
Be humble. Never look down on anyone. Being old money means having the privilege to not become vicious (even though a lot of them tend to be in terms of who belongs in the family and who gets to have the biggest properties). But you can silently judge those who are being disrespectful in any way. It's normal since you have been raised in a different standard of decency. But make friends regardless of status, and treat everyone well.
Don't be greedy on the small things. Yes keep what's yours, but don't be greedy on the small things that you can just buy again. Greediness on that part says "lack". But learn to keep the sentimental things. You have every right (and even privilege) to do it.
There are a lot of things that you should just keep in your head. Don't speak unless you want to make something important to come across. Think twice before speaking and asking. You can talk and be social, but do your best to not insult the person you're speaking to, no matter how stupid or deserving of disrespect they are. "Respect even if they're not deserving of it", like what my grandfather and mom told me.
If someone is being brash, noisy or talking over you, let them commit the blunder. That's not your mess but theirs. It's better to let them drag themselves to the ground. You were raised better than that. It's not being a bigger person. It's just you not dragging yourself to the ground. Remember, you're tied to your family's reputation.
It's okay not to know the names of every brand, every fabric, clothing, and accessories. What's important is you know if a fabric design or accessory makes you feel uneasy (itchy, too heavy, etc.).
Learn your sensitivities. Know your allergies and what makes you sick or uncomfortable, and have a strong boundary to never do them, or only ever do them in moderation. DO NOT ENDURE OR IGNORE YOUR BODILY DISCOMFORT IN THE NAME OF BELONGING OR APPROVAL. You don't have to. You have every privilege not to.
Don't flaunt. Your achievements are great, but at the same time you don't need to wave them everywhere. Except in some family gatherings and private online circles. But that's it. And don't act like it's rare, because in the circle you're in, that's a norm and almost a requirement. Flaunting will also get you hate in your circles. Avoid it. As to flaunting and flexing your money... do you want to get audited?
Respect is sequenced. By age if within family, and by recency if between people who had just been married to it, or adopted to it. The one who came first in either will mostly have the word. Give it to them. But don't be obvious about it. Treat everyone well still and don't leave people out. You can't be openly mean, keep your words in your head.
Your circles may always measure the acceptability of people, or other families into their family circles by monetary worth. Don't let them know your exact worth. Keep your job secret if you can, or just tell as little as possible.
Compliment. No matter how much you're worth, always compliment people. Even just for banter. Even if you think it's not true. As long as they think they're that, compliment them that.
Take care of yourself. Not just the skincare or the spa... But the food and drinks. Your time under the sun. Your sleep. And don't engage in ridiculous diets, leave that to your eccentric peers and celebrities.
Stay private as much as possible. Keep your daily life, relationships and dirty laundry to yourself. And only to your immediate family if you fancy a wider circle. Especially your dirty laundry. If you can, post online as little as possible, or not at all... unless you plan to be an influencer, or is already one. You don't have to post anything if you want to. The less you show the less you'll be scrutinized... which is actually, infinitely better.
Look and listen discreetly with your eyes and ears before you move your whole body. Choose what to fully pay attention to, even physically. You hear a gossip? Hear and forget unless it concerns you, but deal with it in private if it does. You see an affair? Look, take a picture or video, send it to the concerned party and that's it. You see someone being embarrassing? Secretly glance, then walk away and leave them in their mess. Look when to help a little and when to mind your own business, which will be most of the time.
Only help until people are capable, whether they use that capability or not. Don't let people eat your whole hand.
Do not cut any ties with a scream. Don't slam the door or stomp your feet to make a point. Speak your goodbye in a dignified tone, and leave without ever coming back.
Scolding, yelling and wrongs are answered with silence. Do not yell back. Do not speak back. Do not even cry. Keep your body still, unless they hit you, then leave the area. Anger in this kind of life usually permeates in silences, calmly sharp words, and being an outcast in your own home. Learn to silently stand by yourself and act normal despite the ongoing feud. Continue to show up despite grudges. Learn that in a lot of families, keeping up a face and reputation is more important. It went dark didn't it?
