go to hell

MOVED TO @TEREDSA

[martyir]

LISBON IS A MARTYR TO HER AUTHORITY FIGURES   [...]   A WRITING BLOG FOR TERESA LISBON FROM THE MENTALIST. INDEPENDENT, EXTREMELY LOW ACTIVITY, MUTUAL EXCLUSIVE. WRITTEN BY HAZEL

rules are don’t be a dick. standard etiquette applies. no stealing, force shipping or god-modding. please don’t interact with posts if we’re not mutuals and don't follow if you’re under 18. softblock if you break a mutual, please.

this blog has exclusives and mains. exclusives with mrjane (nannie’s jane); and mains with vndicate (fox’s mulder).

s1 - s6a [canon]   teresa lisbon is a special agent in the california bureau of investigations, a state based law enforcement agency with essentially the same powers and responsibilities as the fbi. she leads a team of three agents, kimball cho, wayne rigsby and grace van pelt and works with consultant and ex-psychic, patrick jane. the overarching case relates to red john, a well-known serial killer and the man that murdered jane’s wife and child.

s6b [canon]   with the death of red john and the end of the cbi, lisbon finds work as a chief of police in cannon river, a small town in washington.

s6b - s7 [canon]   following jane’s employment as a consultant with the fbi, lisbon joins as an fbi agent under dennis abbott, who also leads kimball cho, jason wylie, kim fischer (s6b) and michelle vega (s7). cases now take place across north america and, occasionally, overseas. there is far less pressure on lisbon as she is no longer responsible for managing jane.

post s7 [alt]   lisbon is married to jane, had a child with him and is still employed with the fbi, although jane resigned. she now works under kimball cho.

[martyir]

i have this art bookmarked that is so jane/lisbon and every day i forget what it is and why it's there, it's an endless cycle

[martyir]

i’m deeply in love with her

[martyir]

lisbon would give up her career for jane but he could never ask her to.

[martyir]

lisbon trying to send jane letters when he was in fbi detention even though she knew none were getting through to him, my beloved

[martyir]

pedro pascal said in a recent interview that the one film/show he watches most from his filmography is a scene from the mentalist with robin 😭

[martyir]

lisbon was never very attached to being in charge at the cbi ( case: her temporary demotion ) but when she joined the fbi, she really was done with being the boss. for ten years, she had her chance to lead a team and she did a great job, against all odds. her team was the top performing in the bureau, they uncovered a corrupt government organisation, and she kept jane mostly in line. joining the fbi gave her a chance to continue doing what she loved but she didn’t want the pressure of being in charge anymore. she didn’t want to lead another team made of new agents. she definitely didn’t want to be responsible or culpable for jane’s actions. she also knew it was cho’s chance to finally take the lead and he would always have her support, no matter what. taking the backseat in s6 and s7, allowing abbott and then cho to lead, and focussing on a more equal partnership with jane was exactly what she needed and exactly what she earned after all those years.

[tresalisbon]

[martyir]

always obsessed with early seasons jane and lisbon and how so much of lisbon's conflict with him comes from their intense closeness, more so than with any other relationship she has in her life, and how she doesn't fully understand that. she's drawn to him, she keeps coming back to him, but it often betrays a lot of what she believes about herself and her view of the world

[martyir]

i'm not kidding, the below quote from robin tunney circa s2 is my roman empire, i think about it constantly

Well, yeah. I think [Jane's] put me in a really bad position. It’s that thing I think where your closeness, my closeness with him has sort of made me do my job poorly at times, and I think there’s some anger there at myself with letting him get away with the stuff that I have.

[martyir]

sometimes, people will hear about lisbon because of jane and they’ll suspect she’s lawless or irresponsible for how much trouble jane gets up to, and then they meet her and realise they were wrong, she’s actually very respectable and sensible and they wonder how on earth a partnership like theirs works. but finally, eventually, they’ll reach the third secret conclusion and realise the truth of lisbon lies somewhere in the murky middle of both assumptions - she is the opposite side of jane’s coin but they are still the same coin.

[mrjane-a]

heavy lids shut to the feather light touch of her lips to his skin, perhaps to better focus on her words and the meaning they carry. for all the devious games he's been known to play in his consulting career and the unbreakable front he's shielded himself with for so many years, he's always strived for teresa lisbon's approval. and soon the routine would settle, patrick turning to teresa to gauge her every expressions, decipher the smile in the roll of her eyes, translate the disappointment of her silence, read the momentary admiration in the tension of her jaw. lisbon. lisbon. lisbon. he always returned to lisbon. not angela or charlotte anymore. and he'd seen it AS A BETRAYAL AT FIRST, guilt justifying further self-harm, pushing him away from her, from the team, shutting him from all that could be good.

a sight they are, wiping away memories with every tear rolling down their cheek, exchanging heartfelt promises of love and affection. HOPE FOR TOMORROW. a lazy smile pulls on the corner of his mouth at her retort to the tease he could never resist making after the whole marcus-pike fiasco. layers of pretend self assurance aside, it's pride that justifies the behavior, patrick pleased that he should have been the one to conquer her heart and he reopens his eyes to the shift of his hair on his brow. fiery agent lisbon's always had the touch of an angel. eyes return to the ceiling at her question prompting his instinct to bite down his lip, tense his muscles, seal his mouth. but he has to remind himself he's agreed to be honest, that she more than deserves a truth that the moment's finally called for.