The only times you will mention or talk about money are at meetings/deals where it needs to be mentioned, privately with family members who it needs to be mentioned to, and yourself. Never in public. You don't need to. No one needs to know how expensive or cheap your newly bought watch is.
Learn the etiquettes. Yes those reels has some truth to it but be mindful of the culture you're in. Not everyone acts snd speaks like they came from a manor in England.
Don't be outside too often, but make sure you behave properly once you're out the door. Wear the appropriate clothing (see first rule), don't rush, always be out of everyone's way (don't block doors and passageways is what I mean), stay polite, don't talk loudly, don't cause a ruckus, the works. Not to be different from everyone but because that's just how you lived.
Yes you can date, but choose who you're dating. Rebels are for novels and stories. They usually won't "love you no matter what" in real life, and usually won't fight for you either.
Expect that friendships won't be as many and as true. A lot of your friends are only friends with you because you're in the same social status. A lot of those friends are for family connections. Maybe you'll get one best friend or two but don't expect it either. Some of your friends will bully people of lower incomes. Silently leave them without a word, they'll move on anyway.
Maintain a kind reputation in any way you can. Join charities. Volunteer. Spray perfumes of good reputation to your family name.
Practice your penmanship. Your handwriting will say a lot about you. Don't write like a cat clawed your paper.
Have a signature scent (and makeup if fancied). Have a certain perfume (and makeup) that you can use everywhere, and if possible, use only that. You don't have to chase trends. You're privileged enough not to. This is you being timeless.
Homemade food is your best and safest food. Not because you'll be poisoned, but because you now have sensitivities and tastes that you acquired on careful food habits and good resources over the years. Not microwaved food, and not fastfood, or at least not often. All cooked full meals and served drinks with consideration to your nutritional limits, tastes, needs, and available cuisines.
Stretch and get that body moving. Exercise. Always make time for it. What's the use of money if you can't live long enough with it, right?
Organize your schedules. No more doom scrolling at 3 a.m. and rushing out at seven. You'll need to wake up early and go through your day in time regardless of your sleep amount. Arrange your schedules accordingly so you don't look rushed. You can't look hasty. Do your hours with intention, instead of your hours doing you.
Say goodbye to being vulgar, especially if you're a woman. No matter how angry you are, your words can never include cusses. You must learn to make your point without them.
If you have any conventional talent (singing, dancing playing an instrument, arts, crafts, theatre, etc.), hone that. If you have none, then learn one. You must have at least one conventional talent, one that you're good enough to present as part of who you are. It's not really for strategy to some unlike what those "wealth influencers" push online, but it's for demonstration of artistry, beauty, and discipline. It's also a good outlet to relax and wind down.
Learn to look into and appreciate different forms of art (literature, paintings, sculptures, installations, etc.). It gives additional insights, hones meaning-making capabilities, and helps you have better ways of thinking. It can also start conversations.
Bonus because we all know that not all can afford expensive things: When buying something, look at the tags discreetly, then the appearance, and then pick the item like you've been meaning to pick it out of all the choices. That way, you would look like you're not looking at the price but just the appearance of the item.
For now these are the ones I can list, since the behaviors had been so embedded into me growing up that I can no longer distinguish which ones are old money and which ones are just for being a normal and decent person. I grew up thinking all of these behaviors only mean decency until I found out that a lot of people actually don't normally think of doing them unless they're in a certain social class. Out-of-touch, I know.
That socioeconomic class is more than just walking out with certain fabrics and wearing plain-ass clothing designs. The one I grew up under the rules of was mostly about heavy discipline, restraint, timing, unspoken languages, and personal sacrifices in the name of family reputation. It's so strict and long-term that eventually you won't even notice the money part anymore.
Also no, we don't wear "old money clothes" to go to groceries. That's new gen behavior. And also a little performative. Which is a little weird.