he rubs his eyes and groans lightly to sit upright on the bed, looks to her with a nostalgic half-grin and grips her wrist as he lowers himself from bed to floor, elbows on his knees and back against the bed frame before he gently pulls her down with him. ❝    join me, lisbon.    ❞ how very patrick jane of him to seek shelter in his environment, the secluded space between bed and wall backed by teresa's presence close against him and he shifts his grip to her knee. ❝    you did help. you made it easier for me to chase mcallister. and i don't think i would have wanted you to be there when ...    ❞ for one, devious as he was, RED JOHN might have easily found a way to put lisbon in harm's way only to further patrick's pain. ❝    when i killed him. i don't want you to think of me as a murderer.    ❞ which, by definition, he is one; blood on his hands and the life of a monster man on his conscience hard enough to bear without her witnessing the act. ❝    you helped from the day you stepped between me and steve hannigan and let me look at your files. you've helped every minute of every day since then.    ❞ he wouldn't have asked her to put her career on the line for his sake this time, not when the stakes were so high. ❝    and i called you because ... after all those years it was finally over. it was done. he was dead and in that moment, all i could think of was you.    ❞ YOU. YOU. YOU. always you. he looks back at her with a furrowed brow and a tense jaw. the hand on her knee shifts down her thigh. ❝    what did you ... how did it make you feel, knowing he was dead?    ❞

@martyir. / cont.

[martyir]

lisbon smiled in turn and followed him off the bed and onto the ground, pulling her knees in front of her and sitting close enough that her shoulder brushed his. his hand found her leg, bringing them closer still, and she revelled in the casual touch that had always symbolised familiarity and trust (or at least dedication) between them. and though they were in their own house, the home he built for them, she understood the impulse to find a smaller space now, somewhere less open for a conversation that would never be easy. she did the same thing as a kid, finding safety and security in her wardrobe, drawing pictures in crayon and coloured pencils on the walls.

❝ relieved. you got your guy and you were ok. in that moment, that's all that mattered. ❞ they thought about each other. god. the signs were always there. they were both so wilfully ignorant and damaged it was incredible they ended up together at all. ❝ later, i guess i also felt strange. not because of you but because ten years is a long time to end in a moment. it was like i blinked and nothing was the same anymore. i kept wondering: what comes next? what do i do? what does jane do now? of course, mcallister's death wasn't really the end. not for me, anyway. that came months later. ❞ if anything, the toughest part was the aftermath: with the permanent shutdown of the cbi, the endless questions and interrogations by the fbi, the invasive attention of a media hellstorm, and jane's disappearance. it took a long time to weather and eventually there was nothing left to do but pack up and physically leave behind what little remained. not a foreign concept but harder than she expected it would be.

❝ i want you to know that despite all our arguments at the cbi, it ended the way it was meant to. of course i was right sometimes and you needed to hear it but after timothy carter, i think i was fighting myself more than i was fighting you. i wanted you to find peace, i wanted you to have everything you worked so hard for, but i had trouble reconciling my complicity in that. ❞ perhaps, if jane had her endorsement back then, it would have been a green light to push himself harder and further, which might have ruined him before the right chance ever came. ❝ it wasn’t until bertram that i realised mcallister was never going to be fairly prosecuted. there was never going to be any justice, not the way i believed in and not enough for the crimes he committed. so i knew what it meant when i gave you my gun and when we stopped abbott from arresting you. i'm glad you did it and i'm glad you never have to do it again. ❞ maybe it would surprise him but lisbon had always been slightly more forgiving of revenge than she liked to let on. after all, she'd kept bosco's secret long before she ever met jane. she touched his hand with her fingers. ❝ how do you feel? more sober now? ❞

[tresalisbon]

[mrjane-a]

she’s still there. and she’s okay. but despite the words she means to be reassuring, she has to know better. the cracks in her voice don’t help and he’s still distant as he observes, seeks the signs that would admit to a weakness she’ll never voice. THIS HOSTILITY ISN’T FOREIGN to him and she’ll recognize it for what it is, but he’s rarely ever shown it towards her or used it to purposefully hurt her. perhaps he’s just grown TIRED of it all,weary of the lingering cost of their her chosen profession. child or no, he could not bear a life that she wasn’t in. he wordlessly stands, picks up her cup and makes for the water fountain, forces a supportive smile on his lips upon his return as he sets the cup on her table and sits back on the chair by her side, approaching it.

❝    what about next time? or the one after that ? what happens to me and our boy when the bullet hits four inches to the left ?    ❞ decades spent in the void of permanent despair leave a trace, he’s forgotten HOW TO LET THE LIGHT IN FOR VERY LONG. ❝    i’ve lived half my life with a knife in my chest, struggling to even breathe because a voice in my head kept repeating over and over that angela and charlotte had been murdered because of me.    ❞ the harshness of his tone is gone, leaving way for the softest of voice that she’ll have to focus on to even hear as his fingers seek hers, snake around her palm to encircle her wrist and patrick squeezes gently.

❝    i don’t think i’m strong enough to raise our son on my own.    ❞ of course he isn’t. because lisbon’s many skills with a firearm mean very little in a situation where she WILLINGLY puts herself in harm’s way… only to savepatrick jane. such a foolish, foolish notion.❝    can you promise me, sweetheart ?    ❞ his brow arches inquisitively, the hand moving to tuck away a strand of hair, delicately rests on her cheek. and he frowns. ❝    if this ever happens again. you don’t jump in front of the bullet to save me, you save yourself and you raise our child. because i couldn’t.    ❞

murdered because of me. unbidden, the image of jane six months after the death of his first family replaced the man before her. the crumpled, untucked clothes. the haunted eyes. the desperation and anger that fuelled him. his hand on her wrist, asking for help, asking for the files. his voice gone soft - just like she'd wanted - but unsteady and uncertain, unknown to her. the first version of jane she ever met. no. no. she shook her head and grabbed the water on the side table, finishing it in quick sips, focussing on the act of swallowing, trying not to cough it back up in her haste. when she finished, he was her husband again but his words weren't any better. his words that wanted her...

❝ you're asking me- ❞ to let you die. god, she couldn't say it out loud. patrick believed she was strong enough to survive his death. he wanted her to promise that. it was unkind. it was selfish. she wished he'd never said it. all of this led to the horrible, ugly truth: she thought she could too. she hated herself for it. she hated it like a betrayal of him. it wasn't because she loved her husband any less or because she valued him so little, she loved him more than she ever thought herself capable, but she could. she could survive. he couldn't. patrick knew that. he knew their son deserved a parent, even if it destroyed her. at least she would still be alive. ❝ how can i say yes? patrick, i can't say yes to that. ❞ and then his hand gently caressed her cheek and she was lost in it, interrupting herself to lean into his touch, closing her eyes to better savour the warmth of his skin. it was the drugs, it must be the drugs coursing through her system, because she was certain if she didn't move and he didn't move, they could live in this moment forever and neither of them would ever need to answer this question. in here, they're safe. they're alive. the world didn't exist outside of her hospital room. the only thing they'd need is their son.

they were at an incredible impasse: the wife who would sacrifice everything to save him and the husband who wouldn't survive the loss. she almost missed the simpler times when their priorities mainly clashed over red john and if jane was allowed to kill him. they always knew he would. the repercussions concerned how angry she got about it. teresa sighed, ❝ i don't want to talk about this anymore. ❞ she could feel tears rising and she didn't want that either. crying would take too much out of her and admit a truth she really didn't want to admit, so she blinked them away and looked up at him. ❝ we can come to some sort of agreement later, i promise you that, but right now i want to tell you i love you and i want you to say it back. then we'll talk about something else because i'm tired and so full of drugs i can't think straight. ok, honey? i love you. ❞

[martyir]

lisbon is so fiercely independent it makes her a complete idiot sometimes.

[vnerarchive]

there’s a burning sensation at the back of her eyes when lisbon says it.   although her company means it lightly,    or neutrally in the very least,    dana herself has never quite been capable of levity.      this ache instead,   this dose of pure empathy for this special and sacred and,   yes,  shared  experience.      it shouldn’t make her melancholy to hear it vocalized.    it shouldn’t,   but it does.  

that doesn’t mean she has to speak it aloud.   wine swirls in her glass as she shifts,   leans back.     ❝  well.   if you ever find jane’s low power mode button,  let me know.   ❞    head reclines against the plush sofa cushions,    a half smile in lisbon’s direction.    ❝  maybe mulder’s the same model.   we could get them to rest long enough for a vacation.  ❞    

[martyir]

if jane did have such a button, it was probably synonymous with self-destruct. he would end up in worse situations than usual or he would spiral into a mental breakdown. in past situations where he should have taken a break and calmed down for once, [losing his sight was a great example] he found himself on the wrong end of a gun, in a wrecked car, and solved a case. unfortunate as it was, chaotic jane was often the safest jane. it was just a pain for her to deal with.

lisbon smiled at scully's suggestion though, saying, ❝ i will. god knows it's been long enough since i've had one. i've forgotten how to act, i'd get bored. i'd end up still doing work on some beach in bora bora. ❞ she didn't even like beaches. too much sand and sunburn. ❝ maybe i need a low power mode button. ❞

[martyir]

in s7 ep1, lisbon's happy not having a plan when working out her relationship with jane but in s7 ep5, she says not having a plan is a problem when jane first considers leaving the fbi and that's about work as a crutch for lisbon. this is something she's held onto so tightly for most of her life, she doesn't really exist outside it. with jane, she's more content with flexibility because she's already had her crises, she's put in most of the emotional work to accept the importance of their relationship in her life. she understands that they both need to approach it as it comes. but work? it defines her. it's more a part of her than jane has ever been. outside of work [which is notably also the reason she met jane] lisbon doesn't know who she is. she hasn't had to reconsider her relationship with her job, not like she had with jane. so, she's more rigid with it.